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This post was published on April 29, 2014, by Marie Bailey and me. Since school has begun, it is time to prepare for the dreaded parent-teacher conference. Hopefully, this advice will help.
Top Ten Things Not To Do When Attending a Parent-Teacher Conference
10 When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not assume your child is never at fault. If you do, at best, you might be disappointed. At worst, you may find yourself explaining certain behaviors that could only be learned at home.
9 When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not try to explain away your child’s behavior with some made-up medical excuse. If you do, at best, you might be questioned about your own veracity. At worst, you might have to explain to child welfare that a medical exam found no medical reason for the behaviors.
8 When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not try to deny providing unusual help on the term project. If you do, at best, you will appear to be someone who has issues with the truth. At worst, you could be accused of being a severely overprotective parent with recommendations for counseling.
7 When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not try to ingratiate the teacher with abnormal compliments. If you do, at best, you will look like you have something to hide. At worst, the teacher will think you are shallow and assign the same trait to your child.
6 When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not assume the teacher will be impressed with your professional or work title and your forceful personality. If you do, at best, you may be in for a rude awakening. At worst, the teacher will think you are a bully and report you to the principal.
5 When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not do all the talking. If you do, at best, you may miss some important information. At worst, the teacher will think you care more about yourself than your child and end the conference early with none of the issues resolved.
4 When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not bring along friends or relatives as support. If you do, at best, the teacher will feel outnumbered and end the conference early. At worst, the teacher will bring in several witnesses, and pretty soon, the conference will take on the appearance of a trial with you as the defendant.
3 When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not bring gifts. If you do, at best, the teacher will feel uncomfortable in giving you an honest evaluation of your child’s performance. At worst, the teacher will need to call the principal to witness turning down what they consider to be a bribe.
2 When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not call the teacher by their first name. If you do, at best, the teacher will believe you are rude. At worst, the teacher may get the impression that you are unnecessarily challenging the professional relationship, which will not bode well for the rest of the semester for your child.
1 When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not wear your most casual clothes. If you do, at best, the teacher will believe you are not serious about the conference. At worst, you may be unknowingly violating the school dress code and be asked to leave the building.
Fiction Favorites 
Good list. If you have multiple children in the same school, try to match the right teacher, child, and classroom.
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It could get confusing for sure
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🤓
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All good advice, John, despite the fact that I haven’t been to one in over 50 years. 😏
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Yeah, me too. Pulled from the dusty caverns of my mind.
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What’s odd is that I don’t remember ever dreading parent-teacher conferences; what my parents felt, I can’t say. But it was a fact that two of my grade school teachers played bridge with my mother from time to time. That may have created a more friendly environment.
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My sister went through grade school ahead of me. We had the same teachers for the most part. My only recollection of feedback was one teacher saying to my mother, “John is certainly different from Barbara.”
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So glad to have those years behind me.
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Yes, indeed.
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Back in the days of large families, it was not an unknown occurance. Less likely to happen today,.
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Yes, for sure.
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Here, in Quebec, in the French schools, the teachers are called by their first name – I never agreed with it but hey… And let me tell you, I do not miss parent-teacher meetings!!
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I don’t miss those meetings either. Thanks, Dale.
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Pretty sure I’ve seen all of these broken. Although, I will disagree with #1 since I’ve gone in casual clothes. The parent-teacher conferences tend to be during the day, so parents have to take time off of work. This means, they will be running errands or rushing home to get back to their kids who probably have homework. Teachers tend to get that you’re there to talk, get info, and then rush off to the next one on the list.
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Thanks for your view, Charles.
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I don’t think I violated any of these, John. I am sending it to my brother – a 30-year teacher (retired). He might have 5, 10 or 35 more to add to the list, but I’ll keep that offline.
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😊 Thanks , Dan
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I remember these all too well. Great advice, John.
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Thank you. Esther.
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#11 Do not look shocked at the number of forged signatures on less than favorable grades on test papers you do not recall seeing, lest the teacher think your child is a little liar when they turn in papers ‘signed by your parent.’ My father had a signature that was so very forgeable…😬 My mother not so much.
