Top Ten Things Not to Do During the NFL Conference Championships

Playoffs

 

The inspiration for this list is a jam-packed day of American football (Notice, Dale I called out the distinction.) yesterday. Green Bay Packers/Atlanta Falcons and Pittsburgh Steelers/New England Patriots made for a mighty fine day. Of course, I am writing this before the games start since I want to see every minute. I hope you enjoy the list in retrospect.

10 During the NFL Conference Championships, do not talk smack about your team’s opponent. If you do, at best yu team will move on to the Super Bowl. At worst, you may be served a big dish of cold crow by all who heard your talk.(You were sure your team would win huh Bunky. Now you have a year of crow eating.)

9 During the NFL Conference Championships, do not plan anything important on that Sunday. If you do, at best you’ll disappoint others. At worst, you will miss the game. (Just so happened your team lost by one point as the opponents went for the extra two points with two seconds to play. Way to let them down, Tex.)

8 During the NFL Conference Championships, do not think you can run to the store for basic food and beverage items. If you do, at best you’ll get there and back before the first game. At worst you’ll join one-hundred of your fellow fans at halftime in a frenzy, fighting over the last bag of Cheetos. (Don’t be afraid. Tiny the WWF champ is asking you nicely to let go of that six-pack. He only gets mad if you ignore his growl.)

7 During the NFL Conference Championships, don’t try to grill dinner without a TV close at hand. If you do, at best you’ll miss key plays watching that steak. At worst, you planned to time the steak for the halftime but find you now have something that resembles blackened cedar plank. (You totally forgot about the meat right, Buford?)

6 During the NFL Conference Championships, do not accept an invitation to a house where you have no idea of the media capabilities of the host. If you do, at best you will try to watch the game on inferior equipment. At worst, you host was not aware of the playoffs and besides, he and his family have taken a no TV pledge.(The only set is in the garage and is a black and white rabbit-eared portable.)

5 During the NFL Conference Championships, do not try to entertain your in-laws during the game. At best, you will have a difficult time handling both assignments. At worst, your in-laws will no longer be interested in the game and will ask if they can watch the movie Heidi instead. (Well, Ferd. You did try, and now you need to turn to Heidi on this TV and go to your room.)

4 During the NFL Conference Championships, do not answer your phone. At best it will be your talkative sister who doesn’t have a clue about football. At worst, it will be your boss who has no life and has decided to call a strategy meeting that should go on until midnight.(You could have said you were sorry on Monday, Pud.)

3 During the NFL Conference Championships, do not allow anyone in your house that you don’t know. If you do, at best you will be interrupted to play host to them. At worst, just your luck the couple from your spouse’s work want to share with you the idea that they think football is a metaphor for the male dominated society and they think it should be banned, (If you knew these people you could tell them to have a big cup of shut the f*#k up huh, Pilgrim?)

2 During the NFL Conference Championships, do not try anything funny or different with your TV. If you do, at best you will only trip the circuit breaker. At worst, you will mess up enough to take out the city grid. (The news says the power will be back on around midnight, Buster. You can watch the game on your iPad provided the battery holds. If not there is always the Today show recap.Way after Al Roker and the weather.)

1 During the NFL Conference Championships, do not overserve yourself even if things are not going well for your team. If you do, at best the end of the evening may come too early. At worst, getting carried away with the game ended with a toss of your remote aimed for the referee which passed through the big screen on its one thousand mile trip. (Up till then it was an exciting game huh, Dip?)

 

42 comments

  1. Gwen Plano · ·

    LOL!! I suspect you didn’t need to research this list… 🙂

    1. Ha ha ha. I think you have me nailed. I actually overcooked the turkey paprika.

  2. Great list, John! So much better than the games yesterday. I thought last weekends match-ups were much more exciting.

    1. I agree totally of course, my team is the Steelers. 😦

      1. I’m sorry, John. I was pulling for them too.

      2. As I say. Ah well. Maybe next year.

  3. Guess I was living dangerously. Saw the scores and glad I missed the destruction. At least the food and commercials will be good during the Super Bowl.

