The Knuckleheads Tour with Dan Antion #Newbook

 

Today I am very excited to welcome Dan Antion to Fiction Favorites. Dan is a blogging buddy with one of the most successful blogs, No Facilities. He also chairs the Thursday Door Prompt and has been very supportive of fellow writers and bloggers. His posts are always filled with fascinating photos and stories and are always worth a visit. Now Dan has taken his writing talent in a new direction. He has written three books and is in the process of launching the first. This is where I come in. I invited Dan to talk about the first titled Knuckleheads. I am just now reading it and can say it is entertaining. So here’s Dan to tell you all about it.

We are wrapping up the launch tour of Knuckleheads, my debut novel and the first book in the Dreamer’s Alliance series. I can’t think of a better place to end this tour than John Howell’s blog. I have been coming here for years; I read everything that John posts and I’ve never been disappointed.

Batting in the clean-up position, I asked John if there were any questions that I hadn’t already answered. Amazingly, there was one that shocked me:

“I think I would like to know what caused you to embark on writing novels. You have been an active blogger, and then you decided to sit down and write three books. These were done without a lot of fanfare, and I’m curious as to what was the trigger that made you write them?”

That’s a great question, John.

I have wanted to write a novel since I was in fifth grade. I even tried when I was in my twenties, but that’s a tragic story. Blogging gave me a chance to write and be seen/read. I started with a technical blog. I always included a small story in those posts. One day I realized other people liked those stories, and I liked writing them better than the technical stuff.

When I began blogging at No Facilities, I bounced around, but my goal was to become a better writer and to try writing something besides speeches, Annual Reports, the Company Brochure, and PowerPoint slides for myself and others to present.

I was still hoping to be able to write a longer story, but I simply couldn’t find the time while I was still employed. Cheryl Pennington encouraged me to use my Saturday bar post as a place to practice writing fiction. John may not remember this, but he encouraged me to work at writing better dialog. Suddenly, I found that I was having to inform and remind people that those posts are fiction – as is John Howell’s Bourbon.

The story that is Book 2 in the series was the story I wanted to tell. It was an idea that I had been toying with for years – a story about the power of thought – a topic in which I am interested. I retired in November 2019, and I started writing that story in February 2020.

While writing that novel, I reached a point where I was about to start including some of that fanfare you spoke of in my blog posts. Then I realized that there was a follow-up story – a sequel. That’s also when the backstory became important. When I was struggling with how to work the backstory into the book, Teagan Geneviene suggested writing it as a separate story. Suddenly, despite not knowing anything about writing one book, I had a trilogy in progress.

I’ll be honest. I backed away from the fanfare at that point because I wasn’t sure I could do this, and I had no idea how long it would take. People advised me not to publish any book in the series until they were all complete. That was good advice, but they weren’t all complete until early this spring.

I like the three stories I’ve written. Beta readers like the stories. I’m calling this the Dreamer’s Alliance series because there is at least one more story after that sequel. There also might be a story that precedes Knuckleheads – a bit of an origin story. Those are goals for 2023. Maybe I’ll offer some fanfare about those.

Thanks again for inviting me to spend some time at your place, John, and thanks for encouraging me and for sharing your name with David’s favorite bourbon.

Series Blurb

The Dreamer’s Alliance series chronicles the challenges and dangers faced by two men who have been gifted with paranormal abilities. From their struggles to understand and control these powers through their battle with the attempts of corrupt authorities to exploit them.

Knuckleheads Blurb

Zach and Billy didn’t ask for the paranormal powers that were beyond their capacity to understand or control. Zach, interacting with his lucid dreams, and Billy, “gifted “with shadowy glimpses of the future struggle to make sense of the world around them. Adults in authority in the nineteen sixties have no time for what they consider mental outliers of the baby boom. The boys are institutionalized, marginalized, and ignored.  Zach’s father learns of the challenges they face as children and knows the dangers they will face as adults. With no way to comprehend how these boys perceive and move within their world, he must find a way to guide them.

Knuckleheads Links

The universal purchase links are embedded in the text below, but if they don’t work, the URL is below each one.

