Photo by RayBay on Unsplash
This post, co-authored by Marie Bailey, ran on November 6, 2013. Since people still commute to work, it should be relevant.
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Top Ten Things Not to do When Commuting to Work by Car
10 When commuting to work by car, do not apply mascara or use an electric razor while driving. If you do, at best, you’ll have smudges or missed spots. At worse, you might wind up with a mascara brush sticking out of your eye or a long shave up the side of the head as you slam on the brake to avoid hitting the car in front of you. (Good luck at the meeting.)
9 When commuting to work by car don’t drive like James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause. If you do, at best, you’ll just wind up stopped at the next intersection. At worst, you’ll wind up alongside the road being attended to by a traffic officer eager to make his quota early and being on display for all the folks you passed.
8 When commuting to work by car, try not to listen to state or national news on your radio. If you do listen, at best, you will need to breath deeply. At worst, your fellow commuters will call the local police thinking all those expletives were signs of a nervous breakdown. (Sitting in the back of a police care sure makes those news stories seem insignificant don’t they?)
7 When commuting to work by car, do not think you are encouraging the driver ahead of you to go faster by following them so closely that you can see yourself in their rear view mirror. If you do, at best, the driver ahead makes no sudden stops. At worst, they quickly step on the brake and cause you to rear-end them. (Don’t even try to argue the point of who’s fault this accident is. You know it’s yours.)
6 When commuting to work by car, do not try to eat your breakfast and drive at the same time. If you do, at best, you’ll just gross people out when they see you stuff a double-Egg McMuffin in your mouth. At worst, the coffee you start to sip will wind up all over your nice white shirt or blouse when you suddenly have to step on the brake to avoid hitting someone pulling out of a McDonald’s in front of you. (Seemed like a good idea while in the drive through.)
5 When commuting to work by car, avoid the temptation to pick your nose, pop a pimple, or check your teeth while waiting for a green light. If you can’t avoid the temptation, At best, no one will see you. At worst, the other commuters viewing your activities will be attending customer meeting that you have scheduled that morning. (Too bad you grossed out your important customers)
4 When commuting to work by car, do not try to read The Wall Street Journal or finish reading the last chapter of the book you can’t put down. If you do, at best, you are fully aware of surrounding traffic. At worst, you’ll never get to finish the book because the traffic cop saw you reading, pulled you over, and then confiscated your book (How were you to know it was on his TBR list?)
3 When commuting to work by car, do not think there will be no traffic when you’re running 15 minutes late for a meeting with the CEO of your company. If you do, at best, you make all the lights. At worse, the city utility vehicles will be out in full force, trimming trees and picking up yard waste on every street that is normally part of your commute. (Your commute time is double and your chances of being fired triple)
2 When commuting to work by car, do check your text messages before you get to your office. At best, you’ll have some near-misses as commuters try to get around you and put distance between your bad driving and theirs. At worst, the same traffic cop that pulled you over in #4 and #9 will be more than happy to pull you over again since you are single-handedly helping the officer meet a quota.
1. When commuting to work by car, do not treat your driving as a right, but rather as a privilege which can be taken away at any moment for bad behavior. If you do, at best, you’ll rack up more fines and fees in a month than you pay in car insurance in a year. At worst, bad driving can lead to bad things happening to other people or to you. (Be mindful. Be aware. Drive safely)
Fiction Favorites 
I can still remember those days… and no, I always behaved behind the wheel!
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I’m sure you did. 😀
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I saw so many examples of these while commuting, John. Thanks for reminding me to be happy I am retired.
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I agree with you. Dan. My longest commute was one and a half hours each way. I did it for four years. It is a wonder I survived.
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Thanks again for wonderful advices. I will put my mascara far away before starting the car. 😉 Best wishes for a nice week, John! xx Michael
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Good plan, Michael. 😀
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Got a kick out of these, John. I was remembering when I commuted to work. One drizzle and Southern State Pkwy turned into a parking lot!! haha (I can laugh now!)
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I think we can all laugh now. Thanks, GP. 😀
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10 great reasons to work from home.
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For sure.
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Argh! Nightmare commute flashbacks!!
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I should have put a trigger warning on this upfront. 😀
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When I went college in Norfolk, VA and when I worked as an academic advisor on base, I had to contend with base traffic on I-64. What a nightmare! By the time I got to work, I was so pissed off, I was ready to punch someone in the face. Not the best frame of mind for an advisor.
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Ha ha ha. I can just imagine how you felt. Thanks, Liz
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You’re welcome, John.
