Photo by Sean Foster on Unsplash

This post was published on July 21, 2014. For some reason, I had it in my mind that another author would like to co-write the top ten not-to-do lists with me. I learned a valuable lesson, but it was a fun list, so I’m sharing it again. No, I am not soliciting another co-author.

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Trying to Attract Other Authors to Do a Top Ten List

10. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not make them believe they will become rich and famous. If you do, at best, they will overlook the one “like” and still speak to you. At worst, they could find a way to troll your blog for the rest of your life.

9.  If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not try to write a top ten list for them. If you do, at best, you will probably include information that makes no sense. At worst, you might unintentionally include embarrassing information that the author had no idea you knew, and which will put you on the author’s hate list for all time.

8.  If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not lead them to believe it is easy. If you do, at best, you may never get the author to guest blog again. At worst, you may receive unpleasant e-mails from your former colleague requesting that you place your list where the sun doesn’t shine.

7.  If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not think you won’t need a post for that day. If you do, at best, you will be scrambling to put together something at the last minute. At worst, you will publish an incoherent post that is so off the mark you’ll want to enroll in a witness protection program and will be willing to commit a crime to do so.

6. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not force the subject. If you do, at best, you may end up with a top ten list of nothing. At worst, you will no doubt antagonize your readers with the junk produced and will have made an enemy for life of the author.

5. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not insist on running your own media. If you do, at best, your media will have absolutely no tie-in to the list. At worst, you will have the pleasure of enjoying your media selection alone, a state that may prove permanent.

4. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not set up a set of pre-publish rules that may be impossible to follow. If you do, at best, you may find yourself listless on Monday. At worst, you may cause what has been a lovely relationship with the author to degenerate into twelve paces at dawn, and you don’t know how to fire a flintlock pistol.

3. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not promise food or money for participation. If you do, at best, you will need to figure out a way to select the best lists. At worst, you may be put in a position of turning down beautiful lists because you have run out of money and food, turning those you don’t accept into lifelong Voodoo practitioners.

2. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not offer to guest post on their blog in return. If you do, at best, you might get a nibble or two. At worst, you will be listening to the crickets for a long time since none of those who are offered really want you to guest post.

1. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not plead, beg, cry, or kick your feet. If you do, at best, your fellow bloggers will find a way to unfollow you. At worst, you will broadcast your desperation, which, in the jungle as well as in the blogosphere, can lead to being pounced upon by hungry lions.