Knuckleheads Kindle Edition

http://relinks.me/B0B2M42NLF

Knuckleheads Paperback

https://relinks.me/B0B2TK4VHT

Author page: https://www.amazon.com/Daniel-Antion/e/B0B2MZJKJP/

Author Bio

Dan Antion was born outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He grew up and attended college in the area around western Pennsylvania. Dan has written and published the popular No Facilities blog since 2011. A lifelong interest in writing became a reality after he retired from a successful 42-year-long career in information management.

Knuckleheads, published in June 2022, is the first book in the Dreamer’s Alliance Series. This story introduces the main characters in this series, which the next two books will follow in late summer and early winter 2022.

Dan lives in Connecticut with his wife, a few pets, and all the wildlife they can feed.

 

 

 

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 366 by Keith Channing.

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”

The photo.

A Walk by John W. Howell © 2022

“Look at the beautiful flowers.”

“I see them. Daisies are my favorite too.”

“I like them as well.”

“Why are we walking on this path, Mama?”

“We need to get some fresh air and look for a nice spot to rest.”

“What was wrong with our old spot?”

“Didn’t you hear all that noise?”

“Yes, but we have heard it before.”

“This was different. There were saws and big machines.”

“What does that mean, Mama?”

“That the world as we know it is changing.”

“Why does it change?”

“I don’t have a good answer. People call it progress.”

“But why did we leave, and are we going back?”

“We left my child, so you can grow up big and strong with fresh air and good food.”

“What about going back?”

“That is impossible, I’m afraid. Those saws and machines destroyed our forest, so we have nothing back there.”

“What about Papa?”

“He’s going to meet us at the new place.”

“That’s good to hear, Mama. How about my friends?”

“The herd decided to move as well. So all the does and fawns will be there too.”

“You mean it? That’s swell.”

“So it will be a new life for us all. Look, baby. There’s a butterfly.”

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a GYM (or Workout Club)

Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash

 

This post originally ran on August 1, 2016. Since I’m still going to the gym, I still see the same annoying things, so I think it will be helpful.

* * *

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a GYM (or Workout Club)

Having been a gym member for some years, I observed some annoying habits of other attendees. I want to dedicate this blog to y’all. (you know who you are)

10 If you are working out, do not leave the equipment covered in sweat. If you do, at best, you’ll earn the club gross-out award. At worst, you might have a discussion with Tiny, the club rules enforcer. (Tiny tends to talk with his fists, and you could be looking at an incoming knuckle sandwich.)

9 If you are working out, do not do your stretches in a way that blocks others’ use of a machine. If you do, at best, you may find yourself stopped at some point. At worst, a brave soul may only knock you out of the way and use the machine. (You would argue, but it looks like they outweigh you by 100 pounds, and they are wearing a WWF champion belt)

8 If you are working out, do not wear week-old workout clothes. If you do, at best, you’ll have plenty of workout space to yourself. At worst, the membership will take up a collection and present you with the “Sponsor a homeless person” check for twenty-five dollars. (Pretty embarrassing getting into your BMW after the ceremony, isn’t it.)

7 If you are working out, do not drop the bar of weights on the floor. If you do, at best, the population will take cover, thinking an earthquake is in progress. At worst, you happen to hit the floor weak spot, and you and the bar of weights wake up in the basement. (You have to wonder why no one seems to care that you are missing.)

6 If you are working out, do not sing along to the music in your earbuds. If you do, at best, the rest of the club will think you’ve lost your mind. At worst, Someone will call 911 thinking you are in excruciating pain and are in the throes of a heart attack. (You might as well go with the EMTs since they are trained to subdue crazies who resist.)

5 If you are working out, don’t brag about your weight loss. If you do, at best, those who might have considered being a friend are long gone. At worst, you will brag to the wrong person who has a medical condition coupled with psychotic episodes triggered by the word “loss.” (Running fast was never your strong suit, was it?)

4 If you are working out, do not flirt with the instructor. If you do, at best, the instructor will do their best to stay away from you. At worst, the instructor will think you may be the love of their life. (Only now do you find out the instructor is on a work-release program after an episode with a former student.)

3 If you are working out, do not try to hoard as many clean towels as you can fit in your locker. If you do, at best, others will know and treat you like a thief. At worst, security will pay you a visit just as you open your towel-stuffed locker. (Talking fast doesn’t seem to help, does it?)

