Tag: Eternal Road – The final stop

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Cooking.

~ John W. Howell ~ 76 Comments

 

Photo by Katie Smith on Unsplash

 

This post ran on May 15, 2017. I think it is still good advice. I hope you enjoy it.

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The inspiration for this list is the fact that I love to cook. I cook a lot and have made some interesting dishes that didn’t quite make the delicious category. So I hope you enjoy this batch.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Cooking.

10 If you are cooking, do not think you can walk away to let things “simmer.” If you do, at best, the dish will burn. At worst, the fire department has opened an investigation to see if the configuration was set on purpose. (You always wondered what the chirping noise in those smoke detectors was huh, Buford. Well, seems they finally died.)

9 If you are cooking, do not think your brother-in-law, Tiny, the WWF champ, is going to act as your sous chef. If you do, at best, there might be some yelling. At worst, Tiny just left his court-ordered anger management session and is taking out his frustration on your new twelve-piece setting of China. (I think asking him to make a souffle was over the top, don’t you, Ferd?)

8 If you are cooking, and have a pan in the oven to finish, do not forget the oven mitt when you take it out. If you do, at best, you’ll remember in a split second after you touch the handle. At worst, you are now the proud owner of a new All-Clad brand in the palm of your hand. (Didn’t you notice the smoke, Buster?)

7 If you are cooking, do not think for every cup of wine in the recipe, you need to drink a like amount. If you do, at best, there is only one cup. At worst, you need to wonder how everyone liked the meal that you slept through. (You are no Julia Child, Tex. Oh, by the way, your wife’s lawyer just called.)

6 If you are cooking, don’t think you don’t need to follow a recipe. If you do, at best, you are making scrambled eggs. At worst, the EMS driver has called the Center for Disease Control, thinking there is a massive epidemic in your sick family. (So you didn’t understand some of the ingredients, Ralph. It still looked good enough to eat, which was unfortunate for everyone.)

5 If you are cooking, do not try to call your local carry-out and pass it off as yours. If you do, at best, you’ll have to fess up. At worst, everyone will compliment your effort as the best ever. (Sadly, they even started to list some of your worst dishes, huh, Pard?)

4 If you are cooking, do not invite anyone over for dinner until you have mastered the dish. If you do, at best, no one will tell you that the meal was bad. At worst, each of your guests had an emergency phone call and had to leave. (Did you wonder why most only took one bite before the emergency, Putz?)

3 If you are cooking, do not do your famous garlic surprise the night before that real estate open house. If you do, at best, the Fabreeze air freshener might cover it. At worst, the attendees will manage a one-minute stay before needing oxygen. (Ever wonder why people never visit you, Jake?)

2 If you are cooking, do not think everyone loves their food spicy hot. If you do, at best, you’ll have a ton of leftovers. At worst, you will have to put up with people running to the nearest faucet for relief. (A little embarrassing to have all your faucets covered by gulping dinner guests, isn’t it, Bunky?)

1 If you are cooking, do not trust that automatic start on the oven. If you do, at best, you can fill in with McDonald’s. At worst, the prospect of serving raw turkey to your boss has you frantically trying to make a reservation. (It seems all the restaurants are booked up, huh, Goofus?)

 

 

 

Views of the Neighborhood – Rockers and Swings

~ John W. Howell ~ 111 Comments

Since this is pre-Fourth of July, The Producer and I thought we might like some Fourth of July decoration photos. Unfortunately, the folks in the neighborhood did not agree since none of the decorations are up. So we had to switch gears and bring you the next best thing. (wait for it) Porch swings and rocking chairs. (I have O2 on the bus for anyone whose breath has been taken away.)  At least it is a nice summer day for an outing. We are being catered by Kome of Austin. Our entertainment is Kid Rock.

Menu

sushi a-go-go classic rolls

Austin – krab salad, avocado, tuna, eel sauce, sesame seeds

crunchy dynamite –  spicy tuna, avocado, tempura crunch, sesame seeds

Earth, wind & fire – avocado, cucumber, carrot, spinach, candied jalapeño, tomato, sunflower seeds

Fat samurai – salmon, yellowtail, tuna, shrimp, krab salad, avocado, cucumber, spinach, carrot

Go-go – bbq eel, cream cheese, avocado, go-go sauce, eel sauce, sesame seeds

Koko – inari, cucumber, avocado, sesame seeds

Chef’s signature rolls

Midnight sun  (tempura fried) – smoked salmon, cream cheese, avocado, candied jalapeño, topped with sunflower seeds and go-go sauce

Endo in NY  (rice paper) – salmon, striped bass, cucumber, cilantro, carrot, spinach, topped with gold tobiko, side of Thai chili fish sauce

Superstar – tuna, shrimp, squid, umè, daikon, cucumber, gold tobiko

Tarantula – shrimp tempura, softshell crab, avocado, carrot, spinach, sesame seeds, topped with black tobiko, go-go sauce, tx green sauce

Alone together – tuna, salmon, yellowtail, topped with bbq eel, go-go sauce, eel sauce, tempura crunch

Picture of an old time school bus

Let’s go.

