Today I randomly opened The Last Drive to page 181. With my eyes closed, I pointed to the page. The word closest to my finger is “Shines.” That is our prompt today.
This post was published on September 9th, 2019. Since we still take elevators, I think it might be useful
Top Ten Things Not to Do in an Elevator
10 If you are in an elevator after inspecting the inspection document, do not mention that the inspection date is overdue. If you do, at best, you have already reached the ground floor. At worst, you are on an express that has 50 levels to go. (Well, you lucked out, Jack. No one on the elevator has a bucket of tar and a feather pillow.)
9 If you are in an elevator, do not stand too close to Tiny the WWF champ. If you do, at best, Tiny is busy worrying about the creaking cable. At worst, Tiny, who just left his OCD workshop, has decided his personal space needs to be enlarged. (Yes, Jeremy Tiny is suggesting that you get off at the next stop. I would take the hint which is far better than a full helicopter spin toss-off.)
8 If you are in an elevator, do not think of the big gulp soda you just had before getting on. If you do, at best, you only have a few floors. At worst, the downward motion of the elevator will give you a challenge. (It is not up to me to say, Joel but finishing your tour of the Empire State building with a 32 oz soda might not have been a genius move. Have faith only 100 floors to go. Yeah, that swishing sound does remind me of running water. How about you?)
7 If you are in an elevator, do not open that container of take out garlic chicken. If you do, at best, everyone in the elevator has had garlic for lunch. At worst, your lunch will be a feature on the evening news. (The report about the hazmat emergency in your building was a source of embarrassment huh, Jesse? That photo of you being booked as a chemical warfare terrorist was especially unflattering. I don’t think orange is your color.)
6 If you are in an elevator, do not think you can make room for those giant packages from Ikea. If you do, at best, everyone will get off. At worst, the four people who were bumped and bruised all have excellent lawyers. ( Might be more comfortable to settle out of court, Jeffrey. Those four plaintiffs have formed a class action suit against you. The one with the black eye seems the most unforgiving of all. The others not so much.)
5 If you are in an elevator, remind everyone that your pet lion is friendly. If you do, at best, one or two may pet it. At worst, the first roar may cause a mass evacuation. ( And even a few might get off, Judah. Please give everyone else your card and the name of your cleaner.)
4 If you are in an elevator, do not hum a song. If you do, at best, everyone has earbuds and won’t hear you. At worst, the occupants will consider you psychotic. (You must wonder why you only made it to the first stop, Jasper. The vigilantes declared you unfit for a further ride. Don’t worry, another will be along shortly. This time stay quiet.)
3 If you are in an elevator, do not look at anyone. If you do, at best, they will be looking at their shoes and miss the connection. At worst, you’ll make eye contact with that big guy in the back. (Now you’ve done it, Jonah. That big guy needs to ask someone if they can spare $5.00 for a train ride back to Connecticut. All you have is a ten? Maybe he will make change.)
2 If you are in an elevator, do not continue your cell phone call. If you do, at best, everyone will be interested in how you know Taylor Swift. At worst, the most annoyed may just take your phone from you. (I think if you ask nicely, they’ll give it back, Josh. Ooops my bad. Looks like you might need a new one.)
1 If you are in an elevator, do not practice emergency procedures in case the cables break. If you do, at best, you’ll be tossed after thirty seconds. At worst, the rest of the occupants will start jumping up and down to try and time hitting bottom in the up position. (As luck would have it, Jaden the cable does break under the weight of twenty folks jumping up and down. Don’t worry, there is an automatic brake system. Well, there should be an automatic brake.)
“Today we are going back to Friday night. The Lakeway Arts Committee organized a Friday Night Fever Street Dance. Here is what they said:
Bring your blankets, lawn chairs, snacks, drinks and dancing shoes for an evening of live music under the stars! This FREE, family-friendly concert is the perfect way to enjoy a night out with friends and neighbors.
Buffaloe and the Heard is a high-energy band that blends original music with crowd-favorite covers spanning a wide variety of genres. Their performances feature approximately 80% covers and 20% original songs, with a signature sound often described as ‘Dave Matthews meets Tom Petty meets James Brown.'”
We are going to time trip. ATX Cocina of Austin is catering. Our entertainment is (of course) Martha and the Vendellas.