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😊
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Just last week I got behind a car doing 20-25 mph in a 45 mph zone. When I passed him I saw that he had a sandwich in one hand and was looking at his phone in the other hand. Either he had a third hand or was steering with his knee. Crazy.
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I was hit from behind by a guy who was reading the Wall Street Journal and drinking coffee. He acted like it was my fault.
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Being dedicated to the art of commuting, Houston drivers manage to do each of these: sometimes simultaneously. They seem to have missed the “not” in each of your points. No one needs to go to a casino; just getting on the freeways is enough of a gamble.
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Houston is a quagmire when it comes to drivers.
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I think I drove behind so many of these people on my way into work, John. Can you say, ‘happily retired?’ Oh, yeah!
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I agree, Lois. 😀
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You remind me why I am so glad I no longer commute!
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So glad to be able to do that, Jacqui.
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Reading this makes me so glad I work from home!
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Me too. Thanks, Esther.
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Thank the good Lord I don’t have to do this. I think I would go insane if I had to commute to work in this Dallas traffic nightmare. All sound advice. 🙂 And who knew cops would have a TBR list. 🙂
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I think everyone has a TBR list. Thanks, Jan
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Great advice, John. It makes me remember driving to work each day for years. One should keep their mind on getting to work and home in one piece.
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Good advice, Tim. Thanks. 😀
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Sadly, I’ve seen the majority of these when I used to commute to work. It’s a wonder there aren’t more accidents.
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I agree. Some folks are plain nuts. 🔩
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All great suggestions! And I’ve seen all of these transgressions over the years.
We have a law now forbidding texting or talking on your cell phone (unless hands free) while driving here in NC. Do drivers obey the law – of course not!
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You ask yourself, “Where is a cop when you need one,” many times, I’m sure.
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This makes me glad I work mostly from home, John! 💓
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I am 100% at home and am glad.
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All good advice, John:) I have had mascara incidents on the way to work back in the day and agree it’s to avoid!
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Ha ha ha. Thanks for sharing Denise.
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These were great, John! In all the years I worked, I tried to make sure I was close enough whereby I could either walk or take public transportation. To this day I still chuckle about all those women who applied makeup while riding on the bus. 😂
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I have seen enough people doing all kinds of things in the car that I never have to see them again. 😀
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😂
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😊
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Thanks for the shout-out, John! Boy, I remember this one. I am so grateful I don’t have to commute to work anymore!
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Me too. 😊
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I have been guilty of eating and driving many times. But never mascara or shaving, so there’s that.
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😀
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I’ve seen almost all of these at one time or another. Stay safe out there! Your post reminds of the times I’ve tried to carpool with people in the past. Great idea, short-lived.
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I never did carpool but had a three-hour daily commute in the SF Bay area. What a pain.
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Oh goodness! That would get old real quick! Entertaining list. 🙏🏻
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It did get old quick, but unfortunately, I had to do it for four years
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That’s a stretch! Lots of time to think about stories to write…
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Yes indeed.
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#1 is certainly important. Regarding #7, tailgating is certainly bad. The only case I know of where someone hitting someone from behind is not considered their fault is if the car in front did a brake check (intentionally cutting someone off and slamming the brakes). I’ve seen people do that in road rage incidents.
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Very dangerous too. Thanks, Thomas.
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And, if you are driving in Montreal at this time of the year, you can’t do anything but keep your eyes peeled on the road directly in front because the pot holes are something else!!
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Yes, I think pot holes show up everywhere. Thanks, Dale.
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I’m telling you, John, my co-worker confirmed my thoughts – this year is THE worst yet.
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Blame Trump.
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Blaming him for a shitload lately.
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It’s early Sunday morning. I’m on my way home after a night of debauchery. I’m the only one on the road. Suddenly, a car passes me, a young girl driving. She’s looking in the rearview mirror putting on makeup.
I think to myself: That’s not cool. But I’m hungover, so that’s about as much thought as I give it.
Two minutes later, I pass her. She had taken an exit and plowed into the back of a large truck. The idiot truck driver had stopped halfway down an exit ramp because the back tailgate had fallen open. He thought it would be a smart idea to just stop right where he was because there was no traffic on that lonely Sunday morning. Her car was half the size from when I last saw it.
The next day, I read about her demise in the local paper. So, I reckon I agree with #10.
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Wow, I guess you would agree with number 10. What a story, Andrew.
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No. 6 is a sensible one I think. Why so much hoopla around talking on the phone while driving but none about eating while driving? You take a big bite of your cheese burger and the car ahead suddenly brakes. What happens???
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The cheese burger ends up in the sinus cavity. Not a good thing.
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Haha!!
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😊
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