So here we have a rocker grill combo.

Secluded swing.

Rockers and spitoon. (just kidding. It’s an ashtray.)

Lovely swing.

Classic rockers and fountain.

Treehouse swing.

Rockers and flags.

Classic swing.

Good ole Texas rockers.

Rockers, lantern, and a bong.

Rocker for two.

Sweet porch swing.

Moma, babies, and rockers.

We hope you enjoyed the tour and wish you a super week. Now relax, have some food and listen to the music.

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Rock.”

~ John W. Howell ~ 75 Comments

A picture of a string with drops of water- the logo for SoCS

 

Jessica continues to hold the gun on me. I ask her kindly if she might be willing to aim it at the big guy driving the car. She chuckles and gives me a smile that says, “Fat Chance.” A look out the windshield lets me spot a coffee shop on the next corner. I suggest we all stop in hopes that everyone else in the car is suffering a brain bleed from the lack of caffeine; Jessica scoffs and reminds me that if our destination turns out to be a hoax, I won’t need caffeine ever again.

My mind is racing, trying to figure out a diversion. A well-placed rock thrown with some velocity could be a good diversion. Just as my brain centers on the idea of running for my life, we stop; the guy in front says, “We are at the address.” Jessica looks out the window. “This is a Costco,” she whispers. “How the hell did the statue get into Costco?” She turns to me with fire in her eyes. “This better not be a trick.” To make her point, she shoves the gun under my nose.

My stuttering explanation of the logic of hiding something in plain sight causes her to lower the cannon. She motions for me to get out, and the guy standing outside the door thwarts the thought of running. He opens it and motions for me to step out. Jessica comes around the car, and the gun is hidden somewhere. Her eyebrow lift tells me it is hidden but easy to pull out. “Move it,” she orders. We stroll toward the entrance. When we get inside, a person asks for our membership card. “Show her your card, big shot.” Jessica does not sound pleased.

“I don’t have a card.” My voice comes out in a squeak. Jessica turns a shade of red never before seen by humans. Her snarl causes the Costco person to step back. The big guy comes forward and asks about the next move. Jessica puts her hand to her chin. Her eyes brighten. “Let’s go to the service desk and sign up.” She turns to the Costco person and says. “We can do that, right?” The Costco person nods, and we are off to the desk.

Jessica shoves me to the desk, and the Costco person asks how they can help. I explain I need a membership, and they request my name and address. I tell the employee and start blinking SOS in Morse code with my eyes. The employee looks at the computer screen in a funny way and then says, “I think we have an envelope for you from Linda Hill.”

Jessica leans over my shoulder to see what is in the envelope. She loses interest when she reads Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “rock’.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

If you would like to visit Linda’s blog to see how other folks use the prompt, here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2023/06/30/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-1-2023/

Rock by John W. Howell © 2023

“Who will believe an envelope is waiting for you at Costco?”

“It’s called suspension of belief for the story’s sake.”

“Yeah, but that is ridiculous.”

“You didn’t say that about the bi-plane last week.”

“Cause that could happen. Costco’s not the UPS store.”

“Well, Linda is everywhere.”

“You shoulda found a rock and beaned ole Jessica.”

“I thought of that. But still, there’s the other guy.”

“Use a bigger rock, is all.”

“I don’t think that’s going to work.”

“Is there a literary term for painting yourself into a corner?”

“I think it’s called text Uber.”

“Done. He’s waiting over there.”

“Hold on. I don’t see anything but a Mini Cooper.”

“That’s him.”

“We can’t fit in that thing.”

“He’s got a roof rack.”

“You think I’m going to ride on the roof.”

“Well, I can’t. Arthritis, you know.”

“You rock it well. Let’s go.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay – Good News

~ John W. Howell ~ 96 Comments

Today’s good news story comes from the Good News Network.

First Recorded Birth of Critically-Endangered Burmese Peacock Turtle Hatchlings

By Andy Corbley

Credit: Fauna & Flora http://www.fauna-flora.org

This little fellow is the Burmese peacock softshell turtle, and he’s sitting here in the hands of one of the first humans to ever hatch them in captivity.

