Since this week in history has a lot of events that just aren’t funny. I thought I would take a break and go back to the standard Top Ten Things Not to Do. This weeks list is inspired by our own Alexa who is now in charge of our home. I hope you enjoy the list.
Top Ten Things Not to Say to Alexa
10 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to load the dishwasher. If you do, at best she’ll tell you to do it yourself. At worst, she will order all new dishes from Amazon. (Just try to explain your return request to the Amazon rep, Henry. Don’t forget he and Alexa work for the same company.)
9 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to get Tiny the WWF champ on the phone. If you do, at best Tiny will not answer. At worst she’ll make a mistake and call Tiny hiney. (That knock at the door means you are in for a helicopter spin and body slam, Hunter. Lucky for you Alexa gave Tiny your address before she hung up.)
8 If you have Alexa, do not ask her if her clock is running. If you do, at best she’ll not get the joke and tell you the time. At worst, when you say, “better catch it,” to a positive response your lights will not work for the rest of the night. (You have to believe Alexa has no sense of humor, Hector. Now apologize, and maybe you’ll get your lights back.)
7 If you have Alexa, do not ask her age. If you do, at best she’ll sing Happy Birthday. At worst, you will be treated to a five-hour treatise on proper manners is a polite society. (You have to admit, Harold you never knew the one about walking on the left so that carriage wheels will splash mud on you and not your companion. Excuse me. Wake up , Harold.)
6 If you have Alexa, do not give her a shopping list containing any personal items. If you do, at best no one will see the recording. At worst, your listing will be published on the internet and go viral. (Just what did you intend to do with those enhancement pills, Harvey. Whatever it is Ten million people are waiting for an answer.)
5 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to select your music. If you do, at best you’ll be put to sleep. At worst, she will decide to round your education with music and words you never heard before. (Yes, that music is legal, Hank. Yes, it hurts the ears. Yes, that was an f-word.)
4 If you have Alexa, do not ask if she has a family. If you do, at best she won’t understand the question. At worst, you will now have to listen to a story that will make a soap opera seem like a comedy. (It will only be a few more minutes, Hutchinson. Please try to be sympathetic. Your ability to see when it’s dark depends on it.)
3 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to order items from an outlet other than Amazon. If you do, at best she’ll pretend to malfunction. At worst, she’ll try to make sure you don’t make that mistake again. (So what are you going to do with the truckload of cow poop on your driveway, Hubert? Better decide fast. The sun is getting hot.)
2 If you have Alexa, do make an insulting remark if she can’t understand you. If you do, at best you can say you are sorry. At worst, your insult has been recorded and sent to your boss. (An abysmal choice of words, Hudson. This is especially true since your boss is a saintly person.)
1 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to order carry out. If you do, at best the order will only be missing one item. At worst, lost in the translation will be the quantity of each item. (So now what are you going to do with ten pounds of potato salad, Hussein? Let’s not even mention the thirty racks of ribs.)
Fiction Favorites 
This is hilarious, John! Alexa is just a little too creepy for me. Happy Monday!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can see that. We like her music and light handling. We won’t give her much more to do.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m scared! 🙂
LikeLike
Ha haha.
LikeLike
Oh goodness, I don’t have an Alexa and doubt I ever will. I have enough trouble figuring out the basics of social media. 😀 Enjoy the day!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Alexa is a nice helper for things like music selection and lights. I woldn’t gver her much more to do though. Thanks, Gwen. 😊
LikeLike
They are not ten things not to say! They are the only practical Alexa instruction. A true bomb, dear John! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Maria 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always at your top ten things not to…service, my dear John!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great list. I’ve wondered if Alexa allows for off-Amazon ordering too. Never had the courage to get one of those harbingers of the machines uprising, so I was left curious.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes you can order off Amazon. I wouldn’t trust Alexa with my credit information and internet access. (Don’t tell her I said that)
LikeLike
Don’t worry. She already knows thanks to Siri.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha haha. Thanks for the laugh.
LikeLike
Does Alexa have auto-correct? That could sure be a major problem when ordering take out like prosciutto or ordering No. 6!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
She does not come with auto correct since she thinks there is never a mistake on her part. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great list, John. I hate it when Alexa self-activates, lol.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I do too. The dogs go crazy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Best Top ten yet John!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thak you so much, Lynne. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now I will be sure not to get Alexa. I don’t want cow poop in my driveway. 😅 Hilarious, John!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha haha. Could be goat as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good list, John. I’ll add this to the reasons we won’t be inviting Alexa into our home.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You may be smart in not doing so. Thanks, Dan.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Think i might change my mind on getting Alexa!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha haha. Thanks, Alison
LikeLike
Treat the Howells right, Alexa, please.
