Wednesday Story Day

camel

 

The mid-week rest period is here. It is time to take a breather and prepare yourself for the rest of the week push. It is kind of funny how a small rest while engaged in some trying work can give you a second wind. This is really true of writing. I know after a few hours pounding the keyboard I am ready for something little different. Sometimes I take a break from the novel (third in the series) and do a little story. This is actually how story Wednesday came about. After two days of dealing with protagonist angst, it is really quite nice to let the brain rest and allow a story to flow where it may. After that exercise it is nice to return to the problem of the day with a new outlook. I’ll bet this works in other than writing situations as well. Try it and if your boss catches you writing a short story explain it is in lieu of a coffee break.

This week’s story is about a person who is in the situation described above and caught by the boss writing a story. It is titled: Caught. Hope you like it.

 

Caught by John W. Howell © 2014

“So Al what are you doing there?”

“Uh . . . I’m just relaxing a minute.”

“Relaxing? It looks to me like you are writing something with a number two pencil no less.”

“Well yeah Frank. I’m writing a little story.”

“A little story? You are writing a story? About what?”

“Oh it’s about the office.”

“You have time to write stories? You know I’m still waiting for the Dilbert contract.”

“Yeah I know. I should have it to you by this afternoon.”

“Well that will be good considering it is two days late. Let me ask, will you be done with your story by then?”

“Oh it’s all finished.”

“All finished? Can I read it?”

“Why would you want to read it?”

“Well the way I look at it, you wrote it on company time and therefore it by rights belongs to the company. I represent the company so I have a right to read it.”

“I was using my coffee break time.”

“You union Al?”

“No.”

“Then coffee break time does not officially exist. It is a custom not a right. Hand it over.”

“It’s kind of personal.”

“Al?”

“Here you go.”

“Alright let me see. Humm the story opens with you coming into work. You grab a cup of coffee. More break time huh Al? Then you go to your cube. Boy this is exciting. Then your boss comes in and catches you writing a story. This sounds like real life Al. He demands to see the story. Uh Huh. While reading the story a large black shadow creeps up from the floor and surrounds the boss whose name is Frank. Geeze Al this is crap. Let’s see where was I? Oh yes here it is. The boss calls the work crap and then the large shadow . . .”

“Go ahead Frank. Then the large shadow does what?”

Wednesday – Mid Week Story Day

 

camel

Wednesday is upon us again and time for a story. Please tell me if this Wednesday thing is too routinized cause if it is, I sure don’t want to keep busting my hump (heh heh worked it in)  on the day to create something you don’t like. After all this blog is not for me . . . hold on. Wait this blog is for me. What am I saying? I have been reading too much about how to write an interesting blog. I’m starting to get sensitive to what I think y’all would like to see. STUFF THAT. I need to tell a story about a sensitive man in an insensitive world and that’s what I’m going to do. The title is “Hey You” I really do hope you like it.

Hey You by John W Howell © 2014

“Hey you. Where you going?”

“I was just going to get a bite to eat.”

“You can’t leave the room. Your number hasn’t been called.”

“Yeah, but I’m really hungry. I haven’t had a thing to eat all day.”

“Well that is your problem you were told to bring a lunch.”

“Yes I know, but you see my wife is in the hospital and I went to see her this morning and didn’t have time to grab a lunch.”

“Still not my problem chief. Now go sit down before I need to call someone.”

“She’s very sick and I have a couple of kids that need to be cared for as well.”

“Sure we all have kids. I will ask you to sit one more time before I call security.”

“Okay I am sitting. No need to get anyone else in here.”

“So where is your wife?”

“She is in Mercy hospital. She came down with the flu and then it got worse.”

“That’s not good. Where are the kids?”

“We have a sitter who comes in.”

“Well that’s good. At least they are not alone. What is your number anyway?”

“Uh, let me get it. Here it is, number sixty-five.”

“Oh man. They are only on twenty-one. You have quite a wait. Tell you what. You go grab some lunch and promise me you’ll be back in a half hour.”

“Oh sir that is so nice of you.”

“Yeah well, don’t mention it and don’t tell anybody.”

“Okay I will just slip out.”

“Go ahead.”

“Hey where is that guy going?

“He needs to go see a sick wife. What’s it to you?”

“Well I know he is number sixty-five and I am sixty-six. If he doesn’t come back then my number will be up when possibly I wouldn’t have been served today.”

“Yeah so?”

“I know this euthanasia for science research thing is voluntary and the money is good, but I don’t think I am ready to go through with it.”

