Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Presence of a Camera

~ John W. Howell
Photo by ShareGrid on Unsplash
This list, co-authored by Marie Ann Bailey and me, was first published on June 22, 2014. Since there are still cameras around, it might be useful today.

Top Ten Things Not To Do When in the Presence of a Camera

10. If you are tempted to take a selfie (why, we don’t know) to show your friends your new tan lines, do not send the picture to anyone. If you do, at best, you may show too much line. At worst, your picture may go viral on the internet for the next million years.

9. If you are with friends and a picture is being taken, do not stick out your tongue as if you are Miley Cyrus. If you do, at best, you will look as graceful as Miley Cyrus. At worst, like your mom said, “Your face may stick that way.”

8. If you are tempted to take a selfie in the bathroom, do not take a picture until you check the background. If you do, at best, there may be some stray clothes lying around. At worst, that shot of the commode may be enough to get an unexpected visit from the health department and possibly a letter from a concerned citizen about the lid being in the up position.

7.  If you are tempted to take a selfie, try to make an expression that does not resemble a duck. If you don’t, at best, you will look like any one of a million selfies. At worst, your lips may be entered in the most obviously botched category at the Botox convention by a well-meaning friend and win.

6.  If you are in charge of taking pictures of a friend’s get-together, do not ask everyone to say cheese. If you do, at best, you will have different group photos that look the same. At worst, you will have walking dead expressions, and your outing will resemble the before shots at the orthodontist.

5.  When posing for a group picture, do not put up two fingers behind the head of the person next to you. If you do, at best, you will ruin what could have been a nice picture. At worst, everyone in the photo will be able to attest that those two fingers represent the number of drinks that it takes to get you blotto.

4.  If you have had too much to drink, do not show up in each picture with your red solo cup. If you do, at best, you will have a chronicle of your behavior. At worst, you will document your own downfall and will have to face the inevitable slide show every time you and your friends get together.

3.  When taking pictures of the scenic wonders of America, do not take photos from a moving vehicle. If you do, at best, you might catch a tree or two in the blur. At worst, you will have lovely landscape colors that resemble finger paints to show, as a result of your trip.

2.  When trying to capture the romantic nature of the moonlight over the lake, do not use a cell phone camera. If you do, at best, you might get what appears to be a pinhead in the night. At worst, you will have a close-up view of your fingerprint that can be used as a new form of identification.

1.  When taking pictures of pets, children, or anything on the ground, do not stand as tall as you are and take the shot. If you do, at best, you will get shots of little frightened beings resembling something out of The Hobbit. At worst, since you are not down at their level, your angle of attack will produce nothing but the tops of the innocent little heads.

79 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Presence of a Camera”

  16. Soooo true. In my neighborhood, every millennial and Gen Z’er has their home and yard wired with so many surveillance cameras you’d think you’re in a prison. I can’t begin to count all the cameras pointed at trash bins in alleys. Go figure.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Excellent advice, although I’d say 95% of the population do not/would not follow it. It’s amazing how long #5 has been gong on, long before cell phone photos or selfies.

    I have this weird thing I say when taking a group picture of family or friends. Instead of saying “CHEESE!” I say “SMILE”! It works every time. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  19. This is good advice. As for #7, people need to stop with the duck faces. It has gotten old. I can add, don’t take the photo before anyone is ready. I’ve done that mistake and I ended up with a photo everyone hated.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. I took photography in school, but I never fully appreciated all of the hard work that went into getting a picture just right. I think I’m the target group (lack of skill) they made iPhones for…now all I have to do is make sure the camera is facing out instead of at me…

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Oh, this is good! I was especially amused by the ‘selfie in the bathroom’ advice – when I need a new head shot I often take them in the bathroom because the light is good, and all too often notice the loo in the background later!

    Liked by 2 people

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