Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 200 by Keith Channing

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, on Monday.”

The photo.

kreative kue # 200

The Mistake by John W. Howell

“So who do you have on your list?”

“Looks like an old man named Tasker.”

“Anyone else?”

“Nope. He’s the last one today.”

“Man, Thank the Creator. I’m totally worn out.”

“Me too. We have been at it for thirty days straight without a break.”

“Well, that’s how the collection business goes sometimes. Too bad those other guys got to have a vacation this week. It has made it especially tough on you and me.”

“I’ll second that. What’s say we do this one and then stop for a couple of drinks?”

“You are talking my language. Okay, we are over the guy right now.”

“You being the bombardier, just give me the word and I’ll cut loose.”

“Steady.  The guy is out in a field. Another three feet. Steady. Okay, now. Hit the beam.”

“Beam’s away. The guy should be here any second.”

“I hear him in the transport receptacle. Man, he is a noisy one.”

“Let me check it out on the observation screen. Uh-oh-oh.”

“What do you mean, ‘oh-oh?”‘

“If that is the old man Tasker he sure doesn’t look his age.”

“Let me look I have the facial recognition tool. Lucifer H. Beelzebub. We collected the right guy at the wrong time.”

“What do we do now?”

“I don’t know. I never had this problem before.”

“Are we in trouble?”

“For collecting someone who according to my tablet is not due for another seventy Earth years? You tell me.”

“Crap. We need to do something quick. Can’t we dump him?”

“No once collected, always collected.”

“We’ll just have to beg forgiveness.”

“Beg who, Tasker?”

“Naw. He knows nothing. We’ll have to beg the Creator.”

“No way. The last time I was meeting with the Creator I almost pooped my robes.”

“You don’t poop.”

“That’s what I wanted to do. I said almost. Besides you were the guy responsible for aiming. How did this happen?”

“I had my tablet open to the wrong year. Ever since that last download, this stupid thing reverts to a different year when you are sure you have set it right.”

“You better report that to IT. It may be the only way to save our butts.”

“Good plan. I feel better already.”

“What about Tasker? I wonder how he feels?”

“To be in heaven? I’m sure we can sell the advantages. Maybe we can tell him he was lucky we snatched him while he was in grace. Prevented a trip to the other place.”

“You well know he was in grace right up to the last minute or he would not have been on our list.”

“He doesn’t.”

“You want to lie to him?”

“You know, I think I have Post Collection Stress Disorder. I gotta ask for some time off.”

“Good luck with that. We will be lucky to see a vacation day in the next hundred Earth years.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

“Is it Friday yet?”
“Only Wednesday Little one.”

 

It is Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we were in Micki’s shop when Gloria gave us the news that Louis was not Sandusky’s murderer. She did advise Larry to look for a money angle. Also, Andrew missed the whole thing since he was under some kind of spell. Micki did offer to serve Andrew some tea if he would like to stay. (I think the tea was a metaphor) Well, Andrew turned her down, and he and Larry went back to police headquarters. Let’s join them there.

 

“So, Larry. What the heck went on back there?”

“Between you and Micki? I have no earthly idea.”

“No, you dolt. What happened during the séance?”

“Gloria made a brief appearance and declared Louis to be innocent.”

“Damn. You don’t say. This puts us back to square one.”

“Wait a minute. Do you believe in what Gloria says?”

“I have no other choice. You and I aren’t doing too well on collecting evidence.”

“That’s true but why all of a sudden are you accepting Gloria’s word with no reservations.”

“The mere fact I have no recall of the séance is enough to convince me. I wasn’t asleep, and I wasn’t awake. That was the work of spirits.”

“Well, whatever it takes. I’m glad you have come around fully.”

“It was my idea to consult Gloria this time around.”

“I thought you were just humoring me.”

“I plead guilty. Now I’m a convert. So what else did she say”?

“In so many words, chercher de l’argent.”

“Search for the money?”

“Yeah. That was it. Then she left.”

“So, you and I have to figure out what money she is talking about.”

“Which brings to mind that banker guy. What was his name.”

