“Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”
This post originally ran on October 26th, 2015. Since we all have been through some storms this year, I thought it would still provide a chuckle.
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The inspiration for this list is a recent three-day storm here in Texas. Although I had enough sense not to do these things, they did come to mind as I was going through various circumstances.
Top Ten Things Not to do During a Storm
10 If you are in a storm, do not decide to drive around to check out the damage. If you do, at best, you may find yourself stranded by high water. At worst, you might be trying to explain to the grumpy-looking national guardsman why you didn’t heed the warnings to stay inside. (You have to wonder if that rifle has real bullets)
9 If you are in a storm, do not call the electric company to report a power outage. If you do, at best, you will be on hold for hours. At worst, you will be reminded that the entire grid is down and then asked some embarrassing questions designed to point out that it is dark all around you. (Never thought to look out the window, huh?)
8 If you are in a storm, do not rush your grocery store for a month’s worth of food and water. If you do, at best, you will be in the company of your hysterical neighbors. At worst, you will find yourself in a primal fight over a roll of toilet tissue with Shultz, the county cow tossing champion. (And you almost wrestled it away before you blacked out)
7 If you are in a storm, do not ignore the weather warnings. If you do, at best, you might be surprised at how fast things come at you. At worst, you might be challenged to swim for safety with only a duckie ring as a flotation device. (And you read on the duckie that it is not to be used as a flotation device. What’s that hissing sound?)
6 If you are in a storm, do not try to move through the darkened house without a flashlight. If you do, at best, your shins will take a beating on the furniture. At worst, that candle you lit will somehow fall into the pile of newspapers you left in the living room last night. (And guess how long it will take the fire department to reach you?)
5 If you are in a storm, do not keep driving in the heavy rain. If you do, at best, you will stress out to the maximum. At worst, your car might be invisible to that giant 18 wheeler behind you with the devil himself at the wheel. (It must be the devil given the recklessness of the driving)
4 If you are in a storm, do not think all your emergency gear takes the place of common sense. If you do, at best, the gear may not fully perform. At worst, you will think you will be able to ride out the storm only to change your mind two minutes after it is too late. (Don’t worry about trying to Google it. That wall of water is called a Tsunami)
3 If you are in a storm, do not think you need to go outside to fix something in the middle of wind and downpour. If you do, at best you will get very wet. At worst, you could find yourself being carried away in the company of your neighbor’s swing set. (You might be able to turn around in a mile or so.)
2 If you are in a storm, do not think a quick dash to the mailbox doesn’t require wet weather outer gear. If you do, at best, you will need a bath and hot cocoa to thaw out. At worst, the chill you received on the jaunt turns into something that keeps you in bed for a week. (And what you are doing cannot be remotely described as enjoying yourself.)
1 If you are in a storm, do not think you have to brave the elements to get to work. If you do, at best, you will show up, and no one else will be there. At worst, you will have battled the storm for hours, and once you get there, all questions about your judgment skills will be answered. (And you thought you were indispensable)
Welcome back to the tour. Today we are going to Lakeway Park to attend the Lions Club charity Dog event. Owners are encouraged to dress their dogs in costume and enjoy the stroll through the park. We are again being catered by June’s All Day in Austin. Our entertainment is Josh Stone.
Brunch Menu.
Café Breakfast choice of eggs, sliced ham & gruyère, housemade jam, buttered English muffin
Farm Egg Omelette Boursin, salted radish & green salad
Wine, spirits, beer, soft drinks, coffee, and tea.
So let’s go.
Here we are at the sign-up table. If you are walking, you get a bag t-shirt and tote. The guy is not included.
Halloween doggie.
Information on Paws for Prisons. A group who rescue dogs and then take them to people in prison to socialize and train them. Benefits for both dogs and humans.
Here is the sign telling us we are in the right place.
A nice trinket give-away table. Koozies, dog toothbrushes and toothpaste, leashes, and of course, information.
The first walker dressed as batman.
Looks like a farmer jones kind of costume.
The fish costume was a little too big. When the head is on, the dog can’t see.
A terrific prehistoric costume.
This one came as a nudest.
Cute little TuTu.
A lion.
Looks like the photographer is getting the stink eye.
A famous bull rider.
Superman.
A beautiful butterfly.
Well, that is the tour for today. I hope you enjoyed it. Now have some food and enjoy the music.
It was fortunate to find a nice quiet spot in the park where listening to the birds and enjoying the absence of human voices was possible. Spreading out a blanket fashioned in the design of the tartan of my maternal Grandmother, who was an immigrant from Scotland, made the strange park scene seem like home. Then, settling back and taking a Topo Chico out of the cooler, the process of pecking away at the latest story began.
