This list has been inspired by observing the interaction between vacationers and locals at some vacation destinations in which I have found myself as a resident. Hope you like it.
Top Ten Things Not to do If You Live in a Vacation Destination
10 If you live in a vacation destination, do not honk your horn at the drivers who habitually go ten miles below the speed limit. If you do, at best they will go even slower. At worst, you may find yourself on the receiving end of a very frustrated lost out of towner with a car full of kids and someone asking “if we should have stopped and asked directions.” (And they might just have their semi-automatic weapon collection along for the ride.)
9 If you live in a vacation destination, do not put off grocery shopping until the end of the week. If you do, at best you will be able to check out before your ice cream is liquefied. At worst, you will have spent three hours fighting out of towners for items on your list only to find you lost a majority of the battles. (And the last six-pack of beer went to an immense guy named Tiny. ( At least that’s what the tattoo you read on the fingers of his fist said before you passed out.)
8 If you live in a vacation destination, do not drive your car downtown between Thursday and Sunday night. If you do at best, your round trip will be several hours. At worst, you will be forced to sleep overnight in your car since you parked in the only spot available only to find all the streets have been closed to traffic until dawn (And you didn’t bring a toothbrush,)
7 If you live in a vacation destination, do not plan to have dinner out from May 30th until September 2nd. If you do, at best you will be disappointed with the quality and service. At worst, you will be served hours after you order and will receive a meal lower than fast food quality and priced like Michelin Four Star. (And you ran out of things to talk about an hour before.)
6 If you live in a vacation destination, do not look forward to a peaceful summer. If you do at best, you will finally give up and stay inside. At worst, you will become known to the police as “that crank with no sense of humor.” (And even get a busy signal on a 911 call).
5 If you live in a vacation destination, do not think by being rude to the visitors somehow they will never come back. If you do, at best you will receive some rudeness in return. At worst, you may just be rude to the wrong person and end up looking like a raccoon. (Tough to explain as well)
4 If you live in a vacation destination, do not think everyone picks up after themselves. If you do, at best you will become disillusioned quickly. At worst, you will find yourself explaining to the police why you are threatening out of towners with a litter pick up stick. (And they have their Tasers at the ready)
3 If you live in a vacation destination, do not even think of going to the Dairy Queen. If you do, at best all your cones will look like shakes. At worst, your blood pressure will hit overdrive as you watch the two clerks try to handle one hundred customers. (And you wonder why management is surprised by a rush of business during vacation time)
2 If you live in a vacation destination, do not give anyone permission to park in your driveway just for a moment. If you do, at best you will not be able to get out for a few hours. At worst, you will have the vacationers in your driveway for two weeks. (And the car is locked)
1 If you live in a vacation destination, do not casually mention the idea people should visit. If you at best you will only get a few who will take you up on your “offer.” At worst, you will have a houseful of permanent residents, and you’ll be lucky if you even know them. (And they remind you of being out of beer.)