2 If you are working out, do not make grunting noises as you do your reps. If you do, at best, the room will think you’re obsessed. At worst, the management will send Tiny to discuss proper decorum in the gym. (It seems many folks thought your grunts were a little too personal.)

1 If you are working out, do not make a habit of filling up more than one water bottle at the fountain. If you do, at best, the long line will consist of those who have come to hate you. At worst, the tall guy behind you will cease to be able to control his desire to act on an urge to drown you in the very same fountain. (Wow! “Where did that come from?” You ask.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Folds of Honor Fundraiser

An event was held last week in support of Folds of Honor. Due to the magic of time travel, we can go back and check it out. We will be having lunch at Cross Water Yacht Club, the event’s sponsor. Folds of Honor is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that provides educational scholarships to the spouses and children of military members who have fallen or been disabled while serving in the United States Armed Forces. Our entertainment will be Toby Keith.

Menu

Fish & Chips, cole slaw, beans, and a drink.

Picture of an old time school bus

So jump on the old bus, and let’s get going.

Here we are, and it is a beautiful day. Here is the logo for the organization. The folded flag is the symbol of the sacrifice of those men and women in the military.

A dry-erase board lets us know we are in the right place.

Here is the central cook spot for fries and fish.

The serving tent. So, help yourself when you are ready.

A shot of the Yacht club over a photo of those free to celebrate.

Another photo of the club.

One shot of the venue, which was on a hill overlooking the club.

I hope you enjoyed our trip today. Now sit back and relax and enjoy Toby Keith.

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Product/Produce

A picture of a string with drops of water- the logo for SoCS

 

Ah yes, Saturday morning. Birds are chirping, and there is a right feeling about the world. It is a little too warm, but the sky is bright blue without a trace of a cloud, marring the sense of serenity. The mood machine is ready to dispense the calming fluid, and it looks like a relaxing day ahead.

The sound of a  far away and tight whistle coming from what seems to be the stratosphere reaches my ears. The tone is getting louder and more distinct. Moving to the patio allows me to witness a shadow growing from the size of a sugar cube. The whistle gets louder and the shadow bigger. The brain finally puts it all together. It appears that another delivery from the sky is about to impact the backyard turf.

Making a move under the porch cover happens with an almost simultaneous explosion of dirt, turf, and pieces of wood. Thank heavens the coffee was covered with my hand before the sunami of debris. Once settled, a cautious walk to the crater is rewarded with the sight of an animal in a skydiving outfit that looks precisely like Daffy Duck. “Suffering succotash. They should have told me to let go of the box.”

“Are you hurt?” is my reply. Daffy leads me to believe he is not hurt but a little disappointed in the instructions given by the ACME air freight company. He also gestures to the mess in the hole and shakes his head. “I’m afraid your product is a total loss,” he says.

Peering over the edge, it is hard to make out the nature of the product, so there is no alternative but to ask, “What’s the product?”

“Produce,” comes the reply. “Cumquats specifically.”

Not having ordered the cumquats, there follows a series of questions regarding where they were from and if the address is correct on the delivery. By this time, Daffy is near the end of his patience. He hands me an envelope and asks if the name on the front is mine. Confirming it is causes him to jump out of the hole. He raises his hand, grabs a bar suspended by a rope from a helicopter, and is plucked away.

Thoughts about who will pay to have the yard fixed run through my mind as I open the envelope. Sure enough, the sender is Linda Hill, and here is what the message says.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “product/produce.” Use one, use them both, use them any way you’d like. Bonus points if you use both. Have fun!

If you want fun, visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here’s the link.

https://lindaghill.com/2022/06/24/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-25-2022/

Product/Produce by John W. Howell © 2022

“Another character.”

“Yup.”

“Who is going to fix the yard.”

“That is a product of my imagination. There was no delivery.”

“No, produce?”

“Nope.”

“Why do you put us through this then.”

“Gotta introduce the prompt.”

“But you could just say what it is.”

“There’s no fun in that.”

“I’m not sure falling boxes are fun either.”

“To each his own. Maybe I could have a falling beer keg.”

“Now that is worth doing. Dangerous, though.”

“The weight you mean?”

“No, getting the beer too agitated.”

“Good point.”

“Speaking of?”

“Your turn to buy.”

“Easy peasy. I’ll produce my card and charge the product.”