As one of the planet’s most endangered freshwater turtle species, it’s hoped the 15 hatchlings will go a long way towards preserving these beautiful reptiles for future generations of Myanmar’s people.

The breeding program was undertaken by the conservation group Flora and Fauna International, along with support from local volunteers and knowledge keepers around Myanmar’s Indawgyi Lake, one of the largest freshwater lakes in Southeast Asia.

The locals, trained by FFI, nominated “turtle guardians” to patrol the shores and look for nesting areas—of which they found 5 in the 2022 breeding season. They fenced them off and kept regular watch over them.

According to the conservation group, the video of the turtles hatching is the first known recording of the species born in the wild.

 

 

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy’s New Carpet.

~ John W. Howell ~ 99 Comments

“There’s watermelon and Benebone to play with, Twiggy.”

“Are you missing the elephant in the room?”

“Elephant? I didn’t know you had an elephant toy.”

“Not toy, Dad. Presence, situation, big looming problem.”

“I still don’t know what you mean.”

“The carpet. It’s not the same. There’s no black and tan.”

“Oh, that? Yeah, Mom decided an all-white soft tuft would be better.”

“Better how?”

“Well, it feels good when you lay down.”

“I can vouch for that. It does feel good. What else?”

“It is very durable. Can stand up to a lot of wear.”

“You mean dog traffic.”

“Well, People too.”

“Uh-huh. I can see it goes with the couches.”

“That is true. It is like a monochromatic effect.”

“With a splash of color from my toys and those grey stairs.”

“Well, you still need those to get on the couch.”

“Yes, that is for sure. Unless they make a couch that sits on the floor, I need this.”

“So what do you think?”

“I like the softness, and I can also see if I roll around on it, the carpet will hide my hair for a while.”

“That has to be a big benefit. ”

“Okay, Dad. You’ve sold me. The carpet stays.”

“I’m sure Mom will be happy to hear that.”

“You are just humoring me, right?”

“Right.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Finger Point Prompt – ‘Asleep’

~ John W. Howell ~ 64 Comments

The idea is to open a book randomly and, without looking, point to the page. The word or words closest to the pointing finger is the prompt.

Today we opened The Eternal Road on page 147. The word closest to the pointing finger is ‘asleep.’

Asleep by John W. Howell © 2023

“Who can tell me what asleep means without using the word sleep. Yes, Johnny.”

“Well, teacher, I believe asleep means that your eyes are closed and you are breathing deeper.”

“Okay, Johnny. That is part of it. Anyone else? Your hand is up, Nancy.”

“How about you are dreaming.”

“That’s good, Nancy. Go ahead, Jerry.”

“And you can’t hear the TV anymore.”

“I see. Asleep while TV watching.”

“Yeah, my dad does it all the time.”

“Thank you, Jerry.”

“After he drinks a lot of beer.”

“That will be fine. Anyone else? Okay, Maureen.”

“Asleep is what you want to be to relax.”

“That’s interesting.”

“You lock your bedroom door and tell the kids to be quiet.”

“Thank you, Maureen. Surely someone else has an idea.”

“I do.”

“Yes, Richard.”

“It’s what happens when you talk about history after lunch.”

“I can see that, Richard. Thank you. Can anyone tell me what part of speech is asleep?”

“I’d say all parts of speech are asleep.”

“Thank you again, Richard. It is an adjective. Does anyone care to try a sentence? I’m holding my breath, but go ahead, Richard.”

“When I sit too long in class, my bum feels asleep.”

“Richard, it is time for you to take a walk. Please take this attendance sheet to the office and try not to hurry.”

“Did I use it right?”

“Yes, Richard, and your reward is to keep your bum awake. Bye now.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do in Front of Your Boss.

~ John W. Howell ~ 81 Comments

 

This post originally ran on April 17, 2017. Since we still have bosses, I think it might be helpful.

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The inspiration for this list came from a discussion with Teagan Geneviene on the ridiculousness of some policies that have been created by bosses. It came to me then to develop a list of things not to let a boss see you do since it could result in a new policy.

Top Ten Things Not to Do in Front of Your Boss.

10 If your boss is looking, do not laugh. If you do, at best, you will raise a question as to why you are not serious about work. At worse, your boss will assume you’ve gotten away with something and will try desperately to find out what it is. (Cozy with your boss camped out in your cube, huh, Ferd?)

