Ten Things to Pass Up Even if on Discount

 

for sale

This list is inspired by watching some of the funny things people buy solely because they are being offered at a discounted price. I’ve taken the list to extremes (which I’m sure you have come to understand to by now) but the spirit still lives.

Top Ten Things to Pass Up Even if on Discount

10 Even on discount do not purchase cut-rate bungee jumping lessons. If you do, at best you will only be scared poopless. At worst, your family will be wondering what you were thinking as they hold a memorial for your three-foot tall body. (Not to mention that you are six feet wide as well)

9 Even on discount do not purchase cut-rate meat. If you do, at best you will only miss a couple of days work. At worst, you will be one of morbidity statistics as the USDA issues a countrywide recall of the E-coli tainted horse meat. (It tasted good going in right?)

8 Even at a discount do not buy a truckload of cut-rate toilet tissue. If you do, at best you will spend more on storage than the original price. At worst, you will be selected for the Dr. Phil TV show segment “Am I full of it since I can’t stop myself from feeling like I need more toilet tissue.” (You’ve noticed how thin the paper is and have taken appropriate action right?)

7 Even at a discount do not buy that cut-rate hair restorative product. If you do, at best you will need to explain your new Day-Glo orange color to the boss. At worst, you will be going through the day answering to the name Uncle Fester and fielding the cue ball and reflecting head jokes. ( You always thought Yul Brenner was cool looking right?)

6 Even at a discount do not buy that cut-rate wrinkle injection. If you do, at best you might resemble Donald Duck for a few months. At worst, you read about your doctor being accused by the FDA of using industrial silicone for some procedures, and now you know why you haven’t been able to feel your cheeks. (You do look good, though.)

5 Even at a discount do not buy that cut-rate parachute for skydiving. If you do, at best you could experience the thrill of trying to slow down with a tattered canopy. At worst, you will make a lasting impression in the field as you land without the benefit of an active drag creating device. (Looking as if you did it on purpose doesn’t help the bystanders forget.)

4 Even at a discount do not buy that cut-rate beer. If you do, at best you will have all the taste and satisfaction of drinking carbonated defrost. At worst, you will realize your mistake as you read the label and see that the product is 99% salmonella free. (You only saw that after six bottles right?)

3 Even at a discount do not buy cut-rate gold. If you do, at best you won’t notice until the day your neck and finger turn green. At worst, you will realize that you have paid the highest amount of money for least amount of gold, and you thought a pound would be a good buy. (you now have an attractive doorstop. Don’t get it wet.)

2 Even at a discount do not buy cut-rate fruit. If you do, at best you will have enough left after you cull the spoiled to make one salad. At worst, the USDA you may call to ask you to donate your generations of fruit flies to genetic research. (And you thought those spots in front of your eyes were as a result of too little sleep.)

1 Even at a discount do not buy a cut-rate used car. If you do, at best you will understand the phrase “Get  a horse.”At worst, you might be called by your homeowner association to move what they interpret as a mobile home for stray animals out of your driveway. (Seemed like a good idea at the time to leave the windows down to circulate fresh air since the thing wouldn’t run right?)

35 comments

  1. Very entertaining I liked number 4…..have a good day sir…

    1. Thank you, Michael. You too.

  2. Don’t buy cut rate beer but if you had to drink it, buy Coors. Hi-yooo!

    1. Talk about carbonated defrost.

  3. Number 7 SCARED ME LOLOL 😀 😀 😀

    1. Dumping stuff on your head has its consequences. Need to be discriminating​. Can you imagine a bald Ape?

      1. AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH 😀 😀 😀

  4. That toilet paper one is really important. Never skimp on that. This list reminds me of someone who keeps going ‘it was on sale’ and I’m stuck trying to figure out what I’m looking at.

    1. Ha ha ha. I think it was an automatic mothballer.

      1. Or another set of measuring cups. How many sets are a sign that the person needs an intervention?

      2. More than three and you need a doctor.

      3. What about a person who always wanted to play a doctor on TV? Tight budget.

      4. That’s fine. Probably​ more effective anyway.

  5. Reblogged this on Poetry by Pamela and commented:
    This made me start my Monday with a giggle

    1. Thanks Pamela for the reblog. A giggle is a good thing. 🙂

      1. Especially on a Monday morning

      2. Perfect reason for having the list show up on Monday. 🙂 Thanks

  6. This is hilarious, John! Just want I needed. And that photo…ha ha!

    1. Great! Thanks. You made my day.

  7. Ahh…you make me laugh even when I think I can’t.

    1. YESSSSSSSSSSSSS. Thank you

  8. The opening photo is tough to top. I’m the grocery shopper in my house, interesting how consumers react differently to cut-rate items. Good list … and no discount toilet paper for me!

    1. Pretty risky. Thanks for the stop Frank I know how busy you are.

      1. My time has been a bit wonky of late.

  9. John, this is a great list — thanks for my chuckle for the day!

    1. Thanks for letting me know. 🙂 I love chuckles

  10. LOL, John, I don’t know… I’ve seen a few too many of those. I don’t think it’s that exaggerated. Although that does not speak well for my background… 😀

    1. Ha ha ha from my view your background is impeccable​. We all look for bargins.

  11. Love the sign in the pic. 😀

  12. Nice list, but #11 – Used Undies – fell off the list.

  13. I like a bargain or discount but at this age have learned that a bargain is not always the best choice. Quality counts!

    1. So true. I was going to say don’t buy a cut-rate pace maker but didn’t think some would find it funny.

  14. I tried to read this at work but the firewall flag came up and said it was “Entertainment” and I needed a good business reason to proceed to your blog. I was tempted to wite, “I need a laugh right now!” but I really need my job, too 🙂 Great list, John, and love the “aside” comments 🙂

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