    1. And the desire to see the Falcons get revenge for the Steelers. (I can dream)

      1. That would be nice. Not a fan of either team, but Patriots don’t appeal to me.

      2. I agree. No appeal.

  4. Fun post. Outcome of my game, not so much. About six weeks until pitchers and catchers show up.

    1. There you go. Good way to look at it. Wanted the Packers and Steelers to come together. Ah well.

      1. That was my wish too.

      2. We should not hold our breath for wishes to come true. 😀

  5. I am a Falcons fan (for 2 weeks)

    1. You better believe it!!!!! p.s. IhateNE

  6. A very entertaining list, John! Hope you enjoyed your games!

    1. Both teams I wanted to win lost. Ah well. Next year. Thanks, John

  7. I’ll be back to comment on Mr and Mrs Metaphor later on. But just had to say how much I enjoyed this post. Not to mention, Tiny makes the scene again! On a more somber note, my condolences to your team. Losing Bell was a killer. It was a good season though, 😀.

    1. Thanks, Pilgrim. Also the defense seemed to be affected by Alarmgate. 😀

  8. I might add, don’t be counting on a rematch between Pittsburgh and Green Bay in the Super Bowl. You can call me Bunky if you like 😦

    Great list – bad outcome. I guess I’m a Falcons fan.

    1. Bad Outcome for sure. I will be Falcons fan for two weeks then back to hoping for another year.

  9. One other thing…..just a little thing…but it is really important. If you are from the city of one team and find yourself in the city of your rival on business….stay clear of sports bars.

    During the 1991 World Series, I found myself in Washington DC, not quite Atlanta but close enough. There my loud mouth brother-in-law bellowed in delight every time the Twins made a play……. There was about a thousand people in the bar…and only he was cheering at times……it was uncomfortable.

    1. And dangerous. 😀

  10. We almost had a catastrophe with #7, but I saved the day by hooking up another cable box. Sometimes I think hubby only married me for my technical abilities.

  11. NONE of the teams I root for were in the championships this year, so I boycotted the entire thing — shameless, right??! Well, there’s always the Super Bowl (but like a few of my friends, I’m more interested in the ads than a game between two teams I could care less about, ha!) Great list, John!

    1. I am with you. I’m going to go for the ads and the food. (I know the Patriots will kick the Falcon’s butt do I can’t even hope for a rout.:-)

  12. Were there important games on yesterday? Kidding, my favorite team is the Packers. Rough day.

    1. I wanted a Packer/Steeler match up. But…..

  13. I have no interest in football, but I live in the Atlanta area, so I’m sure I’ll be caught up in some of the hoopla. I don’t even know who they’re playing…

    1. They will be playing Sataan’s spawn The New England Patriots. Could yourself lucky you are above the fray.

  14. I had to read back on my comment (long day) to figure out where I wanted to go with Mr and Mrs Metaphor And truthfully, I don’t remember what I was going to say when I texted my comment to you this morning. But no matter, because I’m thinking I know them well enough.
    Mr and Mrs Metaphor think that US Weekly is required reading. They DVR Kathie Lee and Hoda. They are smitten with QVC’s Shawn Killinger (Never mind, so am I). They think Tom Brady is a fashion model (Never mind, he is). They can give you the definition of tapestry (Never mind, so can I).
    Okay, yanno what? Tell Mr and Mrs Metaphor I’ll bring the Guac for Super Bowl Sunday. It’s been forever since I saw Beaches, anyways.

    1. There you go. They will look forward to seeing you. (you washed your hands before making the Guac, right?)

      1. No. I thought we were going with a European theme.

      2. Ah. That works too!

  15. Should have followed these ten thing instead of watching those blow outs. Good read.

    1. I think you are right. 😀 Thanks for the visit

      1. Anytime John. Feel free to check out my page on the Chicago Bears. Take it easy

      2. I lived in Chicago for eight years and still held my Steeler preference. I have to say I love the fans though. Your page looks great.

  16. Funny stuff. I’d like to add one as a poke at my hometown team. 11. Don’t play for the Jacksonville Jaguars or you’ll be watching it from the couch.

    1. Ha ha ha. Good one, Don.

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