Photo by Jonny Gios on Unsplash
Since the Super Bowl is this weekend, I thought I would pull some advice from a January 26th, 2015, post. It all seems to be relevant.
Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Super Bowl Celebration
10 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not arrive wearing team clothing for a team that is not playing. If you do, at best, everyone will think you are a sore loser or are drunk. At worst, the crowd may come to the conclusion you’ve had a stroke or burst aneurysm and call for EMT support, and you will end up watching the game on a fifteen-inch screen next to the nurse’s station while waiting for an attending physician.
9 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, remember that many people like to watch the ads. If you forget and stand in front of the TV during commercial time, at best, you will be called many names in the process of getting you to move. At worst, the most enormous guy in the room, wanting to demonstrate his downfield tackling expertise, will use you as his dummy.
8 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not carry in your famous crab dip that must be kept at forty-two degrees or become a hazardous waste site. If you do, at best, the temp will stay near the required amount, and only one or two will be overcome. At worst, there will be no way to keep the dip cold enough, and you will have singlehandedly wiped out a full production day on Monday for several of the attendees, not to mention hurried trips to the ER for a prophylactic pump of the stomach
7 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not believe your host’s offer “to make yourself at home.” If you do, at best, you will be embarrassed when someone asks you to take your feet off the couch. At worst, you will be totally shocked to discover the room you decided to use for a bath is the overflow bathroom for the party, and you will spend a good amount of time under the water.
6 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be tempted to look into any drawers or behind any closed doors. If you do, at best, only the homeowner will notice the disturbed contents. At worst, the host, being a techie nerd, has installed cameras in each room, which play back on the fifty-inch screen that is beside the game screen to the amusement of everyone at the party. (Except the one you came with)
5 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think that since the drinks are free, you should help yourself to the point of being over-served. If you do, at best, you might make a complete ass out of yourself, which others will find typical of a lowlife. At worst, you will find yourself disoriented while actively looking for the bathroom, which you imagined you had found in the large bureau in the corner of a spare bedroom, shortly before passing out on the carpet.
4 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think your duty includes eating a portion of everything that is laid out on the buffet table. If you do, at best, several people will believe you have lost your job or are recently divorced. At worst, your pile of food will be an indication that you need an intervention, which will be organized to take place after the game, to the embarrassment of you and the person with whom you attended the event.
3 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be the first to suggest some kind of gambling scheme for the game. If you do, at best, several guests will think you make a living that way. At worst, you will have several disputes around who really won and will be forced to double-pay several to keep the peace.
2 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not become overly obnoxious when your team is ahead. If you do, at best, the lead will be short-lived. At worst, someone will take exception to your attitude since they feel bad about their team being behind. As much as they have tried to remain under control, as they learned in group therapy sessions, they are just beginning to lose their grip on reality while holding your shirt.
1 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not even think of driving your car if you have been drinking. If you do, there is no best or worst, just the potential for disaster for you or an innocent bystander.
Fiction Favorites 
I’ve seen 10 happen a lot. Think it depends on the area. Football fanatic areas definitely result in a stir. Less obsessed regions don’t care as long as you bring good beer or snacks.
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The parties I attended, you didn’t need to bring good beer (any beer would do), but the snacks had better be good.
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For almost 20 years, I had to attend a Super Bowl party that “kicked-off” our company’s Annual Meeting. So, a party in which half the guests could have me fired. Lots of good advice here, John.
PS, I did wear Steelers gear every year, including the two times they were in it. The Chairman of the Board grew up in Pittsburgh, so it was appreciated.
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Good play on the Steelers gear.
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Excellent, John. Yes, sometimes the commercials are the best part of the event. Certainly not the halftime shows. ‘Go, Bills!’…..oh…
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This year’s show could be a bust for sure.
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I remember this post and the laughter. #10 is hilarious! Have a great day, John. 🌞
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Every single team I rooted for in the playoffs lost, so I’m not choosing a team for the Super Bowl in order to give them a chance to win. I’ll just enjoy the commercials.
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Those were all fun. I enjoyed all the posts as well. Your participants are sharp, as expected. I don’t like leaving my recliner to go to a party. Tough to watch and listen to.
I guess I’m just a curmudgeon.
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Leaving the recliner is difficult, my son.
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Very wise words – as usual. Thanks, John.
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😀
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My husband and I had a rule: if the score is very one-sided at halftime, we politely take our leave!
