Tag: Circumstances of Childhood

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Battle of the Alamo

~ John W. Howell ~ 80 Comments

Alamo

The inspiration for this list is the idea of matching Ten Things Not to Do with historical events. I hope you enjoy this one.

10 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think offering margaritas all around is going to help anything. If you do, at best everyone will be too busy to take you up on the offer. At worst only the best shooters on your side decided to have a couple and now can’t hit the broad side of a barn. (I guess you were hoping the Mexicans would be in a similar shape huh, Fritz?)

9 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ if you can borrow his gun. If you do, at best he’ll just say no. At worst, since he extremely nearsighted he may mistake you for a Mexican soldier and give you a body slam over the wall. (It only hurts getting up, Felco so I would just lay there.)

8 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not walk around eating a bean burrito. If you do, at best you will have to share. At worst, from far away a sharpshooter may mistake you for a Mexican Federal soldier. ( I know you were hungry, Freddie, but the food of the day is hardtack and salt pork. Tortillas are the other side food of the day.)

7 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not wear your Santa Anna Sucks t-shirt. If you do, at best no one will notice. At worst, Santa Anna will want it as a souvenir.  ( I think you heard him right, Faris. He said he didn’t care if it was bloodstained or not. Just give it to him.)

6 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not ask Davy Crockett for an autograph. If you do, at best he’ll just laugh. At worst, he’ll give you a lesson in flying. (You could flap your arms harder, Farid but I think you are going to hit the ground pretty hard. That wall is quite high.)

5 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not tell someone you know all about cannons if you don’t. If you do, at best you won’t be asked to fill in on one. At worst, you’ll be put in charge of the only cannon that guards the entrance. (Now what did the manual say, Fabumi? Load the ball then light the fuse? Or was it the other way around? You better hurry looks like those doors won’t last another minute.)

4 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think it is time to start Spanish lessons. If you do, at best you may learn a few words. At worst, whether or not you speak Spanish will not help you in the end. (It looks like the order of the day is take no prisoners, Fadeyka. I think it’s going to take a little more than a few “holas” and “Buenos Dias” to save you.)

3 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think that sombrero and serape will be an effective disguise. If you do, at best no one will laugh at you. At worst the troops will consider you a spy. (You know what they do to spies, Fallon. Dump that outfit now.)

2 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not wave that “Come and Take It” cannon flag from the Battle of Gonzales. If you do, at best you will make the Mexicans angry. At worst, you will be singled out for elimination. (That flag has been a sore spot since the Texas revolution began, Falk. No need to start that fire again.)

1 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not make plans for your summer holiday. If you do, at best your heirs will have to cancel. At worst, you may lose some of your deposits. (I guess no one told you that getting out of the Alamo was a feet-first proposition huh, Farnley?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Twiggy Speaks

~ John W. Howell ~ 84 Comments

“Hi everyone. My name’s Twiggy. I just am taking a short break from playing in the dirt. Lucy kind of forced me to come out here and let you know that Dad will not be posting a Views of the Neighborhood. See he has this walker thingy and no approval from the doctor to be out snapping photos. So the Producer suggests he wait until he gets the authorization. What Lucy? Oh Yeah. He’s fine and healing nicely. So Hopefully next week there will be a Views and if not maybe the next time. If not— Okay Lucy wants me to say have a good week. Goodby.”

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Notice

~ John W. Howell ~ 79 Comments

Stream of Consciousness

 

It is Stream Of Consciousness Saturday time again and this week’s prompt is, “notice.” Linda Hill says we can use “notice,” any way we want. If you would like to join in on the fun visit Linda’s blog and read how. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/24/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-25-18/ 

Notice by John W. Howell © 2018

“Would you look at this?”

“What?”

“This notice in the newspaper.”

“Let me see it.”

“Read that part about more taxes.”

“OMG. The county is raising the tax rate. Can they do that?”

“Yes, if they publish a notice they can.”

“Well, this looks like a notice to me. How about if we just ignore it.”

“Ignore it? Then what?”

“When it comes time to pay the taxes we’ll just say we never got the notice.”

“Doesn’t work that way.”

“Why not?”

“They posted a notice. Nowhere in the statutes does it say anyone has to read the notice.”

“That’s taxation without retnalization.”

“Without what?”

“Retnalization. Without making sure the eye sees the notice.”

“You been reading lawyer fiction again?”

“No, but it has to be a thing.”

“Good luck with the tax bill. As for me, I’m going to pay mine.”

“Well, I’m going to fight to my last fiber against unfair taxation.”

“It is a one mill increase.”

“One million? Outrageous. Get a gun.”

“A mill is one one-hundredth of a cent. It is almost not enough to count.”

“One one-hundredth? Hmm. That means my bill goes up by a dollar.”

“I’m not good at math, but it sounds right.”

“That’s different.”

“it is?”

“Not worth my time to fight.”

“What about the principle?”

“Principles are overrated. Let’s get some coffee.”

