Ten Things to Pass Up Even if on Discount

September 14, 2015September 13, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 35 Comments

This list is inspired by watching some of the funny things people buy solely because they are being offered at a discounted price. I’ve taken the list to extremes (which I’m sure you have come to understand to by now) but the spirit still lives.

Top Ten Things to Pass Up Even if on Discount

10 Even on discount do not purchase cut-rate bungee jumping lessons. If you do, at best you will only be scared poopless. At worst, your family will be wondering what you were thinking as they hold a memorial for your three-foot tall body. (Not to mention that you are six feet wide as well)

9 Even on discount do not purchase cut-rate meat. If you do, at best you will only miss a couple of days work. At worst, you will be one of morbidity statistics as the USDA issues a countrywide recall of the E-coli tainted horse meat. (It tasted good going in right?)

8 Even at a discount do not buy a truckload of cut-rate toilet tissue. If you do, at best you will spend more on storage than the original price. At worst, you will be selected for the Dr. Phil TV show segment “Am I full of it since I can’t stop myself from feeling like I need more toilet tissue.” (You’ve noticed how thin the paper is and have taken appropriate action right?)

7 Even at a discount do not buy that cut-rate hair restorative product. If you do, at best you will need to explain your new Day-Glo orange color to the boss. At worst, you will be going through the day answering to the name Uncle Fester and fielding the cue ball and reflecting head jokes. ( You always thought Yul Brenner was cool looking right?)

6 Even at a discount do not buy that cut-rate wrinkle injection. If you do, at best you might resemble Donald Duck for a few months. At worst, you read about your doctor being accused by the FDA of using industrial silicone for some procedures, and now you know why you haven’t been able to feel your cheeks. (You do look good, though.)

5 Even at a discount do not buy that cut-rate parachute for skydiving. If you do, at best you could experience the thrill of trying to slow down with a tattered canopy. At worst, you will make a lasting impression in the field as you land without the benefit of an active drag creating device. (Looking as if you did it on purpose doesn’t help the bystanders forget.)

4 Even at a discount do not buy that cut-rate beer. If you do, at best you will have all the taste and satisfaction of drinking carbonated defrost. At worst, you will realize your mistake as you read the label and see that the product is 99% salmonella free. (You only saw that after six bottles right?)

3 Even at a discount do not buy cut-rate gold. If you do, at best you won’t notice until the day your neck and finger turn green. At worst, you will realize that you have paid the highest amount of money for least amount of gold, and you thought a pound would be a good buy. (you now have an attractive doorstop. Don’t get it wet.)

2 Even at a discount do not buy cut-rate fruit. If you do, at best you will have enough left after you cull the spoiled to make one salad. At worst, the USDA you may call to ask you to donate your generations of fruit flies to genetic research. (And you thought those spots in front of your eyes were as a result of too little sleep.)

1 Even at a discount do not buy a cut-rate used car. If you do, at best you will understand the phrase “Get a horse.”At worst, you might be called by your homeowner association to move what they interpret as a mobile home for stray animals out of your driveway. (Seemed like a good idea at the time to leave the windows down to circulate fresh air since the thing wouldn’t run right?)

Sunday – Fifty-Two Views of the Gulf

September 13, 2015September 12, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

As you can see we have been getting some rain. I was listening to the weatherman last night and he declared this was the 24th wettest year in 128 years. I’m not too sure how relevant that sound bite is, but I believe we have gotten a lot of rain this year. Those are sun rays breaking through the clouds and it isn’t raining when I took this photo. It looks like it is, though. The temperature is in the 70’s which is a result of a cold front. (don’t laugh). No that is not a sea creature by the water on the right. It is a plastic box that washed up.

Last week’s photo.

Three Days Three Quotes Challenge -Day Three

September 12, 2015September 10, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 15 Comments

Charles Yallowitz of Legends of Windemere Fame picked me to play the Three Days, Three Quotes Challenge. I want to thank him for thinking of me.

Rules:

–Post one quote a day for three days (from others or your own).
–Nominate three other bloggers to participate per post.

Thank the blogger

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Temp”

September 12, 2015September 11, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This week’s prompt is “temp” and Nurse Linda says we can use it anyway we want. If you would like to join in go to Linda Hill’s site and find out how. http://lindaghill.com/2015/09/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-1215/

“So where do I put my things?”

“Excuse me but are you sure you have the right place?”

“Yeah. I’m the temp for Sally Sacrose.”

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t know Sally was not in today.”

“Yeah, seems she is sick or something.”

“Sick? I just saw her yesterday was fine.”

“Well she‘s not fine today. I got a call that I was to fill in for the rest of the week.”

“I can’t believe it. I wonder why she didn’t call me?”

“You her boss?”

“No. I’m her friend.”

“Oh. Figures.”

“What do you mean figures?”

“You are all bent cause she didn’t call you.”

“It is strange.”

“Maybe she can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“Call. Maybe she is hurt.”

“Oh my gosh. I better call her.”

“So where do I put my things?”

“In the break room is a cubby. You can put your stuff in there. Excuse me the phone is ringing.”

