Here is the 45th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When You have Allergies
10. When you have allergies, do not offer to house sit for friends with animals. If you do, the best that will happen is your sneezing will cause the animals to hide from you. At worst, you may find yourself in the ER on a respirator trying to remember if you left the front door open.
9. When you have allergies, do not accept an offer to go for a nice ride in the country. If you do at best your nice ride will turn into a sneezing nightmare. At worst your companion will leave you beside the road with your address written on a note pinned to your shirt.
8. When you have allergies, do not eat anything out unless you know the ingredients. If you do, at best you may have to go home early to get some medicine. At worst, you might cause those around you concern as you begin to swell and turn purple as a reaction.
7. When you have allergies, do not volunteer to drive the hay wagon at the school fundraiser. If you do, at best you will be the source of too many “bless you’s.” At worst your sneezing will cause the horses to spook allowing for a runaway wagon and terrified children and adults.
6. When you have allergies, do not leave home without a spare handkerchief or tissues. If you do, at best you will need to use anything at hand to cover a sneezing fit. At worst there will be nothing at hand and you will cause everyone near you to run away in fear since they will assume you have the bubonic plague.
5. When you have allergies, do not think those who do not have allergies will understand your symptoms. If you do, at best you may get some concerned looks when the sneezing hits. At worst you might be trying to explain to the EMS team called by a well-meaning person that you are having an allergy attack.
4. When you have allergies, do not leave your medicine at home even for a short time. If you do, at best you will get by without any symptoms. At worst, you will find yourself curled in the fetal position praying to be spared another sneezing attack.
3. When you have allergies, do not think you can go on a picnic in the woods. If you do, at best you will survive with only sneezing bouts. At worst you will be stung by some strange insect and find you are slowly losing the ability to raise your arms to get your epi-pen.
2. When you have allergies, do not offer to deliver the flowers on special holidays no matter how heavily medicated. If you do, At best you could have a reaction to an unknown flower. At worst you could deliver only the stems after your sneezing caused all the blooms to fly off the bouquet.
1. When you have allergies and are heavily medicated, do not operate heavy machinery. If you do, at best you may injure yourself. At worst, you may just take down one wall too many and have a boss who expects you to pay for the damage.

Here is the 43rd installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not To Do When Attending a Parent-teacher Conference

1. When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not assume your child is never at fault.  If you do, at best, you might be disappointed. At worst, you may find yourself explaining certain behaviors that could only be learned at home.
2. When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not try to explain away your child’s behavior with some made-up medical excuse.  If you do, at best, you might be questioned about your own veracity. At worst, you might be explaining to child welfare the fact a medical exam found no medical reason for the behaviors.
3. When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not try to deny providing unusual help on the term project.  If you do, at best, you will look like someone who has problems with the truth. At worst, you could be accused of being a severely overprotective parent with recommendations for counseling.
4. When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not try to ingratiate the teacher with abnormal compliments. If you do, at best, you will look like you have something to hide. At worst, the teacher will think you are shallow and assign the same trait to your child.
5. When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not assume the teacher will be impressed with your professional or work title and your forceful personality. If you do, at best, you may be in for a rude awakening. At worst, the teacher will think you are a bully and report you to the principal.
6. When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not do all the talking. If you do, at best you may miss some important information. At worst, the teacher will think you care more about yourself than your child and end the conference early with none of the issues resolved.
7. When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not bring along friends or relatives as support. If you do, at best, the teacher will feel outnumbered and end the conference early. At worst, the teacher will bring in a number of witnesses and pretty soon the conference will take on the appearance of a trial with you as the defendant.
8. When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not bring gifts. If you do, at best, the teacher will feel uncomfortable in giving you an honest evaluation of your child’s performance. At worst, the teacher will need to call the principal to witness turning down what they consider to be a bribe.
9. When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not call the teacher by the first name. If you do, at best, the teacher will believe you are rude. At worst, the teacher will get the feeling you are unnecessarily challenging the professional relationship which will not play well for the rest of the semester for your child.
10. When attending a parent-teacher conference, do not wear your most casual clothes. If you do, at best, the teacher will believe you are not serious about the conference. At worst, you may be unknowingly violating the school dress code and be asked to leave the building.