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Sounds like a good rule for sure.
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This year we are watching at home. The Patriots have a former UNC quarterback, Drake Maye, so we are rooting for them! Well, it probably has to do with the fact I grew up in Massachusetts!
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Already? Of course, it’s February (already)! You’ve reminded me how frustrating it is for Canadians (unless they have a US satellite dish) to watch the Super Bowl because we do NOT get the American ads. Oh well… Not like I’ll be partying anywhere in particular but my own living room!
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That’s true. You can see all the ads online. So you won’t miss much.
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True. But still annoying!
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😊
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So… don’t bathe at your friend’s house with a full plate of food and all the booze. Got it.
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Good summary. Add one thing. Don’t forget your shoes when you leave.
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🤦♀️
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😀
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Seems like reasonable advice. I went to one for years where halftime involved lugging his Christmas tree to the middle of the street then lighting it on fire. The authorities never showed up.
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Sounds like a good firewater ritual for sure.
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Ten of many reasons I would never attend a Super Bowl party!
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I used to go to them. Had some fun times.
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It seems like every year, the teams I root for fail to make the Super Bowl, leaving me nobody I care to cheer for. Oh, well, I can still enjoy the Puppy Bowl and the ads!
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Yeah, me too. I’m there mostly for the ads
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What? No gambling scheme? Lol. I’m not a football fan, but I do tolerate the Superbowl – it’s a great time to catch up with girlfriends in the kitchen. Thanks for the fun post, John. 😀 Enjoy the game!
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Thank you, Diana. I enjoy it each year. 😀
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Number One is most importante of course but seeing as how I would be watching the game from home, no worries. That is, IF I watch the game because honestly? Another Patriots Super Bowl just isn’t doing it for me.
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Home is the best.
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Yes, yes it is. Less noisy, much more chill and the drinks are reasonably priced.
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Great points, Pilgrim.
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I have them sometimes.
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😀
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Good things to keep in mind when attending a Super Bowl celebration, John, especially drinking then driving home.
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I agree, Tm. Thanks. 😊
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😊
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Great advice. Since my two favorite teams are Ignorance and Apathy( Don’t Know and Don’t Care). My best advice is to turn down or lose any invitation you might receive. Not even interested to watch Bad Bunny do something to annoy The Donald.
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I’m taking back my invitation then. You can’t come. 😀
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We definitely agree on that. Why waste an invite on some one who never had any interest in coming? Annually my favorite party not to be invited to attend
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There you go. 😀
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I seriously doubt I’ll be receiving any invitations to attend a Super Bowl celebration, but in case I do, I’ll review your advice before I go. 🙂
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Keep it on the refrigerator just in case.
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As a rabid sports fan, I seldom attend Super Bowl parties anymore, especially if I have a rooting interest in the game. I realize everyone attends for different reasons, but it’s very distracting when the game is tight, and I’m trying to enjoy it when someone nearby is talking about bean dip.🤣
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I think for most folks, it is a social gathering because the bracket system excludes most of the teams they might be interested in. Hence, the bean dip becomes a point of discussion. So if you enjoy two teams playing, no matter who they are, your best bet, as you point out, is to go with them at home. Thanks, Pete.
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Number #1 is certainly very important
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Yes indeed.
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I’m actually hosting some of the new neighbors for a burrito dinner with margaritas get together this weekend scheduled before I realized it’s Super Bowl weekend. This is what happens when you don’t have a dog in that fight. Sigh.
#8 really cracked me up. That’s exactly why I avoid seafood at parties. 😂 Great Top Ten Things, John.
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So they celebrate a superbowl ? Oh never mind I’m from Cleveland. You know we just hired a new coach to fire…
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All good advice John, but we do break number ten and wear other team shirts…lol
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I think I will continue avoiding super bowl parties and catch the commercials later. Too many people do not take your wise advice. Enjoy it however you watch, John. And let’s hope all heed #1.
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Thank you, Jo. The Producer and I will watch it at home. 😊
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[…] just sent the link to your phone. At least he won’t be able to gloat, regardless of who’s […]
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Thanks for the link, Dan.
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Thanks for the link, Dan
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[…] we get to that, we have to settle last week’s bet. How many of John Howell’s rules did your brother-in-law […]
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Thank you for the link. Great contest idea.
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The halftime show at the first three Super Bowls were local high school marching bands.
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Yeah, and tickets were $15. Things have changed.
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