Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Bodily Functions

August 11, 2018August 10, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This weeks prompt is “bodily functions.” Yup, you heard me right. Flipping bodily functions. Linda Hill says we can write about one or a whole bunch of bodily functions. If you would like to engage in frying your brain as I do each week, please visit Linda Hill’s blog and find out how easy it is to do just that. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/10/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-11-18/

“Why so glum chum?”

“I just went up the Hill so to speak and got my prompt for today.”

“You always love these prompts. Is this one different?”

“Not different just a big challenge.”

“How so?”

“The prompt is bodily functions.”

Bruuuuhahahahah. You have to be kidding.”

“No. I’m serious. We can write about one or a whole bunch. My problem is I can only think of one.”

“Oh come on. It can’t be that bad. What is the one?”

“Pooping.”

“Whoa. You can’t write about that. Yours is a family friendly blog.”

“Yeah tell me. I did think of another.”

“Okay with some caution I’ll ask what are you thinking.”

“Breathing.”

“Yeah, now there you go. Talk about breathing.”

“I feel better already. Let’s see there are different kinds of breathing.”

“Go on.”

“When you are running you breathe harder.”

“Good.”

“When you sweat and run your breath is different. Wait, another bodily function, sweat.”

“Excellent. I think you’re going to kill this.”

“When you are quiet and resting your breath is easy.”

“Almost poetic. Go on.”

“When you kiss someone your breathing can become deeper. I got it. Saliva production is another bodily function.”

“You are the master.”

“Where was I? Oh, yes kissing. Makes the heart beat faster. Heartbeat has to be another bodily function.”

“You are taking strange paths to get there, but I have to say you are getting there.”

“Then as the kissing gets more heated—”

“Stop.”

“What do you mean, ‘stop”‘

“You are now starting to concern me again. Where are you going with this?”

“I was going to mention goosebumps. What is wrong with goosebumps?”

“Okay. Nothing wrong with goosebumps. Proceed.”

“Then if all works well there’s the orgasm.”

“One toke over the line my friend. One toke over the line.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

August 10, 2018August 9, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 83 Comments

Friday is here, and we can look forward to a super weekend.

I want to let you all know that I will be taking a sabbatical from my blog, twitter, and Facebook beginning Tuesday, August 14th. My last post will be on Monday.

My leave is due to a needed knee replacement procedure on Monday, August 13th. I’ll be hospitalized for at least two days. I’m not sure how long my absence will be but want you to know, so you won’t wonder where I went. I don’t think I’ll be stopping by to leave comments on your posts until I’m sure my brain is clear. There is nothing worse than having to apologize for an incoherent response with the phrase, “That was the oxycodone talking.”

I hope my absence won’t be too long but in situations like this one never knows.

Thank you for your support and understanding.

Today’s JohnKu talks about absence. Have a great weekend.

We appreciate,

Those we are used to seeing . . .

And miss when absent.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy Needs Her Rest

August 9, 2018August 8, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

“Hi, Lucy. Why so glum?”

“Twiggy is under the sofa and won’t play with me.”

“Oh, I’m sure she is resting or something.”

“She says she is tired of playing”

“Tired? What’s that about?”

“We were running around pretty hard.”

“Well, there you are. She is tired. Give her some time.”

“You think so, Boss? I hope she isn’t coming down with something.”

“Twiggy. Come out of there and let’s have a discussion.”

“Good girl, Lucy. She will listen to you.”

“I don’t feel like playing, Lucy I need a little rest.”

“But we can take it a little slower.”

“Any ideas Bailey?”

“I’d get a treat and lure her out.”

“Okay. The rest is over. Here I am.”

“How about we do tug of war?”

“We can play whatever you want, Little stuff.”

“Aw. Thank you, Lucy.”

“I’m glad you feel better. I know we play a little hard sometimes.”

“It’s okay. I love playing with you.”

“I thought we were going to play.”

“How about we play I SPY with our eyes closed.”

“But you won’t be able to see anything.”

“I know Little Potato, but we can pretend.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

August 8, 2018August 7, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 49 Comments

Unique funny hump day memes Hump Day Dog memes quickmeme funny stuff Pinterest

It is Wednesday story day, and last week we left Andrew with the head of the municipal IT department. I think we were taken back with the IT manager being so full of himself. Well, I think our opinion doesn’t count if he is able to come up with a solution to the deleted file. I see Andrew and Larry are back in Larry’s office. We should go there to see what is going on.

“So you talked to the head of IT?”

“I did, and he is trying a unique approach to a solution to the deleted file problem.”

“Do tell.”

“He thinks there might be an old tape which was used as a backup. The big problem is if he finds the tape he will need to find a reader.”

