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Since spring is almost here and baseball will be starting soon, I thought it would be a good idea to go back to 2013 and revisit a post co-written by Marie Bailey and me. For those of you in little league, this may be useful. Hopefully, there will be a few laughs for the rest of us. I announced yesterday that I will be off-line from March 12 to the 19th. Tempeste and Twiggy will be back on March 20th.
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Top Ten Things Not To Do at a Little League Game
10. When at a little league game, do not assume that your brief foray into sports during high school makes you an expert in the game your child is in. If you do at best, your advice will fall on deaf ears. At worst, that big assistant coach with the ball bat is heading your way.
9. When at a little league game, do not call out penalties as if you were the referee. If you do at best, everyone will ignore you. At worst, the crowd of child worshiping parents from the other team have plans to meet you after the game.
8. When at a little league game, do not think you can place bets on the outcomes. If you do at best, all the action will be low-key. At worst, parents of the kids you bet against will find out and toss you out of the game and split your winnings.
7. When at a little league game, do not show up wearing your uniform from high school. If you do at best, you won’t rip open your pants the first time you sit down on a bench. At worst, your kids will fumble a play from sheer embarrassment, and you’ll have to find your own way home.
6. When at a little league game, do not show up toting your own keg of beer. If you do at best, everyone will think you are a hero. At worst, the county liquor control board has seized your beer and provided you with a drafty place to spend the night.
5. When at a little league game, do not prowl the sidelines and try to make eye contact with your kid. If you do at best, your kid will be too busy playing the game and ignore you. At worst, you’ll not be warned that the ball just tossed is headed straight for a spot that will hurt.
4. When at a little league game, do not spend the whole time pretending to be videotaping the game on your smartphone when you are checking your email, the latest stock reports and weather updates. If you do at best, you can continue uninterrupted. At worst, several parents ask if they can have a copy of your video, and in the moment, with no excuse, you drop your phone into a water bucket.
3. When at a little league game, do not offer to take all the kids out for ice cream. If you do at best, they will all be lactose intolerant and forbidden to go. At worst, they all take you up on your offer and find that you forgot your wallet after ordering.
2. When at a little league game, do not attempt to join the cheerleaders at any point during the game. If you do at best, someone will stop you. At worst you’ll wind up dislocating your hips, and your kids will never speak to you again.
1. When at a little league game, do not shower insults on kids from the opposing team. If you do at best, the crowd noise will drown you out. At worst, when their parents come to silence you, no one will stand in their way because yelling at kids is just wrong.
Fiction Favorites 
After reading this, I KNOW you’ve been to a game or two!!
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I was an assistant coach for my daughter’s team. I still have flashbacks.
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hahha, I’ll bet you do!!
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Good rules, John. I think maybe I’ll post a copy in the parking lot.
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Or on the bleachers. 😀
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I’ve known a few of these parents.
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Ha ha ha. 😆
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Pretty sure I’ve seen all of these in action at my old soccer games. Not the smartphone since those didn’t exist though.
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I think soccer games would be interchangeable with little league.
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As both a former coach for and a team mom, I can relate. You defintinely hit a homerun with these, John. Oh, the horror flashbacks!!
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Thanks, Lois. Yes, the horror.
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Clever, amusing, and original, John.
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Thank you, Pat.
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My pleasure, John.
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Our dad wouldn’t allow my brother try out for Little League because the parents were so badly behaved.
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I don’t blame him at all.
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Good stuff John. I managed, coached and even was an umpire for many years. I have many stories about those years. Maybe I’ll write a book 😀
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Well, as you know, anyone can write a book, and this subject sounds like it could be pretty funny. Go for it.
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Good advice, John, evidently from experience. Parents can be pretty boisterous and ill-behaved at games.
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They certainly can. Thanks, Tim.
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Bringing a keg of beer to a little league game 😆 excellent! Happy start to your new week, John!
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Thank you, Laura. I hope you have a good one too.
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This sure brings back memories, John! It’s pretty sad when the parents act more childish than their kids.
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That is a truth, Debbie, and so often it happens.
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Baseball has already started in Arizona and Florida. We used to call it Spring Training, they now call it the Preseason.
And yeah, yelling at kids is wrong.
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Pre-season adds a little more status to what goes on.
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And yet… there are still parents who do all the above! They all need a copy of this very important list!
Have a great Monday, John.
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Thank you, Dale. Here’s hoping your Monday and week are terrific.
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🙂
And I thank you! It’s a clean slate 🙂
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Yes it is. Don’t screw it up. 😀
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Yes Sir! So far, so good. Managed to take my lunchtime walk, so that’s always a good thing!
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These are priceless (and apply to adult sports too). I’m just waiting for kids little league showing up on the far too many online sports books. Sheesh, the things you can bet on are just astounding. Happy Monday.
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I was very confused when major sports went in the online betting direction. Just seems wrong.
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Thank the Supreme Court permitting this explosion of crazy. I doubt they thought it would be as bad but here we are.
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Sage advice, John!
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Thank you, Jan. 😊
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I’ve never been to a little league game but I’m glad I now know what to do should I ever go! Thank you for your wise words, John.
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And don’t forget to bring magazines since it’s the only sport that moves so slow, you might fall asleep.. 😴🤣
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Parents are probably even worse today. I remember that my dad sat in the car behind the backstop and watched. The drive home was filled with low key tips about how to swing better. He eventually convinced me that I’d be a better fisherman than ball player. Henceforth, we headed to ‘the Cape’ for striped bass and blue fish and left baseball to the fast runners and level swingers. Good post, John.
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A great story, Steve. I lived in Connecticut for a few years and remember the bluefish with fondness.
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Having coached little league for two years, I enjoyed this post. The sad part is most of the kids are great; it’s some of the parents who are nearly impossible to deal with. I also get frustrated by those spectators who gripe at the umpires/referees/officials all game long. It spoils it for everyone.
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As a coach, I found that to be true as well.
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Number 2 📣 Oh no! 😄
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😀
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That is good advice. Parents who are too excitable and pushy during little league games are really annoying.
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They are a pain for everyone.
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I remember these days. Ours were soccer games, but some of the parents take them far too seriously.
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I think soccer parents are in the same category. 😳
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These are great rules – but hold for any sport: soccer, lacrosse, rugby!
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I think they apply to all. Thanks, Noelle.
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All kidding aside, the state of little league has taken a turn for the unfortunate. Umpires are leaving in droves because they don’t want to have to deal with pissed off parents and entitled kids. It’s sad.
As for the funnier aspects, I would NEVER gamble on little leaguers. I would however, place a friendly wager with a friend as to which parents will find it a good idea to use swear words first. And umm . . never bring a keg when a flask does the job just fine.
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All good points, my man 😊
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I try Boss.
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This list still gives me shudders, John. Parents can act so badly!
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Good pointers, John. I haven’t been to a Little League game for quite some time, but your #5 brought back one of my peeves. I’ve always thought parents/friends should stay in the stands or on the other side of the fence — if for no other reason than they are distracting. 😊
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As an assistant coach, I was involved in several of those situations, and they were nightmares.
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😀
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Seems like fun. Never had first-hand experience of these, though. My kids still like me (I think).
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You are a lucky man, Ankur.
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“… do not attempt to join the cheerleaders at any point during the game …”
Cheerleaders? Times have change since my Little League days. Our parents didn’t even come.
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Ha ha ha. That is so true, Andrew.
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