Image by wynpnt from Pixabay
As we all know, this month marks the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, signed in 1776 by John Hancock and others. It would be fun to be there, but of course, there are things we should not do if we go. Take this list with you, as it may save you trouble in the long run. This post was published on July 1st, 2019
Top Ten Things Not to Do at the signing of the Declaration of Independence in 1776.
10 If you are at the signing, do not place that tankard of ale anywhere near the document. If you do, at best, you might leave a ring on it. At worst, a careless spill could mean doing the whole thing over. (All those signatures, not to mention the handwritten document, are now soaked, Hosa. Quit trying to clean up the mess with that lace tablecloth. You are only making it worse. It will take days to redo, and now July 4th will be on July 10th.)
9 If you are at the signing, do not go near the document as long as Tiny, the WWF champ, has been assigned the duty to protect it. If you do, at best, Tiny will issue a warning. At worst, Tiny, who just left being scolded by John Hancock for being too soft, will demonstrate his toughness for all to see. ( Trust me, you can survive the step over toe hold with a helicopter body slam finish, Houghton. You just have to relax more.)
8 If you are at the signing, do not volunteer to stand in for New York and sign on their behalf. If you do, at best you’ll be told to sit down. At worst, you will sign and cause a rift between the Continental Congress and New York. ( You see, Houston, New York made a conscious decision not to sign on July 4th because as delegates they weren’t given the go-ahead by New York leadership. They did sign on July 9th after erasing your name.)
7 If you are at the signing, do not think everyone will be signing on July 4th. If you do, at best, you will be disappointed. At worst, the delegation will have you tossed into the street. (Most of the signatures were not collected until copies of the declaration were circulated to the colonies, Hovhaness. The final official document was not fully signed until August 2nd. July 4th is the date that the Declaration was ratified. John Hancock signed as the leader of the Continental Congress.)
6 If you are at the signing, do not begin singing, “God Save the King.” If you do, at best, you’ll be singing alone. At worst, the delegates will take you for a crown sympathizer and ride you out of town. ( I know that rail is uncomfortable, Howahkan. Maybe next time you could pick a better song.)
5 If you are at the signing, do not give the author, Thomas Jefferson, some notes on how you think the Declaration could be improved. If you do, at best, like most authors, he will have a thick skin. At worst, since he has gone without sleep in order to finish the document, Jefferson may challenge you to a duel. (I think you should walk a mile in Thom’s shoes before leaving a review, Hrolleif.) Besides, what do you know about writing a Declaration?)
4 If you are at the signing, although tempting, do not suggest changing the word “men” to “humans.” If you do, at best, your political correctness will evoke a laugh. At worst, the authors had intended human beings to be covered by the Declaration, and now a whole new debate has ensued. (Might have been better just to say nothing, Hu. It seems the Declaration has been tabled and the delegates have dispersed. So much for not creating a time continuum event.)
3 If you are at the signing, do not offer to hold the quill pens. If you do, at best, you’ll mess up a couple of the nubs. At worst, when it comes time for John Hancock to sign, there won’t be a fine point available. (So it was you who caused John to sign in that huge manner, Hueil? All along the story, he wanted King George to be able to see his signature without wearing spectacles.)
2 If you are at the signing, do not suggest adding pizza to the preamble, which reads, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.” (You have to wonder about the looks you got at the suggestion, Hugi. You should be glad nobody asked you to explain pizza.)
1 If you are at the signing, do not ask Samual Adams what his seasonal beer flavor will be this year. If you do, at best, he’ll think you are joking. At worst, he will assume you are buying the drinks and invite all the delegates to your party. ( I wonder how you are going to cover the bar bill, Hui. I’m almost positive the inn won’t take that American Express card. It might be time to hit the escape button rather than face the theft charges.)
Fiction Favorites 
Maybe you should just visit the National Archives and view the document. Oh, wait, I heard Tiny is a security guard there. Maybe just google the thing.