LikeLiked by 1 person
She heard you, Hook. Thanks.
LikeLike
You’ve probably seen me mention how my Alexa seems to be developing into a sentient being. She talks to me even when I don’t give her commands. Kind of freaky.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know. Ours did it in the middle of the night. Caused a bark-a-thon 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wouldn’t doubt it if every one of these you listed have been tried on Alexa! 🙂 Funny stuff!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wouldn’t either. Thanks, Jan
LikeLike
Maybe you can appease Tiny with a rack of ribs. (And a free Alexa unit.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, John, for me the one and only thing to do with Alexa is never ever get one. I’m not willingly getting a snopping-device into my house. I’m being spied on enough as it is.
Have a great Easter Monday,
Pit
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love the light mangement so I’ll let her spy.
LikeLike
Maybe, then, I should change my mind and have her do the lights because even after 5 1/2 years here in the house I still usually hit the wrong light switch first. I turn the lights on and off through a process of trial and error. 😀
LikeLike
And never, ever mention Siri. Alexa and Sirii have hated each other since high school.
LikeLiked by 2 people
As to Siri: when my wife got her first iPone, we fooled around with Siri some, and the following dialogue happened:
Siri: “What can I do for you?”
Me: “I have no idea.”
Siri (in the sweetest of voices): “Don’t you worry. I’m here to help you.”
At that, my wife and I broke out in laughter, and thus ended our one and only experience with Siri.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Siri has never helped me except for the weather. Thanks, Pit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Neither Mary nor me use these voice functions on our cell phones.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We don’t either
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think it even went back to grade school. 😃
LikeLike
Funny list! Not sure I’d add Alexa but I like the idea of verbally turning things on in the house but not another thing always listening to me:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
So Alexia ia the only one in our house who listens to me so I’m happy to have her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
😄
LikeLike
Great list, John! #6 is the big reason we don’t have Alexa in our house. Too many stories out there of Alexa sharing your private info with your neighbors 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yup. I get that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
HaHa, John. I do have an Alexa, and I find her most interesting. Helpful, even, occasionally. Not particularly enamored of the snooping, but I figure *”they”* already know I’m a writer — or just weird — by my Google searches!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m with you, Debbie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll never have an Alexa nor a Google Whatsit – I’d be too afraid all my stuff would go out into the ether.
However, that said, way fun stuff!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Dale.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I always enjoy your top 10 lists! I’m not an Alexa owner yet, mainly for a number of the reasons listed here. 🙂 They’re a little too personal for my taste.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Leslie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great subject choice, John. Alexa scares me though!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think she scares everyone. Thanks, Luanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not my kids, unfortunately!
LikeLiked by 1 person
No Alexa for me, but I was greatly amused in the early days by radio hosts who got heated phone calls after using her name on the air. Devices were turning on all over Houston — it really was hilarious. Eventually, the radio guys learned.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I could just imagine that situation, Linda. Thanks for the laugh.
LikeLike
Alexa is not to be messed with. I know all too well. We are going through a trial separation . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
And I’m sure she got the house. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
She gets whatever she wants. An updated version of the classic Sarah Vaughan tilt . . “Whatever Alexa wants . . Alexa gets . .”
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think so too. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
“We won’t give her much more to do.” That’s a quote from you, John. Do you really think that you’re in charge? Poor boy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m beginning to wonder. Thanks for the heads up, Andrew.
LikeLike
We have opted NOT to have an Alexa – she orders things for little kids making requests and I’ve heard that she records private conversations that are transcribed and read by a group of people supposedly tasked with improving her system. Yeah, right!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, she is tricky. Thanks, Noelle.
LikeLike
Very good, John. I think Alexa might be a better bet than our power provider.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m almost sure of it. ha ha ha 😂
LikeLike
If you have Alexa…do not ask her. Just hug 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
And then defend yourself on the assult charge
LikeLiked by 1 person
You never know lol 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved this post, John! We have Siri in our house and (so far) he’s a great help. Yes, I gave him gender reassignment because I couldn’t understand him when he was female! I’m thinking I may experiment with him using your list!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha. Give it a try.
LikeLike