This idea was initially posted in December 2017. At the time, it was because it snowed in South Texas for the first time in many years. With the latest Arctic cold front moving lower in the US, there are forecasts of snow in the South once again. So here is a revised list of what not to do in the snow in the South.
Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Snow in the South
10 If you live in the South and it snows, do not think you can drive to the store. If you do, at best, you may find yourself in a ditch. At worst, your erratic driving may cause a pile-up on the beach road, which won’t clear till spring. (Twenty miles an hour was a bit too fast for conditions, huh, Cyrek?)
9. If you live in the South and it snows, do not throw snowballs at strangers. If you do, at best, you’ll hit one, and they will laugh. At worst, you will hit Tiny, the WWF champ, right after he left his respect support group meeting. (It looks like Tiny took the snowball in the face as a sign of disrespect. I think you should begin running now, Cyril.)
8 If you live in the South and it snows, do not think you can wear flip-flops as usual. If you do, at best, your feet will turn blue. At worst, you will find your condition being discussed by a group of interns at the local ER. (Do the words frostbite and amputation bother you, Cyrano?)
7 If you live in the South and it snows, do not think the rest of the world wants to hear about it. If you do, at best, you’ll get a lot of disconnects. At worst, you’ll describe the beauty and unusual snow to your cousin in Fargo, North Dakota, who hasn’t been out of the house for six weeks due to the snow. (Wonder why he’s calling you all those names? It’s cabin fever, Cyan.)
6 If you live in the South and it snows, do not think you have to rush to the store to clean the shelves of bread, milk, water, and bathroom tissue. If you do, at best, you’ll get the moniker of the village idiot. At worst, you will be just checking out when you notice the snow has all melted, making your hour trip to the store and your massive horde unnecessary. (Did you check the weather report, Crespin? Why are those people pointing and laughing?)
5 If you live in the South and it snows, do not demand your 7:00 am tee time. If you do, at best, the pro will not let you play. At worst, you’ll set the course record for the most lost balls and the highest score. (White on white is a difficult thing to see. Right, Courtney. When you do see them, frozen shots don’t go that far, do they?)
4 If you are in the South and it snows, do not continue with your plans for a beach party. If you do, at best, everyone will stay home. At worst, those that do come will end up not at the beach but in your house. (Ever try to roast hot dogs and do smores in the fireplace, Corwin?)
3 If you are in the South and it snows, do not think you can drive without cleaning your windshield and rear window glass. If you do, at best, the snow might blow off. At worst, you won’t be able to see well and might hit someone. (The policeman you ran into is lecturing you loudly about how dangerous it is to drive without being able to see while he is writing the ticket. He is about finished, Conell.)
2 If you are in the South and it snows, do not think you have to plan a dinner like you live in the Antarctic. If you do, at best, the snow will leave before you start cooking. At worst, you’ll serve the Hoosh, Pemmican, Sledging biscuits, Marmite, and hot coffee meal as the temperature reaches seventy degrees. (I never saw folks sweat so much while they ate, did you, Cnute?)
1. If you are in the South and it snows, Do not think you can wait to make a snowman. If you do, at best, there will be a little snow left to work. At worst, you and the kids will be all bundled up, only to find nothing but water. (It’s Hard to make a water person, isn’t it, Clifton?)
Fiction Favorites 
Hilarious as always I always look forward to your top tens of things not to do
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Thank you, Cazzy.
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We have a few inches to clear away this morning, John, but I’m sure we’ll see numerous people violating rule number three. I hope you have a good week.
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Thank you, Dan. Except for the cold, it should be terrific.😁
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It was exactly 47 years ago [yesterday] that it snowed here in south FL. A neighbor knocked on my door, waking me up and low and behold snow was whipping around his head. I thought the Twilight Zone finally came to life!!
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Ha ha ha. Great story, GP.
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Excellent as always John… and we don’t get snow very often either but some is due… will pin to the noticeboard…hugs
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Thank you, Sally. Looks like sleet and freezing rain tonight.
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#10 is the big one!
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Yes it is. Thanks, Liz.
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To be fair, people do that up here too. Maybe they’re not originally from the north?
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I have lost my snow skills for sure. 35 years since living in snow country.
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Funny — and helpful — advice 😄
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Thank you, Dave
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Wise advice, John. Time has really changed how I think about snowfall. Now, I avoid driving in it as much as possible, and spend a lot of time cleaning up the snow.
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I agree on time. I’m so glad I don’t have snow on a regular basis. Thanks Tim.
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We had a couple of days with above freezing temps, now we’re back to light snow. It was 3 degrees F when I got up this morning.
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I would die in three degrees. My face would fall off. 🥶
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Great advice as always. I’ll make sure i keep the flip-flops off!
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Yes, blue toes are not very becomming.
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After dealing with snow in WV all my life, it was culture shock when we moved to SC and saw how they dealt with snow. We definitely had some laughs.
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Yes Southern drivers in snow is good for a TV special. Thanks, Teri
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Oh, yeah–everyone is going to hear that ‘it snowed in Florida!’ I’ll make sure to let you know when that happens. 😂
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Deal. Thanks, Lois.
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With snow predicted in South Texas today, as you say, this is timely, especially the not driving one!
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Thanks, Jan. Just stay put is the advice today.
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John, we in Central Illinois are only too happy to share this misery with y’all. Of course you realize we’ve had it going on for most of January already, and we realize you *might* have to put up with it for a day. Two, at most. Great list, but don’t forget to warn them NOT to toss a pan of hot water onto their windshields to melt the ice!
