Top Ten Things Not To Do Thinking Spring is Right Around the Corner

Top Ten Things Not to Do

 

The inspiration for this list came from reading all the posts where folks have anticipated the first day of spring (tomorrow) only to be faced with tons of Ice, snow, and sleet. Knowing spring is here only makes the reversal in weather more demoralizing.

10 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not clean out the garage. If you do, at best you’ll need heavy winter clothes. At worst you’ll get everything out on the driveway just as a nor’easter hits. (Maybe after the thaw you’ll be able to find that snow shovel, Dann.)

9 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not hire Tiny the WWF champ to prune your shrubs. If you do, at best he won’t show. At worst, he just graduated from landscaping school where the last course was labelled “start over.” (Amazing what a yard looks like with nubs for shrubs huh, Danyal? So there’s that set of tongs you dropped in the roses two years ago.)

8 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not go to Lowes and buy flats of annuals. If you do, at best they aren’t in stock yet. At worst, you can’t plant in twelve inches of snow so your living room floor is covered with the flats. (At least the cat is happy, Darby.)

7 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not go to the baseball season opener. If you do, at best you’ll have a seat under the overhang. At worst, you’ll sit for five innings thinking you are on an iceberg and then the game will be called on account of the blizzard. (It would have been fine except the pitcher could not see the catcher for the snow. Hows that frostbite treatment going, Dareau? Pretty embarrassing spot huh?)

6 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not hide Easter eggs. If you do, at best it will only rain. At worst, you might be able to wait out the storm and have the hunt in May. (I would not eat any of those eggs, Dariel.)

5 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not go golfing. If you do, at best there will be no lightning. At worst, you and your foresome have been listed as missing and possible victims of an avalanche. (Never thought to bring snow shoes did you, Darrence?)

4 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not invite everyone over for a spring cook out. If you do, at best your oven will put out a passable barbecue-like brisket. At worst, you will lose your grill and yourself in a snow drift and it will take eight of your guests forming a human chain just to rescue you. (What do you mean, “save the grill first,” Darroch?)

3 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not fly your new kite. If you do, at best the wind will be below 10 MPH. At worst, you will launch your kite just as the gale force winds and snow come roaring out of the North. (Hang on tightly, Darwin. This ride will be over pretty soon. Hopefully you will land where there is human habitation since I hear the bears are famished right now.)

2 If you think spring is just around the corner, do not paint that gazebo just yet. If you do, at best you’ll have water proof paint. At worst, just as you finish, the twelve inches of snow that falls will have a distinct tint like your gazabo used to have. (I hear you, Davi. They just don’t make paint like they used to.)

1 If you think spring is just around the corner, do not put out the patio furniture. If you do, at best those cushions will float. At worst, the whole set will disappear under a foot of snow and then be carried off by the spring thaw floods. (Makes you wonder about the greenhouse gas effect doesn’t it, Davion?)

80 comments

  1. spot on for us this week John.. hugs xxx

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  2. Hilarious! (and thank you for giving us all permission to not do anything!)

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    1. Yes. The moral is sit in the house with a warm drink and shawl. Thanks, Anita and Jaye Marie. πŸ˜€

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  3. Tell me about it. It looks like my winter tyres will be on until way into April this year.

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    1. I could have had one like “do not take off your winter tires.” Never thought of that one. πŸ˜€

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  4. Sadly, this is all good advice. Hilarious, John! Happy Monday!

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    1. Thanks, Jill. πŸ˜€

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  5. This year has been so spastic. Putting away the snowblower and shovels is just asking for trouble. Why is it so cold?

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    1. Let me see. The liberals say it is because of global warming. The conservatives say it proves there is no global warming. My guess is a cycle of weather that we go through now and then.

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      1. I’m actually of the mind that the Earth is changing into something else. I find it strange that this cycle hasn’t really struck to this level before in my life. Especially since every year seems to be wacky weather time.

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      2. I used to work with a munch of geologists. They pointed out that Earth is just coming out of the last ice age from a geological perspective. They’re stance… of course there is global warming. It’s a natural cycle that our short lifespans are just starting to understand.

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      3. I agree. Thanks, Craig.

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  6. I’m guilty on several counts . . as per the baseball games where I froze my tucklis off and venturing out to play golf and doing the same. As for grilling, I prefer to do it in winter. There’s something about a snow whilst grilling . . it’s like going to the aquarium on a snow day.

    Love the list, funny man!

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    1. Thanks, Marc. I used to grill no matter the weather. I remember digging a path to the grill before the sidewalks and driveway. πŸ˜€

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      1. Hahaha!
        From shovel to grill, I love it!

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  7. Ha, ha. The fact that the landscaping school’s last course is “Start Over” doesn’t say much for the school. The fact someone lets Tiny near their hedge with shears doesn’t say much for their thinking skills. It’s hilarious to think someone would yell, “Save the grill first.” I love the cartoon up top. My daughter said people in Chicago wait for the first warm day, pack away all their winter clothes, and refuse to change back if the weather gets cold again. πŸ˜€ — Suzanne

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    1. Old blue knees of Chicago. I lived there on and off for eight years total. I remember being one of those stubborn souls.

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      1. I visited there in May one year and the wind was still cold. πŸ˜€ — Suzanne

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      2. I got knocked off my feet on Michigan Avenue by the wind.

