Top Ten Things Not To Do While Doing Your Taxes

~ John W. Howell
Photo by Sean Lee on Unsplash

 

This post was first written and published on February 17th, 2014, by Marie Ann Bailey and me. Since death and taxes are always with us, I hope you will be entertained.

Top Ten Things Not To Do While Doing Your Taxes

10. While doing your taxes, do not allow the cat to sit on your keyboard. If you do, at best, you may miss a couple of deductions. At worst, your kitty may just add a few zeroes to your tax bill.

9. While doing your taxes, do not have a hot drink sitting on some of your worksheets. If you do, at best, you could tip it over and ruin the papers. At worst, you could tip it into your lap and jeopardize your love life till you heal.

8. While doing your taxes, do not allow your dog to play with the computer cord. If you do, at best, you may run out of battery. At worst, you may need to run out to the vet to help Fido overcome his electric shock treatment

7. While doing your taxes, do not allow the family to play video games on your computer between sessions. If you do, at best, some memory may disappear. At worst, the IRS may get a Madden football game instead of your 1040.

6. While doing your taxes, do not leave your computer without saving your file. If you do, at best, you might have to remember all your half-truths all over again. At worst, you may be unable to reconstruct your perfect return and might end up owing more than you had planned.

5. While doing your taxes, do not think the IRS is okay with rough guesses or estimates of the numbers. If you do, at best, you will never hear from the IRS. At worst, you will have to explain your numbers during an audit to a disbelieving agent with a cattle prod.

4. While doing your taxes, do not forget to sign your return even if you don’t believe it to be true. If you do at best, the return will bounce back. At worst, the lack of a signature will trigger a visit from the NSA, which will want to know all about you.

3. While doing your taxes, do not try to get away without attaching a check if you owe money. If you do, at best, the government will send you a nasty note. At worst, you will find out how little sense of humor the IRS really has.

2. While doing your taxes, do not drink alcohol even if you think it will help. If you do, at best, you might be shocked by the amount you deducted. At worst, you may be shocked to find you have already mailed the return on which you took too many deductions.

1. While doing your taxes, do not be discouraged enough to decide not to file. If you do at best, you will never sleep again. At worst, you may get your living expenses paid, but you will have a roommate who wants to go steady.

 

71 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not To Do While Doing Your Taxes”

  2. Too funny, John. Yesterday’s back and forth with the online filing system made me consider #1. Had to push away and come back to regain the calm to complete. Now the wait, up to 21 days to get my money back. This one-liner remains true: ‘Hi. I’m from the IRS, and here to help.’ Wow! AI and the IRS have a lot in common: making off with what belongs to you.

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  4. Every one of these, John. When I do our taxes, I let my husband know that I will be behind closed doors without the cats so his job is to keep them occupied and away from the closed door!

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  5. Great Top 10.

    I am surprised you have to wait till March 7 for a 1099. I have everything I need and taxes are done (by my CPA). I thought everything had to be to you by January 31st. apparently not. Ahhh, the suspense !!

    Good luck.

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  13. I found myself cringing as I read some of these – my cat walks on my keyboard a lot (I blame her for any typos) and always feel like drinking alcohol when I’m completing my return (how much do I owe? Surely not!). But thank you, John. I will refrain from it. Great post.

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  15. I don’t guess tax time is anybody’s favorite time of year, right, John? Still, looking at the drudgery with a sense of humor as you’ve done can make the task easier to handle. Thanks!

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  24. Well this post is certainly timely…I just had my taxes prepared. Because I knew I’d have capital gains this year I went to a professional preparation place. The guys was patient and worked very hard to help me out on the bill. I’m quite sure he spoke Yugoslavian while explaining it all to me. 😉 Another terrific Top Ten list, John.

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