“Any line on a reader.”

“Yeah, he thinks one of his suppliers might have a customer using a reader. If so we can use it and get the deleted file back in its original form.”

“Terrific. I do have a question though.”

“Yeah, shoot.”

“What do we have when we get the deleted file?”

“I’m betting my old notes will give us some forensic basis for determining how the heart was disintegrated. and maybe this will be a thread to the motive.”

“Can’t you just remember what you wrote?”

“You’re kidding, right? Tell me the last thing you wrote down on a piece of paper.”

“What do you mean?”

“Even if it was yesterday. Tell me the last thing you wrote. You know, pen or pencil in hand and a piece of paper.”

“Damn. I can’t remember.”

“You know why?”

“Not really.”

“It’s because when you write something down your brain knows it does not have to store that piece of information. So it remembers where you wrote it but not the content.”

“I get it. I remember making notes about another case but can’t tell you what I said.”

“There you go. So how can I remember what I wrote ten years ago?”

“Yeah, I see. So chasing after this deleted file is worth the time and effort.”

“I think so for sure.”

Then let’s hope the head of IT knows something about getting that tape to work.”

“He has to find it first.”

“Yeah, of course. I have faith.”

“I’m glad one of us does.”

Tuesday- Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #186 by Keith Channing

August 7, 2018August 6, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or website, next Monday.”

The photo

“Easy guys, easy.”

“You say something, Frank?”

“No, I didn’t say anything.”

“Could have sworn I heard something.”

“We need to get control of this bird.”

“Fat chance Dumbo.”

“Come on, Gerry. You don’t have to be insulting.”

“What are you talking about?”

” I said. ‘We have to get control of this bird,’ and you called me, ‘Dumbo.”‘

“I did nothing of the sort.”

“Sure you did fathead.”

“Alright, Frank. I think we have had it for the day.”

“Now what?”

“You just called me fathead.”

“You must be imagining things. I didn’t call you anything.”

“Your mother wears combat boots.”

“Okay, Gerry. Secure your bird. I definitely do not want to do this anymore.”

“Fine with me.”

“Sissy.”

That’s it, Frank. As soon as I get this bird tethered you and I are going to have a serious discussion about friendship.”

“Yeah, well bring it on.”

“Okay smart guy. How about I give you a smack on the chin.”

“I haven’t said a word, Gerry. You are getting worked up over nothing.”

“And you are the nothing.”

“Nice. Get that bird in the car and come on back. I think you have a whooping coming.”

“Forget the bird let’s get it on. Oh, wait. He just broke loose.”

“Hey, you guys. Bird one. Humans zero.”

“You know that bird could talk?”

“I think it is more like that bird can mind control. No, I didn’t. What about that whooping.”

“Ah, that was just the bird talkin.’ How about a beer.”

“You’re on. Too bad he got away.”

“Why?”

“Could have made some money.”

“And lose your mind.”

“Yeah, and that. Let’s go.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do on Social Media

August 6, 2018August 5, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

The inspiration for this post was another post by award-winning author Jan Sikes. Jan was wondering out loud whether or not we were all sharing too much on our social media efforts. In a comment back and forth she suggested doing a “Top Ten Things Not to Do” post. You can see Jan’s post HERE. You should visit her blog just to take a look at the five books she has written.

The Top Ten Things Not to Do on Social Media.

10 If you are on social media, do not publish a photo of yourself making a hand gesture. If you do, at best the gesture has an innocent intent. At worst, your gesture no matter how honest is seen by others as a reason to find out where you live. (It is incredible that you have all those people on your front lawn, Espen. What do you think they are carrying torches and pitchforks?)

9 If you are on social media, do not post that you believe WWF wrestling is fake. If you do, at best Tiny the WWF champ is out of the country without access to the internet. At worst, your post pops up on Tiny’s feed. (Looking through the peephole in your door does not give you the whole view of what is about to happen, Ethan. In fact, I would back up a bit, so you are not hit by flying splinters. Better yet, run for your life.)

8 If you are on social media, do not engage in a back and forth discussion on politics with someone who has an AK 47 as a Gravatar. If you do, at best you’ll stop before going too far. At worst, your last comment which has no retort will be followed by a high-pitched tone. (That tone is the sound of an incoming rocket-propelled grenade, Eupeithes. I would take cover.)

7 If you are on social media, do not publish pictures of your dinner no matter where it is to be eaten. If you do, at best most will miss it. At worst, the two likes you receive will be indicative of how poorly ham hocks and sour kraut with a side of succotash come across in a photo. (The fact that most of your readers decided to skip their dinner will come back to haunt you, Eurystheus.)