“No gun?”

“Please.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF and a Guest Interview at Janice Spina’s

~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

 

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Today I am very pleased to be featured in an interview on Janice Spina’s blog. As you know, Janice is an award-winning author, reviewer, editor, and blogger. Go here for the interview and stay a little while to get an idea of all of Janice’s talents.

Also,

Friday is here and seems like a century since last week’s post. I guess that is life when you only do PT for ten hours a day. I have two home health care specialists who visit to monitor my progress.  The physical therapist comes every day and the nurse twice a week.

I’m pleased to say the exercises although painful are producing results.  To describe what is needed, think laying on your back and pulling your foot across the surface until your heel touches your butt. At that point, your leg is bent about 130 degrees. Today I am at 120 degrees which is darned good at this stage. Like every good Type A, I want to get to 130 degrees before my follow-up appointment on the 28th. Why? Because I think the doctor will lift restrictions and I can go back to riding my bike again. It has only been twelve days since the operation but one can hope.

Today’s JohnKu talks about a winning mindset. Have a good weekend

Winner By John W. Howell © 2018

Everyone can win,

No matter how hard the goal . . .

If desire is high.

 

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy Speaks

~ John W. Howell ~ 80 Comments

Lucy

“Hello everyone. My name is Lucy and I have been selected by the canine team here at Fiction Favorites to come out before you. My purpose today is to let you know the boss is doing fine, but can’t crawl around with us capturing our latest activity. Since he feels the material should be current, he hopes you understand the lack of a post. Thank you and we’ll be back soon. Yes, Twiggy and Bailey are fine even though they are chickens when it comes to making announcements.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 52 Comments

Hump Day

 

It is Wednesday Story Day again last time we went through an exercise with Larry and Andrew on how easy it was to remember something that was written down. (Not)  We finally got to the point to learn that Andrew wrote stuff down on the Sandusky autopsy that he can’t remember and thinks it will be significant enough to try to get the deleted file restored. I see the head of IT is entering Larry’s office. Maybe he has some news.

 

“Hey, Larry. Andrew.”

“Hi, Paul. You have news?”

“I do. I spent the last couple of hours rummaging through the backup tape files and came across this tape.”

“Let me see that.”

“Help yourself, but there is nothing to see, Larry.”

“Yeah, okay. What is it then?”

“It is the backup tape used during the period of time when Andrew here was doing the autopsy on Sandusky.”

“You sure?”

“Well, yeah I’m sure. The dates on the box are a range, and the Sandusky autopsy falls right in there.”

“Oh great. What do we do now?”

“I’ve already checked the tape it is in perfect condition. We now need to get a reader.”

“How come we don’t have one ourselves.”

“Too expensive to keep around especially since this is the first time in ten years we have wanted to read a backup tape.”

“Okay, I get that. Who has a reader?”

“Our back up supplier has a reader we can use. In fact, I’m going there now to get this file read and printed.”

“Okay then. Don’t let us get in your way.”

“I’ll come right back after I get the file.”

“Thanks, Paul. We both would appreciate that. You need a ride or anything?”

“No, I’m good. Here is a neat little deli on the ground floor of the supplier’s office that is calling me for lunch.”

“See you soon.”

“Say what you want, Larry. Thant guy seems to know what he’s doing.”

“Hold on Andrew. Let’s make sure he’s gone. Yup, he’s gone for sure.”

“I was just saying I think he knows his stuff.”

“I agree. Let’s hope he can get that file back.”

“I have a deli on the brain.”

“Let’s go. I’ll buy.”

“Sweet words indeed.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #188 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

Feeling better so I thought I would ease in with a prompt from Keith Channing. In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The photo

Kreative Kue #188

“Okay, that’s it. This shovel marks the line of demarcation.”
“Demarcation? What the heck are you talking about?”
“I’ve had it with your yellow plastic. I’ve had it with your empire building.”
“Reggie, what’s come over you? We have a job to do.”
“Maybe you have a job to do, but I am now throwing off the yoke of oppression and declaring this land to be free of big business and big pharma.”
“I think I’m beginning to see the problem. You stopped taking your medication didn’t you?”
“That has nothing o do with it. This land is my land and from now on it shall be called, Borkville.”
“For heaven’s sake. Let’s get back to work. The owner wants a garden here, and it is up to us to build one.”
“In Borkville this will be the common house. We will all live here in harmony.”
“Reggie. Tell me one thing.”
“What?”
“You’ve been watching the History Channel, right?”
“Yeah so?”
“And you are at the part where Columbus discovers America, right?”
“Well yeah.”
“And he plants the flag of Spain and claims all the land in the name of Queen  Isabella?”
“Yeah, so cool.”
“Guess what?”
“What?”
“Never happened.”
“Huh?”
“Fake news.”
“Fake news?”
“America was discovered by the McDonald brothers.”
“Seriously?”
“Yup. They needed a place to expand their hamburger business, so they went there.”
“Seriously?”
“So you can stop your little charade about claiming land. It just doesn’t happen.”
“This is disappointing, to say the least. I feel so mislead. One question.”
“Yes.”
“Do you think the McDonald Brothers would mind if I claimed this land in their name?”
“Well, that depends.”
“On what?”
“On whether or not Harrods grants them permission to accept. Back to work shall we?”

