with John W. Howell
I am so pleased to participate in the Angela B Chrysler blog tour. The tour has over One Hundred and Twenty authors over a thirty-five day period. You can find my feature and interview HERE. To see the rest of the participants and post location, you can go HERE. If you would like to see, all the giveaways visit this SPOT.
It is a tremendous event, and I have to thank Angela for setting it up.
The inspiration for this list came from observing everyday life and watching others fall into a dark pit for no other reason than attempting to answer a dangerous, politically incorrect or impossible question.
Top Ten Questions You Should Never Answer
10 If you are asked, “How do I look?” do not answer the question. If you do, at best you only have a 50% chance of being right which is also a 50% chance of being wrong. At worst, the person who asked the question knows they look awful and now picks a fight with you for misleading them. (Your credibility is now null and void. Good luck with the comforting an old friend excuse.)
9 If you are asked, “Have you been drinking?” do not answer. If you do, at best your answer will not be credible. At worst, if you do answer yes you might have some explaining to do and if you answer no you better be telling the truth. (So what was it that made you trip over the footstool on your way to bed?)
8 If you are asked, “Where did this new car dent come from?” do not answer. If you do, at best your “I don’t know,” will require the need to relay your exact itinerary for the day. At worst, you will be forced to endure an agonizing lecture on how to park and drive a car to prevent it from being dented. ( Lesson one: Shopping carts are car magnets)
7 If you are asked, “Would you like to donate to an organization,” do not answer. If you do, at best you will sound mean-spirited if you say no. At worst, those around you will take into account your clothes and appearance before deciding you must be the winner of the cold heart person of the year award. (They will talk out loud while they deliberate)
6 If you are asked, “Would you mind watching our dog for a few hours?” do not answer. If you do, at best your friendship will be made or lost on the answer. At worst, little Fido happens to have a rare spastic colon that unfortunately for you just decided to attack the poor thing in your white living room. (Which the owners totally forgot to mention.)
5 If you are asked, “Would you like that order supersized?” do not answer. If you do, at best you will hate yourself either way. At worst, it will be a week or two before the supersized feeling has worked its way out of your mind and onto your body. (No is the hardest word.)
4 If you are asked, “What size do you wear?” do not answer. If you do, at best your underestimate will be a laughable moment for the store personnel. At worst, the continued suggestion that you try a larger size will point out how much you have been kidding yourself on the need for reform. (A terrible realization after all.)
3 If you are asked, “Is this seat taken?” do not answer. If you do, at best a yes answer will eventually be proven wrong making you a petty unsociable. At worst, the person will decide to take the seat no matter what you say and will now consider you a nut case if you said yes. (If you said no you have invited company who will talk your ear off for the next ten stops.)
2 If you are asked “Where are you from?” do not answer. If you do, at best the person asking is from the same place, and you now have a new unwanted BFF. At worst, the new BFF decides to go through the list of possible people each of you knows, and you realize that it might be hours before the list is complete. (And because you answered the question you are too polite to tell the person to bug off.)
1 If you are asked “Would you like to go out?” do not answer without thinking. If you do and say yes, at best you’ll need to follow through no matter how dim the prospect. At worst, you say no and unbeknownst to you the person asking is a certified psychopath who made the decision to stop taking the medication that has helped keep the aggressive tendencies in check. (You now have a spurned non-medicated psychopath wanting to walk you home.)
Today’s view shows the fact that weekends are beginning to wind down. All the schools in Texas will be in session starting Monday so not too many families will be able to get away from school activities to go to the beach. As you can see the winds are relatively calm and the seas as well. You can see the yellow flowers to the left and a few on the right. The morning glories have all but disappeared.
Last week’s photo.
Nice to have the RV on the road. Have a great week!
Stream of Consciousness Saturday has come around again. This week’s prompt is “mind” and can be used in any context according to the dungeon master advice of Linda Hill. If you would like to join in please visit Linda’s site. http://lindaghill.com/2015/08/21/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-2215/
Mind by John W. Howell © 2015
“Say what?”
“I said it looks like you’ve lost your mind.”
“Why on Earth would you say such a thing?”
“Look at you. Your shirt and pants are on backwards and you have no shoes.”
“Did it ever occur to you that I have dressed like this on purpose?”
“No. I also don’t get how you managed to button that shirt.”
“Well I did it on purpose. I’m trying to demonstrate how some of us don’t know if we are coming or going.”
“Who are you demonstrating this idea to?”
“See there you go ending the sentence with a preposition.”
“Okay let me rephrase my question Mr. Grammar. Who are you demonstrating the idea to you idiot?”
“Not who but how many.”
“Okay. How many?”
“Just one.”
“Okay, I’ll bite. Who is the one?”
“You know him.”
“Yeah, who is it.”
“Look in this mirror.”
“Have you lost your mind?”
“This is what we call a circular situation.”
“I give up.”
“Well do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Know if you’re coming or going?”
“Please shoot me.”
