Top Ten Things Not to Do When the Globe Theater Burns Down in 1613

June 29, 2020June 28, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 75 Comments

Top Ten Things not to do.

Today marks the 407th anniversary of the burning of the Globe Theater in 1613. If you want to travel back to that time, you better take this list so you won’t inadvertently make a mistake that could cause a tear in the time continuum.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Burning of the Globe Theater in 1613.

10 If you go, do not mention that it would not be a significant loss. If you do, at best it will be to someone who doesn’t speak English. At worst, You might be overheard by William Shakespeare himself. (Nice going, Leodegraunce. You wonder why William is so livid? All his plays make their debut at the Globe. Now he will have no venue for performances. Yes, he is getting a pitchfork, and I don’t think he intends to fork hay.)

9 If you go, do not try to tell Tiny the WWF champ how to put out a fire. If you do, at best, he will be too busy to hear you. At worst, Tiny has never been too good at receiving criticism. (You see, Leone. Tiny was left on a doorstep when he was 21, and he hasn’t gotten over the rejection. Oh, I see he is trying a new chokehold on you. Blue is not your color, trust me.)

8 If you go, do not offer to call 911. If you do, at best, you’ll be misunderstood. At worst, Will asks you what 911 is. (As you recognize your mistake Leonidas, Will is getting more agitated as another timber falls into the pyre. Sooner or later he’s going to take it out you. I see him over there with poor Yorick’s skull. He is giving you the stinkeye.)

7 If you go, do not ask if the building was insured. If you do, at best you’ll be talking to an actor who knows nothing. At worst, you’ll mention it to one of the Lord Chamberlin’s Men. (The Lord Chamberlins Men is Willaim Shakespeare’s acting company, Leron. The guy you asked was the one who was supposed to buy insurance but forgot. I think he wants to kill you.)

6 If you go, don’t suggest that maybe plays could be given in the town square. If you do, at best you’ll ask one of the sweepers. At worst, you will ask one of Will’s actors James Burbage. (The actor named James Burbage was the one who had the idea to build a theater in the first place, Lethe. In 1574 the Common Council of London decided to tax performances in public places. So James built his own theater to avoid the tax. When his lease ran out, the timbers from James’s place were used to create the Globe. This was one way to avoid being taxed for using public land for performances. Now James is whispering to Will and there is that look again.)

5 If you go, do not suggest a smaller theater next time. If you do, at best, you’ll make the suggestion to the bartender. At worst, Will will overhear you. (The globe could seat 1000 and have standing room for another 1000, Liander. The folks that stood paid a penny to get in. The people that sat paid 6 pence. Now, if you figure a loaf of bread cost a penny then, On one performance to show you his take, Will could buy 7000 loaves. You think he would want a smaller venue? In fact, he is heading this way looking a little cross.)

4 If you go, do not suggest having hot food at the next theater. If you do, at best, you are talking to a firefighter. At worst, your suggestion of having a flambe duck on the menu will be overheard by Will. (I think you will agree, Lichas, anything connected to fire will cause Will to become unglued. I think he might be ready to toss you out.)

3 If you go, do not suggest that the first play in the new theater be Henry VIII. If you do, at best, the person you are talking to has long stopped listening to you. At worst, you’ll make this suggestion to the producer of the last performance of Henry VIII. (You wonder why he has turned pale, Linc. It was a faulty cannon shot during the production of Henry VIII, which started a fire in the beams and thatching. I think you better get going. He is going to recover very soon and might want to smite you.)

2 If you go, do not tell anyone that a new theater will be built and opened in only a year. If you do, at best you won’t be believed. At worst, Shakespeare will want to know how you came to have that information. (Now you are in a fine kettle of fish, Linden. How are you going to explain your time travel status? I think I would try to convince Will that you are a magician and just disappear.)

1 If you go, do not agree with anyone who calls the theater a den of sin. If you do, at best, Will doesn’t find out. At worst, those folks you agreed with are Puritans. (They have used your opinion as one more vote, Lindsay, and were successful in shutting down the Globe Theater in 1642 along with every other theater in London.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Hanging Things

June 28, 2020June 27, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 93 Comments

When we all have been quarantined as long as we have the subject material for a Views feature starts to get a little thin. This week I noticed several swings and playthings hanging in people’s yards. These things spoke to me of more staying at home as opposed to going to parks. You are welcome to come along or stay right here. If you decide to pass. on the walk, help yourself to a margarita and keep the social distance.

Views of the Neighborhood

Here is a whole jungle gym kind of set up. Hard to see, but there are rings and pull-up bars. Has a “Go outside and play” vibe.

Although not hanging here is a soccer net and real-live players.

A cute little baby swing.

A very common swing. In a sweet cool spot.