Menu
arroz verde – poblano scented rice tamal, duck confit,sprout salad, serrano vin, chicharron pollo al achiote – achiote-marinated half bird, salsa macha verde, red pepper chile atole, seasonal ensalada pescado divorciado – salsa diabla, mojo de ajo, citrus herb ensalada salmon epazote – epazote double cream, sikil pak, herb salad crab relleno – smoked honey cornbread stuffed Anaheim, jumbo lump blue crab,
charred tomatillo sugo, tamarind pork chop – burnt pineapple-habanero butter, xni-pek, guajillo barbeque sauce barbacoa prensado – beef cheek, roasted peanut salsa, epazote, seared mushrooms, puffed amaranth carne asada – citrus marinated wagyu skirt, salsa bandera con nopal nixramalizado,
salsa verde tatemada filete de lomo – black angus tenderloin, blistered shishitos, pipian verde, cebollas, salsa seca 16oz prime ribeye – mole frijol, toreados
Let’s get on the bus.
There’s the sign. We are in the right place.
The space for dancing in the street has been marked off.
A welcome to attendees.
Buffolo and the Heard begin the concert.
Chairs and relaxation.
A sweet little dog attended.
Some folks like the grass.
Time to relax and chat. (Hope that wine isn’t open)
Forgot chairs – No problem. The Arts Committee has you covered.
The band plays on.
We need to relax, eat, and enjoy the entertainment we brought along. I hope you have a great week
The cofee (whoops. A typo) machine stands like a beacon in the post-apocalyptic world of my head during caffeine withdrawal. The steady flow of soothing elixir brings appetizer-like aromas that promise relief. The first sip stops the zombie moans in my brain. The second is accompanied by the combination of the Westminster Chimes of the doorbell and the eardrum-puncturing baying of Igor’s hounds in Twiggy and Tempeste’s reaction to the chimes. A quick toss of two knuckle bones into the soundproof room, followed by the slamming of the door, brings a Deep Purple Hush back to the room.
A glance at the monitor shows Chip and Dale, the chipmunks, each holding either a clipboard or a letter. Since talking to them is futile, the security shutdown process begins.
The B-2 bomber squadron and the F-35 escort must be called off. One call does it. The tank corps and gunboats are told to stand by. The Apache helicopters are rerouted. The electric shock fence is turned off. The drawbridge over the quicksand is lowered. The robot attack dogs returned to their charging station. The laser-guided machine guns on the roof are set to caution. The nest filled with rattlesnakes put away. The bucket filled with 1000 marbles is locked down. The tear gas canisters shut off. The electrified welcome mat set to off. The fall-away sidewalk into the pit filled with spikes is locked. The hornet’s nest closed. The water cannons are set to safety. Bear traps are set to off. Peregrine Falcons perched on the roof above front door fed. The vat of boiling oil set to warm. Monty Python’s Harmless Little Rabbit’s cage is closed. The front door is opened.
Chip hands me the letter and Dale the clipboard. When signed, the clipboard goes back to Dale with a fiver under the clip. Thinking that they might have a problem with the money, a bag of unshelled peanuts follows the clipboard.
Once inside, the letter is opened, and it is from Linda Hill. It reads: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “typo.” Use it any wya way you’d like. Have fun!
Today’s good news story comes from the BBC and was sent to me by our world-at-large reporter, Noelle Granger.
Thanks, Noelle
Rare duck breeding success gives hope for species
Emily Johns, Channel Islands
Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust
The Madagascar pochard is one of the world’s most threatened waterbirds
Six of the world’s rarest ducks have reached adulthood after conservationists successfully raised them from eggs collected in the wild.
The Madagascar pochards were hatched after their eggs were carried 44km (27 miles) on foot before being taken to a specialist breeding center in Madagascar. The species was once thought to be extinct before being rediscovered in 2006.
The Jersey-based Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust carried out the work, which it said gave scientists another way to protect the species when nests were threatened.
Roland Digby, a conservation biologist at Durrell, said: “This is an important milestone for the Madagascar pochard.”
Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust
The ducks are also called the fotsimaso locally
The trust said the breakthrough could be particularly important because the Madagascar pochard survived at just one known wild nesting site worldwide.
Digby said: “We’ve shown that, when conditions demand it, we can safely collect eggs from the wild, transport them on foot and successfully incubate and rear healthy birds.”
The six birds hatched from 15 fertile eggs collected at Lake Matsaborimena in north-west Madagascar, with Durrell staff working alongside The Peregrine Fund to collect them.
The eggs were carried in a cooler before being transported to Durrell’s specialist breeding center in Antsohihy in northern Madagascar.
Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust
Brewer said recovering a species required “persistence, partnerships and a willingness to keep going when the work becomes difficult”
Since the species’ rediscovery, Durrell said it had led an international recovery program combining habitat restoration, captive breeding and reintroductions.
