Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

May 19, 2017May 19, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 60 Comments

TGIF

Another week has flown. I mean this is getting ridiculous. Either I somehow nod off and lose a few hours here and there or time is passing way too quickly. Well, I hope you enjoyed the work week. (Excuse me. Did he just say that?) If not, I hope next week is better. If so, I hope next week is just as nice. (I should go into the diplomatic corps )

I got my Circumstances of Childhood manuscript back from the editor. I will be diving into that this weekend. I’m also continuing to work on the next. The story is coming together nicely.

I did launch a new Amazon Marketing Services ad for My GRL and this time increased the number of keywords. I’ll let you know what happens.

I read a fellow author’s post which asked a question about wasting our lives. It was posed in the context of trying to accomplish some life goals and in the process do we spend time on activities that turn out to be a waste. My point was all activities directed toward a life goal including those we feel are failures could be considered time spent learning.

This week’s JohnKu talks about what we should do in the face of failure.

It simply was wrong,

Start to finish it was doomed. . .

Now I’ve learned something.

Thursday – A Little Personal

May 18, 2017May 17, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

Lucy

“Hi, Boss.”

“Well, hello, Lucy. What can I do for you?

“Baily and I are a little worried.”

Bailey

“I see that. What’s the problem?

Empty desk

“Empty desk boss. Empty desk.”

“You know I can’t sit there 24/7.”

Lucy

“As a spokesperson for the non-humans, I want to make sure people outside the house know you write books.”

“You know last week you got several cute hits. I’m wondering if you can continue to milk it.”

“We actually have a vested interest in your success.”

“So what do you recommend?”

“Throw up a couple of cover pictures and then ask everyone to buy a copy.”

“If only it were that easy.”

“Okay I’ll put up the covers and links, but that’s it.”

“You are a mensch.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

May 17, 2017May 16, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 44 Comments

Hump Day

My goodness, last week we witnessed Lucas taking a swan dive off the roof. I don’t know about you, but I had to hide my eyes on that maneuver. Mrs. Murphy was right there calling for help. Let’s hope she stopped running around like a chicken with her head cut off and got to the 911 call. We need to go back and see how it came out. I know, I know somehow we don’t want to do that but we must.
“How is he doing doctor?”
“He is in remarkable shape for falling that far. he does have a few broken bones and some internal injuries.”
“But he will pull through right?”
“My yes. He’s a strong young man.”
“Oh, my gracious that is a relief.”
“Are you his mother?”
“No doctor I’m his employer.”
“I see. Do you know if he has any family nearby.”
“He is all alone. He has no family.”
“Well, this is awkward then. He needs to have some surgery. We think there is a rupture in an artery in his gut and we need a consent form signed by a responsible person.”
“There is no one doctor. I will sign the form.”
“Well in an emergency I suppose you could take the liability.”
“What if you don’t do the surgery.”
“I’m afraid he will bleed out. We are staying ahead by giving him transfusions and keeping him drained, but we can’t do that forever.”
“I understand. Let me have the form.”
“You sure he has no one?”
“I’m positive.”
“Okay, then the nurse will be right out with the form. I will set up the surgery for today.”
“Thank you, doctor.”
“Well, well, well. Look who is hovering over Lucas.”
“Hello, Alice. What are you doing here.”
“I was talking to Seth, and he mentioned Lucas was brought in by the EMS team.”
“And so you decided to rush right over.”
“I thought I could be of some help.”
“That boy does not need your kind of help right now.”
“My, my a little possessive aren’t we?”
“Get lost, Alice.”
“Meow.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #123 by Keith Channing

May 16, 2017May 15, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 28 Comments

In Keith’s words “Using this photo (Below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

Kreative Kue #123

The Sale By John W. Howell ©2107

“Look. Here he comes.”

“That horse doesn’t look fit enough for the wagon.”

“I know right?”

“He said the price included a horse, but I’m going to tell him the deal’s off.”

“Wait a minute. Maybe that nag is good enough.”

“What do you mean?”

“You pretty much stole this deal. You’ll never get a wagon at this price anywhere else.”

“Maybe he’ll throw in some kind of warranty.”

“Now you’re talking. Just bid your time. This deal may turn out okay.”

“I just thought of something.”

