The Battle of Waterloo by Clément-Auguste Andrieux
This post continues the historical tableaux for the Top Ten Lists and was published on October 15, 2018. As always, I hope you enjoy it.
Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Battle of Waterloo
10 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not volunteer to carry the French Eagle battle standard. If you do, at best, your application will be lost. At worst, every British and Prussian soldier will be trying to take it from you. (So how does it feel, Flannery, having 15,000 swords all waving at you?)
9 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not continue to try to meet Emperor Napoleon if Tiny, the WWF champ, tells you to go away. If you do at best, you may get thrown out. At worst, Tiny, who just finished his last group session on self-esteem, may think you don’t respect him. (Uh oh. Looks like Tiny is priming that musket, Floinn. Might be a good time to try out the Air Jordans.)
8 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not order Napoleon Brandy as an after-dinner drink while dining with the British Commander, the First Duke of Wellington. If you do, at best, the restaurant won’t have any. At worst, the Duke’s team will think you are a spy. (You just finished your last meal, Fonzie. I hope you enjoyed it.)
7 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not offer to be a Henry Kissinger-like peace negotiator. If you do, at best, you will cause uproarious laughter. At worst, one side will take you up on your offer. (But the other side has decided to use you as a target for practice. Might as well put that white flag down, Forrester. It’s not going to stop 15,000 lead balls heading your way.)
6 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, as the brandy example, do not order beef Wellington at Napoleon’s staff dinner. If you do, at best, they will all think they did not hear you right. At worst, someone will get the idea that it would be fun to have a duel. (Guess who has been chosen as the duellist, Fortune? Yup. Better find a second fast.)
5 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not take Emperor Napoleon’s horse for a fast getaway. If you do, at best, he has a spare. At worst, the horse has been trained to return to Napoleon with a whistle. (This is a fine kettle of fish you have gotten yourself into, Francois. You can add horse thief to the charges of treason, sedition, and spy. Don’t worry, though, you only have one life to give.)
4 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not ask your British commander about tea time. If you do, at best, he will think you are joking. At worst, he will assign you the job of going to the French lines to get a croissant to go with the tea. (I’m not surprised the French started shooting at you, Franky. Everyone knows croissants are for breakfast, not afternoon tea.)
3 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not try speaking French to the French to be better understood. If you do, at best, you will be disappointed. At worst, your BonJour greeting will be met with a hail of bullets. (I guess it is your American accent that gets in the way, Franz. Try Spanish next time.)
2 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not turn your map upside down to get a different view. If you do, at best, your general will get dizzy. At worst, the general will order the charge of the Scots Greys in the wrong direction. (Now you are charging alone in the right direction, Frazier. Good luck when you meet the French Chevau-légers of the line (lancers). They look pretty mean, too.)
1 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not keep your souvenir stand open after the first cannon salvo. If you do, at best, you will have few customers. At worst, you’ll have to take cover. (The cannonballs seem to be attracted to your stand, Freeowine. Maybe cheap, trashy gifts have that effect on hot, heavy, metal balls flying through the air.)
Fiction Favorites 
It’s becoming clear, jut don’t go anywhere near Tiny. Good one, John
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I think that is the lesson, Dan. Thanks. 😊
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Now I’ve got the ABBA song stuck in my head.
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It’s a good one. 😀
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Your Waterloo comments have an odd interaction between History and Reality. Imaginatively done!
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😊
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Yes, indeed, John, be logical at the Battle of the Waterloo to stay alive.
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Yes. Keep low to the road. Thanks, Tim.
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😊
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I loved the bit about the croissant! 🤣
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Very practical advice, and like Charles, I was singing Waterloo in my head the whole time I was reading this!
Merci beaucoup!
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Thank you, Noelle. 😊
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de rien!
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😊
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Loved the song, Craig
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Brilliant John and all valid… we lived in Belgium in a village a few miles from the site of the battle and we used to take visitors there… they have created a replica of the battlefield and with other exhibits it definitely reinforced it was not a place to be at the time. hugsxx
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Thank you for your retrospective, Sally. 😊
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Lots of wise words to abide by. I think it’s just as well I didn’t live those times. Could have been in all sorts of trouble…
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I’m glad I wasn’t there as well. Thanks, Esther.
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Wisdom for sure! Glad I wasn’t there.
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Me too.
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Ha ha they were funny. It reminded me that the Swedish music group Abba had their big breakthrough when they won the Eurovision festival with their song Waterloo. Hundreds of millions of people were watching, maybe billions.
My, my
At Waterloo, Napoleon did surrender
Oh, yeah
And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself
Waterloo
I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo
Promise to love you forevermore
etc…
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One of my favorites.
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What a battle, worthy of the allusion (metaphor?) “someone’s Waterloo”.
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Especially since it cost Napoleon so much.
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excellent post on a topic I would like to explore more – later – I had a season of reading about Waterloo after some Les Mis history snippets
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History is fascinating, Yvette. 😊
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Hahaha…now that’s an ear worm that I don’t mind…
Waterloo
Couldn’t escape if I wanted to
Waterloo
Knowing my fate is to be with you
Wa-Wa-Wa-Wa-Waterloo
Finally facing my Waterloo
Ooh-ooh, Waterloo
Knowing my fate is to be with you
Wa-Wa-Wa-Wa-Waterloo
Finally facing my Waterloo
Ooh-ooh, Waterloo…
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🤣
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LOL
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😊
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Hahahaha!
And when you mentioned not ordering the Napoleon Brandy while with the First Duke of Wellington, I was going to say, and don’t order Beef Wellington either and yep, there it was in number six.
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There you go. Great minds think alike. Thanks, Marco.
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You know it my man.
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😊
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Tiny has been around a long, long time…
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Yes, he has. An immortal oaf, 😀
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