Photo by Eric Francis on Unsplash
In August of 2018, I decided to match Top Ten Things with historic events. What we would do during the event is fiction, but the event actually happened. This post ran on August 27, 2018. I hope you enjoy this series.
10 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think offering margaritas all around is going to help anything. If you do, at best, everyone will be too busy to take you up on the offer. At worst, only the best shooters on your side decided to have a couple and now can’t hit the broad side of a barn. (I guess you were hoping the Mexicans would be in a similar shape, huh, Fritz?)
9 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ if you can borrow his gun. If you do, at best, he’ll just say no. At worst, since he is extremely nearsighted, he may mistake you for a Mexican soldier and give you a body slam over the wall. (It only hurts getting up, Felco, so I would just lie there.)
8 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not walk around eating a bean burrito. If you do, at best, you will have to share. At worst, from far away, a sharpshooter may mistake you for a Mexican Federal soldier. ( I know you were hungry, Freddie, but the food of the day is hardtack and salt pork. Tortillas are the other side’s food of the day.)
7 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not wear your Santa Anna Sucks t-shirt. If you do, at best, no one will notice. At worst, Santa Anna will want it as a souvenir. ( I think you heard him right, Faris. He said he didn’t care if it was bloodstained or not. Just give it to him.)
6 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not ask Davy Crockett for an autograph. If you do, at best, he’ll just laugh. At worst, he’ll give you a lesson in flying. (You could flap your arms harder, Farid, but I think you are going to hit the ground pretty hard. That wall is quite high.)
5 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not tell someone you know all about cannons if you don’t. If you do, at best, you won’t be asked to fill in on one. At worst, you’ll be put in charge of the only cannon that guards the entrance. (Now what did the manual say, Fabumi? Load the ball, then light the fuse? Or was it the other way around? You’d better hurry, looks like those doors won’t last another minute.)
4 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think it is time to start Spanish lessons. If you do, at best, you may learn a few words. At worst, whether you speak Spanish or not will not help you in the end. (It looks like the order of the day is take no prisoners, Fadeyka. I think it’s going to take a little more than a few “holas” and “Buenos Dias” to save you.)
3 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think that a sombrero and a serape will be an effective disguise. If you do, at best, no one will laugh at you. At worst, the troops will consider you a spy. (You know what they do to spies, Fallon. Dump that outfit now.)
2 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not wave that “Come and Take It” cannon flag from the Battle of Gonzales. If you do, at best, you will make the Mexicans angry. At worst, you will be singled out for elimination. (That flag has been a sore spot since the Texas Revolution began, Falk. No need to start that fire again.)
1 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not make plans for your summer holiday. If you do, at best, your heirs will have to cancel. At worst, you may lose some of your deposits. (I guess no one told you that getting out of the Alamo was a feet-first proposition, huh, Farnley?)
Fiction Favorites 
Brilliant John. My father was a huge western fan and one of his favourite was The Alamo 1960.. when they came to visit us from England in 1985 we took them to San Antonio for the weekend and we did the Alamo historical visit etc. I will never for get his face as he walked around and I have a lovely picture of him sitting outside on a bench, one very happy man… hugsx
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We lived in San Antonio for 12 years and loved it. I’m glad this sparked a lovely memory, Sally. Hugs
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I would be cooked. I do understand that offering up margaritas ain’t gonna help the matter one bit, but damn . . if I had access to the ingredients, it might help my inspiration! And not asking Davy Crockett for an autograph? I’m out!
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I think a few margaritas would have calmed everyone down. Add some chips and salsa, and a brotherhood is born. Thanks, Pilgrim.
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To think how differently history might have played out.
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Yes, it would be different. 😊
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I would add, that if you survive #8, please don’t stand next to me at the parapet.
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Ha ha ha. Good one, Dan. 😀
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Have to admit that I am not very familiar with the historical context but yr post does bring back memories of visiting this monument from San Antonio some 20 years back.
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A lot of history between Texas and Mexico.
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Good advice on why I should avoid that battle.
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We all should. Thanks, Charles.
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Nice crowd. I wonder if all of them want to buy an extended automobile warranty.
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Or catastrophic health insurance.
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The margaritas might help a little – just sayin’.
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Yes, John. One would have to be serious at the battle. I remember walking by the Alamo when I was stationed at Fort Sam Houston for training. We could see that building from the sidewalk.
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Great stuff, John! If a bit scary. . . I too could possibly make a lively margarita but wouldn’t stay around long enough to do it justice!! I used to often have lunch near the Tower of London in my teens, and imagined ‘scenarios’ of the olden days. . It was an excellent spot for imaginative ‘episodes.’!! Very atmospheric. . . Keep up the good work. Cheers. Joy x
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Thank you, Joy. There is so much in London that can feed the imagination.😊
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I’m hoping to never be in that situation but you never know, so great advice, John.
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I think you are good since it happened so long ago. Thanks, Esther
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I think so too, John, but just in case I experience time travel, it’s good to know.
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So true. Thanks, Esther.
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Dear John
It’s better to die with a magherita than without
The Fab Four of Cley
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
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So true. Thanks, F4oC 😀
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Suitable saying for today’s ‘climate’. . . “My right eye smiles, while my left one weeps!!” Cheers. Joy Lennick
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Yes, good saying. Thanks, Joy
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Hahahaha…love this Top Ten list. I actually laughed out loud at several of them.
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Music to my eyes. Thanks, Monika.
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I actually toured The Alamo way back in the day. Such an interesting piece of history! Your post brought back some fond memories of time spent in San Antonio — thanks, John!
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I lived there for about twelve years. Loved it.
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Warnings heeded!!
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Okay then. My job here is done.
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😁
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Ha! Ha! The bean burrito comment had me giggling. 🙂 A fun one!
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Thank you, Jan. So glad you liked it.
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Good advice, John, especially the burrito one! I have visited the Alamo and I must say I was very moved, seeing it and knowing the history.
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It is an inspiring place to visit.
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Regarding #2. I dont’t have a “Come and Take It” cannon flag but I have a “Come and Take It” cannon beer glass. How about if I’ll put Corona Extra in it? I also really want a Davy Crocket autograph.
We’ve visited the Alamo many times. Sometimes it is nice and interesting, but sometimes there are too many people.
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The best time is after Labor Day on a weekday. Not during the lunch hour either.
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Yes that sounds right. I will remember that. Thank you John.
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😊
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LOL – “do not make plans for your summer holiday.” Oh my, very clever, John. 😄
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Thank you, Gwen. This one was fun. 😀
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Quite a few chuckles today, John. Shoot, and I had already planned to wear my Santa Anna sucks T-shirt. I want to look fashionable when joining in.
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I would get a different shirt. How about Viva Mexico? Thanks, Pete. 😊
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Pro tip: Don’t go plan a battle in a church with no exit!
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Good tip. Thanks, Jacqui
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We went to the Alamo when we were in San Antonio a few years ago. Definitely very interesting but, yeah, too many people. We passed on the tour because the line was so long. Great list, John!
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I lived in San Antonio for 12 years. The best tine to tour is after labor day during the week
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They’re all good but I favor #10.
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Thanks, Steve.😊
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