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  8. Hilarious, John! Tiny’s β€˜start over’ landscaping school, and forming a human chain (save the grill first!) made me hold my sides laughing. Another great Top Ten.

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    1. Thank you, Jennie. Always good to laugh. πŸ˜€

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      1. You bet!

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  9. Subscribing to your list! β™₯

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    1. Thanks, Billy Ray.

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      1. πŸ™‚ β™₯

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  10. All these are so true for those of us north of the Mason-Dixon Line. … and I imagine you used your experience of living in cold weather for this list. Enjoy your spring … our is coming!

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    1. Yes my Northern exile taught me a lot. Thanks, Frank. πŸ˜€

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  11. Great list, John. I have been guilty of a version of #10…numerous times. I take the cars out of the garage and set up saw horses and start my summer project early, only to have had them end up covered in snow.

    I’ve also planted flowers.

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    1. I feel your pain. Thanks, Dan

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  12. Ha! John, you slayed me with #3 about the kite. This is all so true, as I sit here realizing that my feet and hands are cold. Need something hot to drink. A year ago (Oct 2016) I was so determined to move to the southwest that I very nearly donated all my winter coats. Glad I didn’t…
    Stay warm. Hugs.

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    1. Yes . Do not donate a coat until it’s time. Hugs, Teagan.

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  13. Perfect timing, John! This is shaping up to be yet another week of weather ups and downs, and even folks who say they love winter are finding this winter to be a challenge. We can’t follow the calendar’s pinpointing of “spring” — much as we wish to.

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    1. So true, Debbie. πŸ˜€

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  14. My mother used to buy the flats and keep them inside for months. Your image with the cat is perfect.

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    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks, Craig.

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  15. Too funny – glad I do not live where it is that cold. But one year eons ago when I lived in Oklahoma City, I hid the kids’s Easter eggs in the snow. I think we are safe here and I already have my herbs in pots on the patio. And spring break is over!

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    1. Our basil and mint are doing well. I am breathing easier now with the kids gone.

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  16. Hmm – this one’s so funny it’s actually true all the way through… πŸ˜›

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    1. Thanks, Jan. πŸ˜€

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  17. Sounds like what’s been going on in my home state (NY). I used to think of moving back home. Now … not so much 😏

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    1. I can’t do snow anymore. It has been Twenty-five years.

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      1. Especially this year!

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      2. For sure. πŸ˜€

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  18. D.L Finn, Author · ·

    I will never forget doing some painting outside this time of year and not knowing a storm was coming. I watched the colors stream away into the landscape…lol. Great list that started another Monday with a smile!

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    1. Thank you, Denise. Glad to get the week going with humor.

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      1. D.L Finn, Author · ·

        πŸ™‚

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  19. Good ones! And here’s to living in the South. πŸ™‚

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  20. I spit out my Mountain Dew at that last course being called start over hahah!

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    1. If you have ever trimmed shrubs that is sometimes the only solution. “Get me a shovel.”

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      1. Professional tree trimmers are starting here tomorrow morning! (I kid you not)

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      2. All grads of the make over school I’m sure. πŸ˜€

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      3. They were here today. Yes, they are grads. Thanks for the warning.

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      4. Ha ha ha. What is it about the sound of a leaf blower in the morning? πŸ˜€

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      5. Luckily I get up pretty early, but yeah, it’s annoying. What is annoying is that is what is called “landscaping” today.

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      6. “Do I really have to bend over and get that weed, Boss?”

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  21. It feels like spring is NEVER coming to Niagara Falls, John, but now I’ll be prepared when and if it ever arrives…

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    1. Yeah, four more weeks of winter up there.

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  22. Seems many of us were on a similar page today. Enjoyed your list, John.

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  23. i feel like i have to wait with a cleaning of the garage or sauna until summer :)) haha lucky me!

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    1. Yes just wait.

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  24. If you think that spring is around the corner… think again Darwood! Just fabulous, John! If you live in Toronto, you can ignore #7… the Blue Jays play under the dome… however, you might have to follow the snowplows to get there.

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  25. John. you did this on purpose. A post about spring? We are bracing for another snow storm tomorrow here in NYC.

    Number 6 was great.

    ON a different note: I have reported the blog offenders WordPress and suggesting they add a BLOCK option for all bloggers, not only the people with paid subscriptions. Also suggested we have the option whether or not to accept a follower (as people doon Facebook). Thanks for your support.

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    1. Yes I did it on purpose. I agree on the block option

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      1. lol. Now they are talking 5 to 8 inches.

        John, was it you who once posted a great write about here and there?

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      2. I might have. It was probably a Stream of Consciousness post.

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      3. Would you mind if I do a search? I had a blogging conversation the other day and I want to be sure I am not plagiarizing.

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      4. Go ahead. I wish I could remember myself.

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      5. Lol. I will let you know

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      6. Thanks, Andrew.

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  26. Very appropriate – we’re expecting a wintry mix here tonight. Just all kinds of wrong.

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    1. Wrong at the highest level.

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  27. The weather is crazy, John. Even here in South Africa it is cool for this time of year. Only 25 degrees Celsius; more like a winter temperature.

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    1. Hmmm. Wonder what’s going on?

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  28. I think the Easter Bunny will be needing Santa’s sleigh this year. The clocks may have sprung forward, but winter is on its back in the UK. β˜ƒοΈ
    Merry Easter, John 🐰

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    1. Thanks , Hugh. Happy Easter to you as well.

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