Friday – JohnKu – AKA – TGIF and Update

~ John W. Howell ~ 112 Comments

TGIF

Well, it is Friday, and usually, I give Y’all some kind of update on whats going on. I will be very brief but think you should know how the surgery went. I had a small hiccup last Friday in that my Cardiologist didn’t like what he was seeing on the EKG done by the preop internist. He wanted to do one himself. This meant we had to drive to San Antonio (158 miles) Monday morning leaving the house at 7:30. Long story short we made the appointment and the EKG was excellent. We actually had some time left over to go to Costco thus eliminating a second trip.

I checked into the hospital and by 4:00 I am the proud owner of a new knee. I never asked what kind of knee so when people ask I say, “Stromberg 97.” For those in the know, that s the name of a carburetor popular in the late 50s. (yes, we are talking hot rod and mine had two under the hood. I was raised in Detroit after all.)

I came home yesterday after two nights and am now doing physical therapy at home with a tech who arrives each day. I am restricted on activities until the follow-up appointment with the surgeon on August 28th. The treatment takes about ten hours a day so you can imagine there isn’t much time. I’m writing this with my leg elevated and knee surrounded by ice packs. That is about the only free time there is.

As you can see (I hope) I am visiting your posts. I don’t intend to pick mine back up just yet. I have lovely medication, but it does leave me a little slow on the creative side.

So today’s JohnKu celebrates the skill and knowledge of those folks who cared for me and the concern you have expressed throughout the week. Thank you, and I hope you have a great weekend.

A wish by John W.Howell

That is all it takes,

One wish expressed from the heart. . .

Alleviates fear.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Bodily Functions

~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

 

Stream of Consciousness

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This weeks prompt is “bodily functions.” Yup, you heard me right. Flipping bodily functions. Linda Hill says we can write about one or a whole bunch of bodily functions. If you would like to engage in frying your brain as I do each week, please visit Linda Hill’s blog and find out how easy it is to do just that. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/10/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-11-18/

Bodily Functions by John W. Howell © 2018

“Why so glum chum?”

“I just went up the Hill so to speak and got my prompt for today.”

“You always love these prompts.  Is this one different?”

“Not different just a big challenge.”

“How so?”

“The prompt is bodily functions.”

Bruuuuhahahahah. You have to be kidding.”

“No. I’m serious. We can write about one or a whole bunch. My problem is I can only think of one.”

“Oh come on. It can’t be that bad. What is the one?”

“Pooping.”

“Whoa. You can’t write about that. Yours is a family friendly blog.”

“Yeah tell me. I did think of another.”

“Okay with some caution I’ll ask what are you thinking.”

“Breathing.”

“Yeah, now there you go. Talk about breathing.”

“I feel better already. Let’s see there are different kinds of breathing.”

“Go on.”

“When you are running you breathe harder.”

“Good.”

“When you sweat and run your breath is different. Wait, another bodily function, sweat.”

“Excellent. I think you’re going to kill this.”

“When you are quiet and resting your breath is easy.”

“Almost poetic. Go on.”

“When you kiss someone your breathing can become deeper. I got it. Saliva production is another bodily function.”

“You are the master.”

“Where was I? Oh, yes kissing.  Makes the heart beat faster. Heartbeat has to be another bodily function.”

“You are taking strange paths to get there, but I have to say you are getting there.”

“Then as the kissing gets more heated—”

“Stop.”

“What do you mean, ‘stop”‘

“You are now starting to concern me again. Where are you going with this?”

“I was going to mention goosebumps. What is wrong with goosebumps?”

“Okay. Nothing wrong with goosebumps. Proceed.”

“Then if all works well there’s the orgasm.”

“One toke over the line my friend. One toke over the line.”

 

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 83 Comments
Hey, Dad. Where you going?

 

Friday is here, and we can look forward to a super weekend.

I want to let you all know that I will be taking a sabbatical from my blog, twitter, and Facebook beginning Tuesday, August 14th. My last post will be on Monday.

My leave is due to a needed knee replacement procedure on Monday, August 13th. I’ll be hospitalized for at least two days.  I’m not sure how long my absence will be but want you to know, so you won’t wonder where I went. I don’t think I’ll be stopping by to leave comments on your posts until I’m sure my brain is clear. There is nothing worse than having to apologize for an incoherent response with the phrase, “That was the oxycodone talking.”

I hope my absence won’t be too long but in situations like this one never knows.

Thank you for your support and understanding.

Today’s JohnKu talks about absence. Have a great weekend.

Absence by John W. Howell © 2018

We appreciate,

Those we are used to seeing . . .

And miss when absent.