“Dixon, I think. Wait, I wrote his name down. Here it is, Ned Dixon.”

“Since he is a banker and banks have money, I think we should start with Ned.”

“That does make some sense, I guess. What will we ask him?”

“I think we start off with him explaining everything he knows about Sandusky and the business. Then as we get into it, we wait for him to make some mistake or another.”

“Mistake? What kind of mistake?”

“Oh, I don’t know. An inconsistency perhaps. Some facts that change. We’ll have him explain things several times to see how his story holds up.”

“What reason are you going to give for the questions.”

“I think I’ll just say we are investigating Sandusky’s death and that any information Dixon knows that might help would be appreciated.”

“You know if he has something to do with the killing, he’s going to bolt.”

“Yeah, but that will tell us something. I’m going to call him and get an appointment.”

“So, you’re doing an in-person interview?”

“Yup. The best way to be able to tell if the guy is hiding something.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Creative Kue #199 by Keith Channing

In Keith’s words now that he is back. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, on Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue # 199

The Square by John W. Howell © 2018

“Okay this is part 24B so why doesn’t it fit in slot 24?”

“You sure you read the instructions right?”

“I did. The next step is to fit part 24B into slot 24.”

“Why is the part so short then? Slot 24 is a foot bigger.”

“Yeah, that has me puzzled as well.”

“I have never seen such a confused mess in my whole life.”

“What do you mean ‘confused mess?'”

“Just look at this thing. Half the parts are not the right size, and it seems some are missing.”

“I checked all the parts before I began and they were all here.”

“Then why do you seem to have run out of material?”

“If I knew that I would have this conundrum solved. I called you for help not for stating the obvious.”

“Okay. I get it. Let me look at the plan.”

“It’s over there under the coffee cups.”

“Let me see. I just love these Ikea directions. I have a mechanical engineering degree and feel underqualified.”

“So what do you think?”

“For starters did you look at the picture?”

“No. Can’t say I did.”

“If you had you would realize this is supposed to be a square.”

“A square? I didn’t buy a square. I bought a rectangle. The foundation is for a rectangle.”

“You better look at your order then. You have a square. Did you get this at the Ikea store?”

“No, I ordered it online.”

“I think you better return it. You will never have enough material to finish a rectangle.”

“Look at my order. It clearly says the measurements are a rectangle.”

“All the better. It is their fault then. Wait what is this message in red?”

“Please check your order carefully before you begin assembly. No refunds or returns once assembly has begun.”

“Looks like you are screwed.”

“What if I order another square?”

“Humm let me see.  If I measure the sides and multiply by two. Yes, that will work.”

“I’m going to do it right now.”

“Just your luck you will get a rectangle.”

“That will work too.”

“Just think of the money you saved by ordering online.”

“Dark sarcasm in the classroom.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do at Napoleon’s Emperor Crowning Ceremony in 1804

napoleon-bonaparte

 

This post continues the Top Ten things not to do with a historical backdrop. On December 2, 1804, Napoleon Bonaparte himself Emperor of France. If you were there here are at least ten things that I hope you did not do. I hope you enjoy this list.

10 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not boo when he takes the crown from the pope and puts it on his head. If you do, at best do it quietly. At worst, you will be the new Emperor’s first guest at the guillotine. (This didn’t turn out the way you planned huh, Guy? Who would have thought the Emperor had no sense of humor? Hello, like everyone knew that, idiot.)

9 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not rush up to congratulate the new Emperor. If you do, at best, too many will be ahead of you. At worst, Tiny the WWF champ has been given the job of the Emperor’s bodyguard. (It is just your luck, Georgio that Tiny reacts to motion as opposed to intellect. Maybe the court doctor can reset those bones. In the meantime, drink more Champaign.)

8 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not think your old buddy is the same good guy as before becoming Emperor. If you do, at best, your hug of congratulations will be forgiven. At worst, you will wake up in the dungeon facing an assault charge. (For as many times as you and Boney partied together this comes as a complete surprise right, Garrett? Don’t worry I’m sure your buddy will reconsider. I would not hold your breath waiting though.)