“What?”

“How we going to get this rig home?”

“Need to hitch up Dobbin and take it slow is how.”

“Is this wagon street legal.”

“Who cares. It’s an antique.”

“I know, but I don’t need a ticket.”

“We’ll ask him when he finally gets here.”

“Good deal here he comes. Say, buddy.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Can this be driven on the street?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Is it okay to drive on the street with this wagon.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well, there are some funny laws about vehicles.”

“I don’t know of any that would prevent you from using this wagon.”

“How about the freeways?”

“The what?”

“Freeways. You know. Seventy miles an hour speed limit.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about. Te best we do is Fifty miles in a day.”

“What are you talking about? You have a car don’t you?”

“Car? Now, what are you talking about? You’re not trying to back out of the deal are you?”

“Come on man. I’m not trying anything.”

“Good cause they just passed the city ordinance of 1843.”

“What the hell is that?”

“You can’t renege on a purchase unless you can prove fraud.”

” City ordinance of 1843. What year is this?”

“I think you are faking insanity to get out of the deal. Its 1843 and I’m going to go get the sheriff. You stay here.”

“Did we fall asleep or what? Am I dreaming?”

“I told you not to take that Twilight Zone sign post lightly.”

Top Ten Things Not to do When Cooking

May 15, 2017July 2, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

Top Ten things not to do

The inspiration for this list is the fact that I love to cook. I cook a lot and have made some interesting dishes that didn’t quite make the delicious category. So I hope you enjoy this batch.

Ten Things Not to do When Cooking.

10 If you are cooking, do not think you can walk away to let things “simmer.” If you do, at best the dish will burn. At worst, the fire department has opened an investigation to see if the configuration was set on purpose. (You always wondered what the chirping noise in those smoke detectors was huh, Buford. Well, seems they finally died.)

9 If you are cooking, do not think your brother-in-law, Tiny the WWF champ is going to act as your sous chef. If you do, at best there might be some yelling. At worst, Tiny just left his court ordered anger management session and is taking out his frustration on your new twelve piece setting of China. (I think asking him to make a souffle was over the top don’t you, Ferd?)

8 If you are cooking, and have a pan in the oven to finish, do not forget the oven mitt when you take it out. If you do, at best you’ll remember in a split second after you touch the handle. At worst, yo are now the proud owner of a new All-Clad brand on the palm of your hand. (Didn’t you notice the smoke, Buster?)

7 If you are cooking, do not think for every cup of wine in the recipe you need to drink a like amount. If you do, at best there is only one cup. At worst, you need to wonder how everyone liked the meal that you slept through. (You are no Julia Child, Tex. Oh, by the way, your wife’s lawyer just called.)

6 If you are cooking, don’t think you don’t need to follow a recipe. If you do, at best you are making scrambled eggs. At worst, the EMS driver has called the Center for Disease Control thinking there is a massive epidemic in your sick family. (So you didn’t understand some of the ingredients, Ralph. It still looked good enough to eat which was unfortunate for everyone.)

5 If you are cooking, do not try to call your local carry out and pass it off as yours. If you do, at best you’ll have to fess up. At worst, everyone will complement your effort as the best ever. (Sadly they even started to list some of your worst dishes huh, Pard?)

4 If you are cooking, do not invite anyone over for dinner until you have mastered the dish. If you do, at best no one will tell you that the meal was bad. At worst, each of your guests had an emergency phone call and had to leave. (Did you wonder why most only took one bite before the emergency, Putz?)

3 If you are cooking, do not do your famous garlic surprise the night before that real estate open house. If you do, at best the Fabreeze air freshener might cover it. At worst, the attendees will manage a one minute stay before needing oxygen. (Ever wonder why people never visit you, Jake?)

2 If you are cooking, do not think everyone loves their food spicy hot. If you do, at best you’ll have a ton of leftovers. At worst, you will have to put up with people running to the nearest faucet for relief. (A little embarrassing to have all your faucets covered by gulping dinner guests isn’t it, Bunky?)

1 If you are cooking, do not trust that automatic start on the oven. If you do, at best you can fill in with McDonald’s. At worst, the prospect of serving raw turkey to your boss has you frantically trying to make a reservation. (Seems all the restaurants are booked up huh, Goofus?)