Out of the corner of my eye, there was a flash, but when looking directly, there was nothing. Since seeing things has been part of my life for eons, a shoulders shrug was followed by a return to work. While typing away, a feeling of not being alone crept over me. You may have had the feeling at one time. You know you want to turn around and look behind you but are very reluctant to do so since it might be something you don’t want to see. It became apparent that the birds felt keeping quiet was the better part of valor in the stillness.
That’s when the hair stood up on my neck, and my flight response kicked into high gear. Not able to move fast enough before being grabbed from behind by a big smelly beast. Wanting to scream but prevented by a slippery hand sliding over my mouth, cutting off all sound. The calloused hand was wet with a slick substance that had a strong copper odor. Anyone who has read a horror story knows precisely what covered the hand.
The gag response decided to react to the smell, and after several involuntary moves, the beast released its grip. It threw me to the ground and put a singular finger to its lips accompanied by a widening of the eyes that signaled for me to shut the hell up. Taking the opportunity to size up the beast, the first stunner was the impression that whoever made this thing used several different body parts. Neither arm matched. One was hairy and one smooth. The legs looked like they were taken from a horse. The head resembled a Yeti without the good looks. “What chew lookin’ at bub.” Were the first words spoken. I stammered that I had never seen anything like it before, and it explained that it was the new prototype USPS postal person.
Immediately a thought came to mind about the blood on its hands. It explained that the last delivery was a side of beef, and it had not had a chance to wash up. The thing finally handed me an envelope and inside I found a message from Linda Hill. It read
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “body parts.” Pick a body part and talk about it. Make sure to leave a comment below or put a disclaimer at the top of your post if it’s NSFW! There are people who participate in SoCS and love to support others, but not everyone will want to read about private parts. Have fun!
If you would like to have, fun visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link.
It is Friday again, and we are so grateful that we didn’t miss it. Today is also Good News Friyay, and we have two stories.
The first story is about the preliminary test of the Boyan Slat ‘Jenny’ Ocean clean-up system.
Photo courtesy of The Ocean Cleanup
Boyan Slat’s team removed 20,000 pounds of plastic debris from one of the significant “plastic islands” in the Pacific on the first trial of his System 002 nicknamed “Jenny.” It is a system where two boats pull a u-shaped collection device. (pictured) “The Great Pacific Garbage Patch can now be cleaned,” announced Dutch entrepreneur Boyan Slat, the wunderkind inventor who’s spent a decade inventing systems for waterborne litter collection. This means the 1.4 trillion pieces of plastic down to 1mm in size can be removed from the oceans by 2040.
Photo courtesy of the Ocean Cleanup
A shot of the plastic picked up. See any of your stuff in there?
Our second story is just plain good news for one person Randy Bachman of The Guess Who and Bauchman Turner Overdrive. Of course, we can all feel good about one guy who heard the story of Randy having his guitar stolen out of his hotel room and searched the world till he found it.
Photo courtesy of Randy Bachman
William Long is a fan of Bachman’s and he heard that Randy had worked long and hard as a kid to buy the $400.00 1957 Gretsch 6120 Chet Atkins model in Western Orange. The guitar was stolen in 1976 and Long did some internet work and found it in Tokoyo Japan. Long reached out to Bachman who in turn had his Japanese daughter-in-law contact the current owner. The owner was more than pleased to return the guitar to Bachman if a replacement could be found. Bachman went to work and found one that was made at the same time on the same bench. This was out of the 40 Gretsch’s known to exist. An exchange is being arranged. The good news of this story is someone cared enough to look for the guitar and another cared enough to return it to it’s original owner.
Today’s JohnKu talks about helping each other. I hope you have a grand weekend.
“Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”
This list was originally posted on October 18th, 2015. I think I might still be helpful.
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This list is inspired by going through some boxes recently and coming across some unusual things. Of course, most of what follows is made up, so I didn’t have these experiences. I would ask the Wall Street Journal to fact-check entirely before using this story.
Top Ten Things Not to do with Stuff You Find
10 If you find an unopened box, don’t open it. If you do, at best, you might find someone’s old toss-outs or laundry. At worst, you may find the remains of last year’s Thanksgiving dinner that was supposed to be thrown out. (You still can’t get the image out of your brain)
9 If you find a lawnmower at the side of the road, do not pick it up. If you do, at best, you will find out why it was thrown away. At worst, you will put it in a garage sale only to have the original owner accuse you of theft. (How he knew it was his is anyone’s guess)
8 If you find a lamp that has washed up on the beach, do not rub it. If you do, at best, it will turn out to be made in China. At worst, you will be given three wishes by a fierce-looking genie, and you won’t get it right. (You thought you would be clever when you asked for a million bucks and now have a deer-feed bill that won’t quit)
7 If you find what you think is a treasure chest in your backyard, leave it where it is. If you don’t, at best, you will find it full of smelly dirt. At worst, it will have things inside carrying a Blackbeard curse. (Go ahead and try to spend those doubloons before your hand falls off)
6 If you find what looks like a bomb in your garage, run away. If you don’t, at best, it is only a handmade school project. At worst, old man Jones finally made good on his threat to” blow you to kingdom come.” (Suddenly you remember he used to work for a demolition company)
5 If you find a set of golf clubs at a garage sale, don’t buy ’em. If you do, at best, you will find they weren’t worth what you paid for them, even if it was only a dollar. At worst, once you take up the game, you will find out why they were for sale in the first place. (How’s that high blood pressure medicine working for you?)