Nothing is hanging on the crape myrtles. I just thought they looked beautiful in the Saharan Dust filled day.

The look of a classic swing is in front of a cottage.

Another swing. Hard to see, but there is one on the porch too.

Yup. Swing.

I had to laugh at the Uncle Sam hanging from a pole. An early Fourth of July item.

Now we are talking—a hammock under the trees.

A swing, kiddie car, and lots of washed-out sidewalk chalk dust. Yup playtime place.

Well, that’s it. I hope you had a nice walk. You have earned your margarita. I’m paring those with chips and mango salsa. Can you say “Über home?”

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Coffee, Tea, or Me.”

June 27, 2020June 26, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again, and here is Linda Hill with this week’s prompt. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “coffee, tea, or me.” Find a flirty phrase of your own or use “coffee, tea, or me” in your post. Have fun!” Well, thank you, Linda. If you would like to join the fun, visit Linda Hill’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS June 27/2020

“Flirty?”

“What did you say?”

“I’m trying to figure out a flirty line.”

“You going bar hopping tonight?”

“No, it’s nothing like that.”

“Ah. The Linda Hill Saturday craziness.”

“Yeah. She says to use a flirty line or write about “Coffee, Tea or Me.”

“I remember that was the title of a book that turned out to be a fictitious memoir of flight attendants in the 60s.”

“Thank you, Daniel Webster. I still need to write about a flirty line.”

“How about, ‘Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

“OMG. No wonder you don’t have anyone. Where did you get that line?”

“I just Googled ‘Flirty lines.’ There are sixty of them.”

“Let me see that. There are really bad.”

“Oh, I don’t know. This one is cute, ‘I’d say God Bless you, but it looks like he already did.'”

“Gag. You’re not helping.”

“Is it hot in here, or is it just you?”

“Stop. I think I’ll just go with the ‘Coffee, Tea, or Me.”‘

“It’s been done.”

“When?”

“Up top when I explained the book ‘Coffee, Tea, of Me”‘

“Uh, Huh. So I guess we will amble to the bar.”

“‘Blow in my ear, and I’ll follow you anywhere.”‘

“You are disgusting.”

“You don’t need keys to drive me crazy.”

“Enough.”

“You’re buying?”

“If you’ll stop with the flirty lines, I’ll buy?”

“My job here is finished. Let’s go.”

“You did all that on purpose?”

“Yup.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

June 26, 2020June 25, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

“What’s that baby doing in our yard, Lucy.”
“I think it wants you to come out and play.”
“Yeah, as if.”

Another Friday and like me, I hope you are looking forward to the weekend. Hmmm. Let me rephrase that. Another Friday and I hope you are able to make it through another weekend.

Things have opened up here in Texas, like other states, and with it are ever-increasing numbers of COVID-19 cases. If you all go back to your statistics courses and run a regression analysis on the data you will find the cases are increasing at an increasing rate. (Who am I kidding. No one is going back to their statistics course. It was almost fatal taking statistics the first time.) It looks like folks are not staying away from each other, and this virus is going to be around a while.

We now have Sahara dust moving into Texas. This stuff drives me half nuts. It is right up there with oak pollen and unfortunately, there is not much that can be done other than to wear a mask (Now that’s novel) and keep the rescue inhaler handy. I’m telling you this has been a crap year for asthmatics. Today’s JohnKu talks about the year. I do hope you have a super weekend.

It seemed nice at first,

Then somehow it got pissed off. . .

The year needs a friend.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Call of the Wild – Lucy and Twiggy

June 25, 2020June 24, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

Twiggy and Lucy

How about a tense jungle game, Lucy?”

“Sounds fun. You the Puma and me the Watter Buffalo?”

“As usual.”

“The Puma carefully and with great skill pokes the Water Buffalo to see if it still lives.”

“Very funny. Of course, the Water Buffalo lives.”

“The Puma makes a thrust for the heart.”

“Which the buffalo stops with one stroke of the paw. . . er, hoof.”

“The Puma gives the buffalo one last chance to call it quits.”

“The buffalo whispers, “Bring it on.”

“The puma throws herself into battle.”

“The buffalo holds steady to meet the onslaught.”

“Ha, the buffalo is down for the count.”

“The buffalo calls up its reserve strength.”

“One mighty whack, and the puma is finished.”

“The puma decides to give up the fight.”

“That was fun, Lucy. I hope the folks liked it.”

“What folks are you talking about.”

“The readers. I hope you know there are readers.”