7 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not wear your “Bring Back Louis XVI,” t-shirt. If you do, at best it will be taken as a joke. At worst, you will be the second guillotine guest of the Emperor. ( Whatever were you thinking when you decided to wear that shirt, Gunther? Sure it was your color but come on. )

6 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not overdo the champagne toasts. If you do, at best you have a terrible headache tomorrow. At worst, although you meant to say only complimentary comments in your last toast somehow it didn’t come out the way you planned. (Congratulations, Gallagher you are now a field marshal in charge of the Siberian front. Don’t forget your long underwear.)

5 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not ask Josephine to dance. If you do, at best she’ll say no thank you. At worst the full effect of the tap on the shoulder for a cut in by the Emperor will be realized. (What you didn’t know is the Emperor is a very jealous man. That tap signaled the home guard to drop you off in Spain, Garson.  Hope you enjoy paella.)

4 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not fail to laugh at the Emperor’s jokes. If you do, at best you can feign a cough. At worst, even though the Emperor tells the lousiest jokes the laughing guards will see you out. (Maybe a lesson learned, Garcia. I’ll bet you are hoping these laughing guards are going to see you home safely. That dungeon straight ahead might mean otherwise.)

3 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not make comments about the Emperors New Clothes. If you do, at best every one read the story. At worst, Napoleon who has not read the story will believe he is naked. (You know what they say about the messenger, Giuseppe. Sayonara.)

2 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not do karaoke. If you do, at best your song will be Happy Days Are Here Again. At worst, your song will be The Bohemian Rhapsody. (Good luck with the Freddy Mercury part, Grover. Just your luck the Emperor is a big fan of Queen.)

1 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not offer to fire the cannon in salute. If you do, at best the wick will go out. At worst, your cannon is not aimed well, and you just took out the Emperor’s bedroom. (You could offer your place for sleeping, Gebek or maybe better, just start running.)

Friday JohnKu – AKA- TGIF

 

Lucy, Bailey and Twiggy
“Hey, Lucy. It’s Friday. Let’s get ready to rumble.”

 

Friday is here and time to get ready for the weekend. This week was pretty productive. The edits are pretty much finished on the next book. Gwen Plano and I have written the sequel to The Contract and now we are trying to get to a name. The manuscript is due to the editor in January and hopefully, we will have a name by then.

Bailey is doing quite well. She is eating (Knock on wood) and appears to be comfortable.

Today’s JohnKu is about adaptability. I hope you have a great weekend.

The Unexpected by John W. Howell © 2018

When you think all’s well,

The unexpected rises. . .

Alter and adapt.

Thursday – A Little Personal – On the Beach

Twiggy, Lucy, and Bailey

“Lucy what are you doing?”

“Look to your right, little one.”

“What is that?”

“It is a big bird called a heron.”

“Can we chase it?”

“OMG no. The boss has a fit. He thinks the birds ought to be left alone.”

“I can certainly understand that. He’s a softy for animals.”

“Not so loud he’s right behind us.”

“You don’t suppose he understands dog do you?”

“Comes pretty close.”

Twiggy and Lucy

“What are we doing now?”

“This is a gopher mound. We dig in it like Idiots hoping t catch a gopher.”

“Do we?”

“Never.”

“Why you stopping?”

“Look there is a signpost up ahead.”

“With another heron.”

“Man you learn fast. nice job.”

“Will that heron fly off there?”

“Of course. When he gets hungry.”

“We should go there and wait.”

“Remember what I said about the boss?”

“I remember. Maybe I’ll just hunt for seashells.”

“Yeah, there may be some around here. The boss wants us back to the golf cart.”

“Hey Lucy, look. A dog on a leash.”

“Yeah, that is pretty common.”

“I’ll give him my pit bull bark.”

“You do that. I’m sure he is quivering in the sand.”

“Now my mountain lion face.”

“Be careful. Your face may freeze like that. I’m sure glad the boss is back. We are heading home.”

“How was the beach, Little stuff.”

“It was great. I got to dig in a gopher mound.” What is Lucy looking at?”

“Oh, she does that whenever the dog across the street starts barking.”

“Why does she do it?”