“Which way?”
“Huh?”
“Coming or going?”
Another work week in the history book (almost). Friday feels so good and we can take a little time to give ourselves a bit of a break over the weekend. At least those of us who have a paycheck issued by the company can take a break from that process. if we write and work for a paycheck the break then becomes more time to write. Although we can’t completely fall into a state of relaxation, at least the tasks are different from each other. If you enjoy writing then the break from a job is an opportunity to do what you enjoy. (Of course, you know all about this write on my free time stuff.)
Today’s JohnKu is about doing what you enjoy when you have an opportunity.
Enjoy by John W. Howell ©2015
When the Man’s time’s done,
Pleasurable jobs can work…
To satisfy more.
Today I am happy to host an interview on Rave Waves BlogTalk Radio/Spotlight Honors with Rachel Pruchno the author of Surrounded By Madness: A Memoir of Mental Illness and Family Secrets. Tune in at 11:00 CDT today. Here is the link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ravereviewsbookclub/2015/08/20/rrbc-rave-waves-blog-talk-radio-spotlight-honors-with-guest-rachel-pruchno-1 You can also go to Twitter #RRBCSpotlightHonors and be part of the show with questions for Rachel. Click live after the hashtag. You can also visit Rachel on Facebook and on twitter @RachelPruchno
Rachel Pruchno is Director of Research at the New Jersey Institute for Successful Aging and Endowed Chair, Professor of Medicine at Rowan University’s School of Osteopathic Medicine. She earned her Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Studies at Penn State University. Dr. Pruchno has been the Principal Investigator on numerous research grants funded by the National Institute of Mental Health, the National Institute of Aging, the National Institute of Nursing Research, the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, the Retirement Research Foundation, and the Cleveland Foundation. For more than 3 decades, Dr. Pruchno’s research has focused on issues regarding mental health and families. She has published more than 70 peer-reviewed articles in scientific journals, 10 invited book chapters, and an edited book. She has served as Editor-in-Chief of The Gerontologist, a leading scientific journal, since 2011. In March 2014, Dr. Pruchno published her book, “Surrounded By Madness: A Memoir of Mental Illness and Family Secrets.”
Book Blurb:
“What was the likelihood my adopted daughter would have my father’s hazel eyes and my mother’s mental illness?”
In this fiercely candid memoir, Dr. Pruchno, a scientist widely acclaimed for her research on mental illness and families, shows how mental illness threatened to destroy her own family. Not once, but twice.
As a child, she didn’t understand her mother’s episodes of crippling sadness or whirlwind activity. As a mother, she feared her daughter Sophie would follow in the footsteps of the grandmother Sophie never knew.
Unraveling the mysteries of her mother’s and daughter’s illnesses, Pruchno fought to preserve her marriage and protect her son. But it was not until she came to terms with her own secrets that she truly understood the destructive and pervasive effects mental illness has on families.
Surrounded by Madness is transforming. It will empower families to stop hiding and start talking when mental illness strikes.
Wednesday story time again. Last week we left Charlotte talking to Bob, who still seems to think she is his mother. They got into a discussion about the word that Robert (for you late comers Robert is another personality of Bob’s) called him. Bob didn’t want to say the word but described it as a modern word for what Oedipus did back in Homers time. We need to get back there before Charlotte implodes.
“So why do you think Robert called you that word.”
“I think he knows deep down that some of my problems stem from an Oedipus complex.”
“Did you sleep with your mother?”
“No. Not that I remember anyway. I think it’s a more latent desire.”
“Ew. Bob. You are conscious of this desire?”
“I don’t think so, but something gives me a hint now and then.”
“What do you mean something?”
“I can’t explain it. It is a feeling kinda like a dream feeling.”
“Let me talk to Robert.”
“Hello, Charlotte. It’s me, Robert.”
“Okay, Robert what the hell are you doing?”
“Doing? Whatever do you mean?”
“You are planting some evil thought in Bob’s mind, and you know it.”
“Oh, you mean the sleeping with mommy stuff?”
“Exactly. That stuff.”
“I’m just playing with him. He’s such a wimp. He believes anything I tell him.”
“I’m going to ask you a question, and I want the truth. Agreed?”
“Sure. I mean agreed.”
“Did you sleep with Bob’s mother?”
“Er. Depends on what you mean by sleep?”
“Oh my gosh.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t get all twisted. Yes, I slept with her but that is what we did went to sleep.”
“Tell me more.”
“She came home one night. I think Bob and I were about nineteen or so. She was drunk out of her mind. We were in bed and she just pushed into the bed.”
“What did she do?”
“Aw, nothing. She told us she loved us and wanted a kiss. I immediately took cover. Bob gave her a kiss.”
“What kind of kiss?”
“A little peck on the cheek. My god, you have a dirty mind.”
“I didn’t say anything. I just asked what kind of kiss?”
“Well, Bob gave her this little peck. He is such a wimp. I jumped in and planted a real kiss on her drunken ass. Well, I mean on her lips.”