4 If you find a washer on the curb of your neighborhood, leave it there. If you don’t, at best, you will only be successful in relocating it to your curb. At worst, you will spend the time and trouble to hook it up only to find the spin, and the empty cycle doesn’t work. (Soaking wet clothes weigh a ton. Right?)
3 If you find a strange object with colored lights in the woods behind your house, call the police. If you don’t, at best, it is only your neighbor testing the outdoor Christmas tree lights. At worst, you will be asked to join the expedition to a funny place where they will run experiments on you and then send you back. (You say no one believes your story? Really?)
2 If you find a note on the kitchen table, pretend not to see it. If you don’t, at best, it is an old shopping list. At worst, it is a goodbye note with the name of a lawyer at the bottom who is now your only contact. (And you thought being nice was something you didn’t have to do)
1 If you find a large, five-toed animal footprint in the yard, call animal control. If you don’t, at best, it is nothing but the neighbor’s new dog. At worst, it is the long-lost Yeti-like drooling, smelly, hairy thing that is now taking up residence in your shed and suddenly has a thing for you. (Just smile, and maybe it will go away).
Today we are going to a big event in Lakeway. The Hills County Club golf course was designed by Jack Nicklaus and opened in 1981. The course has undergone a major renovation led by the Jack Nicklaus team and is now ready for play. The ribbon-cutting ceremony and the official opening are what we are going to visit. Our brunch is being catered by Le Politique of Austin. Our entertainment is Linda Ronstadt.
Menu
CROQUE MONSIEUR Griddled ham & comté cheese sandwich, sauce mornay, dijon+ add a fried egg
STEAK FRITES 10oz grilled Texas ribeye, red wine herb butter, fries, sauce béarnaise (
Play Yellow is a children’s charity established by Jack Nicklaus to benefit Dell’s Children’s Medical Center in Austin and Nicklaus Children’s Hospital in Florida. The Hills Country Club has taken on Play Yellow as its charity.
The ribbon-cutting scissors.
Speeches by the Club President and a video featuring Jack Nicklaus.
Tom Kite, (left) a former US Open winner, will hit the ceremonial first ball off the first tee.
Cutting the ribbon on the first tee. A group of the club officer and Tom Kite.
Tom’s shot. You can see the ball just off the clubhead beginning its rise to the fairway.
Also on the agenda was a putting contest that offered a $25,000 first prize to the winner and $25,000 to Play Yellow for sinking a 150-yard putt. Unfortunately, none of the four finalists made it. The second prize was for closest to the pin.
A photo was taken with a waterfall backdrop back when the course was new. All Masters Tournament winners – Byron Nelson, Jack Nicklaus, Charles Cootie, and Ben Crenshaw.
The waterfall today.
I hope you enjoyed our outing now. Sit back and enjoy the brunch and music. I hope you have a wonderful week.
If I could find the time, I planned to go to the Home Depot and pick up some stain for the fence. The sad thing was I became so involved in a story that the day got away from me. I was writing a story about a guy wanting to buy a new motorcycle. He was very excited to be going to the motorcycle shop to pick out the new bike. He knew he wanted one in black but was unsure if he wished to use chrome or black trim. His friends all voted for the chrome, but he thought it might be too much.
Finally, the time came for him to start out for his appointment with the sales clerk. For the occasion, he put on his black jeans and Harley t-shirt. He had never owned a Harley but felt the t-shirt might give him some credibility when talking to the clerk. Of course, he knew everything there was to know about Harleys. He had been saving for ten years and studied the bikes since he decided to buy one once he had the money.
Leaving his house and opening the door of his Ford Focus, he noticed a strange vehicle heading his way. It was nothing he had ever seen before on a main street. As the speeding machine got closer, he could make out that it was a giant steam roller that looked like it was out of control. When it jumped the curb and rolled over his Focus, he was left holding what was left of the door. The operator jumped down and thanked him for helping stop the out-of-control menace. The guy was still in shock but nodded to acknowledge the compliment. The operator then handed him an envelope and a card and told him to call the company and his car would be taken care of for sure. The operator walked away. The guy looked at the envelope and had a thought that his car was just as flat. He opened the envelope and here’s what was written on a piece of paper. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “if.” Start your post with the word “If.” Enjoy!
If you would like to enjoy go to Linda Hill’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link.