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Ha ha ha. Good one Lois. 😀
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Gosh, I’m feeling extra old reading this list. I don’t even remember my last Parent/Teacher conference. You’ve prompted me to look back through the decades with your great list, John. 😄
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It has been a long time for me as well, Gwen. 😊 Thanks
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I don’t recall ever dreading parent-teacher conferences when I was the student, nor when I became the parent. I loved school (weird, I know) when I was a kid and Domer (who didn’t exactly love it but certainly didn’t hate it) always came through with flying colors. This is a good reminder for today’s crop of parents, though.
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Or it is just something to laugh along with. Thanks, Debbie.
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Hi zjohn, I have no more of these in my future. Your points made me smile.
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I’m glad you got a smile, Robbie. Thanks for letting me know.
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Number 10 got me chuckling. You can certainly tell what behaviors are “learned at home.” And when the parent starts to protest (“my child never ____!), then the teacher knows for sure the behavior was learned at home 😉
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Yeah, so true. Thanks, Marie.
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These are sop great! I remember my days of these conferences. No problem with my daughter, the perfect student. But my son with ADHD? Nerve-wracking, but surprisingly complimentary.
Now I can go to my grandson’s.
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Go if you wish.
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Oh, I actually learned something, John. I’ve never dress up for anything (except weddings). Great point that wearing something besides my jeans to a parent-teacher conference is a sign of respect. I hadn’t considered that. Thanks!
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A potato sack just doesn’t cut it.
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Jeans? I wear jeans 365 days a year. A clothes-horse I am not!
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Of course, a clothes horse is a relative state. How many pairs of jeans do you have?
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Ha. About 3. I hate clothes shopping and wait until I’m desperate.
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Okay. You are not a clothes horse. 😊
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🙂
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😊
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Yes, parent-teacher conferences are fraught with landmines.
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And proton torpedoes
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Those, too!
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😀
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Good advice, John. You could add “Don’t tell the teacher they’re stupid.” 😀
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That is good advice. Thanks, Tim.
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I should have stopped myself. 😀
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😊
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True story—One of my colleagues had a dad serve his wife divorce papers during a parent conference.
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Ha ha ha. That would be embarrassing
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Boss
Your list makes me wistful for the time when parents weren’t advocates for their kids cruddy behavior but rather, parents. Not friends to their kids, parents. And teachers, man are they up against it more than ever. So yes, they deserve the respect they’re not getting nearly enough of. Hell . . that would be a gift in and of itself!
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It would be a gift. 😊
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For sure
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The title alone made me laugh. Number one is a great place to end. The last HS I worked at did not allow students to wear baseball caps in the building. Can’t tell you how many fathers showed up wearing baseball caps.
Sidenote: massive dust storm blowing through the valley, right now. 😳
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Those dust storms are terrible. Stay inside for sure. 😊
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Major rains came just after. ⛈️
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Oh good. 😊
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I think #2 depends on how well you know them. If you spent a week or two with them on a class trip, as a chaperone, I think it is OK to use their first name. Or maybe it is something I don’t know. However, it is complicated.
In a slightly different setting, I am taking French classes and my female French teacher told me stop referring to her as vous (formal), while my male French teacher, whom I felt I knew better, since we’ve had him over for dinner, told me to stop using tu/toi and use vous instead. But perhaps that was because he did not want the other students to get used to using tu/toi.
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It is all up to the person receiving the Vous/Tu to determine familiarity. The female obviously feels comfortable with Tu.
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Yes I think you are right but both of them should feel that way. However, Eric has a bigger class and may not want all of his students to refer to him as tu/toi, so nobody does it.
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Makes sense.
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On #2, my parents never called me by my first name. But my granddaughter’s teacher asked the students to call her Teacher Christin (her first name). Most of my parents wanted to hear what I had to say about their children instead of doing all the talking. So they did the right thing on #5.
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Here in the south it is common to have kids call adults Miss or Mr and the first name.
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My granddaughter’s teacher must be from the south!!
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Could be.
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Awk…those terribly uncomfortable days of yesteryear. Thank heavens. I always felt like it was a losing position, either with the teacher or with my child. Great list, John.
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It was certainly not a comfortable feeling. Thanks, Monika.
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This was really funny, John. Been there with some of these! 🙄
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I’m sure you have.
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🙄
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😊
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Wondering which of these are based on your participation as a student and which as a parent…
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I think a little bit of both.
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Do they still have parent-teacher conferences? It seems kind of old-fashion. Like girls wearing dresses and boys wearing a shirt with a collar.
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Yes, they do. Sometimes a Zoom meeting.
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