“Let’s leave it alone now.”

“You driving?”

“Yup.”

“Let’s call Über. I think this may be a long barley pop session.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay/Good News

Once again, today’s story comes from the Good News Network. Here it is in its entirety.

Stray Dog Becomes a Fierce Crossing Guard for These Children Every Day – WATCH

Instagram/@lovelykupata

A stray dog in the country of Georgia has appointed himself as the local crossing guard for young children crossing a busy intersection.

Every morning, he strongly discourages drivers from encroaching upon the crosswalk by barking wildly at them until the kids, who cross hand-to-hand with their teacher, have made it across.

“He’s a very serious boy. He never goes to other streets,” said Tamta, who is part of the community that takes care of Kupata, the dog. Kupata, by the way, is Georgian for ‘sausage.’

According to ecstatic YouTube commenters, this particular ‘sausage’ is an Australian shepherd—it’s his breed that may have given him his instincts to go running up and down beside the little boys and girls he cares for.

Tamta explained that her friend Beqa videotaped Kupata’s work in order to help show that stray dogs are not as dangerous as old customs would have people believe.

“Kupata is the lucky one because we all take care of him, but there are other dogs that aren’t lucky—that don’t have shelter, they don’t have food,” explains Tamta. “This is a problem in our country.”

Hopefully, footage like this one will help others to see strays differently.

(WATCH the video for this story below.)

The good news in this report is that even stray dogs continue to serve humans and deserve a break. Today’s JohnKu talks about helping animals without a home. I hope you have a fabulous weekend.

Strays by John W. Howell © 2022

There is no such thing,

As a useless stray doggie . . .

Homeless is the word.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy and Lucy vs the Weather

“Well, little one. What do you think?”

“Whew, it is pretty hot.”

“But it is only going to get worse later.”

“I know, but that ole A/C feels pretty good.”

“Come on, let’s check out the patio.”

“You’ve got to be kidding. That place will be even hotter.”

“Yeah, I see what you mean.”

“Who turned on the blowtorch?”

“Maybe if the umbrella was open, it would be okay.”

“I’m in the shade, and it doesn’t seem much cooler.”

“Which reminds me to get off this hot concrete. I will start doing the hot foot tango in a minute.”

“If I touch my nose to the patio, it doesn’t seem that hot.”

“Yeah, it is much nicer here. ”

“You are right about the hot foot situation.”

“I don’t think the patio is going to work today.”

“Even these limestone pavers seem hot.”

“I’m going to go and smell the flowers.”

“I think you are smart. But, why do you remind me of Ferdinand the bull?”

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s my gentle nature.”

“That must be it. A big thing smelling flowers has nothing to do with it.”

“I think it is going to be an inside day today. Supposed to get to 100 F degrees. That’s over 37 C degrees for our metric friends.

“I kinda like the Celcius scale. It seems so much cooler.”

“I sure hate to miss a day of playing outside.”

“Yeah, but think of the idea of no-fault napping.”

“Excellent point.”

“Mmmm, this air feels good.”

“Excuse me, ladies. Could we either go in or out? I don’t think we need to air-condition the whole block.

“Yes, dad. We are coming in.”

A Voice in the Silence by DL FIinn. #newbook

Please join me in Welcoming an old friend and Story Empire fellow member D. L. Finn. She has a new paranormal adventure and she wants to tell you about it. So without further delay here is Denise.

Thank you for having me visit your blog today, John, to celebrate the release of A Voice in the Silence.

Drea finds herself with new pets. I based them on pets I’ve had and talked about the cats and dogs that inspired the characters in the book in other blogs. I’ve also had pet rats. The first one was just called Rat. He loved our dog and cat, who returned his affection. The three of them would take naps together, and sometimes we’d let them all sleep together in the garage. It was a truly amazing relationship between dog, cat, and rat.

After losing Rat, later when we moved to the mountains, we got another pet rat, named Rocky. He loved bananas just like Ben does in the story. I pictured him every time I wrote about Ben, who had to communicate differently than the dog or cat. It was Ben’s relationship with the cat, Jane, where I weaved in that past relationship between dog, cat, and rat. I focused on Jane and Ben in the story, but all of them bonded in a way that I had only seen once in my lifetime.