9 If your boss is looking, do not frown. If you do, at best, your boss will think you are unhappy. At worse, your boss with think you have a problem and offer to help you solve it. (“I’m your boss, and I’m here to help you” are the most feared words, right, Buster?)

8 If your boss is looking, do not chat on the phone. If you do, at best, your boss will time the call. At worst, it will be assumed you cannot prioritize your work. (How are you enjoying those after-work classes on work priorities, Pud?)

7 If your boss is looking, do not leave for lunch. If you do, at best, your boss will feel abandoned. At worst, your boss will question your dedication to the job. (Yeah, I know it was just a half hour, but will that be of comfort at the unemployment office, Putz?)

6 If your boss is looking, do not allow anyone to visit your cube. If you do, at best, it will be assumed you use the office as a social venue. At worst, you’ll be required to fill out a form for every minute of the workday. (Now, did that conversation take two minutes exactly, Bunky?)

5 If your boss is looking, do not yell at a fellow worker, no matter how annoying. If you do, at best, your boss will put you on the disruptive watch list. At worst, your after-hour weekday will be taken up by classes on sensitivity and the rights of others. (Lucky you, the other classmate is Tiny, the WWF champ who keeps growling at you when the instructor turns away. Don’t worry; Buster Tiny hates everyone. Nothing personal)

4 If your boss is looking, do not throw away anything. If you do, at best, there will be an after-hours look into your wastebasket. At worst, your boss will report you to the recycling and security departments for a full investigation into compliance. (What this strip search has to do with recycling is anybody’s guess, huh, Buford?)

3 If your boss is looking, do not leave your cube without locking your computer. If you do, at best, the demerit will put you one over the line. At worst, security will be called to remove your laptop for a full disc scan to determine if it has been compromised. (Those online searches for golf clubs look a little embarrassing now, don’t they, Tex?)

2 If your boss is looking, do not shut your computer down a minute early. If you do, at best, your boss will come in and ask a question requiring an embarrassing restart. At worst, you will have additional classes to attend dealing with the office hour policy. These classes meet on Saturday, Pard.)

1 If your boss is looking, do not, I repeat, do not, sneak a chew of that gum. If you do, at best, you’ll be reminded about the policy about eating at your desk. At worst, the environmental department will be called to set rodent traps and pest spray your area. (Your request for a gas mask and allergy shots has been denied, Herm.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Flora and Fauna

~ John W. Howell ~ 95 Comments

It is time to start looking at the early summer blooms and check on the deer. We are being catered by Interstellar Bar B Que of Austin. Our entertainment is Miley Cyris.

Menu

BEEF KIELBASA – All beef traditional Polish style sausage in a pork casing
JALAPEÑO POPPER SAUSAGE – Beef and pork blend in a pork casing, jalapenos, and chunks of gooey cheddar
CHOPPED BRISKET – Chopped ends sauced with Johnny’s Texas Red Sauce
PEACH TEA GLAZED PORK BELLY – Slowly smoked until tender, then glazed with our homemade peach tea glaze
TURKEY – Turkey breast brined in citrus, herbs, and Live Oak Hefeweizen, seasoned with salt and pepper
PORK SPARE RIBS – Duroc pork spare rib; a little sweet, a little spicy
PULLED LAMB SHOULDER – Juicy pulled lamb shoulder seasoned with salt, pepper, garlic, and a splash of rice vinegar
BRISKET-USDA prime all-natural brisket seasoned with salt, pepper & garlic
Sides
TOMATO ZUCCHINI SALAD – Thinly sliced zucchini, fresh diced tomato, and red onion marinated in a citrus vinaigrette
MAC & GOUDA- Fresh-made pasta shells and our creamy smoked gouda cheese sauce, topped with toasted panko breadcrumbs.
SMOKED SCALLOP POTATOES – Thinly sliced potatoes layered with cream, parmesan, and garlic smoked to a golden brown
JALAPEÑO SLAW – Shredded green, red cabbage and carrot tossed in our homemade jalapeno dressing
NEW POTATO SALAD – Tender, red-skinned potatoes in a creamy dressing with a little mustard and a little mayo, chopped celery, and red onion
COMPLIMENTARY BBQ BEANS  – Red beans cooked down with chopped ends and spices.
Picture of an old time school bus
Let’s go.
Golden Thryallis looks great.
The Three Tenors.
A cute reminder that there are fawns in the neighborhood.
Twins.
A yellow Mexican Bird of Paradise.
A mom with her twins
Red Mexican Bird of Paradise.
A buck with velvet antlers
Pinkish Crape Myrtle
White Crape Myrtle
Twins on the loose.
Purple sage
One purple and one red Crape Myrtle.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Starts with “AB”

~ John W. Howell ~ 72 Comments

A picture of a string with drops of water- the logo for SoCS

A guy about 300 pounds and six foot four unties me while Jessica stands, pointing a gigantic handgun at my nose. “Okay, wise guy, “she says. “You said you knew where the statue is, so now’s your chance. Get up, and let’s go.” She waves the gun in the direction of the door. The big guy steps aside to let me go first. “You wouldn’t have a spare cup of coffee, would you?” My words sound like that kid in a forgotten product commercial where he holds up a bowl and asks pitifully for some more food.

