“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”
Originally posted on April 13, 2015, when a new provider was needed. However, I think these might still be useful.
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Top Ten Things Not to Do When Changing Internet, Phone, or TV Providers
10 If you are changing providers, do not expect anything to work that day. If you do, at best, you will be frustrated. At worst, you will need someone handy to apply some electroshock to bring you back. (This technology should not be so difficult.)
9 If you are changing providers, do not let them touch anything until verifying the price. If you do, at best, the price will be the same as agreed. At worst, some clod in the sales department quoted you a price on just half the equipment, and now the COD charge is twice the quote. (and your other provider has already disconnected your service.)
8 If you are changing providers, do not let the tech leave until you try everything. If you do, at best, there will be no batteries in the remotes. At worst, your internet and TV resemble something driven by a captured mouse on a wheel that hasn’t had a square meal in weeks. (Maybe Edison put this stuff together.)
7 If you are changing providers, do not let them come to the house until they have confirmed your old phone number will be ready to hook up. If you do, at best, you will be given a temporary number until your old number is available. At worst, the old number will not be available for a few weeks, and in the meantime, your number is one digit off from an all-night at-home massage service. (The company’s name is Happy Ending, which should tell you something.)
6 If you are changing providers, do not think all your precious recordings on the old DVR will stay with you. If you do, at best, you will be surprised. At worst, you will sadly realize those episodes of NCIS that you were going to watch over the summer no longer exist, and you will have no idea how the season and the series end. (Sure, you could subscribe to a streaming service if your credit score exceeds 25.)
5 If you are changing providers, pay no attention when the tech says, “Oh-oh, that’s not good.” If you do, at best, you will lose confidence in getting service quickly. At worst, you will be drawn into a conflict between the tech and his home office over whether or not you are in the TV service area. (It makes you feel like you live on an island.)
4 If you are changing providers, do not plan on getting anything else done that day. If you do, at best, you will be hard-pressed to cancel plans. At worst, you will have planned an important meeting that was to take place in the afternoon but since the tech is still working you have a decision between getting TV, Internet and phone service or keeping your job. (Not much of a choice. Take the entertainment.)
3 If you are changing providers, do not suggest to the tech that there might be a better way to install something. If you do, at best, the tech will ignore you. At worst, the tech will follow your direction, and because you were not clear, you now have a significant hole in the wall between your living and dining room and a not-so-attractive black cable running across the floor. (be careful and don’t trip on that thing.)
2 If you are changing providers, do not plan on downloading those large files from work. If you do, at best, your temporary download speed will mean the job will be finished sometime in June. At worst, the sensitive Federal documents and files you are attempting to download show up on your neighbor’s computer. (Sadly, your neighbor works for WiKi-leaks, and now a Homeland Security SWAT team is pounding on your front door.)
1 If you are changing providers, do not plan on using the equipment for at least three days and twenty-four hours on the cell phone with the customer and technical support. If you do, at best, you will be wondering why you are participating in this particular hell. At worst, we will be watching the late news seeing you on top of the provider’s customer care center blinded by bright searchlights and being ordered not to jump. (or even worse, to put the automatic weapon down)
The new playscape is designed for kids ages 2 to 12. It features three-shade cloth-covered climbing towers, a hover net, pre-cast concrete logs, boulders and a bison rock, multi-generational swings, a ten-spin merry-go-round, and musical instruments.
Today’s excursion is to Lakeway Park for the Grand Re-opening of the playscape. The playscape has undergone some renovations and upgrades, and now it’s time to participate in the celebration. Today’s brunch is catered by Jack Allen’s Kitchen in Austin. Our entertainment is Little Big Town.
BRUNCH MENU BRUNCH CLASSICS
Pomegranate Sangria
Fresh Squeezed Screwdriver
House Bloody Mary
Fresh Squeezed Greyhound
Mimosa
Harvey Wallbanger – Vodka, Galliano, fresh OJ
Don Francisco Coffee – Iced espresso cold brew, Licor 43
Bloody Local – Pepper & chile-infused local vodka, house bloody mix
JAK ORIGINALS
Chicken & Biscuits – Crispy fried chicken breast, buttermilk biscuit, green chile gravy, smashed breakfast potatoes. Add egg in any style.
Some mornings the wait for the 10 oz cup of salvation can be agonizing. It may be a matter of not sleeping well or too late to hit the rack. Whatever the reason, standing like a monk with a begging bowl, bed hair shadow casting, blinking sand-filled eyes is not a good look.
Eventually, the steaming brew is brought full measure, and only the heat keeps it from being consumed like a beer bong on spring break. It arrives just as the end of the emotional rope is metaphorically reached. With shaking hands, the libation is raised to the lips, and a small sip is accompanied by an imaginary Young Frankenstein-like yell of “It’s alive.”
Brain finally engaged, it is time to turn to the business of the day. It is Saturday, after all, and by tradition, something mystifying will be found in the yard. Checking the Ring doorbell camera brings a satisfying all, clear in the scope of vision.