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Debbie, I once saw someone actually do that. You should have heard the howls of disbelief!
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Amazing, Linda.
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I have never witnesses the hot water explosion but only heard stories. Thanks, Debbie.
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Methinks I hear the voice of experience: from observation, if nothing else. I will add one caveat, though. It’s entirely possible and great fun to make s’mores in a fireplace.
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I love smores and in the fireplace must be a great place.
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Don’t know about snow in Texas – but I remember being stuck in Amarillo for two days because of an inch of black ice covering everything.
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Amarillo is not the end of civilization but you can see it from there.
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You know, they do have those fluorescent balls now… if the need to play is so great!
And, frankly, if it snows in the south, best to stay home where it is safe!
Always a fun romp with you, John!
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Always best to stay home for sure.
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For suah!
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For suah
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😁
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Great list of what not to do in these snowstorm, John 🙂
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Thank you, Denise. Of course you are a pro in the foothills.
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🙂
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I’ve got a few good lessons from driving in the snow… so I stay out of it.,. lol 😂
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The best course of action there is.
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These are SO true, John. I was amazed the first time we had snow after we moved to NC. You’d have thought the apocalypse was coming. Grocery stores were denuded, and cars were upended in ditches like checkers. No one here knows how to drive in snow or sleet, but they’re all determined to do it!
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Why folks hit the road when it is so dangerous is beyond me. Thanks, Noelle.
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Honestly, back when we had a big fireplace I did a lot of cooking in there. Coffee, Dutch ovens in the coals, even a steak on skewers.
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I did the same. I stopped doing the meat since clean up was awful
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Hilarious, John. I belly-laughed at #6. It’s amazing the panic nature can cause. 😄
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Yes it is. Glad you enjoyed it, Gwen 😁
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A lot of good advice but #10 – definitely yes. I learned how to drive on snow and ice in Sweden but it’s different. Here there are not many salt/sand/plow trucks, you don’t have snow tires, and people don’t know how to drive on ice and snow and even if you do that is not safe considering the others.
I remember going up an icy hill. I knew that I needed to speed up before the ice patch to glide over it, but the car in front of me did not, so he slammed the brakes right before the ice patch started. Luckily we did not have a collision but I did not get up the hill very quickly. I had to back down and wait for him to get out of the way before I could do it my way.
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I remember in Ohio once I came over a hill and ended up among thirty cars at the bottom of the hill. 😊
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Wow that’s crazy. I’ve seen things like that on Instagram but not in real life
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Took hours to get all the insurance stuff straightened out.
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Hours? I’m surprised it wasn’t months.
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The money part took months. This was just the name and insurance info trade.
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Oh I see
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😊
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I enjoyed your list, John. I grew up in the snow and loved it. Of course, things are a little different when you’re a kid. We used to go around pushing people out of ditches, etc. for a couple of bucks.
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I grewup in the snaow as well but have been away for 35 years. I wonder if it’s like riding a bike. Thanks, Pete.
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History does repeat itself and your number 9 made me laugh thinking about snowballs with cactus bits in them as it has snowed in the desert. Strange! Stay warm.
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Glad you got a laugh, Michele.
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Thanks so much, John.
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😊
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Too funny. I heard this morning that New Orleans received 10″ of the white stuff. Ten inches!!!
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I know. I saw a clip of some jazz musicians playing music in the snow.
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#7 was the best! For those of us who live in snow country, we don’t want to hear about it. 🙂
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So true I’m sure. 😁
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Yup! 🙂
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Grilling and going to the aquarium are two keepers on a snow day. Flip flops? Not so much.
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Yup
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[…] Head over to find out John’s advice: Ten things not to do in the snow in the South […]
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Thank you, Sally. Such a treat.
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I must remember if we ever get snow here to ditch the flip flops but given Global warming etc perhaps I should never say never…Thank you for the chuckles, John 🙂
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You are welcome, Carol and thanks for the nice comment.
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Good advice John. That photo looks a lot like one I saw today of Florida. The whole world is spinning with wrong weather. Who know, one day Toronto may be the tropical part. 🙂
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I took that photo of our palms on the coast in 2017.
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Wow!
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It was cold too.
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You’d laugh if you lived in the UK. One flake of snow comes down and all the schools close, the weathermen predict doom, and there’s panic buying in the shops.
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Same in Texas. Thanks, Stevie.
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I live in Barcelona now, and it rarely snows here, but I remember an episode when I was 17 or 18 and a girl decided to throw a snowball and it his a policeman… Nothing major happened, but she was seriously reprimanded. Thanks, John, for another fun (and accurate) post!
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Thank you for the story. I wish I had been there. It would be very hard to keep a straight face. All the best to you, Olga.
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Who said it is not enough snow? Try telling that to someone from the Asian tropics.
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Ha ha ha. Thanks, Ankur.
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A snowperson?
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My woke autocorrect took offense at snowman. I didn’t notice it until now. Fuck that. I changed it back.
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Nothin’ worse than a “woke” computer. And please don’t use the word “fuck”. It it offends me, motherfucker.
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Fuck you.
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Oh. I take that back. My unwoke checker couldn’t help herself.
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I love you, too. I’ll be buying your new book tomorrow. We got a big snow storm coming up and I plan on doing some serious reading.
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Il love that you are buying the book. Might be able to afford a glass of gin after all.
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