Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Launch of Twitter in 2006

~ John W. Howell

 

Top Ten Things Not to DO
Twitter Logo History

This week marks the 14th anniversary of the launch of Twitter. Although most of us are probably Twitter users today, it might be fun to go back and take in the sights and sounds of that first occasion. As always, take this list, so you don’t inadvertently cause a tear in the time continuum.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Launch of Twitter in 2006 by John W. Howell © 2020

10 If you go, do not mention iTunes to co-founder Evan Williams. If you do, at best he’ll be talking to someone else and miss the reference. At worst, you’ll get the Silicon Valley version of the stink eye. (You probably forgot, Loyal that when iTunes launched in 2005 Apple put Willaims’s podcasting business out of business. I think he is going to follow that stink eye with a black eye. It will be yours, of course.)

9 If you go, do not send Tiny the WWF champ any Twitter messages that contain abbreviations. If you do, at best, Tiny won’t have his phone turned on. At worst, he will become confused as to what you are saying. (You have to know, Lucan that a confused Tiny is a dangerous Tiny. Oh look, he has adopted his sumo wrestler stance. It could be he thinks LOL means Lay on Lucan)

8 If you go, do not correct the spelling of the service which was launched as Twttr. If you do, at best folks will think it’s a joke. At worst, Noah Glass a co-founder, and the one who came up with the name, Twitter, will think you stole his idea. (It looks like ole Noah has spent some time in the gym. I’m not sure you want to spar with him, Ludlow.)

7 If you go, do not ask to send the first tweet. If you do, at best, you’ll be ignored. At worst, Jack Dorsey, the engineer who came up with the concept, will not like you. (In case you didn’t know, Ludwik Jack was the first to send a tweet under his handle @jack. He sent the message, “Just setting up my twttr.” Now that he is finished, it looks like he is picking out a hammer from that table of tools. I wonder what he wants to do with that hammer?”

6 If you go, do not pull out your iPhone to send a tweet. If you do, at best everyone will be busy with setting up their own accounts and not notice. At worst, Evan Willians will spot your phone. (Since the iPhone was launched a year after Twitter, Luis, Evan will no doubt think you are from another planet. That won’t stop him from wanting your phone. Looks like he is borrowing Jack Dorsey’s hammer.)

5 If you go, do not tell Evan that you think he should allow more than 140 characters in a tweet. If you do, at best, Evan will think you are an idiot. At worst, Evan will wonder why you are making this suggestion. (You see, Lukman at the time of the Twitter launch SMS messages were limited to 140 characters. Once that limit was lifted, Twitter still hung on to 140 characters until 2017. Evan is heading over to tell you to mind your own business.)

4 If you go, do not ask if you can buy some stock. If you do, at best everyone will get a big laugh. At worst, Evan Williams will think you have been reading his private e-mails. (He does plan to take the company public, Luthais but not until there are more users. He waits until 2013 when there are 200 million subscribers and then offers stock at $29.00. The stock closed that first day at $44.90. Last Friday, it was worth $35.40. The company itself is estimated to be worth $31 Billion.)

3 If you go, do not try to describe Donald Trump’s use. If you do, At best, no one will take you serious. At worst, Evan Williams will want to know where you get your information. (Now you have completely blown your cover, Lyaksandro. Right now, the idea of Donald Trump even running for president, makes the average person laugh out loud. Good luck in getting out of this mess.)

2 If you go, do not tell Evan Williams that he will step away from Twitter in 2019. If you do, At best he won’t believe you. At worst, he will accuse you of working for Mark Zuckerberg at Facebook. (Of course, Lycus eventually Evan will leave Twitter to pursue other interests. Jack Dorsey will take over as CEO. We shouldn’t feel too sorry for Evan as he is worth $1.8 billion)

1 If you go, do not ask about privacy on Twitter. If you do, At best no one will know what you are talking about. At worst, Jack Dorsey will wonder what is driving your question. (Once he understands that you are wondering about selling user data, Lynn he is going to wonder where you got such an idea. I think it’s time to hit the way back button and head home. You will leave all there people scratching their heads.)

84 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Launch of Twitter in 2006”

    1. I know right? Big fights between Williams and Glass until finally Glass was fired. I wonder if the edit idea would have survived all that? Thanks, Linda.

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  8. Great list, John. I’ve never read a Trump tweet, but I’ve hardly read any tweets except those by writers. It seems more a marketing tool than a means to socialize.

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    1. THere is a whole mass of folks who use Twitter to stay in touch. It blows my mind sometimes. Thanks, Gwen. (It you want to see how some behave, just visit “Trending” and witness mob behavior. 😁 Thanks for the comment.

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  10. I often wonder why I let my son Domer convince me to get on Twitter. It’s not been much use to me in promoting my book, I believe I’m followed by a bucket-load of bots, and the anger and venom being spewed is enough to make me run for the hills! Well done, my friend.

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  12. It’s amazing that it is already fourteen years (though seems like so much longer lately). Who could ever have imagined the number of fights that have gone on since? I admit I am rather dull on the Twitter feed – just share my posts and those of the bloggers I admire. An Instagram pic and an occasional exchange.
    I do know it is a great forum for writers – once you hack at the crap that trends!
    Excellent list, John.

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  15. Wow, 14 years of Twitter. I had an account when it first came out but never used it until more recently.

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  18. Mon Dieu, dear John! It seems it has been another epoch! One of the reason why I have stopped using this net-place is the old meaning of this word. I wonder that people are still using it. Thank you! Happy days of first twits! 🙂

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  19. But maybe you CAN mention the fact that Twitter saves many ‘journalists’ from actually needing to write a story, when all they really need to do is copy and paste a few Twitter exchanges. 😉

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  20. Wow, look at all those changes in the logo! Good research for this, John! Isn’t Twitter a phenomenon, though? I would have never predicted that it would take off at all. It sounds so preposterous LOL.

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  22. It’s completely changed from how it used to be used, I’m not sure the extra characters were a good idea, people used to like retweeting each other’s posts and liking posts, it used to be friendly, but now it seems people don’t like to be seen liking posts.§ Attacking groups and pack hatred is a big concern which is why I steer away from trends.

    I like your motivation tweets when I see them, twitter doesn’t share very much now either.

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    1. I run those tweets on Monday and Wednesday. Of course in a sea of tweets they could get lost I suppose. I agree on the trending. It used to be such a nice thing to look at. I like your term pack hatred. That is so true.

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