Views of the Neighborhood

May 14, 2017May 13, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 52 Comments

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms. Today’s view of the neighborhood takes us to Robert’s Point Park for the annual Port Aransas Art Fest. It is here where local artists display their crafts and artwork and offer them for sale. Because of the number of booths I did have to pick and choose which to feature.

This first photo is the vendor of hot dogs known in town as The Hot Dog Lady

Art Fest

The next is a display of handmade pots and mugs.

Here is an artist who paints birds.

This next booth is of items made from recycled material.

The artist paints scenes on sand dollars. Seems like no home should be without one.

While walking around, I noticed some dogs. I took a picture of the biggest.

And the smallest.

The Art Fest is sponsored by the Port Aransas Art Center.

Here is a shot of mobiles made of stainless steel. A suitable material for this climate.

Animals painted in oil on canvas.

I thought this booth was unique with the different signs.

Here is a tighter shot of the signs. I liked the Group Therapy sign.

Art Fest

This photo gives you an idea of the number of booths. In the foreground is the sound system.

Finally the advertising for the Art Fest.

Hope you liked the View.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Language

May 13, 2017May 12, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

SOCS

It is Stream of Consciousness time again and this week’s prompt is “language.” If you would like to join in why not wander over to Linda Hill’s place and read how. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2017/05/12/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-1317/

“What did the guy say?”

“I’m not sure.”

“What do you mean ‘not sure?”‘

“Well I asked the questions, and he answered me I think.”

“I have to ask you directly. What did he say?”

“He said ‘Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He was a good friend of mine. I never understood a single word he said, but I helped him drink his wine. And he always had some mighty fine wine.”‘

“For heaven’s sake. Those are lyrics to a song by the Three Dog Night.”

“I thought it was a little strange but considered he was talking in a different language.”

“The language is English. How could it be different?”

“Well, it could be code for something else.”

“I would say it was drunk for something else. So we still don’t know where we are?”

“We are here, but the question is where is here?”

“Now what language are you speaking.”

“Poetic right?”

“Stupid if you ask me. We need to get directions out of here.”

“We gotta get out of this place if it’s the last thing we ever do.”

“You are starting to wear on my last nerve.”

“Shush, big boys don’t cry. Big boys don’t cry.”

“Stop it.”

“Stop in the name of love before you break my heart.”

“Think it over.”

“After I’ve been good to you.”

“Think it over.”

“After I’ve been sweet to you. Stop in the name of love.”

“Before I break your head.”

“Huh? What just happened there?”

“We need to find out where we are.”

“I just got lost. Every river I tried to cross.”

“Enough.”

“Okay. Let’s try to find someone who speaks our language.”

“Maybe Spotify.”

Book Launch – Ritual of the Lost Lamb by Charles Yallowitz #Fantasy

May 12, 2017May 11, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 15 Comments

Dark times are waiting for the champions in
RITUAL OF THE LOST LAMB!

Death is a blessing that the Baron is not ready to bestow upon his new toy.

In the chaos surrounding the Spirit Well, Luke Callindor has disappeared and the only clue the psychic scream of agony that Dariana cannot ignore. Knowing that a journey to Shayd will result in their ultimate battle, the champions have devised another way to rescue their friend. With permission from the gods, Nyx has begun the Ritual of the Lost Lamb. It is a long and exhausting spell, which is made even more difficult by a new threat that is out to make all of the Baron’s enemies suffer.

It is a race against time where every minute lost brings Luke Callindor one step closer to a fate worse than oblivion.

Grab it on Amazon!

Add it to your Goodreads ‘To Read’ List!

Excerpt: Audience Granted

Having said her piece, Nyx gnaws on a hunk of jerky and sips at a waterskin while the others discuss her idea. She refuses to admit that she is having second thoughts about breaking a god seal even with permission. The last time she accomplished such a feat was by accident and resulted in her magic being sealed for days. Nyx shudders at the memory of feeling so many lives ending at her hands and takes a sloppy drink of leathery water to steady her nerves. The result is a full body convulsion of disgust and a hacking cough as the liquid goes down her windpipe. Flicking a green beetle off her shoulder, the channeler impatiently paces in a circle and wonders why the others are taking so long.