“Yeah, I do, Little one. Now, we need a drink of water.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

June 24, 2020June 23, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 61 Comments

“Did you set the alarm for Friday, Lucy?”
“I did, Little One.”
“ZZZZZZ”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, we learned from Nikola Stanković (A dominant Serbian underworld boss) that Lazar Popović (Another Serbian underworld boss) may be behind the attempts on Larry and Andrew’s life. We also found out that Lazar Popović’s sister was married to Igor Sandusky. So now that we have so many names we can’t pronounce, we should get on with the story. The gang has had their second drink of Stanković’s private vodka stock, so it looks like they are getting down to business.

“So, Mr. Dunfee, I have a proposal for you.”

“I’m all ears, Mr. Stanković.”

“Ha. ‘All ears.’ One of those American idioms, Yes?”

“Yes, sir. Means I’m listening.”

“Okay, then. You have a major enemy in Lazar Popović, yes?”

“I only have your word for that.”

“You. Can trust my word.”

“Okay, let’s just say that Lazar Popović is trying to kill Andrew and me for reasons unknown.”

“Good. Now let’s say Lazar Popović has some problem with the law, Yes?”

“Problem? What kind of problem?”

“Oh, maybe he is caught trying to distribute some illegal drugs or something like that.”

“How would we find out about illegal drugs?”

“Well, let’s assume you have a friend that has that information and can pass it to you.”

“Do you know such a friend?”

“It all depends.”

“On what?”

“On how much that friend can trust that you and your team will make a good case against Lazar Popović.”

“You know we will need probable cause to even enter a facility.”

“I’m pretty sure I will be able to supply that as you say, ‘probable cause. I know someone who is working for Lazar Popović who would be willing to exercise his good citizenship by coming forward at the right time to provide an eyewitness account of the illegal activities.”

“A solid citizen?”

“But of course.”

“What do you get out of all this?”

“An excellent question, my friend. I mentioned that an enemy of Lazar Popovic is a friend of mine, yes?”

“You did say that.”

“So, without Lazar Popović messing in my business, I stand to control all of Nevada.”

“Please don’t tell me what that means.”

“Ha. You are a knowledgeable man, Mr. Dunfee. Do we have a deal?”

“What about you, Lieutenant. You’ve been pretty quiet.”

“What did you say, Larry. I’m sorry, but I haven’t been paying attention. Sure, I’ll have another drink.”

“Okay. I get it. I guess we have nothing to lose Mr. Stanković. Let’s do it.”

“Ah, my friend. You will not be sorry. Here let me fill your glass.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Production of the Last Packard Automobile in 1956

June 22, 2020June 21, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

This week marks the anniversary of the production of the last Packard automobile in Detroit, Michigan in 1956. The Packard was, at one time, the hallmark of luxury production cars. The company used the slogan, “Ask a man who owns one,” for many years. Since this is the passing of an icon, it seems only right to go and watch the last machine to roll off the production line. Take your top ten list so you don’t stumble inadvertently into a situation that could cause a tear in the time continuum. So pack your bag and let’s go.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Production of the Last Packard Automobile in 1956.

10 If you go, do not mention the name Cadillac while in the factory. If you do, at best you may not be heard over the noise. At worst, the production crew who have just been told that Cadillac is the reason for shutting the plant will hear you. (Time to try and make them believe you didn’t say Cadillac, Latinus. How about golf? “You know my caddy lacks enough skill to be helpful.” It doesn’t look like it’s working. Hit the fire drill button.)

9 If you go, do not tell Tiny the WWF champ that he missed a spot while polishing the car. If you do, at best, he is thinking of the lunch hour and will ignore you. At worst, Tiny, who just finished being admonished for careless work, will take your comment to heart. (One thing you should know, Lauren, is that Tiny does not take criticism well. In fact, his foreman has been on long term medical leave since he told Tiny to be more careful. Yeah, he’s coming this way. Tine to try out those Nike’s)

8 If you go, do not blow the words to “See You Later Alligator” by Bill Haley and the Comets. If you do, at best the other workers will be singing so loud they won’t notice. At worst, you will be discovered not knowing the words to the number one song. (Not really a big deal, Law, but you can’t make any more mistakes. Better hope you can handle “Blue Suede Shoes” by Elvis. That one is next.)

7 If you go, do not talk about having a McDonalds Big Mac for lunch. If you do, at best, no one will know what you are talking about. At worst, you will draw attention to the fact that you are not from around here. (The first McDonalds opened in Michigan in 1957, Leal. It opened in Lansing, which is eighty miles north. Don’t worry, the workers just think you are weird, not dangerous.)

6 If you go, do not ask if the car comes equipped with a stereo radio. If you do, at best, no one will understand you. At worst, you will be talking to an engineer who will catch the concept and wonder where you came from. (Stereo radios were not installed in cars until 1969. I think that engineer is in love with you, Leandros.)

