Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Parachute Jump in 1797.

~ John W. Howell

Photo Credit: Science Source/SCIENCE PHOTO LIBRARY

This week marks the anniversary of the first successful parachute descent made by André-Jacques Garnerin, who jumped from a balloon at some 2,200 feet over Paris in 1797. This post ran first on October 21, 2019

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Parachute Jump in 1797.

10. If you go to the jump, do not ask André-Jacques if you can go tandem. If you do, at best, he’ll laugh you off. At worst, he will think you are trying to steal his thunder. (That glove slap to the face means you better start practicing your swordsmanship, Jarl. Of course, you could pray he forgets about it. Likely? Not.)

9 If you go to the jump, do not try to convince Tiny the WWF champ that you can take over holding his balloon tie-down ropes. If you do, at best, Tiny won’t understand your request. At worst, Tiny, who has skipped the last seven anger management group sessions, will not give you the rope without a fight. (You better worry about that rope around your ankle, Jarrad. Your weight isn’t enough to keep the balloon on the ground. So as you dangle from one leg at 2000 feet, you might contemplate this. Does Tiny really know how to tie a knot that holds?)

8 If you go to the jump, do not start taking bets on whether or not old André-Jacques will make it. If you do, at best, André-Jacques will not find out about it. At worst, André-Jacques’ brother will bet he won’t. (Now you’ve caused a family incident, Jarran. Here comes André-Jacques now. I see he has a glove in his hand. Might be time to go.)

7 If you go to the jump, do not offer to pack André-Jacques’ chute. If you do, at best, he will ignore you. At worst, he’ll let you do it. (Funny how that thing looked like a trail of smoke when he let go of the balloon, Jarrell. The sad thing is, it never opened. Oh, well, there is always next time.)

6 If you go to the jump, do not ask André-Jacques to unfold your sweetheart proposal flag on the way down. If you do, at best, he’ll say no. At worst, he’ll agree. (Just your luck, Jase. At least four women in the spectator area are named Noelle. Good luck on the breach of promise lawsuits, not to mention the father’s blunderbusses)

5 If you go to the jump, do not ask the André-Jacques if he knows the color of his balloon. If you do, at best. he will be too busy to answer. At worst, he’ll think you are making a joke about his balloon. (As you may know, Jaspar, Frenchmen don’t take American jokes lightly. I don’t think he gets this one for sure.)

4 If you go to the jump, do not try to get André-Jacques to yell Geronimo when he jumps out of the balloon. If you do, at best, he’ll have no idea what you are talking about. At worst, he’ll think you are joking, too, Jaxon. Don’t look now, but that guy in the top hat is the second coming to ask which weapon you would like to use. Here’s a hint. Tell him death by pillows.)

3 If you go to the jump, do not suggest that André-Jacques should have his parachute made out of silk by Hermes. If you do, at best, he will assume you don’t know what you are talking about. At worst, he will place an order for the parachute. ( Now you are in a pickle, Jaydee. You didn’t know Hermes was founded in 1837. How will you deliver a parachute tomorrow when the manufacturer won’t be in business for 40 years? You got any silkworms?)

2. If you go to the jump, do not ask André-Jacques to wear your Go Lafayette sweatshirt for the stunt. If you do, at best, he’ll decline. At worst, he will accept your gift. (Given the angst around supporting the American Revolution, that shirt could cause a definite crowd reaction, Jayme. I’m not talking positive either. Can you say Guillotine?)

1 If you go to the jump, do not ask for an order of French fries at the local food tent. If you do, at best, you’ll get a thicker, fried potato. At worst, the order taker won’t understand you and will alert the chef. (Here we go, Jayson. You got the big guy with the butcher knife all hot and bothered. I would hit the road if I were you.)

 

47 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Parachute Jump in 1797.”

    1. Good Dan. WP just took away Classic again. No notice. I tried to get a Classic editor this morning, but no dice. I guess I will have to switch to block. There are just too many things against Classic these days.

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        1. So true. I have a work around but once scheduled the post tuns into a block Editor. If I want to chane anything I have to use Block. Might as well learn to use Block

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  12. Jumping out of planes runs in this family. My son was 82nd Airborne and his Mom, not to be outdone, jumped from 13,00o feet. What a trip! Geronimo!

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  14. Yes taking bets does not sound like a good idea. This is a quite interesting historical event that I did not know about. So I looked it up. He did not have a vent at the top of his parachute and it made the parachute unstable. It was swinging wildly and he got bruised but was otherwise fine. He was certainly a very brave man literally jumping into the unknown.

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  15. No bet taking and definitely no messing with Tiny. As for Andre, good on him. And the first successful parachute jump means he HAD to know his odds weren’t great. If Vegas had been a thing back then, they wouldn’t have taken this bet.

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  17. We were supposed to go on our first hot balloon ride earlier this year. Unfortunately, the wind kicked up and they had to cancel it. We were in Arizona at the time. We might have landed in your neck of the woods. I’ve thought about trying a skydive, but I’m afraid I’m getting too old for that.

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