“Shoulda thought of that before you signed the contract. Now go sit down.”

 

Wednesday Story Day AKA Hump Day

a wed

Another Wednesday. As a celebration of Wednesday there is a story to be told each week. In case you wondered, all the stories are written for this post and are original. I continually wonder if these stories are what you want to read. I have been reading up on what makes a good blog and have to admit some of the advice seems to make sense. Well . . . it seems to make sense for those bloggers who follow the advice. For instance; the advice says the blog can be really long and if enough good content is there, people will read it. This does make sense, since there are a number of really good blogs out there where the writer has over 4000 words and about as many followers. I try to keep mine to less than 400 words and up until recently I could say I had about that many followers. Maybe there is some relationship between number of words and followers. I sure hope not.  I have this belief people are way too busy to read every blog they follow anyway and to have to read several at 4000 words it doesn’t take much time to get to 80,000 words. This would be like reading a book a day. So unless y’all have any objections I’ll go against the advice and keep it short. Which brings up the story for today:

The Follower by John W. Howell ©2014

“You asked for comments and here is mine. I really like your blog. You seem to understand the subject and it is presented in a very interesting way. I am following you.”

Your comment is in moderation

“Dear Frank. Thank you for following my blog. I had a chance to go and visit yours and am following you as well.”

Your comment is in moderation

“Thank you George for the follow. I hope you like my blog as much as I like yours. In case you want to read my book here is a link.” http://amazon.com/mybook/frankthejerk

“Yeah thanks for the link. I guess you never thought about certain rules regarding hijacking a comment section of a blog with personal promotion.”

“Gee. I did not mean to get you in a wad. I really thought you would like my book.” 🙂

“I’m not in a wad, but I have spent a lot of time on preparing this post and hate to see it ripped off with a book promotion.” 😦

“Well I really didn’t mean to rip off your blog with one little comment. I guess you are really sensitive.” 😉

“I don’t think sensitive covers it. This is not appropriate behavior.”

“Who made up the rules. You?”

“No. I just write this blog.”

“Figures.”

“What does that mean?”

“I‘ve noticed certain bloggers invite comments, but when they come in they have a problem with them” 😦

“I don’t think that is the point.”

“So what is the point?”

“You have used my blog to promote your book. If I promoted your book on my blog it would be a different matter. You did not even ask.”

“Oh I understand. Okay let me ask; will you promote my book on your blog?”

Your comment is in moderation

Wednesday Story for Hump Day

break

No that is not me in the blue hat.

Wednesday comes so fast. We are in the middle of the week and time for a story. Also our little community here at the beach is right inside the first week of Spring Break. The stories I could tell which are not Fiction Favorites. This time of year we absolutely hibernate in order to avoid the chaos. We go to the store only when we absolutely need to go since we buy about two weeks’ worth of stuff so we won’t have to go downtown. Unless the lime juice runs out there is no need to go there.  Going downtown normally takes about four minutes. During spring Break you may be lucky to make it in an hour. Sometimes the mayhem gets so out of hand you have no choice but to turn around and go back home. Those of us in the know, simply don’t go out. Enough of my lesson on living in a place where every drunken young adult wants to congregate and drink more. Yeah you are right. We knew this would happen. It’s like hurricanes, we know they could arrive, but it doesn’t stop us from living here.

Here is the story, it is called Spring Break by John W. Howell © 2014

“So where do you want to go to dinner tonight?”

“Eh I don’t care. You choose.”

“Okay. There is a good pizza place downtown.”

“Mmmm naw. Pizza is loaded with fat and calories.”

“How about a nice burger. The Ground Cow has some really good burgers.”

“Well. . . I gave up beef a couple of years ago. I just don’t want to violate my body with cow flesh.”

“There is a real nice seafood place and we can walk there.”

“Eu seafood. You mean the stuff that comes out of the Gulf?”

“Ah well yeah and it’s really fresh.”

“I hate to be picky, but I just don’t know where the seafood has been and I’m gonna pass.”

“Okay how about a salad then?”

“I’m not sure. You think the greens are okay? I mean I hear a lot about salmonella and stuff.”

“I guess I give up. What can you have for dinner?”

“I think we can stay right here on the beach. These blue corn chips are great and the green tea is cold. There is Grey Goose in the cooler. What else do we need? Besides I can’t stand up.  Oh by the way. Got a light?”

