In the public domain.

This is a continuation of the Top Ten on a historical backdrop. On October 21st, after 14 months of testing, Thomas Edison first demonstrated his electric lamp, hoping to one day compete with the gaslight. We also know that Edison invented the phonograph. This was originally posted in October, 2018.

Top Ten Things Not to do if You were with Edison in 1879

10 If you were with Edison in 1879, do not say, “Watson, come here, I need you.” If you do, at best, no one will answer. At worst, you will be escorted from the room and your 100 shares of Edison stock revoked. (You somehow got Alexander Graham Bell mixed up with Edison, Frici.)

9 If you were with Edison in 1879, do not elbow Tiny the WWF champ out of the way for a better view. If you do, at best, Tiny will ignore you. At worst, Tiny, who has an aversion to being touched, will use his hips to body check you out the door. (You didn’t think a big guy could move that fast, huh, Friduwulf? Too bad the door was closed when you went through it.)

8 If you were with Edison in 1879, do not touch anything before the demonstration. If you do, at best, you’ll avoid the live wire. At worst, you will inadvertently disconnect the main lead. (The test was a failure, Frisco. Thanks to you, we are all living with gas lamps today.)

7 If you were with Edison in 1879, do not tell him how to improve his speech. If you do, at best, he will do the speech the way he wrote it. At worst, he will take your suggestions. (Thanks to you, Fynbar, the electric light bulb was named by Edison as “the better mousetrap of gas lamps.”)

6 If you were with Edison in 1879, do not mention to bystanders that the British had toyed with incandescent bulbs since the 1830’s. If you do, at best, Edison won’t hear you. At worst, you’ll be talking with a reporter from the Wall Street Journal. (Well, now you’ve done it, Fernando. The headline reads “Edison steals British Idea.” Good luck with your future stock options.)

5 If you are with Edison in 1879, do not make jokes about the Edison Screw. If you do, at best, you’d better hope he doesn’t hear you. At worst, the joke carries a big laugh, and now you are unemployed. (You had no way of knowing, Francisco, that the Edison Screw is the standard setup for light bulbs and sockets. The joke was pretty funny, though.)

4 If you are with Edison in 1879, do not trip and let the only bulb fall to the floor. (If you do, at best, the carpet will prevent a disaster. At worst, the lab floor is made of concrete. (Well, there goes the demonstration, Franklin. Future generations of those who do not have General Electric to work for salute you.)

3 If you are with Edison in 1879, do not suggest naming the company. If you do, at best, Edison will choose his own name. At worst, he will call the company after a significant advantage of the bulb. (Somehow, the Less Gas Light Company doesn’t sound too good when you say it out loud, Frankie. Let’s hope he comes to his senses.)

2 If you are with Edison in 1879, do not try to talk him out of his idea about motion pictures. If you do, at best, he will avoid you on the subject. At worst, you will be successful, and he will abandon the idea. (So where are you going with that tub of buttered popcorn, Freddy?)

1 If you are with Edison in 1879, do not suggest that he read from the newspaper on the first recorded conversation. If you do, at best, he will choose his own literature; at worst. He will listen to you and select the classifieds. (So now the first recorded voice puts everyone to sleep, Fletcher. Mary Had a Little Lamb is so much better.)