Then a sound like the TV has been left on reaches my ear. Looking into the backyard, a bright yellow cartoon canary is sitting on the fence. Opening the rear door, “I tot I saw a puddy tat,” message is clearly understood. Yes, it is true Tweety Bird is sitting on my fence. If so, Sylvester can’t be far away.
A tap on my shoulder sends me and my coffee into a ten-foot altitude record. Carefully positioning my cup captures most of the live-giving fluid as we hit the ground. “Excuthse me, sir, but I have a messssthage from Linda Hill.”
Having never met Sylvester before, the fact that he is six feet tall was totally unappreciated by me. He handed me a piece of wet paper, and he and Tweety disappeared.
The message reads: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “rope.” Use it as a noun or a verb. Have fun!
Today’s story comes from the Good News Network. Here it is in its entirety.
Strangers are Leaving Strollers, Diapers, and Toys at the Border for Ukrainian Refugee Moms
Photo courtesy of GMA
An image recently shared around social media of empty strollers on a Polish rail border crossing has inspired a mountain of donations for Ukrainian refugees.
Now at Przemyśl Station, women, children, and infants fleeing the war are being greeted by mountains of clothes, stuffed animals, strollers, diapers, and more after they step off the train.
ABC reports that the number of spare carriers and strollers from Polish mothers have been particularly inspiring, with many donators leaving handwritten notes behind, with words of support.
“We see on the television and hear on the radio what happened, and we say ‘okay, we can help,’” one Polish mother and volunteer told ABC.
The effort has become more organized over the weeks, which CNN details has spread like wildfire, mostly by word of mouth. The Medyka border crossing from Ukraine involves taking a train to Przemyśl Station, which has become the center of the relief effort.
The rooms of the train station are now being transformed from waiting rooms into warehouses for food, diapers, and clothes.
Beyond the station, people from across Europe have been seen waiting in cars offering to drive incoming refugees to wherever they have relations or a place to stay.
here is the Good Morning America video with the story.
Today’s JohnKu talks about overshadowing evil actions with good works. I hope you have a super weekend.
I am pleased to welcome Lisa Burton to my blog. Many of you remember Lisa as a character in Craig Boyack’s books, but she is also his Personal Assistant and Spokes Model. Lisa is here to tell us about Craig’s latest in The Hat series. This will be the fifth book in the series, and I can tell you I have enjoyed the others so much that I can’t wait to get into this one.
So without any more blabber from me, here is Lisa.
I’m so excited to be here, John. It’s been hard getting away from the writing cabin for the last couple of years. At least when Craig publishes something, I get to go on tour, and it means a lot when people let me visit.
The newest book is called Good Liniment. There’s a little background to it, dating back to the first book in the series called, The Hat. The hat is a creature from another dimension who was brought here by witchcraft, then bound to help a specific bloodline for as long as it lasts. Lizzie St. Laurent is the most recent member of that bloodline.
Lizzie’s a regular girl. She’s a college dropout, working multiple jobs to make ends meet, and also plays in a small cover band on the weekends. Her symbiotic relationship with the hat allows her to play the upright bass, but they also hunt monsters after hours.
We live in an era of immediate communications, social media, phone cameras, and conspiracy theories. In the series, observations of Lizzie’s night work have led to the creation of a monster called Hellpox. Hellpox isn’t real, he’s based upon what people interpreted from Lizzie’s actions. It’s kind of fun how they couldn’t be more wrong, because Lizzie is a cute girl.
Craig always intended to return to witchcraft in the series, and now it’s time. Good Liniment expands the magical world in this series, and it glances off a bunch of new characters that could appear in future stories.
I have a wonderful new poster that reflects a scene in the book. It involves the urban legend of Hellpox and this graffiti appears at a perfect time to torment Lizzie. The hat kind of likes the whole legend, because he thinks it helps them hide who she really is. Plus, I got to pose as a cute painter girl, and that was fun.
This one is chock-full of fun things. There are pop-culture references to talk radio, a comic book convention, magical creatures, witchcraft, and a strange tavern called Good Liniment. I hope you’ll check it out.
Oh, Craig always makes me remind people that while this is a series, it’s designed so you can read them as stand-alone stories. If Good Liniment is your first exposure to Lizzie and the hat, you won’t feel lost at all. Hope that’s reflected on my performance review.
Blurb
Someone is murdering members of the local witches coven. They turn to Lizzie and the hat for their unique skills that might help eliminate the killers.
A religious zealot might be a monster, but is still a human being. This task isn’t the same as staking vampires or shooting zombies. It isn’t the usual project Lizzie takes on for her night work.
This all takes place during a recovery period for Lizzie. She needs to keep her cover band together and find a new way of getting them gigs. More bands and less venues are making finances tight. The hat didn’t make things easier during her absence, by spreading rumors about why she took her sabbatical.
Someone killing others over a point of view insults Lizzie’s sensibilities. She has secrets to keep. Her employers have secrets, too. It doesn’t make for a comfortable working environment, but she agrees to do what she can.