Jessica tells me to shut up and to move through the door. The bright sun renders me a temporary Mr. Magoo and absolutely clueless about where to go. The big guy grabs my arm and drags me to a big black car. He opens the door and unceremoniously shoves me inside. Jessica slides in on the other side and doesn’t have to say much about making any false moves. The cold steel against my temple says all there is to say.

“Now, smart ass. Tell the driver where to go before you’re sporting a third eye.”

Not wanting to abort my living being status, my mumbling vague directions will hopefully buy me a little time. Jessica asks the driver if he understands where to go, and a surprising nod causes my breath to let go. Jessica gives me a jaundiced look like she knows a stall when she hears one. “You get one chance, dipshit. No statue, and you’ll enjoy a long dirt nap.”

Looking out the window, a strange sight appears in the sky. It is one of those biplanes, and it’s pulling a banner. It looks like a message from Linda Hill. It reads, Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “starts with ‘ab.’” Find a word that starts with “ab” and use it in your post. Enjoy!

If you visit Linda’s post, you can see how other bloggers respond to the prompt. Here is the link. Also, please ask her to send help.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS June 24, 2023

Starts with AB by John W. Howell © 2023

“Well, you have me absolutely confused.”

“About what?”

“The abnormality of the airplane.”

“Why are you using odd words.”

“Caught the prompt fever.”

“Well, you can stop now. We have enough AB words.”

“So, explain the airplane.”

“I think it’s obvious. I needed a way to deliver the prompt, and Jessica Rabbit and her cohort were not the way.”

“Cheap trick,”

“Or clever plot element.”

“We’ll see what turns up in the comments.”

“This is hard work. I think we need a VooDoo Ranger.”

“Uber is here already. There he is.”

“That long black car is Jessica’s.”

“No, the Uber driver is behind that one.”

“On the John Deer tractor?”

“There’s a trailer for us.”

“Absurd.”

“It’ll be fun.”

“Appeals to the bumpkin in us all. Okay, let’s go.”

 

 

Friday JohnKU – AKA – TGIF Fri-Yay Good News

~ John W. Howell ~ 87 Comments
American Museum of Natural History Video – Screengrab

Today’s good news story comes from (where else) the Good News Network. Here it is in its entirety.

Blue Whales Return to California at Levels Not Seen Since Before the Whaling Industry

By Andy Corbley

Don’t call it a comeback; blue whales have been here for years, rocking their peers and putting sailors in fear.

The largest animals on Earth are returning to the coastal Californian waters in larger and larger numbers, with sightings on whale-watching trips becoming increasingly common.

According to a 2014 study investigating the impact of ship strikes on the blue whale population, the western Pacific population of these cetaceans has reached 97% of its pre-whaling levels.

“When we’re able to take collective action and think about balance, such that people and the activities that we want to support like shipping, like recreational use, like commercial fishing, all of those things can coexist.”

Commercial fishing tackle can harm whales, so the industry took measures to reduce this, and it worked.

Too many blue whales were killed every year in ship strikes, and so Pacific shipping narrowed their lanes to avoid areas where whales congregate, and are now agreeing to reduce their speeds when entering and exiting harbor areas.

The current estimates suggest that as many as 2,000 blue whales travel up from Mexico to Southern California waters every year, a large chunk of a global population that may be topping 25,000.

Scientists believe there is a population of 200 such animals near the city of Ostend.

“I was born in Ostend. I’ve lived my whole life here, and I couldn’t remember seeing a seal,” says Inge De Bruycker, founder of the North Seal Team to Euronews. “It’s new. It’s like, come on, when we built this dam here about seven, eight years ago, we sometimes had one. Occasionally, but just one.”

The good news here is that combined efforts are bringing these animals back from endangerment. Today’s JohnKu talks about how to help the planet. I hope you have a terrific weekend.

Co-operation by John W. Howell © 2023

It takes more than one,

Working together for good . . .

The animals thrive.