Hump Day is as Hump Day Does

 

I know the video has nothing to do with Hump day, but I really think this song is something we should think about now and then. It does relate to the story so  I decided to put it up there anyway. Yes it is hump day after all and time for another story. This one is about a guy who asks a fellow worker for a favor. Hope you like it.

The Favor by John W. Howell ©2014

Frank makes his way down the hall. He needs to see Ronny about a loan and Ronny’s cube is in the next section of the building. Ronny’s Section BB is about a stone’s throw from section AA where Frank works. He always thought it strange how the company labeled the various rooms of the office. You would think they could just call it section A, he thinks to himself the many times he traversed the hall.  Ronny and Frank are friends as well as co-workers. Even though they don’t have the same boss they feel they have a co-worker bond in addition to the friendship.

Frank weaves around the various cubes walls until the maze ends up and Ronny’s place.

“Hey Ronny.”

“Crap Frank. You scared the hell out of me.”

“I’m sorry. Can you chat a minute?”

“Yeah sure. Move that shit of the chair and have a seat.”

“You sure you’re not busy?”

“Oh oh looks like you need some money.”

“How did you know?”

“Whenever you are polite, you need money.”

“Well I resemble that.”

“I’m sure. So how much do you need?”

“How much you got?”

“Come on Frank, quit kidding. How much?”

“Well I need twenty but will take five.”

“Oh sure, let me get a five.”

“Not five dollars Ronny. Five thousand.”

“W-What. Five thousand? What the hell for?”

“I really need twenty, but the five will keep me alive until next week.”

“Keep you alive. What are you saying?”

“Um, I borrowed so to speak twenty thousand from a  guy and now I need to pay it back.”

“Why did you do that?”

“This guy said if I didn’t give him twenty thousand he was going to throw me off the Empire State Building.”

“Just like that? He demands twenty thousand. Why didn’t you go to the police?”

“Couldn’t. I paid a guy twenty thousand not to kill another guy.”

“Aw Frank. This is becoming way too complex. I don’t have twenty thousand to give you and how in god’s name did you get yourself into this mess.”

“Well the guy they were going to kill was a friend of mine and the killer said he would not do it for twenty thousand. So I burrowed the twenty from another guy who now wants it back or I go sailing off the Empire State building.”

“Good luck on this Frank. You should have never gotten involved in the first place. I can’t help you.”

“Of course there is another alternative.”

“Yeah what is that?”

“I could collect the twenty if I killed the guy myself.”

“Frank. Listen to me. You are a big boy and for some reason you are acting like a kid. Do you know why they wanted your friend killed?”

“Yeah. He was playing the market and came up short. He owes them a bunch of money and it looks like they won’t get it.”

“So you got yourself into the middle. Is this friend worth it?”

“I don’t know Ronny are you?”

“Me? What the hell you talking about? What are going to do with that gun?”

“Don’t you owe some guys a bunch of money?”

“No. Did they tell you I did?”

“Yes. They said they were going to kill you if I didn’t give them the twenty.”

“Shit I didn’t think it would come to this. Yeah I do owe them the money”

“So can I have the twenty?”

“I don’t have it.”

“I think you better come with me Frank. Very quietly.”

*

Did you ever do a favor for someone and they not appreciate it?

Hump Day is as Hump Day Does

 

Today is Wednesday and time for another story.  This one tells of a writer and actor going through some of the story line. Of course this is fiction, but actually served a purpose in saving $250.00 of couch time at the feelings doctor. The video is the Hump Day Camel in a public service announcement. Still funny.

Hope you enjoy.

The Character by John W. Howell ©2014

“So who’s the character supposed to be?”

“He is a lying no good son-of-a-bitch. That’s who he is supposed to be.”

“I know, but I am trying to get a real feeling for the person here. I can’t play the character unless I feel the person. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah I know all you actors have some kind of method. Is that what you are talking about?”

“No, not really. Method is an overused term. I’m just trying to get the motivation for the part.”

“Oh like you aren’t making a ton of money? Something else?”

“Now don’t be mean. You writers think our art is so easy since we make it look easy. We take some half backed character you dream up and put real life into your cardboard cutout. We round the character with our own interpretation of behaviors.”

“Yeah I can see that. You take the limp outline which I put on paper then you add some action, scenery and color and voila, a perfect performance.”

“I think you are getting a little carried away. You sound like I am saying acting is more important than writing.”

“Aren’t you?”

“No. I’m just saying without actors the written characterizations mean nothing.”