“Fine. I’ll go find it myself.”

“Oh my gosh Sally are you okay? I was so worried. You didn’t call me. Yes the temp is here. You’re kidding. No I can’t believe it. Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe you should go to the hospital. You sure? Okay I’ll let the boss know. Call me later okay? Good. Bye now.”

“How’s Sally?”

“Not that you would care she’s fine no thanks to you.”

“Aw come on. I just tapped her is all.”

“You hit her. Why?”

“I needed the work. It was the only way I could find a temp position. I had to make sure there was an opening.”

“So you hit Sally to take her out?”

“Well it was better than trying to give her the flu.”

“I can’t believe this. I’m going to the boss and report you.”

“Sure you are. Won’t do any good.”

“What do you mean won’t do any good.”

“The boss works for my dad. My dad will tell him to ignore it.”

“We’ll see.”

“Nice knowing you. Good luck on your next job.”

Three Days Three Quotes Challenge -Day Two

September 11, 2015September 10, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 6 Comments

Charles Yallowitz of Legends of Windemere Fame picked me to play the Three Days, Three Quotes Challenge. I want to thank him for thinking of me.

Rules:

–Post one quote a day for three days (from others or your own).
–Nominate three other bloggers to participate per post.

Thank the blogger

Friday JohnKu Tribute to Nine-One-One

September 11, 2015September 10, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 28 Comments

Today is one of those, “Where were you when?” days. September 11th for all those born after 2001 is a day that may or may not have some significance. For the rest of us who were alive and old enough to understand, today marks an anniversary of an unprovoked attack on our and the world citizens. The images of that day are clear to me, and my wish is never to witness a similar day again. I still feel for the families of those taken and know the day will be most difficult for them. My JohnKu today is a tribute to all who remember and were touched by Nine-One-One.

Peaceful September,

Perfect Robin’s egg blue sky . . .

Taken by death wings.

Three Days, Three Quotes Challenge (Day 1)

September 10, 2015September 10, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 10 Comments

Charles Yallowitz of Legends of Windemere Fame picked me to play the Three Days, Three Quotes Challenge. I want to thank him for thinking of me.

Rules:

–Post one quote a day for three days (from others or your own).
–Nominate three other bloggers to participate per post.

Thank the blogger

Thursday – A Little Personal – Cover Reveal His Revenge

September 10, 2015September 8, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments

Since some of you participated in the selection of the cover for His Revenge by voting for your favorite, I owe you an answer as to which of the covers I selected. I want to thank each of you for participating. The cover chosen did get the highest rating of the three covers. It also captures a moment in the book where the antagonist attempts to get to John Cannon through someone who is close to John.

Here is the cover.

The revised Blurb.

America loves John Cannon, its newest hero, and the President wants to present him with a medal. While in Washington for the award ceremony, John unwillingly becomes an accomplice in a terrorist plan to disrupt the US economy. There is no way out as John either becomes a traitor to America or causes thousands of innocent people to die if he refuses.

I’m working on formatting now so the launch should be in six weeks or so.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

September 9, 2015September 8, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 17 Comments

It is Wednesday Storytime again. Last week, we were introduced to two new characters Alexis and Ben. We learned they are college kids and friends with a sexual past on hold. Alexis mentions some complexity that has forced sex into the background. We left them as they agreed to meet at Alexis’ house to study and watch a movie. Ben is just getting there now. Let’s join them.

“Hi, how are you doing?”

“Ya mean since sixty minutes ago?”

“Um, that did sound a little dumb right?”

“Not dumb Ben just automatic. You know how I hate rhetorical questions.”

“I know Alexis. I know. You gonna invite me in?”

“Come in. Did you get the chips and soda?”

“Sure did. Got some dip as well.”

“You da man Ben. Dip is the short way to my heart.”

“Who wants heart?”

“What?”

“Nothing. Just a snide comment.”

“You better get off that physical stuff, or you’ll study alone.”

“Yeah okay. Man, you are like a grumpasaurus.”

“And you are like a rutasaurus.”

“Truce.”

“Truce. Grumpasaurus was pretty good. Put that stuff on the counter.”

“Rutasaurus was pretty good too. You want a soda? I didn’t get root beer. Got a lot of flack at the store over root beer.”

“I’m not surprised. Let’s order a pizza. I’ll have a soda with it. After I order, we need to get to work.”

“Good. What work we gonna do?”

“Whatya mean. What work?”

“School work or the other?”

“We need to get the other squared away. So how about we spend tonight on it and then tomorrow on school.”

“I brought the blueprints.”

“Great let me order and then let’s see ’em.”

“I’ll unroll them on the table.”

“You okay with white sauce and veggie.”

“Yeah good. Hmm, this building has a lot of floors.”

“Okay, I ordered. The guy said thirty minutes. What are you saying about the floors?”

“I didn’t think the building had so many floors.”

“What does that mean?”

“When this sucker blows there is going to be a huge brick pile.”

“Fully destroyed though right?”

“You better believe it, Alexis. Fully.”