Here is an interesting rat fact: when Ben would show his emotion with blood-red tears, it wasn’t blood. There is a Harderian gland behind a rat’s eyes that secretes a reddish-brown substance called phophyrin when they are stressed.

Fun Finn Facts

  1. Where I live our part of the forest is protected by fairies. No serial killers are allowed.
  2. I usually picture my own house or a place I’ve been for a setting.

Blurb

Drea Burr has experienced more than her share of loss when a stray dog, cat, and rat enter her life. Although the animals start to mend her broken heart, there is something very unusual about them. During a snowstorm, Drea discovers a chilling set of footprints leading to her front window. Both the police and a ghostly messenger warn her about a killer stalking widows. Help comes from her late husband’s best friend, Adam Hale. As the two try to discover answers, more questions arise— about a killer, ghosts, and animals experimented on in a lab.

Can Drea and Adam survive the threats coming from so many directions and save themselves and the animals they’ve grown to love? Or will more tragedy destroy her second chance at happiness? Find out in this thrilling, cozy paranormal adventure.

Excerpt

A slight breeze wove through the pine trees, making them sway to nature’s song, but Drea and the dog didn’t join in the flowing movement. Instead, they maintained a tense pose, as if studying each other from a safe distance.

Drea made the first slow movement of setting her newspaper down. “Are you lost?”

The beautiful brown eyes pulled her in. It was like they could peer into her soul. There was no threat or fear in those eyes as the fluffy dog sat down. Encouraged, Drea stepped back into the garage and grabbed the pink leash and collar still hanging on the wall. The dog watched her every move with a slow tail wag.

A can of dog food she hadn’t donated to the shelter yet caught her eye. “Hungry?”

It wagged its tail harder.

She opened the can and shook the smelly chunks onto a white paper plate she kept under the cans. Holding the offering, she moved cautiously to the dog. Using a soft tone and a smile, she kept moving forward. “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you.”

The dog blinked and nodded as if it understood her. The sun fully abandoned the sky, leaving behind the encroaching darkness lit by a half moon. But the sadness that had weighed her down seeped out into the night with each step she took toward the pup. She wished she’d brought a flashlight, but the evening offered its remaining luminescence. Soon she was within a foot of the dog. The posture and build indicated a golden retriever mix like her Lady, but this was a male, and he was beautiful.

“I don’t recognize you. I know all the neighbor’s dogs. You have a home?”

The dog blinked and shook his head as her feet crunched through the dry pine needles. The sound reminded her of when Robbie would place bubble wrap on the ground and gleefully jump on it. She would clean them up—tomorrow. As she got closer, the dog’s condition was more apparent. He hadn’t eaten in a while.

“Here, this used to be Lady’s food. I lost her a little while ago.”

He licked his snout as though he understood. Smart dog.

“No collar. Maybe you have a chip.”

She set the food down and backed away. He lunged toward the plate and wiped it clean in seconds, then sat down, licking his chops. She inched her way toward him. Each step toward the mutt brought him closer to her heart, which was beating like she’d run a marathon. She slowly reached out and rubbed his fur. The dog didn’t flinch. In fact, a small sigh escaped him. Drea gently searched for injuries. Other than a small gash on his neck, he appeared healthy and wasn’t afraid.

“You must have someone who loves you. What happened?”

She wished the dog could answer.

Amazon Purchase Link US
Amazon Purchase Link UK

Author Bio

D. L. Finn is an independent California local who encourages everyone to embrace their inner child. She was born and raised in the foggy Bay Area, but in 1990 she relocated with her husband, kids, dogs, and cats to Nevada City, in the Sierra foothills. She immersed herself in reading all types of books but especially loved romance, horror, and fantasy. She always treasured creating her own reality on paper. Finally, surrounded by towering pines, oaks, and cedars, her creativity was nurtured until it bloomed. Her creations include adult fiction, poetry, a unique autobiography, and children’s books. She continues on her adventure with an open invitation to all readers to join her.

D.L. Finn Links:

Twitter

Facebook

Instagram

Pinterest

D.L. Finn blog

Author Amazon Page</

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 365 by Keith Channing

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”

The photo.

Help Me. By John W. Howell © 2022

“Sir?”

“Huh? You talking to me.”

“Please hold your voice down, sir.”