“She says she is giving that dog a greedy look in her brain. It is supposed to stop the barking.”

“Obviously doesn’t work. We missed you at the beach.”

“Thank, little stuff. Someday I’ll play on the beach all day.”

 

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Great Flood of 2348 BC

 

 

This post continues the Top Ten Not to Do list with a historical background. Scholars widely assert that November 25th is the anniversary of the beginning of the great flood in 2348 BC. Pretend you were there and here is a list that will keep you out of trouble.

Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Great Flood of 2348 BC.

10 In the time of the great flood, do not mock Noah’s boat building so far from water. If you do, at best he won’t hear you. At worst, after forty days and nights of rain, you are going to wish you never had. (Good luck on treading water for a few months, Gregory. Those boat jokes seem a little lame now don’t they?)

9 In the time of the great flood, do not offer Tiny the  WWF champ some help with that rhinoceros. If you do, at best he’ll pass on the assist. At worst, Tiny who has just finished his group session on self-esteem will believe you think he is incapable of loading that snorting beast into the Ark. (Now you have to worry about a loose rhinoceros and soothing Tiny’s feelings, Giovanni. I think the rhino might be an easier task.)

7 In the time of the great flood, do not ask Noah about who is playing in the show lounge. If you do, at best Noah will think you are joking. At worst, Noah will realize you think the whole boat thingy is a Carnival cruise. (I suppose you should feel grateful Noah allows you to ride in the dinghy, Graham. He could have just tossed you overboard.)

6 In the time of the great flood, do not start singing the Unicorn Song. If you do, at best Noah will think it cute. At worst, since Noah was not able to get the unicorns on board, he’ll feel bad. (Don’t forget Noah is 600 years old, Gilbert. He probably never heard of the Irish Rovers and now you are in the brig on bread and water.)

5 In the time of the great flood, do not smack a pesky mosquito. If you do, at best it will recover. At worst, you just killed one of the two on board. (Although it seems like you have done a service to humanity, Gustavo, Noah is going to be plenty pissed since he was supposed to have two of everything. I would lay low if I were you.)

4 In the time of the great flood, do not try to bring more than one carry-on bag on the Ark. If you do, at best the second bag will be floating. At worst, you’ll be caught, and Captain Noah will allow the bags to ride but toss you off. ( I don’t think the punishment is too harsh, Gustavo. What is every being brought two suitcases?)

3 In the time of the great flood, do not try to water ski off the back of the Ark. If you do, at best you won’t lose your grip on the rope. At worst, the Ark is not going fast enough, and you’ll sink like a stone. (It doesn’t do much good to signal for help, Gerard. That giraffe has no idea what you mean.)

2 In the time of the great flood, do not ask Noah for a turn at the tiller. If you do, at best he will turn you down flat. At worst, he will give you a spin. ( The fact that you don’t know North from South is not going to play well here, Gabe. Lucky the mountain tops are fourteen cubits under the water. What’s a cubit you ask? Go look it up.)

1 In the time of the great flood, when Noah asks you to release a dove, do not release that duck. If you do, at best the duck will come back. At worst, the duck will be able to float, so there is no need to return to the Ark. ( Noah is now asking you about how to determine if the waters have receded. “Wait until you see land,” is not the answer he is looking for, Gideon. Those water wings should help keep you up until you sight land. By the way that shark following you has not eaten for a couple of weeks.)

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

Lucy, Twiggy, and Bailey
“I tried to wake Lucy and Bailey but they told me to come back on Friday”

It is Wednesday Story Day again. Last week Andrew made a surprise suggestion that he and Larry consult with the fortune-teller to see if they can discover additional suspects. Andrew seems to have bought into the fact that Gloria (Larry’s deceased wife) might be a good source of information. I see Larry and Andrew going into the fortune teller’s shop now. We need to go there.

 

“My goodness, Larry. You didn’t tell me the shop was on this side of town.”

“Would it have made a difference?”

“No, but I could have brought something to protect myself.”

“Hello? You are aware that detectives carry weapons, right?”

“Yes, of course. I am more comfortable handling my own defense methods.”