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Google should be safe, but I hear the AI crawlers have taken a shine to Tiny, so you never know. 😄
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He might be out there making sure we don’t use AI in our writing.
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Good use of Tiny.
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John, a very entertaining read to highlight a most memorable day in the birth of our beloved country. Plus another little-known fact: Tiny’s kid brother “TooTiny” was a master of the spinning toe hold…ah, those Tiny boys🐳
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Thank you for that piece of history, Jim. TooTiny = TooFunny. 😄
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Liked your too-tiny guy. Great addition JimBo
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I agree. 😄
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Probably best to just go to the pub instead.
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That is a good idea. I hear the honey beer is ready for drinking. 😄
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Very timely, John. Thank you for the added chuckles. We’ve much to be grateful for. 😊
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I agree, Gwen. Thanks 😊
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Hilariously, Samuel Adams was a far better propagandist than he was a brewer.
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Thank you, Alex. Nice add. 😊
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Good advice for behavior at such a great event of the past, John!
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Thank you, Tim. Keeps us out of trouble. 😊
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😊
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😊
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Do not add a little smiley face after your name! 🙂
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Ha ha, good one!
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Thanks, Liz!
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You’re welcome, Lois!
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😊
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I thought so, too.
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Ha ha ha. Good one Lois. 😄
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I agree with #5 that being a pompous a** with notes for revision is duel-worthy.
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Yes, it is.😄
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Entertaining advice. I’m glad Tiny is there to protect the document. I always thought the name Button Gwinnett was a cool name to have a signature on the Declaration.
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It is cool. Thanks, Noelle.😊
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I would love to have been there for the after meeting party.
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The legendary September 1787 bar tab from a farewell party at the City Tavern in Philadelphia perfectly illustrates their drinking habits. Just two days before signing the U.S. Constitution, 55 attendees (including George Washington) consumed:60 bottles of claret 54 bottles of Madeira 22 bottles of porter 12 bottles of beer 8 bottles of hard cider 8 bottles of whiskey 7 bowls of alcoholic punch
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Sage advice, John. Number 10 had me cringing.
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Ha ha ha. Would be my luck.
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I have to say John that after everyone signed on (eventually!), they all definitely deserved all the pizza and beer they could handle…as long as our forces kept watch. After all, the “party” was just getting started…and the British mood certainly didn’t improve when they heard there was a signed document with those details within it!
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Here is the party list of alcohol consumed. The legendary September 1787 bar tab from a farewell party at the City Tavern in Philadelphia perfectly illustrates their drinking habits. Just two days before signing the U.S. Constitution, 55 attendees (including George Washington) consumed:60 bottles of claret 54 bottles of Madeira 22 bottles of porter 12 bottles of beer 8 bottles of hard cider 8 bottles of whiskey 7 bowls of alcoholic punch
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😱
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😊
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This is very entertaining, John. At least I know most of the facts which should help me 😉
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Yes. If not, take the list. 🤣
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😁💛
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😄
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I’d be the one spilling the tankard of ale. I have a history.
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Me too. 😄
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It turns out that Jefferson did not have a thick skin. He supposedly sat silent while the Continental Congress debated his work (86 edits – according to a recent piece in Smithsonian Magazine.) He called their changes “mutilations.” When I worked as a reporter, I tried that approach when an editor tried to cut something I had written. “Mutilations” I joked. She responded back that the day I start writing like Jefferson would be the day she would let my writing alone. She sure did put me in my place. Ugh.
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Sounds like a good editor.
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You mean Thomas Jefferson didn’t hire a proofreader?
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I did not know New York abstained from signing right away.
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They have a history of being a pain in the butt. 😊
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Ha ha did not realize it goes so far back in time
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Yup.
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Sage advice.
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Thank you, Jacqui
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Hee, hee…I can just picture Tiny guarding the Declaration. Too funny, thanks for the smiles, John.
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Always fun to see Tiny do his thing. 😊
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Very funny!
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This was so good, John! Regards to Tiny.
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He sends his best wishes back to you. 😊
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