The hairs on the back of Nyx’s neck rise and her arms become covered in goosebumps as a pulse of energy ripples through the clearing. She is about to ask her friends if they feel anything, but stops when she sees that they are frozen in time. The half-elf’s heart pounds in her chest as she fears that the Baron is about to attack. More terror seeps into her mind when she expects to turn around and find Luke’s tortured body dangling before her eyes. Not wanting to be caught by surprise, a flaming disc appears in her palm and hums as she searches for the source of the powerful spell. The snap of a twig to her left causes Nyx to hurl the fiery circle, which splits into a swarm of deadly copies that would destroy any normal enemy. Against the ebony platemail of Gabriel, the discs puff into balls of harmless smoke that remain hovering in place.

“Your friends have agreed to your idea,” the Destiny God states, ignoring the mortal’s amusing attack. He removes his black cape, which becomes a vague chair for the nervously bowing channeler. “Now, this is unique. In fact, it is quite unheard of, which is why I am granting you an audience. The Law of Influence says I cannot get involved, but nobody has ever asked for permission to do something like this. Needless to say, all of us are very curious to see how all of this plays out.”

“I want to unseal the Ritual of the Lost Lamb,” Nyx politely requests while she takes a seat on the cape. An enchanting warmth rises from the cloth and she nearly falls asleep from the blissful energy that infects her body. “This is the only way to save Luke without marching into the Baron’s territory. We both know that is what he wants. With the forbidden ritual, I can gather my little brother’s residual energy and bring him home. None of us will be at risk since it’s a combination of a summoning and teleportation spell.”

“Strange that you know about a spell designed by channelers. Especially since it has not been used since the ancient Race War,” Gabriel says with a nod of his head. Urging voices in the back of his head causes the god to hum with his mouth closed, the spell jolting the sources of his rising irritation. “The Ritual of the Lost Lamb was taken from mortals before my time, but I understand the reason it made the gods worry. Such a thing could be the first step into summoning a deity against his or her will. Possibly even stealing immortality. Though I believe times have changed and we should reconsider the sealing.”

“Time is also running out,” the channeler replies, shying away when the powerful deity stares at her. A flickering realization that the Baron’s power might be on the same level of Gabriel gives her the courage to meet the man’s piercing eyes. “I apologize for sounding like I’m rushing you. Yet, it has been said that the gods and goddesses have no concept of time since you exist forever. That means I have to push even though I want to speak with respect.”

“In other words, you want a decision now.”

“That would be best, sir.”

“Sadly, I cannot agree to your terms.”

“I haven’t made any terms.”

“Exactly.”

Need to catch Legends of Windemere from the beginning? Then click on the covers below!

You can start for FREE . . .

Or grab the $4.99 ‘3 in 1’ bundles!

Cover Art by Jason Pedersen
3D Conversion by Bestt_graphics

Cover Art by Jason Pedersen

Also Available in Single eBooks:

Cover Art by Jason Pedersen

Cover art by Jason Pedersen

Interested in a new adventure? Then grab your Kindle & dive back into the world of Windemere! Don’t forget an apple for Fizzle.

About the Author:

Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you, and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.

Blog: www.legendsofwindemere.com
Twitter: @cyallowitz
Facebook: Charles Yallowitz
Website: www.charleseyallowitz.com

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

May 12, 2017May 11, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 45 Comments

Funny Friday

I hope you are ready for the weekend. This has been a good week for me with more words written on the WIP. I did add a tweak on the Amazon Marketing Services promotion. I paused the first and launched a second and can report that I got fewer impressions but more clicks per impression. (For those who wonder Amazon charges by the click and you can set the price per click in advance) I also got a sale (I’m in no hurry to figure this out) on significantly less clicks and impressions. The only thing I changed was the promo blurb. I kept the keywords and number of keywords the same and the price per click the same.

So what conclusion can I draw?

The promo blurb is important
The same keywords and number do not deliver the same number of impressions from promo to promo.
The keywords that did not get any impressions were the same from promo to promo so that means my price per click on those keywords was too low.
I need to keep experimenting with the mix.

Today’s JohnKU talks about experimentation. I hope you all have a good weekend.

To solve a problem,

Many techniques are at hand. . .

Why trial and error?