Merchant of Nevra Coil by Charles Yallowitz – Release

September 8, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 6 Comments

When the mischievous and random Goddess of Chaos gets angry, all of Windemere becomes her plaything.

It all starts with a collection of toys that have taken the populace by storm. People of all races flood the marketplaces to gather figurines of the champions whose adventures are starting to spread across the land. Stemming from the flying city of Nevra Coil, these toys bring with them a terrible curse: Fame. Every town becomes a mob of fans that hound their new idols and the delay is bringing the world closer to the hands of Baron Kernaghan. Perhaps worst of all, the creator of these toys forgot to include a certain exiled deity who is now out to earn herself a figurine.

Who would have thought a bunch of toys could cause so much trouble and lead to the breaking of a champion’s confidence?

Sound exciting?
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Welcome to Nevra Coil Excerpt

A screeching alarm goes off inside the vessel, signaling for everyone to pay attention to the pilot. Jo flicks a few switches above her head, amplifying her voice so everyone can clearly hear her. “We’re coming to Nevra Coil. Get ready for docking at Inspiration Tower instead of one of the Ring Houses. If you want to see the city then come to the front, but you better not complain while I’m giving the tour. I’ll be going too fast to repeat myself. We’re starting with the bottom, so don’t be scared. There hasn’t been a crash in a month. Two months since a fatality.”

The champions gather around Jo’s chair and watch as the clouds part to reveal the underside of the flying city. The steel gray earth has several narrow tubes of yellow crystal spread along its gleaming surface, the enchanted objects creating a spiral that leads to a red, metal rod. An occasional spark falls from the central pole and dissipates into the clouds, giving the illusion of lightning. Jo has the vessel steadily rise to give everyone a clear view and she taps her ear to silently get her passengers to listen. Beneath the sounds of the ship’s rotors, the champions hear a dull hum whenever they pass close to a crystal. Those with keen eyes can see a sapphire orb that flickers like a flame inside the yellow tube’s core, but the strange object is definitely solid like a rock.

“The flight crystals are designed to push off and ride the waves of the ocean. The outer tube is the reflector and the ice gem is the controller,” Jo explains as they flip around the far side of Nevra Coil. She scowls at the whimpering gypsy and begrudgingly slows the vessel down. “The central rod is what keeps us in a small area as we spin like a very slow top. Without that, we’d be floating all over Windemere’s oceans. You’ll feel the rotation at first, but the awkwardness will pass within a few hours. Before you ask, the system does nothing to the ocean below. We keep ourselves at a great height to prevent that and we turn off the crystals if we have to drop. That’s only in case of severe damage, so they would probably be malfunctioning in such an event anyway. Our backup system is a small army of pedaling stone golems that we activate in the core of Nevra Coil. Let’s get to the real event. Hey! Watch where you’re going, you son of an oil slick!”

The vessel swerves out of the way of a small, windowless craft that is powered by a pedaling gnome. Once their heads stop spinning, the champions get their first look at the city of Nevra Coil. Glistening towers are everywhere with a vast collection of flying devices and beasts moving among them. Several structures are missing pieces, revealing metal beams and hardworking gnomes who are trying to finish the construction. The city is a beautiful creation of metal, stone, and glass with nothing on the earthy ground besides several colonies of orange slimes. The burbling creatures feast on the garbage that falls out of hatches, which are built into the lower floors of every tower. Compared to the enormous buildings, Jo’s vessel feels like a rowboat as it weaves among the chaos. Several times they come close to hitting another ship, their skilled pilot meeting each encounter with a slew of insults and curses. They hover when a claxon goes off and the circular tower ahead opens one of its floors to reveal another ring-shaped ship.

“This is where we would normally dock, but you’re wanted on the one-hundred and eighty-sixth and a half floor of Inspiration Tower,” Jo says while waving to the other ship. She waits for them to leave before rising to the higher sky lanes where there is more space. “If you look to the right, you’ll see the Lizard. It’s used by those of us who don’t have a flying device due to no interest, accidents, revoked license, or whatever else can go wrong. I’ll swing by to give you a better look, but don’t stare directly into the golem’s eye. You never know if it’s going to be friendly or . . . churlish.”

Dipping toward a metallic rail, the ship comes alongside a green-scaled reptile with seats grown into its wide back. A throbbing bubble covers the sitting area, the oily membrane protecting riders from the elements until the transport comes to a stop. Gnomes are comfortably sitting in the chairs, most of them reading notes or sleeping. The creature’s tail is merged with the track to prevent it from falling off while it pulls itself along using powerful front legs. A driver on its head opens a hatch in the top of its long nose to drop in a shovelful of screeching beetles. The Lizard slows down while everyone hears the insects getting crunched in the construct’s mouth. When the strange transport hisses at the ship, Jo pulls away and heads for where a trio of metallic birds are sitting on a windowless tower.

AND DON’T FORGET!

Cover Art by Jason Pedersen 3D Conversion by Bestt_graphics — Cover Art by Jason Pedersen
3D Conversion by Bestt_graphics

Click here for the $4.99 Bundle to start your journey into Windemere!

About the Author:

Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you, and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.