“Okay how’s this? Your character sometimes gets into a deep depression from having to work with real idiots. He tries to work through his depression by engaging in acts of violence targeted to those who cause him to become depressed in the first place.”

“Oh I like it. A dark character. Does he wear black?”

“Yes he does and in addition, when he is stalking his prey, he puts on black skin-tight gloves.”

“Much like the ones you are putting on?”

“Yes very much like. Then he lays in wait for the fool to make an appearance.”

“Does he have a gun?”

“No, no, no, he uses a long stiletto like this one right here.  He grabs the victim from behind and with one quick draw of the knife he severs the jugular and laughs as the sucker dies. Wanna see?”

“Um . . . you are making me feel uncomfortable. Maybe we should call it a day.”

“Oh yeah. Let’s call it a day. In fact, let’s just say you call it . . . and make my day.”

Hump Day is as Hump Day Does

Wednesday is story day to celebrate Hump Day. Since this is Wednesday there will be no exception. Today’s story tells of a young man thinking he has a solution to his problems. I hope you enjoy.

The holdup by John W. Howell ©2104

“Yes Sir, can I help you?”

“Er . . . why yes. I need to make a withdrawal.”

“I can help you with that. Do you have a withdrawal slip filled out, or do you wish for me to do it?”

“N-No I have it fill out. Here take it.”

“Oh my sir. This is not a proper withdrawal slip. This is a note.”

“Y-Yes just follow the instructions.”

“Let me see. It says to put all the money in a bag and don’t tough the alarm. I have a gun and I ain’t afraid to use it.”

“T-That’s what is says alright.”

“Sir I need to help you a bit here. First of all, you don’t want to put in writing you have a gun.”

“W-Why not?”

“When you say something about a gun this crime becomes armed robbery whether or not you have a gun. You see, in this state, the mere belief the perpetrator is armed is just as intimating as if you waved a gun around. Also, you just admitted to the higher offense in writing.”

“Just get the money and cut the chatter.”

“Secondly your note has a number of typos in it. As a substitute school teacher I just don’t have respect for you when you make these kinds of mistakes.”

“Mistakes where?”

“Here see the word ‘tough’ right here. I think you meant ‘touch.’ Don’t touch the alarm. Am I right?”

“Yes, but so what?”

“Also the word ‘ain’t’ should never be used in this context. You should say ‘I am not afraid to use it.’”

‘Well you got that right. I am not afraid to use it.”

“You actually have a gun?”

“Well. . . no not really.”

“Okay here’s what we are going to do. I’m going to tear up this note and give it back to you. You go home and think about what you did today. If you still want to hold up the bank, you come back tomorrow with a proper note. Do you understand young man?”

“Yes ma’am. Sorry ma’am.”

Hump Day is as Hump Day Does

 

camel

Here is a quick story for hump day. Warning. . .  this one is a little weird and came rolling out of my head with little control. It is called My FLY.

My FLY by John W. Howell ©2014

“OMG, if I don’t find a place to lay these eggs soon I am going to burst.”

“Now dear you can put those eggs anywhere. You know that.”

“The doctor told me I needed to find some healthy waste so the babies would have a good start.”

“Start schmart. You know those little maggots don’t appreciate anything.”

“Yes, but it is a mother’s duty to give them the best chance.”

“Yeah and what does it get you. When’s the last time we heard from any of those adults? How many are there now a couple a billion?”

“Well dear I’m sure they are just busy. You know with flying around and looking for places to lay eggs. It is nowhere near a billion. I think millions would be more accurate. Of course, who knows how many have been taken by the giant swatter?”

“I heard old man Nichols got swatted last week.”

“Oh my. I hadn’t heard. How’s Mrs. Nichols?”

“Took it real hard. She hasn’t left her dung heap since.”

“I’ll have to stop by and give her my condolences.”

“Now there is an idea. You could kill two birds with one stone. Say hello and you’re sorry to Nichols, then drop off that pile of eggs.”

“You know it just might work. Get my suitcase it is time we went to give birth. Thanks for the idea.”

“No problem. We should probably fly low. I hear there is a swatter up high.”

“You know best dear.”

 

 

 

Hump Day Story is as Hump Day Story Does

hacker

 

Wednesday again and time to celebrate the fact the hump will be crossed come close of work and the weekend is in sight. I thought I would tell a story as I normally do on hump day. This one is about an author who is not satisfied with his sales rank on Amazon so he tries to do something about it. I hope you enjoy.

Hacker by John W. Howell

“So you are saying you fixed my sales numbers?”

