Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Have a Sitter

~ John W. Howell

 

This post ran on July 16, 2018. Since sitters are still in fashion, I think it might still be good advice.

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The inspiration for this list was a discussion about Alexa and what would happen if one asked Alexa remotely to turn on the lights and music while a sitter was in the house. That was just the priming of the pump I needed to develop Ten Things.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Have a Sitter

10 If you have a sitter, do not say, “Help yourself to anything in the fridge.” If you do, at best, the sitter will be on a diet. At worst, that week’s worth of shopping that you just put in the fridge will need to be replaced tomorrow. (It is amazing how someone so small can put away that kind of food huh, Eaton?)

9 If you have a sitter, do not ask Alexa to turn on the lights and music from a remote location. If you do, at best, the sitter will call the police. At worst, Your sitter, Tiny, the WWF champ, who you hired after the local minister said he needed a chance to be responsible, will knock out each wall with a lamp trying to protect the kids. (Well, the joke is on you, Ed. Looks like your good deed did not go unpunished.)

8 If you have a sitter, do not let them invite their friends over. If you do, at best, the police will be called early. At worst, you will be reading how the party that started at your house spread to a city-wide night of rampage. ( That bill for repairs looks like the national debt, Eddy.)

7 If you have a sitter, do not let them prepare dinner. If you do, at best, 100% of your dishes will find their way to the sink. At worst, the fire department could not find a working hydrant and could only watch as your house became a vacant lot. (Lucky for you, there is insurance. Oh, wait! Someone forgot to send in the premium, and the cancellation notice is in the former mailbox, Elton.)

6 If you have a sitter, do not let them use your computer. If you do, at best, your data cap was reached in two hours, and now you have dial-up speed for the rest of the month. At worst, your computer picked up so many viri the tech at the computer store declared it a DOA. ( It is a shame that you never backed up that 100,000-word novel, Evander.)

5 If you have a sitter, do not let them choose a movie on pay TV. If you do, at best, they will fall asleep after only one selection. At worst, you receive your bill and note that the sitter selected twenty movies and only watched six minutes of each. (Well, Ever. The charges stick after five minutes. You never said, “Just pick one.”)

4 If you have a sitter, do not leave the liquor cabinet unlocked. If you do, at best, your sitter is a teetotaler. At worst, unbeknownst to you, your sitter was just released from a twelve-step residency program. The array of bottles was just too much. (Well, this is a fine mess. Not only is all your liquor gone, but the sitter insists that you need to pay for another stay in the clinic. After all, Elwood. You were the one who left that temptation.)

3 If you have a sitter, do not leave your checkbook on the kitchen counter. If you, at best, the pizza box will cover it. At worst, on the next statement, you’ll find that the sitter has given a self-issued generous tip. (Don’t try to find the sitter, Eadward. Russia has no extradition treaty with the US.)

2 If you have a sitter, do not tell your friends who it is. If you do, at best, the sitter availability will be rare. At worst, you will be in a bidding war for the sitting service and will only quit when the sitter earns more than you. (You would like to make that kind of money, wouldn’t you, Eamon?)

1 If you have a sitter, do not let your kids influence your choice. If you do, at best, none of your rules will be followed. At worst, before you know it, you have an additional member of the family, and now you have to get a new sitter. (At least all the kids get along, Eberhard.)

68 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Have a Sitter”

  5. I can hardly believe it — your list is good, but what’s even better is that it dredged up the name of Mrs. Wilstermann. She was my favorite sitter, because I could get away with anything!

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  6. #9 actually happened to me when I was around 14 years old and babysitting. The lights were on a timer and I freaked out because no one had told me. lol

    I loved reading this, John. 😀

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  9. Nothing like coming home to kids excited that ‘this sitter let us do science experiments!’ Oh, yes. Stuff splattered all over the kitchen counter was definitely the tipoff.

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  10. We knew someone who had two teenaged daughters, and they almost made enough money for college by babysitting. There’s some serious money to be made. Mary and I actually considered running a dropoff service on Saturday nights…

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  11. Years ago we were having dinner with our sitter’s parents when she called the dad. He mentioned something about a fire while talking to her, but we were familiar with his sense of humor and laughed. He wasn’t joking. His daughter, our sitter, had accidentally set a bag of popcorn on fire in the microwave. Took us forever to get rid of the smell, lol.

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  13. These are great rules! and we followed all of them, especially not letting other people know about our sitters! We did have some movie charges but not a lot. You might get surprised if you let them use your computer to find porn on it – we never did but some friends of ours did!

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  17. I’m so thankful to have the days of needing a sitter’s services behind me! I rarely left the Domer home with one, even carrying him to choir practice and various board meetings that I was working. I hate to think what the Monk would do if I hired a sitter!

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  18. That’s a lot of things to avoid when having a sitter. On a more serious note, don’t allow them to take the dogs to their house or breaking agreements. We had a sitter kill our dog that way. After that we are very weary of any sitter.

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      1. Thank you John.

        It was a sitter who did not tell us that she was sitting other dogs at the same time as she was sitting our four dogs and because of that she took them to her house where she had the other dogs. Our Labrador was barking too much for her taste so she put him out. He ran off trying to get back to our house and halfway between her house and our house he was hit and killed by a car. It was a cold night. It certainly ruined our ski vacation.

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  20. I don’t even remember having a sitter. I guess that says a lot about my family when the kids were young — and my aging memory. 🙄

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  22. Looking forward to being a sitter again. I hope our son gives permission to raid the refrigerator. Our grandson just turned three months. My wife is flying out tomorrow to help them out as their nanny had to suddenly quit.

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  23. This is great advice. Bud and I got married in college. We got offered $25 to babysit the kids next door from Friday to Sunday evening. We couldn’t afford to turn down a fortune like that. It was the longest weekend of my life.

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