Here is the 40th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not To Do When Visiting the Zoo

10. When visiting the zoo, do not try to get the chimpanzees’ attention by throwing popcorn at them. At best, they will simply pick up the popcorn and eat it and continue to ignore you. At worst, they will reciprocate by flinging some dark smelly stuff back at you, causing you and the family to have an uncomfortable ride home, with your shirt covered in chimp poop.

9. When visiting the zoo, do not think that just because the Siberian Leopard kitten is fast asleep, you can simply reach through the bars and scratch its adorable furry little head. At best, you might simply bruise your arm as you jerk it back when you hear the kitten’s mother’s roar. At worst, the kitten will wake up and decide to play tug-of-war with your arm while mama gets closer and closer snarling the whole way. .

8. When visiting the zoo, do not throw things into the elephant exhibit just because you think it is fun to watch elephants pick things up with their trunks. At best, you will be reprimanded by the zoo staff and told to leave the zoo. At worst, you will be told to pick up all the trash in the elephant exhibit, which might take a very long time since the elephants never forget a litter bug and might think it is fun to pick you up with their trunks.

7. When visiting the zoo, do not try to mimic the Lemurs as they run through their exhibit, catapulting themselves through the air and landing upright on trees. At best, your efforts will result in some embarrassment and bark rash from you ungracefully sliding down a tree that you tried to leap onto. At worst, the tree you leapt onto will turn out to be inside the Lemur exhibit, causing the Lemurs to see you as a predator and mob you until you are rescued by zoo staff.

6. When visiting the zoo, do not sneak in a pair of roller skates because you made a bet with your best friend that you can get through all the exhibits within an hour. At best, you will only draw the ire of the other zoo visitors, as they have to jump out of your way to avoid being run over by you. At worst, you might take one of the downhill paths too fast and find yourself nose-to-nose with a rhinoceros in its wading pool at feeding time.

5. When visiting the zoo, do not tap on the glass of the Goliath birdeater exhibit, thinking you can coax the tarantula to where you can see it better. At best, the tarantula will just hunker down even more and zoo staff will be compelled to ask you to leave. At worst, before making you leave, the staff will insist that you clean the cage of the birdeater, blindfolded with peanut butter on your fingers.

4. When visiting the zoo, do not try to entice a crocodile to open its mouth by holding food out over the fence. At best, the croc will simply ignore you since it probably is more interested in the Pekingese that someone snuck in. At worst, the croc will leap up and forward to get your hand as well as the treat in it, causing you to dislocate your shoulder as you try to get out-of-the-way without falling over the fence and into the croc’s open mouth.

3. When visiting the zoo, do not think yelling at bears is a good and effective way to get their attention and make them active. At best, you will simply annoy the other zoo visitors until someone wads up a paper bag and stuffs in your mouth. At worst, after stuffing the paper bag in your mouth, the other zoo visitors band together and toss you over into the bear exhibit, causing such a commotion that the bears then wake up and become active thinking you to be a member of a rival clan.

2. When visiting the zoo, do not think that you can hide out until after the zoo closes because you always wanted to see the zoo at night. At best, you might become very bored very quickly because most of the animals are also done for the night and curled away in their beds. At worst, you try to entertain yourself by climbing trees, pretending to be a monkey until you realize, much too late, that you’ve flung yourself into the lion exhibit and, since they hunt at night, they are all wide awake and waiting for you.

1. When visiting the zoo, do not try to pretend you are a member of the zoo staff just so you can arrange a close encounter with the zoo’s mascot, a yellow reticulated python named Lemondrop. At best, you will be found out because you have to keep looking at your badge to remember the name of staff from whom you stole the uniform. At worst, you get your close encounter with Lemondrop who turns out to like you so much, the python can’t help but take you into its burrow to give you a big hug.