Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Live Radio Broadcast of an American Football Game.

~ John W. Howell
Image – Wikipedia – Backyard Brawl 1908

This week marks the anniversary of the first live radio broadcast of a football game in 1921. The game was played at Forbes Field in Pittsburgh. Harold W. Arlin of radio station KDKA announced the game. The University of Pittsburgh Panthers beat the West Virginia University Mountaineers 21 to 13. (Not much has changed there. This rivalry began in 1895, and so far, the University of Pittsburgh has won the meeting more times than West Virginia University. It is called the Back Yard Brawl because the two schools are only 70 miles apart.) I think we ought to go to the game rather than listen on the radio. Well, bring the radio along too. It might be fun to see how close the announcer’s description is to the real action. As usual, there are rules to follow, so we don’t create a tear in the time continuum. Take this list with you. This list first ran on October 7, 2019

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Live Radio Broadcast of an American Football Game.

10 If you are at the game, do not think you can listen to the broadcast on streaming audio via Spotify. If you do, at best, those around you will be too interested in the game to notice your cell phone. At worst, the usher will spot your phone and ask you to follow him. (For heaven’s sake, Jacquez, don’t go. You really want to explain that you are from the year 2026? They’ll have a padded room reserved for you.)

9 If you are at the game, do not tell Tiny the WWF Champ and hot dog vendor that his hot dogs are old. If you do, at best, he will think you said “cold” and laugh at the joke. At worst, Tiny, who just left his self-esteem support group, will think you are criticizing him. (No matter what you say, Jad, you are in for an overhead pinwheel and body toss just as if you were in the ring. The landing on the bleachers, however, won’t be as soft.)

8 If you are at the game, do not wear your Mountaineer coon-skin cap while sitting in the Pitt section. If you do, at best, a kindly person behind you will ask you to remove it. At worst, a not-so-kindly person behind you will remove it. (There you have it, Jadrein. Your hat is back and filled with who knows what liquid. No, don’t drink out of your hat, you idiot. You have no idea what that is, even though it looks like beer.)

7 If you are at the game, do not suggest to the fans to burn a sofa when they get home to Morgantown. If you do, at best, WVU is ahead at the time. At worst, the fan will think you are a Pitt fan. (You see, Jael, WVU fans only burn sofas when they win. That big guy with the red eyes and WVU shirt thinks you are mocking him.)

6 If you are at the game, do not suggest to the Pitt fans that the game be played next year in Morgantown. If you do, at best, they will laugh at your joke. At worst, they will think you are a WVU fan. (The first game of the rivalry was not played in Morgantown until 1963. Is it any wonder these Pitt fans are now crowd surfing you to the exit, Jafari?)

5 If you are at the game, do not bring your Mountaineer musket into the stands. If you do, at best, most of the fans will clear out. At worst, you will come face to face with several Pitt fans all dressed as panthers. (What are you going to do now, Jagmeet? The way they are growling, they seem to be serious.)

4 If you are at the game, do not tease Roc the panther. If you do, at best, Roc will be used to it. At worst, Roc has made up his mind to bite the twelfth person who teases him. (Not-so-good news, Jahi. The eleventh just left.)

3 If you are at the game, do not sing the WVU fight song if you don’t know the words. If you do, at best, the noise will drown you out. At worst, your fellow WVU fans will realize you are different. ( Lucky for you, Jahnu, you now get to see the game from the parking lot.)

2 If you are at the game, do not try to find a plug for that old Philco radio. If you do, at best, you burn a lot of calories. At worst, someone will eventually come to believe you stole the radio. (Hauling it up and down the stadium stairs made you look very much out of place, Jair. Maybe you should just park it in the clubhouse. Wait, there’s a plug.)

1 If you are at the game, do not start quoting stats of the various players. If you do, at best, people will move away from you. At worst, they will think you are from a different planet. (In the 20s, hardly anyone paid attention to the stats, Jaison. It was a matter of win or lose. All those yards gained rushing and passing, as well as turnovers, were blurred by actually watching the game instead of a talking head.)

60 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Live Radio Broadcast of an American Football Game.”

  1. I’ve been to the backyard brawl, John and these rules are still good. Having graduated from both schools, my team always wins, but it’s not something I would announce if I was in the stands. I’d be asked to pick a favorite and I suspect I’d still end up in the parking lot.

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  13. Another hilarious and clever Top Ten list, John! The idea of someone trying to find a wall outlet for a Philco radio or streaming on Spotify in 1921 had me laughing out loud. I completely agreed with Cindy Georgakas and thomasstigwikman—it really is fascinating how sports culture shifted from simple win/loss viewing to our modern stat-obsessed world! As Liz Gauffreau said, time travel is definitely fraught with danger (especially if you burn a sofa in the wrong section). Thanks for another fun read!

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  14. Your take on giving yourself away to the locals brought to mind Nate Barghaze’s skit about time traveling and how he isn’t sure he would be ABLE to convince people he was from the future, LOL.

    As for the couch burning, why DO they do that?

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  15. Good list, John. I had no idea how long games have been on the radio. If I didn’t become a teacher, my backup plan was to go to broadcasting school and become a sports broadcaster. That would have been perfect for a sports junkie like me.

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  16. Thoroughly enjoyed this take, but as much as I love sports, I just might have to sit this one out on the time travel sidelines, John. I’m kinda into the stats portion of the game so looking from that perspective alone might diminish the experience.

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  19. Though I don’t claim to understand American football, no.1 nails it for sport in general. The rise in inventing and quoting arcane stats as a surrogate for interest and knowledge about a game is killing the joy 😦

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