“What seems to be the trouble?”

“I’m afraid to move.”

“Why?”

“Why you ask? See those pigeons?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Shush, sir. I’m afraid they are going to eat me.”

“That’s nonsense. Just shoo them away.”

“I tried that.”

“And?”

“They started growling.”

“Growling? Birds don’t growl.”

“I know. That’s when I got concerned.”

“So, how can I help you?”

“You see, I have some grain here that I thought I could give them.”

“Yes, I see. So why not do that?”

“I tried. Their leader told me the grain wouldn’t do.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“I know. He then asked if I was packing a cheeseburger.”

“Cheeseburger? How did he know about cheeseburgers?”

“I have a theory.”

“Tell me.”

“These aren’t pigeons.”

“What are they?”

“Wolves in pigeon clothing.”

“Still doesn’t explain the cheeseburgers.”

“Maybe they watch a lot of TV.”

“Scary thought.”

“You going to help me?”

“Not sure how.”

“Call Über Eats and get some cheeseburgers here fast.”

“Actually sounds good right now.”

“Keep your voice low  when you order I don’t want to start a stampede.”

“I think only cows do that.”

“But who’s to know about wolves in pigeon clothing?”

“Yes especially if they have cheeseburger knowledge. I’m calling.

“Bless you, sir.”

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do in a Fast Food Drive Through

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Top Ten Things Not to Do in a Fast Food Drive Through

10 If you are going to a drive-through, do not ask the order taker for a dining recommendation. If you do, at best, you’ll get a repeat of the “how can I help you?” At worst, the order person will tell you to eat somewhere else. (Didn’t expect that did you? You better take the advice so you can be assured your drinks are 99% spit free.)

9 If you are going to a drive-through, do not ask for a description of the special of the day. If you do, at best, there is no special. At worst, the order person will believe you are mocking their position and will get even. (Do not lift that lid on the soft drink; just throw it away.)

8 If you are going to a drive-through, do not tell the order taker that this is a to-go order. At best, you won’t hear the comment since the mic is turned off. At worst, you’ll have to sit and listen to the laughter of the entire order crew and patrons as the order taker broadcasts “THIS IS A TO-GO ORDER” over the loudspeaker. (What were you thinking? DRIVE THROUGH. Duh?)

7 If you are going to a drive-through, do not ask for special handling of your sandwich. If you do, At best, you’ll be asked to pull over. At worst, you will sit in the penalty box in the hot sun until the staff finally remembers you are there. (Your special handling request is forgotten as well.)

6 If you are going to a drive-through, do not joke about a wine pairing. If you do, at best, you’ll confuse the order taker and take more time. At worst, the order taker will seek out a manager to find the answer. (The manager’s name is Tiny, and this is the fourteenth-hour Tiny has been at work. Tiny was also the Class A high school wrestling champ in the state and had to relinquish the title because of anger issues. Bon appetite.)

5 If you are going to a drive-through, do not change your order. If you do, at best, you will get both. At worst, you will get the order of the car behind you, which bears no resemblance to what you wanted. (You have to wonder how a burger that big can fit into a mouth.)

4 If you are going to a drive-through, don’t forget to check your order. If you do forget, at best, the only thing missing is a straw. At worst, that deep-fried chicken sandwich you didn’t order triggers your cholesterol and blood pressure to new levels. (“So how did we come to eat that thing?” is the question asked by your doctor. Regrettably, you try to blame the drive-through.)

3 If you are going to a drive-through, do not try to stock your condiment supply with a request for extra. If you do, at best, you’ll get one more catsup, and that’s all. At worst, you will get too many catsups and not enough mustard and mayonnaise. (The charge for all of this will be on your credit card bill, which will be way too much.)

2 If you are going to a drive-through, do not answer “yes” to any questions regarding quantity. If you do, at best, you will spend more and eat more. At worst, the three-week exercise program that had you feeling good will now need a reset. (How can something that only weighs twelve ounces put three pounds on your frame?)

1 If you are going to a drive-through, don’t wait until you get to the order spot to decide you are a vegan. If you do, at best, there will be nothing on the menu for you. At worst, the cars behind you will raise an uproar as you search for an acceptable item. (That police officer heading toward you is responding to the manager who finally gave up asking you for your order.)