Photo by Dino Reichmuth on Unsplash
This post was run in November of 2013 and is co-authored by Marie Ann Bailey. Since summer travel is right around the corner, I think it has some merit.
Top Ten Things Not to Do When Traveling
10 If you decide to drive your car when traveling, do not pack the trunk and backseat so that all the passengers need supplemental oxygen to stay alive.
9 While traveling in the car, do not think your favorite onion and Limburger cheese sandwiches will go unnoticed when you go for a snack. If you do, you may find yourself on the roof with grandmother.
8 If you are the designated driver for a portion of the trip, do not think you can rest your eyes for even a moment. If you do, you may find permanent rest as well as a handsome marker on the side of the highway with your name on it.
7 If you should experience a flat tire while driving on a trip, do not attempt to instruct your spouse or traveling companion on the intricacies of changing a tire while you stand-off to the side observing. If you do, you may be wearing the spare for the rest of the journey.
6 If you decide to take an airplane when traveling, do not try to tell security why your religion forbids taking off your shoes. If you do, you may find a full body search applied as the viable alternative.
5 When on an airplane while traveling, do not call a flight attendant by repeatedly pressing the flight attendant call button. If you do, your reward may just be a visit from Mr. Coffee in your lap.
4 When on an airplane while traveling, do not complain loudly and frequently about the lack of food or water. If you do, the flight crew might insure that you may get the same experience as you would on the ground at Guantanamo.
3 When on an airplane while traveling, do not attempt to recline your seat without asking the person behind you if it is OK. If you don’t ask, the passenger behind you may choose to see you later in the terminal where no air marshals are present.
2 When getting off the airplane and you are seated in the back row, do not try to push your way forward while other people are trying to retrieve their carry-on bags. If you do, you chance being kidnapped by Somali pirates and held for ransom. (Oh, if it only worked that way.)
1 When walking as a group through the air terminal while traveling, do not walk five abreast while counting the steps to baggage claim to see who wins the bet. If you do, here’s hoping a baggage cart slides sideways trying to stop, but connects with your group like you are ten-pins in a bowling alley.
Fiction Favorites 
The tipp with the Limburger cheese and the onion sandwich is very important. 😉 Especially the digestive aftereffects reminiscent of a war attack.Especially the digestive aftereffects reminiscent of a war attack.. Thanks, John! Best wishes, Michael
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Thank you, Michael. Yes, the aftereffects could be deadly. 😀
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These are all good tips to live by. 😀
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Or to drive by. Thanks, Kymber.
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Yes, to drive by. 😀
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😀
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For all the reasons you’ve mentioned – and more – public transit is often something to endure. Staying focused on the destination helps me — and ear plugs. 🌞
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Valium helps, too. Thanks, Gwen.
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😄
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😀
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Oh great…Now you tell me!!!
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Well, I did list this in 2013, so there’s that.
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No body ever accused me of being a perfectionist. 🤪
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😀
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There has to be an exception made for #10 during hurricane evacuations. I rather wish I had a photo of my car during the evacuation for Ike — with both my mother and the cat in tow.
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I remember two dogs and a cat heading for Austin away from Hurricane Harvey. What a trip.
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Sounds easier to stay home.
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I think you hit on the key.
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And lose the bottles of beer on the wall song.
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And row, row, row your boat. 😀
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I am a road trip kinda gal, but your post made me think of that scene in a movie that for the life of me I cannot remember, but the old man is sitting in the front seat of the car and reads every single billboard they pass–out loud. The driver is about to lose it after about the third sign. 😂
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Forget Paris with Billy Crystal
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haha! Thank you, John! That’s the movie! And like both Billy Crystal and donuts….my eyes would glaze over.
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Mine too. 😊
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So many people complain on planes. They need to read your tips!
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Thank you, Esther. I would like that.
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For #9, I remember on one of our road trips Son #2 ordered extra onions on his sandwich from Subway. Through watery eyes, we were all rolling down the windows. Definitely don’t recommend.
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Ha ha ha. Good story.
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Good advice for not annoying your fellow travelers and inciting them to violence.
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Nothing like violent fellow travelers.
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Luckily, I haven’t encountered that sort of behavior myself. (I avoid travel now, if I can.)
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I’m with you.
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Haha, very good, John.
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I’m glad you liked it, Robbie.
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Good advice, John, to do what’s correct when traveling.
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Thank you, Tim. 😊
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😊
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Given what’s been happening on planes lately, these are mild, although very good, cautions. I might add
Do not drape your hair over the back of your airplane seat.
Do not take off your shoes and socks and rest your feet on the tray table.
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Do not spit in the air marshal’s coffee
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🙂 🙂
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🤣
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Ha! 😃 Excellent travel advice.
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Thank you, Jan.
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And that walking abreast thing applies to people on the moving walkways.
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Yeah, “get over you lazy beast.”
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I think you could do a whole ten things not to do on just air travel, John. Though the comment about not eating a onion and Limburger cheese sandwich was pretty funny. Thanks for the laughs.
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I’m glad you liked it, Diana. 😀
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OUCH! A fun blend of pain and laughter.
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Yes. Thanks, Pat.
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3 When on an airplane while traveling, do not attempt to recline your seat without asking the person behind you if it is OK. — oh it would be nice if people did that. Sometimes, reclining seats can be very inconvenient for the person behind, such as when they are holding a baby in their lap or are in the middle of eating.
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I think a small spray bottle would be handy. Pretend to sneeze and spritz a little mist on the guy in front. I’ll bet the seat back comes up quickly.
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Ha ha that is funny
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😊
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Those are great tips. I love road trips so will be using a few of them.
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😊
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I think many people are prone to violate #2. Perhaps they really are in a hurry (like to catch a connecting flight); more likely, they just assume they’re more important than anybody else on the plane!
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I think the “important” factor is at play here.
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I think many people are prone to violate #2. Perhaps they really are in a hurry (like to catch a connecting flight); more likely, they just assume they’re more important than anybody else on the plane!
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This post brought back memories of the movie Vacation with Chevy Chase. Aunt Edna attached to the roof of the car was a classic scene.
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I remember that movie, too. Thanks for bringing up the memory, Pete.
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With today’s passengers, some of these faux pas seems sooo tame. Traveling these days are definitely not for the faint of heart.
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It’s like being on a oar in the hold of a slave ship.
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Yes, that is a very accurate analogy! 😬
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😊
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Time-tested advice. Thank you John!
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Always stand to serve. 😀
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Ugh! If only more people were so polite when it came to that dang seat going back on a plane!
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True. 😀
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Seriously . . .
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#10 hits close to home when I think how we packed when taking the kids to college. Why does a kid need a refrigerator in his room? You’d think he be using its as a beer cooler, or something… wait a minute
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Yeah, wait a minute. That fresh orange juice story looks a little thin. 😀
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Secretly, we knew what was really happening.
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I’ll bet.
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I hope the ten-pins worked. If only everyone were kind to others. The only time kindness happened to me in a huge public group was at the Army Navy football game.
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A logical place for it to happen
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Yes! I knew you would understand.
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So … you’ve talked me out of camping and now traveling. Thanks, John. What’s your next post “If You’re Thinking of Eating Ice Cream Don’t …”
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I was going to turn to sex next. Your ice cream is safe.
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I’m not touching that line with a ten-foot barge pole.
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Ha ha ha.
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