6 If you are on social media, do not publish a GIF that blinks on and off with colorful stars and a giant pair of lips. If you do, at best at least one reader will think it is cute. At worst, you will trigger several psychological and physical events that will hold you forever libel. ( I guess you had no idea the strobe effect would cause such a reaction, Evann. The injury attorneys will find that laughable.)

5 If you are on social media, do not broadcast the fact that you are not home. If you do, at best none of your readers is a cat burglar. At worst, you’ll return home from your trip to an empty house. (Normally you are used to being alone at home, Everardo but no furniture is a bit stark.)

4 If you are on social media, do not rant about a minor inconvenience in your day. If you do, at best folks will just ignore you. At worst, you’ll get other stories that make your problem sound like a blessing. (Now don’t you feel like a dope, Evgeni. You just had to demonstrate how shallow you are didn’t you?)

3 If you are on social media, do not publish pictures of your new expensive purchases. If you do, at best your materialism will define you. At worst, those followers who have significantly less than you seem to have will drop you like a hot potato. ( I know you were happy you got that BMW, Evzen. All those folks in a ten-year-old Honda can’t help but be jealous.)

2 If you are on Social media, do not pretend to be recommending products that you like when in reality you are being paid. If you do, at best your recommendations will be ignored. At worst you will support something that doesn’t work. (Now you have an angry bunch of readers, Eric. What’s that they are saying about a class action suit?)

1 If you are on social media, don’t forget that your followers are individuals and deserve the best you have to offer. If you do forget, at best a few unfollows will wake you up. At worst, you will need to start over with a new approach. (Funny how those thousands of followers disappeared isn’t it, Edward?)

Views of the Neighborhood – The Harbor

August 5, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

It’s such a nice day, I thought a walk around the Marina might be relaxing. Sorry about the lateness of this post. I messed up the scheduling. Hope you enjoy.

The marina is connected to the park. This sign is a Hurricane Harvey survivor.

Lots of nice boats.

Two shrimp trawlers off in the distance.

The PollyAnna and a lot of new slips that are open.

Two nice boats.

I have to alert Deborah that the pole is bent and the sign is straight.

This is named the Jetty Boat and runs people to St Joe’s Island. There is nothing on St Joes except shells.

A sightseeing boat.

Two beautiful fishing boats.

I came home with this picture and told the Producer that I had found our boat. She was not impressed.

More fishing boats across the channel.

Some folks doing some fishing off the harbor jetty. Those are granite rocks.

Always nice to have the Army Corps of Engineers around.

My kind of boat. 35-foot Bertram

Some men working on installing the new docks.

Day fishing boat. Named La Pesca (Why not?).

No fish flag flying.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Call”

August 4, 2018August 3, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 37 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and this weeks prompt is “call.” Linda Hill says we can use it any way we want, including in another word as long as the letters are in the same order. So with all of that if you would like to participate, visit Linda’s blog and find out how. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-4-18/

“You look happy.”

“I should be I just got a call from my boss.”

“Uh oh. What did you boss want?”

“Actually it was a good thing.”

“I’m dying to hear. Come on what did your boss want?”

“You know I’ve been learning calligraphy.”

“Yes, and you have been callously avoiding me.”

“Oh, come on. Those classes are callipered to wash some out if they don’t work hard.”

“Just the same, you used to make scalloped potatoes, and it has been weeks.”

“I know I have been lax. You also promised scallops.”

“Yes I did but only if you stay home one night. It shouldn’t be too hard to avoid your callers.”

“Okay, that’s a deal. I’ll make scalloped potatoes with scallions, and you make those delicious garlic scallops.”

“I almost forgot. Why did your boss call?”

“To ask if I would use my calligraphy on some invitations to a party.”

“Thank is not an exciting reason for calling.”

“No, it is not. But calling with some business is better than calling with an assignment.”

“You getting paid for the calligraphy?”

“No. The boss called it job enrichment.”

“Callow indeed.”

“Rascally too.”

Friday John Ku – AKA – TGIF

August 3, 2018August 2, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

Ah, weekend eve. This week seems to have been a long one for some reason. I guess it might be the work being done on home projects and trying to balance work on the WIP. Sometimes it makes the days a little longer and the nights a little shorter. All in all the week felt slow, and I’m not complaining. Something about taking things slow seems to work out.

The weather has continued to be hot and humid, but that’s what it is every summer here. The tourists are behaving themselves for the most part. Last night there was some kind of firework extravaganza on the beach. Since they are illegal here, I hope the police cracked down. The noise stopped abruptly so maybe that was why.

Other than that everything has been pretty quiet.

Todays JohnKu talks about the tedious aspect of ordinary. I hope you have a super weekend.

When things are normal,

We may take it for granted. . .

Until the deluge.