Photo by Jon Tyson Unsplash
Since August marks the anniversary of the first income tax’s establishment in 1861, I thought it would be fun to travel back and take in the atmosphere of what must have been an eventful time. The income tax was established to pay for the Civil War. Of course, we must follow some time-travel rules, so here is a list to help keep us from creating a time disruption or tear in the continuum.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on the First Tax Day in 1861.
10 On the first tax day, do not try to find an H&R Block office for relief. If you do, at best, it will be an ice supply house. At worst, you will raise so much concern from those you ask that they will point you out to the tax collector. (The belief that you are trying to avoid your tax obligation is what ended up with you behind bars, Issac. Just tell them you made a mistake and intend to pay, and maybe they’ll let you go.)
9 On the first tax day, do not tell Tiny the WWF champ that he can’t come in to assess your net worth. If you do, at best, he will come in anyway. At worst, Tiny, who just left his rejection support group meeting, will reduce the place to sawdust. (The upside to Tiny’s visit, Iulio, is you have no assets and therefore don’t owe any tax. Let’s not talk of the downside.)
8 On the first tax day, do not try to deduct your stay and meals as a business expense. If you do, at best, you will be laughed out of the room. At worst, the tax collector will call the Marshall, and you’ll be labeled as the first tax fraud case in the US. (The first tax was a 3% flat rate over 800 dollars ($13,000 today) of income, Iwdael. There are no deductions. Now tell the man you are sorry and cough up the money.)
7 On the first Tax day, do not carry your “No Taxation Without Representation,” protest sign. If you do, at best, no one will be able to read. At worst, you will be invited to spend the night at the Hoosegow Hotel. (These new revenuers have no sense of humor, Izeyah. I wouldn’t press my luck any further.)
6 On the first tax day, do not try to pay for your tax with corn. If you do, at best, the agent will think you are joking. At worst, they’ll assume you are trying to evade your taxes. (You have to admit, Izreal trying to unload 100 bushels of corn in the tax office looks a little suspicious. You’ll find a broom and shovel in the corner. Best to clean up the mess before you leave.)
5 On the first tax day, do not try to convince the tax collector that you are part of the 97% of the population that does not earn 800 dollars a year. If you do, at best the collector will respect your attempt at avoiding the tax. At worst, the collector just declared to his staff that the next person who tries to lie about their income will be shot. (I think you’d better cough up the tax quickly, Ian. That collector is resting his hand on a very big six-shooter.)
4 On the first Tax day, do not show up in your most elegant clothes on the best horse. If you do, at best, the collector won’t notice. At worst, since your clothes and horse are better than the collector’s, your bill will be higher than it should be. (At this stage, Ibrahim, you might as well just pay it. Why you didn’t think to wear those old shoes and overalls is beyond me. You could have parked your horse down the street too.)
3 On the first tax day, do not try to dazzle the tax collector with stacks of paperwork proving your lack of income. If you do, at best, they’ll ignore you. At worst, the agent will assume you are up to something illegal and double your tax assessment. (It would have been better just to tell them the truth, Igore. After all, 3% is not a lot to pay.)
2 On the first tax day, do not put in an application to join the IRS. If you do, at best, no one will understand you. At worst, you’ll give away your time traveler status since the IRS wasn’t established until 1862. (Well, easy come, easy go, Ishmael. It is now time to hit the bricks and get back to your own timezone. Otherwise, you might be spending a lot of time in a very damp and chilly place.)
1 On the first tax day, do not think you can tell the tax collector to send you a bill. If you do, at best, the collector will share a laugh with you. At worst, the collector will take measures to collect the tax today. ( That big guy in the corner is the enforcer, Ignatius. His job is to extract the payment right now. He has been known to hold some by their ankles until the money falls to the floor. Just save us all the misery and pay the bill.)
So funny! Ours is in April, but yeah … same sentiments! 😂 xx
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Ours is in April, too. The first was in August. Thank you, Harmony.
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“Just pay” always seems to be the way to go.
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Yup. Just pay eliminates a lot of hassle.
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Very wise advice here, John. I’ll definitely avoid Ignatius.
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Good thinking, Esther. 😄
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Taxes are so taxing, John. I have not been audited yet, but over the years there have been the occasional bizarre asks for follow-up information that made me think Ignatius was waiting somewhere in the wings.
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I’m sure everyone complained, but it seems pretty reasonable compared to 2026.
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Very good advice on paying taxes, John.
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Was it supposed to be temporary? Maybe only for 200 years or so?
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Does not sound like an exciting trip. Unless we can interfere. 😁
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I never thought about how or when taxes began here. But they certainly have continued and grown. Great advice here!
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I would be thrilled to pay a 3% flat tax on my income with no deductions!
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The more things change, the more they stay the same! I think it would have been interesting to be there on that day.
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Thanks, Noelle.
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We pay our tax bill as soon as possible and prefer to get it taken care of sooner than later.
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Me too.
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Good one, John 🙂 Too bad we couldn’t go back and talk them out of it.
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That would be good. We have no income tax here in Texas, and we always have a budget surplus.
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😁
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I suppose people supported the war and didn’t mind at the time. They didn’t look into the future. Paying tax isn’t so bad when you get good roads, schools, hospitals and law enforcement like in parts of Europe. I’m not sure how it is in America from that perspective.
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You should visit to find out. (Avoid sanctuary cities, though. They are crumbling)
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I will if the opportunity arises. I am an opportunistic traveler. I would like to go to Spain to see the Goya paintings 🖤
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Well, I’ve never been to Spain, but I kinda like the music.
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Yes, I like the food too 😋
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Yes.
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I’d love to be able to pay with corn, lol.
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😄
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Man, you ain’t kidding with this list. The tax man is so unforgiving that Al Capone was like “Hey! That’s not fair!”. And last I looked, Al did his share of unfair things back in Chicago.
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Ha ha ha. good one, Pilgrim
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😉
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😄
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One of my brothers used to do taxes for people on the side. How can our country be in so much debt when taxes have been around forever. H & R Block has been around since 1955.
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Well, the easiest answer to the debt question is that none of our administrations can spend wisely. I remember when H&R Block opened in a vacant store in our neighborhood when I was in high school. (56). They were there from January until April.
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I enjoyed reading this amusing list, John. People all over the world will go out of their way to try and pay less tax. It was ever thus.
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And will be thus forevermore. 😄
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Oh no we’re in the thows of it. ugh.. good ideas … hahah
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Be careful. 👀
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Thanks, John!!
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😊
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This list is spot on. People, take notice! Paying with corn should be very acceptable.
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Ha ha ha. 😆
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😀
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Ah, taxes! Another reminder that humans are one species, regardless of differences in language, colour, faith, etc.
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Since we are all subject to others spending our money. Thanks, Ankur. United under Mammon.
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I am guessing it would be a fun job…spending other people’s money 😉
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I think they look upon it more as a duty than a job.
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I thought the income tax was established in 1913. But what do I know. I’m drunk most of the time.
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1861–1862 (Civil War): Congress passed the first temporary individual income tax via the Revenue Act of 1862 to fund the Civil War. This tax was repealed in 1872.
February 3, 1913: The 16th Amendment was officially ratified, giving Congress the power to tax all incomes without population limits.1913–1914: Congress passed a new income tax law, and the first collection process took place in early 1914.
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