Top Ten Things Not to do When Writing a Novel

~ John W. Howell
Photo by Kaitlyn Baker on Unsplash

 

This post was published on February 3, 2014, by Marie Ann Bailey and me. Since we all are still writing, this may contain some good advice.

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Writing a Novel

10  When writing a novel, do not try to explain what you are doing to anyone. If you do, at best, they will walk away shaking their head.  At worst, you might find yourself receiving an intervention by well-meaning friends and family that you didn’t know was being filmed until you saw it on Dr. Phil.

9  When writing a novel, do not assume everyone is waiting for it to be finished. If you do, at best, you may get used to the sound of crickets when it’s done.  At worst, people might start avoiding you on purpose without trying to hide that they are.

8  When writing a novel, do not ask your spouse to read parts and provide an opinion on how they like it.  If you do, at best, you might end up in an argument over whether you really only used your imagination in writing those sex scenes.  At worst, you both might end up paying a lot of money to a divorce lawyer.

7  When writing a novel, do not ask your children to be quiet while you write. If you do, at best, they will make even more noise, and you will have to find a way to soundproof your room. At worst, you might just be investigated by child protective services at the request of neighbors tired of the screaming and crying (mainly from you).

6  When writing a novel, do not think you need a rest by playing a video game or knitting a sweater sleeve. If you do, at best, you’ll lose your focus on your plot. At worst, you will finish the sweater and reach the god level in the game but never finish the book.

5  When writing a novel, do not try to decide whether you should plan the book or just write it. If you do, at best, you may get stalled on starting the novel and have to adjust your publication deadline. At worst, you may end up having an argument with yourself and end up not on speaking terms, which would totally blow your deadline.

4  When writing a novel, do not keep your own counsel on word usage or grammar. If you do, at best, you may get lucky and have only a few mistakes. At worst, you will need to leave town and change your name to avoid the laughter from your peers.

3  When writing a novel, do not do your own editing. If you do, at best, you may be surprised by the number of problems in your book.  At worst, you may want to book a trip to a country with no extradition treaty with the US.

2  When writing a novel, do not avoid rich characterizations. If you do, at best, you will have a book filled with pounds of boring material that not even you will want to read. At worst, you will need to find a decent disguise when meeting other authors and readers to avoid being called out by your characterizations of them.

1   When writing a novel, do not skimp on the plot, thinking your literary style will pull you through. If you do, at best, you might have a book you love but no one else does.  At worst, you might win the Worst Literary Book of the Year Award in recognition of your achievement.

64 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to do When Writing a Novel”

  5. I’m finally throwing in the towel and buying a new keyboard. Bonus tip: never start a novel using a keyboard where the keys stick on the ‘a’ ‘e’ and ‘o’ key. Grr-rrrr.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Excellent advice! It’s always best NOT to discuss your book with anybody else — and perhaps to delete your Google history on a regular basis. I mean, can you imagine what people might think when they read that you were interested in finding out the most painful way to kill somebody off?!?

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  14. That’s all good advice especially #3. Do not do your own editing. I’ve read books by self-published authors doing just that and the glaring errors on every page is a distraction. You may have to pay some money for an editor but it is better than having lots of errors. If you can’t afford an editor a literate friend who reads the manuscript for free can be an alternative. Sometimes a second pair of eyes can make a big difference. You are often blind to your own mistakes. The same is true for software engineering which I’ve done a lot of. That’s why you have a code review with people who preferably do not know the code. If they already know how to use the code or have worked on it they’ve developed the author blindness themselves as well.

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  15. These truly are words to write by. And don’t forget to forego the “Hemingway Method” which involves having a few drinks on top of having a few drinks and then waiting till you have a few more drinks to get to writing.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. I agree with Thomas’s thoughts. I can live with a mistake here or there, but some books are riddled with errors as if it’s a first draft and no one ever edited it.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Taking on writing a novel is one of the biggest dreams I can imagine. I never made it past the planning stage myself. I suppose that makes point 5 my big one.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Years pass but things remain as they are.😅😅😂 Wonderful timeless list, dear John. I shall keep it in mind as I’m writing a book now & preparing the one to be published (Russian +further English edition we made with Don Massenzio).

    Liked by 1 person

      1. This is an old story, dear John. We made the book in 2018, but I had so many problems, including finances, that had to postpone many projects. Finally I shall try Amazon as all you do. I had a good offer from a publisher but it is too expensive & no e-book. So, I came to a conclusion that Amazon is not a bad solution for books in English. My Italian translations will be with Mondadori self-publishing.👍

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  25. “If you want to write fiction, the best thing you can do is take two aspirins, lie down in a dark room, and wait for the feeling to pass.” — Lawrence Block

    This guy couldn’t take his own advice:

    Anthony Awards

    1987 Best Novel, When the Sacred Ginmill Closes

    1991 Best Novel, A Ticket to the Boneyard

    1994 Best Short Story Collection, Some Days You Get the Bear

    2001 Best Short Story Collection, Master’s Choice

    Edgar Awards

    1978, Best Paperback Original, Time to Murder and Create

    1983, Best Novel, Eight Million Ways to Die

    1985, Best Short Story, By Dawn’s Early Light

    1991, Best Short Story, Answers to Soldier

    1992, Best Novel, A Dance at the Slaughterhouse

    Best Short Story, A Blow For Freedom

    1994, Grand Master Award

    Best Short Story, Keller’s Therapy

    1995, Best Novel, A Long Line of Dead Men

    1998, Best Short Story, Keller On the Spot

    1999, Best Short Story, Looking for David

    2017, Best Short Story, Autumn at the Automat

    Shamus Awards

    1982, Best Novel, A Stab in the Dark

    1983, Best Novel, Eight Million Ways to Die

    1985, Best Short Story, By the Dawn’s Early Light

    1987, Best Novel, When the Sacred Ginmill Closes

    1990, Best Novel, Out on the Cutting Edge

    1991, Best Novel, A Ticket to the Boneyard

    1992, Best Novel, Dance at the Slaughterhouse

    1994, Best Novel, The Devil Knows You’re Dead

    Best Short Story, The Merciful Angel of Death

    1995, Best Novel, A Long Line of Dead Men

    2002, Lifetime Achievement Award (The Eye)

    2009, Best Character Award (The Hammer)

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