“Yup went into the system and jigged them a little.”

“Are you sure it won’t be suspicious?”

“Nope I took plenty of precautions and for added measure I boosted some of your author friends as well.”

“Boosted? What do you mean?”

‘You know. Add some sales. Go into the royalty file and make it synch with the sales file. The biggest deal was getting the rank file to come out right.”

“What do you mean come out right?”

“Well you now rank number one on Amazon and that took a lot of cross programming.”

“Number one.  Are you crazy?”

“Had to knock that Robert Gates fella down to twenty-five to accommodate.”

“Number one. I said low profile. A little help. Not number one.”

“Shoot, If I was an author I would want to be number one.”

“Oh my god.”

Liar Is as Liar Does

I read and tried to guess which was which when Aussa Lorens on 22 November 2013 posted five truths and a lie. I was wrong with my guess on which one was truth in her life. I did have to admit after the process the truth is stranger than fiction. In the course of commenting back and forth Aussa asked when I was going to do one. I told her I had to set it up and it might take months. I was lying of course since it is here today Wednesday.

Here is how it works. I will tell six stories about myself and one of them is a bald face lie. If you choose to play you can guess which one is the lie. The correct entries will be put into a giant hat and I will pull them out and publish your correctness on the results post.  If no one responds I will just give the results and cry to myself in my lonely garret. I wanted to award a new car or boat, but right now I need to sell a million books to do that.

 

Story Number One.

quizset

As a young boy growing up in the city of Detroit I was chosen along with five of my class mates to appear on TV in a local version of Quiz Kids called . The competition was fierce, but our team did not win the event. We rang the buzzer too slowly and did not get to answer the final question which was a tiebreaker.

Story Number Two.

Eagle%20Medal

I earned the Eagle Scout award when I was younger than the minimum age limit. I went to scout camp in the summer after the award was finally made. One of the councilors challenged my authorization to wear the award patch on my uniform since he thought I was too young. I demonstrated my ability by organizing a raid on his bunk which resulted in him hanging, wrapped, and upside down in a large a tree. The troop settled for ice cream in exchange for cutting him down.

Story Number Three.

 

While in high school the family moved out of the inner city into the suburbs. As a sophomore it was difficult to make friends especially since I was more city type (black Levis, t-shirt and jacket) versus the suburban type. (Khaki slacks and button downs) There were a number of social and service clubs I was interested in joining. One after the other I was told membership was filled. Since all applications and rejections were reviewed by the school administration, I was called into the counselor’s office and asked if there were any of these applications that needed to be forced. (Laws required nondiscrimination) I told him that I really didn’t want to join these anyway. He suspected I was lying, (which I was) but could do nothing more. I figured being forced would cause more harm than good. Long story short, I founded a club that had over one hundred members and became one of the most popular. In fact it was so popular that had I not founded it I probably wouldn’t have been a member.

Story Number Four   

vet

I went off to college and believed I would make a good veterinarian. I loved animals and could not imagine a more worthy career. The first term in vet school found me up late at night babysitting a very sick goat. The goat needed surgery and the vet finished the task.  My job was to walk the goat around so the anesthesia could be naturally dispersed. If the goat lay down it could ultimately suffer from a bloated condition that could be fatal. I walked the goat for more than eight hours and did some serious thinking. That night alone with the goat made me realize I was not really prepared to deal with life and death decisions over these gentle creatures. The goat did survive, but I decided to make a change. I changed majors at the end of the term.

Story Number Five   

interview

When I was getting ready to graduate from the university I began the process of interviewing for a job. A number of companies interviewed right at the school and so I signed up for about thirty or so. I was talking to a company which manufactured office furniture. All was going well until I complimented the person on the quality of their clocks. As can happen doing a number of interviews I had the wrong company. Their names were the same, but one did clocks and one did furniture. The furniture guy was not pleased to talk intelligently only to discover the person he thought would be right for the job was an idiot.

Story Number Six  

sales man

 I graduated from college and went to work for a famous consumer products company. (Yes I survived the interview process) My job was to introduce new products and maintain share of established brands in my assigned territory. I would visit grocery stores, drug stores, and mass merchants to represent the company brands. I worked diligently and was recruited away by another company. The observed presentation causing the recruiter to believe I was the right choice involved swallowing tic tacs telling the buyer before “if you don’t say yes to this order I have some cyanide I will need to take since my boss will kill me anyway.” It only worked from a humor point of view.

Okay which story is true and which is a lie. Let me know.