This post continues the Top Ten Not to Do list with a historical background. This post ran originally in November of 2018. Pretend you were there, and here is a list that will keep you out of trouble.
Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Great Flood of 2348 BC.
10 In the time of the great flood, do not mock Noah’s boat building so far from water. If you do, at best, he won’t hear you. At worst, after forty days and nights of rain, you are going to wish you had never. (Good luck on treading water for a few months, Gregory. Those boat jokes seem a little lame now, don’t they?)
9 In the time of the great flood, do not offer Tiny the WWF champ some help with that rhinoceros. If you do, at best, he’ll pass on the assist. At worst, Tiny, who has just finished his group session on self-esteem, will believe you think he is incapable of loading that snorting beast into the Ark. (Now you have to worry about a loose rhinoceros and soothing Tiny’s feelings, Giovanni. I think the rhino might be an easier task.)
7 In the time of the great flood, do not ask Noah about who is playing in the show lounge. If you do, at best, Noah will think you are joking. At worst, Noah will realize you think the whole boat thingy is a Carnival cruise. (I suppose you should feel grateful Noah allows you to ride in the dinghy, Graham. He could have just tossed you overboard.)
6 In the time of the great flood, do not start singing the Unicorn Song. If you do, at best, Noah will think it cute. At worst, since Noah was not able to get the unicorns on board, he’ll feel bad. (Don’t forget Noah is 600 years old, Gilbert. He probably never heard of the Irish Rovers, and now you are in the brig on bread and water.)
5 In the time of the great flood, do not smack a pesky mosquito. If you do, at best, it will recover. At worst, you just killed one of the two on board. (Although it seems like you have done a service to humanity, Gustavo, Noah is going to be plenty pissed since he was supposed to have two of everything. I would lie low if I were you.)
4 In the time of the great flood, do not try to bring more than one carry-on bag on the Ark. If you do, at best, the second bag will be floating. At worst, you’ll be caught, and Captain Noah will allow the bags to ride but toss you off. (I don’t think the punishment is too harsh, Gustavo. What if every being brought two suitcases?)
3 In the time of the great flood, do not try to water ski off the back of the Ark. If you do, at best, you won’t lose your grip on the rope. At worst, the Ark is not going fast enough, and you’ll sink like a stone. (It doesn’t do much good to signal for help, Gerard. That giraffe has no idea what you mean.)
2 In the time of the great flood, do not ask Noah for a turn at the tiller. If you do, at best, he will turn you down flat. At worst, he will give you a spin. ( The fact that you don’t know North from South is not going to play well here, Gabe. Lucky, the mountain tops are fourteen cubits under the water. What’s a cubit, you ask? Go look it up.)
1 In the time of the great flood, when Noah asks you to release a dove, do not release that duck. If you do, at best, the duck will come back. At worst, the duck will be able to float, so there is no need to return to the Ark. (Noah is now asking you how to determine if the waters have receded.) “Wait until you see land,” is not the answer he is looking for, Gideon. Those water wings should help keep you up until you sight land. By the way, the shark following you has not eaten for a couple of weeks.)
Fiction Favorites 
I hope there weren’t two Tinys. Good list, John.
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I think there might have been, given the fact that he’s still around. Thanks, Dan. 😀
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Also, refrain for asking, What’s a cubit and where’s the unicorns.?
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Good points. Thanks, Pat
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🌝🍓
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That Noah really had his act together and, he was an exceptional “event” coordinator 🐳
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And a good sailor. Thanks, Jim.
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Good tips, John! I can’t even imagine what it must be like on a ship like that. Sometimes you’d rather do without your own neighbors. Lol I hope you will enjoy a nice week! Best wishes, Michael
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Thank you, Michael. I hope you have a super week as well.😀
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I have to say I’d be tempted to sing the Unicorn Song, but I’d do my best to resist. Great tips, John.
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Thank you, Esther. I’m sure Noah would like your rendition. 😀
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Unicorns just grew flippers and became narwhals. They’re good.
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That explains how they survived. Thanks, Charles.
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First, a cubit is a simple measurement. Go look it up. But rather than do that, just ask The Big Tuna. He is all knowing and all telling. I liked the show lounge question. Better yet, where is the bar ?
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The bar is on each deck, and your drinks are included in the all-inclusive ticket. Of course, you have to enjoy wine made from seawater. A bit salty and pretty high in sodium.
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What? No entertainment on board? I bet there’s no buffet, either. It’s gonna be a long, long trip!
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There is a vegetarian buffet, but you have to fight the elephants for it. It will be a long trip.
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I reckon if you get hungry enough you’ll even fight an elephant for some vittles.
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I suppose. If you have any peanuts, it will be a no-contest.
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Good advice for dealing with the great flood, John.
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Thank you, Tim
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You’re welcome, John. 😊
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😀
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All sound advice, John 🙂
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Thank you, Denise.
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Unicorns? They obviously didn’t make it through! As for the mosquitoes, what a blessing that would have been, I’m reminded of a short but sweet poem: “God in his wisdom make the fly, and then forgot to tell us why.” Ogden Nash
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For frogs and toads to eat.
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Oh my goodness!! That is going WAY back in time. Glad I missed that one.
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Was a nice voyage
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#6 is my favorite. My dad loved the Irish Rovers.
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So glad they had a mention here.
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Water skiing off the back of the ark *snort*!
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Ha ha ha. Thanks, Teri.
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Thank God I read this top ten list before I asked Noah if I could purchase the booze package.
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I think he might have a special deal for you. Tell him I sent you.
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This sounds suspicious (or ‘sus’ as the kids say) but for the sake of a good Martini, Imma do it!
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😀
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Love the mosquito entry! Very funny.
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Thank you, Rebecca. 😀
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No. 1 especially made me laugh out loud. I can just picture the scene. Thanks for starting out the week with a great giggle.
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My pleasure, Monika. Glad you got a good laugh.
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I remember when it was raining for 40 days and 40 nights. There was no flood that drowned everything but there were flashfloods, large puddles, constant wetness, grey clouds and non-stop pitter and patter on the skylights. It drove me bonkers, and I started worrying about not having flood insurance. OK maybe it wasn’t 40 days but 20 days.
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Ha ha ha. I have been in situations like that as well. I remember a time when the house was completely surrounded by water. It was on a hill, and that was the only salvation.
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Yep little hills will save you. When I asked our insurance company about flood insurance he said you don’t need it. Your house is on a little hill. Your neighbor on the other hand will be flooded.
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It does work that way for sure.
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Noted, just in case another Great Flood is coming.
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Yes. Good idea to save. You could smack that mosquito, though.
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I’m loving this historical series, John. This one is so funny! Smacking the mosquito was bad enough, and then there was Tiny and the rhino.
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I thought you would like the Tiny one, Jennie. Thanks.
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I did! 😀
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😊
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According to my reckoning, the Great Flood was in 12,448 BC. (Give or take a day or two.) And thank you for not using BCE
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I’ll take your word. I wasn’t there. I used the timeline from the Old Testament. Obviously BCE does not apply to me. Thanks, Andrew. 😄
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The Unicorn song is the best! The hit of the season! Thank you for the set, dear John!🍤🍤🍤🍻
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My pleasure, Maria. 😊
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