“You know, Andrew, sometimes you are a pain.”

“Been told that before, Larry.”

“Why look at the two handsome men who have ventured into my shop.”

“Hello, Ms. Lee.”

“Hi, Larry. Please call me Micki. Who is this handsome, senior statesman with you?”

“My name is Andrew, and I must say you have brightened an old man’s day.”

“You know that in China, mature men are revered for their knowledge.”

‘So, I’ve heard. Unfortunately, we are not in China.”

“In my shop, you might as well be,”

“Excuse me.”

“Yes, Larry?”

“If you two are quite finished with this whatever it is you are doing, I would like to reach Gloria.”

“Well, Andrew. Looks like the adult has arrived. I guess I had better get to work.”

“I did enjoy the interlude, Ms. Lee.”

“Maybe after I finish with old grumpy face here, you and I could step out for tea. Better yet, old grumpy face can step out, and I could show you my ancient Chinese art collection along with some tea.”

“I’m sure your collection is quite lovely.”

“I can see you know the right things to say, Andrew. Now follow me to my back room. You too, Larry.”

“Right behind you, Micki.”

“So, have a seat and let me see if Gloria is in the mood to talk. Close your eyes, Larry. Concentrate. Do you remember how we contacted Gloria last time?”

“Yes, I sang the G-L-O-R-I-A song. Should I do that again.”

“No. Just think of the song in your head. Gloria can hear it.”

“Even if it is in his head, he is still off-key.”

“Oh my God. Gloria is that you?”

“Yes, Larry. I’m here.”

“I’m going to cry again.”

“Please, Larry. You don’t need to do that. I’m fine.”

“He might be crying for himself, Gloria. He misses you so much.”

“I know that, Micki. It does make me sad though.”

“You two know I’m here, right?”

“Yes, Larry, dear. We know.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Finger Point Prompt

Finger point prompt

 

As you may know, Keith Channing has taken the month of November to craft another Na-No-Wri-Mo 50,000 word novel. So again today I am promptless. GP Cox came up with a solution. He more or less said, “Why don’t you point a finger at a spot in a book and use that as a prompt.” He recalled a prompt on a Steam of Conscious Saturday where Linda Hill proscribed just that prompt method.

So thank you, GP Cox. Here it goes. I am opening The Investigators by W.E.B. Griffin to page 187. I point my finger and land on the sentence, “Will somebody be coming back?”

Coming Back by John W. Howell © 2018

“This is for your own good.”

“Yeah, where have I heard that before?”

“I’m serious. The government has spent a lot of money customizing your punishment.”

“All I did was borrow a few funds. I was going to pay them back.”

“Unfortunately you didn’t quite get around to that part did you?”

“Well, if I hadn’t been arrested I could have earned enough to pay everyone.”

“Earned you say? Don’t you mean to steal from others to pay the oldest debts?”

“Aw come on. That’s a Ponzi scheme, and I had nothing to do with that kind of scam.”

“No, your scam was much purer. You just took people’s money with no intention of paying them.”

“So what do you care. You are just a jailer is all.”

“I think you missed the point that the judge was trying to make.”

“I guess so. Just what point was that?”

“The judge felt you needed some time alone to contemplate the seriousness of your crimes.”

“Ha. So he made you my conscience?”

“I think your conscience is your own.”

“What do you mean?”

“How long have you been separated from human contact?”

“You must be crazy. We just got to this God-forsaken island. We just crossed that body of water.”

“Just? Think about it?”

“Aw, none of your holier than thou mind games now. We just got here.”

“Do you have a calendar?”

“Yeah, that was part of my supply kit issued back at the prison.”

“Look at it.”

“Why? It’s blank.”

“You sure?”

“Alright to make you happy I’ll look. Wait, what year is it?”

“2156.”

“That’s what this calendar says. It’s wrong. We got here today and the year is 2119.”

“Look at the days you marked off.”

“There are thousands.”

“Yes, there are. It is time for me to go.”

“No, don’t go.”

“I must. You now are aware. You must make peace with your destiny.”

“Will somebody be coming back? Hey, wait. Hello. You still here?”