Convincing her strong willed employers to stay indoors during all this poses another problem. Can she keep them alive long enough to finish her task?
Good Liniment is full of magic, magical creatures, and an entire underground community living amongst us.
The Hat Series consists of short novels that can be read in a single afternoon. They’re full of snarky dark humor and can be easily read out of order.
“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”
“Beats me, Trevor. Normally it’s a matter of opening the can and plopping the stuff into the bowl.”
“I don’t think trying to do something special is the case.”
“No, that would be on a birthday. We are not having any birthdays.”
“Maybe the can opener is busted.”
“Please don’t say that. Knowing these two, if that were the case, we would all starve.”
“I can’t think of another reason.”
“We should offer to help.”
“Yeah, how’s that going to work? A couple of barks, and we’ll find ourselves outside.”
“I guess you’re right. Plus, I don’t know a thing about can openers.”
“Me either. Did you notice one thing?”
“What?”
“There is only one bowl.”
“Whoa. You’re right. Where’s the other one?”
“You and I have been sitting here the whole time. Did you see another bowl?”
“No. Now I’m really worried.”
“What does a missing bowl mean?”
“That we have to eat out of the same one.”
“Ew. I can’t do that.”
“That makes two of us.”
“So if one is missing, that means one of us doesn’t get fed.”
“Hey, wait a minute. That better not be me.”
“Oh yeah, what if it is you?”
“I’ll just have to relieve you of yours.”
“You and what army, punk?”
“Who you calling a punk, you overfed hound.”
“Calling me fat? You take that back.”
“Not in a hundred years.”
“Well, here we are, children. Sorry about the delay, but I wanted to make sure the bowls were given a nice shine today. So let’s all go outside and have a lovely dinner. Shall we?”
This list was published on March 23, 2015, as helpful suggestions if a trip there is planned for spring break. Since this is the last week of spring break, I thought it might come in handy.
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Top Ten Things Not to Do if You are Going to Disneyland or Disney World
10 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not tell the kids until you are there. If you do, at best, you will get there after what seems like an eternity. At worst, your fight has a detour to Fargo, North Dakota, because of the weather, and the snow will melt in ten days. (The kids will ask every three minutes when you are leaving. That’s only 4,800 asks.)
9 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not try to navigate the park without a guide-book. If you do, at best, a three-day visit will seem like three years of waiting. At worst, you and all the other uninformed visitors will be arriving at the same rides simultaneously only to all decide to go to a different ride at the same time and so on until you realize you haven’t ridden one ride in eight hours. (You sure have made a lot of friends, though)
8 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not think the weather will be the same in the afternoon as it is in the morning. If you do, at best, there will be a little rain you didn’t expect. At worse, you may get caught in a monsoon-like downpour or a North Pole-like cold snap, which will also be the perfect growing conduit for the flu virus you picked up on the airplane. ( No gin does not kill the flu virus.)
7 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not let your kids talk you into allowing a friend to come along. If you do, at best, they will all get along and only cost an additional five hundred dollars. At worst, after the first day, the friend is no longer speaking to your kids and insists they want to go home. ( They informed their parents you are holding them against their will. The state police and FBI are very understanding on these kinds of situations)
6 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not think the breakfast with the characters is going to be anything but a trial. If you do, at best, you will be dismayed at the lack of non-screaming picture-taking opportunities. At worst, your child will be the one who is afraid of a giant Mickey Mouse and makes a scene that is so traumatic you hear people talking about the reaction for three days. (Luckily, your child looks completely different when not screaming bloody murder)
5 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not think the cost of eating in the park will be reasonable. If you do, at best, you will discover the three meals you are used to will need to be trimmed to one and a half. At worst, you will have dinner the first night you are there and then will spend your time at the front gate with a cardboard sign that reads “Will write for food.” (Sadly, you are accompanied by 100 other parents doing the same thing)
4 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not try to make the actors break out of character. If you do, at best, you will simply be annoying for the kids. At worst, you may encounter a character like Jim Fink, king of the river, who will take great pleasure staying in character with a knuckle sandwich to your nose. (That came fast, didn’t it?)
3 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to join the main street parade just because it looks all-American and you had one too many pops at dinner. If you do, at best, you will be sleeping in the car tonight. At worst, the parade, unfortunately, came to an abrupt end for you with fingerprinting and a drafty cell.(At least no one died as a result of your prank.)
2 If you go to Walt’s place, you cannot think the rides are for adults only. If you do, at best, your children will think you don’t know how to share. At worst, you will need to have a time out while your partner explains the purpose of going to Disneyland in the first place. (Of course, the session is in full view of the park visitors)
1 If you are going to Walt’s place do not forget the idea is to have fun. If you do, at best your family will have less of a good time. At worst, you will find your family has made up a little game of hide and seek, and you are it. After you count to one hundred, they have all disappeared, and the next time you talk to them is at the hotel through a locked door. (Fooled you they did.)
I’m also at Story Empire today talking about dialogue and gestures. Here’s the link if you would like to visit