“Then what happened?”
“Ah, she kinda made a grab for me but passed out.”
“So you wanted to do more?”
“What the hell is it to you? You come around here making trouble. You’ve got Bob upset and now accuse me of something terrible with my mother. You need to take it back.”
“Robert you are hurting my arm. Please let go.”
“Sure mommy. I’ll let go. After you give me what you owe me.”
“Bob please help me.”
“Charlotte I feel so weak. Robert won’t let me out.”
“Oh, my gosh.”
Keith Channing has a prompt each week he calls Kreative Kue. He posts a picture and has these instructions. “ Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr.” Here is the link to his post http://channing.info/wp/2015/08/17/kreative-kue-38-2/
This week’s photo.
The Agent by John W. Howell © 2015
“I’m telling you I know this area, and you can find a reasonably priced home. All you have to do is keep looking.”
“Well, you’re my real estate agent. Why don’t you show me some things?”
“That’s why we’re here.”
“In a shopping center in front of a barber shop.”
“Now you have to keep an open mind.”
“Open mind about what?”
“About living in a barber shop.”
“You have to be kidding me.”
“Are you allergic to hair?”
“That’s not the point. Why do you think I should live in a barber shop?”
“Well for one thing this is Florida, and your budget is pretty small. Besides I think I can get the owner to knock off some of the rent if you agree to sweep up at night.”
“This is ridiculous. Where do you live if I may ask?”
“You’re in my house.”
“This van?”
“Well, it’s better than a barbershop. I even have a pet whatchamacallit bird out for a walk right now.”
“I need a new agent.”
“No, you need a ton more money.”
This list was inspired by hearing many things said in an out loud voice that would have been better kept to the inside. Hope you like it.
Top Ten Things to Never Ever Say Out Loud
10 Never say out loud, “When is your baby due?” If you do, at best the person will give you a time of expected delivery but a frown for asking a personal question. At worst, you will be apologetic for making the assumption of motherhood when, in fact, the person has a different condition that the non-recognition of same requires numerous hits about your head and body. (And you thought that umbrella was on account of the rain forecast)
9 Never say out loud, “Do you smell something?” If you do, at best those around you will wrinkle their nose and assume you are an animal. At worst, big Brutus who is behind you will think you are making fun of the fact that he works on an oil rig that will become apparent to you on your way to the ER. (Brutus has some sensitivity about smelling like oil although he has not mastered the art of bathing)
8 Never say out loud, “It’s my turn.” If you do, at best you will have someone choosing to disagree. At worst, the crowd behind you in line will sense the insecurity of such a statement and push forward in an attempt to eliminate your position in line. (You should not say it even if the clerk asks “Who’s next?”)
7 Never say out loud, “My you have a healthy appetite” If you do, at best you will call attention to the fact that the person ate quite a bit. At worst, you will demonstrate your lack of social grace and someone might hand you a well-deserved knuckle sandwich. (Which will be 100% fat-free.)
6 Never say out loud, “Is that appropriate wear for a date?” If you do, at best you might be responsible for the opening salvo of a great teen war. At worst, you might be told that what is worn is no body’s business and what are you going to do about it. (The next move and ultimate fault for the episode is yours.)
5 Never say out loud, “You out of razors?” If you do, at best there will be some additional comment about you not liking a particular look. At worst, you will come to understand that razor use is now part of certain banned behaviors of a back to nature group. (That you had no idea existed before now.)
4 Never say out loud, “I hear you’re in Weight Watchers.” If you do, at best you can expect an unwelcome comment about your weight. At worst, you could be on the receiving end on an invitation to engage in an unnatural act with yourself. (And we are not talking about spanking.)
3 Never say out loud, “Did you have a choice of color?” If you do, at best the subject of your humor will not laugh with you. At worst, you might be on the receiving end of some very critical comments about your lavender colored Ford Focus. (And you know you had a choice.)
2 Never say out loud, “Your children are certainly a handful aren’t they?” If you do, at best you will have precipitated a great test of will on the part of the parent. At worst, you will understand what it is like to pick on a baby bear cub. (Running up a tree is probably the best solution.)
1 Never say out loud. “You don’t eat meat. What’s wrong with you?” If you do, at best those who don’t eat meat will avoid you like the plague. At worst, several members of the Professional Vegan Wrestler Society will provide a free message, and you will agree there is nothing wrong with people who choose to avoid eating meat. (Admit it you never felt so relaxed and possibly so paralyzed.)
Now we are talking. This week’s shot finally captured the elusive RV camping site. This one is fairly typical. You have your three pick-up trucks, a tent for the young-uns, and the palatial RV for the oldsters. The generator (that you can’t hear) sound is picked up by the Gulf breezes and carries right into one’s ear way back off the beach. The water is calm and you can also see the yellow and white flowers. The two on foot are neighbors going down to the beach to secure a spot before the next RV pulls in. It is a beautiful day.
Last week’s photo.
