Washington Crossing the Delaware by George Caleb Bingham – http://www.chrysler.org/education/unit1/bingham.htm, Public Domain
This list continues with the historical backdrop for my brand of lunacy. It first ran on September 17, 2018. I hope you enjoy it.
Top Ten Things Not to Do Crossing the Delaware with General Washington
10 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not dangle your feet in the water off the back of the boat. If you do, at best, they will be numb. At worst, the General will think you have lost touch with reality. (Looks like you may be sidelined for the big event, Frasco. Although you may want to avoid the battle, your pay envelope will be much thinner.)
9 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, don’t try to sit in Tiny the WWF champ’s seat next to the General. If you do, at best, you might be swimming across the Delaware. At worst, Tiny, who has formed a bond with General Washington, may take your move as a sign of affection for the General. (Since Tiny failed the “Unrequited Love and How to Cope” seminar, he now thinks a knuckle sandwich is an answer. Just jump out, Fredek. It will be easier in the long run.)
8 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not think wearing boat shoes from Top Siders will impress your fellow soldiers. If you do, at best, you’ll get a new nickname. At worst, a Master Sergeant will put you on report for being out of uniform. (Of course, one more on-report isn’t going to break you, Freyr. You have come to like peeling potatoes.)
7 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not start singing “row row row your boat.” If you do, at best, a few might join in. At worst, the General will single you out and threaten you with the stockade if you don’t quit making noise. (Looks like Georgie thinks you might be a British spy, Fridolf. I think quiet is the better part of this equation.)
6 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not bring your fishing equipment. If you do, at best, you might catch dinner. At worst, the General will ask you to keep fishing until you have caught enough to feed the Continental Army. (Holy cow, Frygies. That is a lot of fish. We’ll come back for you.)
5 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not ask if dinner at the captain’s table is a formal affair. If you do, at best, no one will understand your question. At worst, you’ll be reminded that you are on a rowboat and there is no captain’s table, and someone will hand you the flag. (You know that the flag goes in the front of the charge, don’t you, Fryderyk. Yeah, that’s right, up front where all those bullets and flying cannon balls are.)
4 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not let anyone know you get seasick. If you do, at best, some will be sympathetic. At worst, the old salt will continually describe in minute detail the roast pork dinner he had last night. ( If you can just hang on a little longer, Francis, the shore is not too far away.)
3 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not begin humming an old German tune. If you do, at best you’ll keep the volume down. At worst, since you are on your way to attacking the Hessians in Trenton, the General might think you are mocking the mission. (Washington is not sure this whole thing will work, Finn, so I would lay low if I were you. That water is certainly cold.)
2 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not mention that your enlistment in the army expires at midnight. If you do, at best, you’ll get a so what? At worst, someone will take your musket and shot, and you’ll be defenseless when you reach the shore. (Better offer to reenlist, Fabian. Otherwise, you are going to be pretty uncomfortable dodging shot from both sides.)
1 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not stand up in the boat and start singing “Old Man River.” If you do, at best you’ll be ordered to sit and be quiet. At worst, you will finish your song while trying to keep your head above water. (Looks like the General has just about had enough of the stand-up comedy, Floyd. Hopefully another boat will scoop you up.)
Fiction Favorites 
Tiny is such a complex individual. I’ll stay in the back.
LikeLiked by 1 person
With your hoodie up. Thanks, Dan. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
#4 is exactly why I’d avoid that event.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Too bad you have been ordered to go. 😀
LikeLike
*cough*. Can’t. Got the consumption or something.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ha ha, good one, Charles!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha 😀
LikeLike
Speaking of lunacy, my first thought upon reading your title was how much fun an adapted version could be: “Ten Things Not to Do if you’re a Yankee crossing the Red River into Texas for the first time.” There are some songs that shouldn’t be sung on that occasion, as well.
LikeLike
It would make a nice songbook, I think, Linda. Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I got a big kick out of the boat shoes!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Top Siders were born out East. We wore them in college. Rain, Shine, Snow didn’t matter.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Frat boys, perchance?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yup.
LikeLike
Top Siders–! 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
A boat shoe made by the Sperry Corp. (Good for walking on the teak decks of yachts.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, my husband has quite a few of those….landlubbers that we are. 🙄
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLike
Great advice for that historical event, John.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Tim. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, John. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Duly noted John… but perhaps a little ‘Old Man River’ might ease the nerves of the General and the troops.. hugsx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great pick, Sally. That might help. 😀
LikeLike
solid suggestions, every one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Jacqui.
LikeLike
John,
I really enjoyed this one. I love that history and you made it funny. I guess that’s alright. George had a great sense of humor I think.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think so, too, Tom. Thanks. 😀
LikeLike
I never would have considered all these possible scenarios crossing the Delaware with Washington. They made me laugh. Happy Monday.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Jan. Glad you got some laughs. 😀
LikeLike
John, I got a kick out of all the F names. It seems like some letters just make more entertaining words or names than others. 😀 Hugs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They can be pretty obscure, too. Thanks, Teagan 🤗
LikeLike
Those boat shoes aren’t going to hold up at Valley Forge!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are probably right, Noelle. I’ll wrap them in rags. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person