5 If you go, do not ask for a color wheel to help decide the color of the last vehicle. If you do, at best you will be ignored. At worst, you will sound like you are mocking the final selection. (You see, Leeroy, it has been decided that the last Packard made would be a black Packard Patrician four door. I think those guys with wrenches want to see you. Yeah, I would ignore them too.)

4 If you go, do not scoff at the price tag of $4190 for the loaded Packard Patrician. If you do, at best everyone will think you are rich. At worst, the production crew will think you are saying the car is too cheap. ( You have to remember, Legolas that $4190 in 1956 would be worth $39, 495 today. So the car was far from cheap but not as expensive as some. The production crew would like to see you outside. No, I’m not going with you.)

3 If you go, do not forget some of the plots of the shows that were popular on TV. If you do, at best, the crew will think your memory is shot. At worst they’ll think you are nuts. (so let’s hope you remember I Love Lucy, Gunsmoke, Jack Benny, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Res Skelton, and You Bey Your Life cause these guys just watched a few last night. No Leighton? That’s too bad.)

2 If you go, Do not tell the workers what is in store for the company. If you do, at best they won’t believe you. At worst they will take out the bad news on you. (The company merged with Studebaker, who was in bigger financial trouble. By 1958 although an attempt was made to produce Packards in South Bend Indiana the brand was totally discontinued. Aren’t you glad you didn’t tell them this, Lemuel.)

1 If you go, do not even think about sitting in the last Packard. If you do, at best no one will be able to find the keys. At worst, you will sit with a spot of grease on your pants. (The shop steward is demanding that you pay for the car Leodegan. I think your Visa card will not be accepted. He doesn’t look like someone who you want to argue with right now. Hit the way back button.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Happy Father’s Day

June 21, 2020June 20, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

Since this is Father’s Day, I want to wish all you fathers a happy joy-filled day. For the views this week, I thought I would share where I’ll be spending some time.

views of the Neighborhood

One place is out in the side yard, relaxing.

The other is the back porch. I had hoped to be able to show my new matte black grill that will go on that blank wall. Unfortunately, it is still with the manufacturer. It seems Covid-19 caused some delays. It was supposed to be delivered in May and now is scheduled for July.

I hope you all have a great day.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt- “ZZ”

June 20, 2020June 19, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again, and here is Linda Hill to explain this week’s prompt. “Thank you, John. I have to say that long hair gives you the appearance of a mad scientist. It’s a good look. I would keep it. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “zz.” Find a word with double-z in it and use it in your post. Enjoy!”

Yeah, thank you, Linda. If you would like to have fun too, just visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS June 20/2020

“You and a dictionary? What gives?”

“Our prompt this week is a word that has a double z. Linda said to look up a word with. a double z and use it.”

“I’m guessing no first names like Izzy or ZZ Top.”

“She never said anything about that.”

“There are a ton of words. Gizzard, pizzazz, pizza, sizzle, drizzle.”

“Come on, this is my prompt. Let me do it.”

“Sure. We have all day.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“No offense, but sometimes you are the dizziest when it comes to making a decision.”

“Yeah, nice thing to say. So sometimes I get puzzled. No one’s perfect.”

“I think the word to describe your condition is frazzled.”

“Okay, I got it. I’m going to talk about the Grizzley bear.”

“Careful. Make sure that thing has a muzzle.”

“Ha ha, very funny. Thanks for the razzing.”

“All these double z words makes me thirsty for a guzzle.”

“You thinking of getting sozzled?”

“Could be on the list. Want to help me swizzle.”

“You bet. When I’m sufficiently fuzzed, I’m coming home to jump in the Jacuzzi.”

“You have to stop now. I think you are done.”

“For shizzle. Fizzy barley pop here we come.”

“Just shoot me.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA- TGIF

June 19, 2020June 18, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 71 Comments

It is Friday once again. Hopefully, everyone is safe and well. It is becoming more difficult to stay safe and well for sure.

Today the governor approved a workaround for requiring the wearing of masks here in Texas. A county judge in San Antonio found a loophole whereby the state and local municipalities cand enforce the wearing of masks in retail establishments. It is quite simple. Retailers are now required not to let anyone in the store without a mask. As we all know, social distancing and masks are very effective in stopping the spread of Covid-19. With people jamming into bars and onto beaches the new case and hospitalizations of Covid-19 victims has skyrocketed. So far voluntary compliance has not been effective. Let’s hope the new retail requirement can make a difference. For the life of me, I don’t understand why folks take this disease so casually especially when the young are getting sick.

In other news. There has been no response from the agent community on my queries. I guess I’ll have to send follow up notes to extract a decision.

Today’s JohnKu talks about individual rights in a pandemic. I hope you have a super weekend.

Good health is a right,

Which supersedes most others . . .

Put on the damn mask.