About 180 birds now exist across captive and wild populations, including 51 at the Durrell breeding center, 82 at Bemanevika and 74 at Lake Sofia.
Durrell chief executive Rebecca Brewer said: “For many people, this is a story about six ducks.
“For us, it’s about what long-term conservation can achieve.”
The good news in this story is that success is not measured in large gains, but in small steps. Today’s JohnKu talks about persistence in conservation. I hope you have a beautiful weekend.
Today, I randomly opened Eternal Road – The final stop to page 111. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page. The word nearest my finger is “Wringer,” which is our prompt.
Since August marks the anniversary of the first income tax’s establishment in 1861, I thought it would be fun to travel back and take in the atmosphere of what must have been an eventful time. The income tax was established to pay for the Civil War. Of course, we must follow some time-travel rules, so here is a list to help keep us from creating a time disruption or tear in the continuum.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on the First Tax Day in 1861.
10 On the first tax day, do not try to find an H&R Block office for relief. If you do, at best, it will be an ice supply house. At worst, you will raise so much concern from those you ask that they will point you out to the tax collector. (The belief that you are trying to avoid your tax obligation is what ended up with you behind bars, Issac. Just tell them you made a mistake and intend to pay, and maybe they’ll let you go.)
9 On the first tax day, do not tell Tiny the WWF champ that he can’t come in to assess your net worth. If you do, at best, he will come in anyway. At worst, Tiny, who just left his rejection support group meeting, will reduce the place to sawdust. (The upside to Tiny’s visit, Iulio, is you have no assets and therefore don’t owe any tax. Let’s not talk of the downside.)
8 On the first tax day, do not try to deduct your stay and meals as a business expense. If you do, at best, you will be laughed out of the room. At worst, the tax collector will call the Marshall, and you’ll be labeled as the first tax fraud case in the US. (The first tax was a 3% flat rate over 800 dollars ($13,000 today) of income, Iwdael. There are no deductions. Now tell the man you are sorry and cough up the money.)
7 On the first Tax day, do not carry your “No Taxation Without Representation,” protest sign. If you do, at best, no one will be able to read. At worst, you will be invited to spend the night at the Hoosegow Hotel. (These new revenuers have no sense of humor, Izeyah. I wouldn’t press my luck any further.)
6 On the first tax day, do not try to pay for your tax with corn. If you do, at best, the agent will think you are joking. At worst, they’ll assume you are trying to evade your taxes. (You have to admit, Izreal trying to unload 100 bushels of corn in the tax office looks a little suspicious. You’ll find a broom and shovel in the corner. Best to clean up the mess before you leave.)
5 On the first tax day, do not try to convince the tax collector that you are part of the 97% of the population that does not earn 800 dollars a year. If you do, at best the collector will respect your attempt at avoiding the tax. At worst, the collector just declared to his staff that the next person who tries to lie about their income will be shot. (I think you’d better cough up the tax quickly, Ian. That collector is resting his hand on a very big six-shooter.)
4 On the first Tax day, do not show up in your most elegant clothes on the best horse. If you do, at best, the collector won’t notice. At worst, since your clothes and horse are better than the collector’s, your bill will be higher than it should be. (At this stage, Ibrahim, you might as well just pay it. Why you didn’t think to wear those old shoes and overalls is beyond me. You could have parked your horse down the street too.)
3 On the first tax day, do not try to dazzle the tax collector with stacks of paperwork proving your lack of income. If you do, at best, they’ll ignore you. At worst, the agent will assume you are up to something illegal and double your tax assessment. (It would have been better just to tell them the truth, Igore. After all, 3% is not a lot to pay.)
2 On the first tax day, do not put in an application to join the IRS. If you do, at best, no one will understand you. At worst, you’ll give away your time traveler status since the IRS wasn’t established until 1862. (Well, easy come, easy go, Ishmael. It is now time to hit the bricks and get back to your own timezone. Otherwise, you might be spending a lot of time in a very damp and chilly place.)
1 On the first tax day, do not think you can tell the tax collector to send you a bill. If you do, at best, the collector will share a laugh with you. At worst, the collector will take measures to collect the tax today. ( That big guy in the corner is the enforcer, Ignatius. His job is to extract the payment right now. He has been known to hold some by their ankles until the money falls to the floor. Just save us all the misery and pay the bill.)
Today we are going to the Lakeway Activity Center to stroll around the All-City Garage Sale. Joe’s Bakery and Coffee Shop is catering for us. Our entertainment is Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.
Menu
Hop on. Let’s go
The activity center.
If you don’t want to take your unsold stuff home, you can donate it.
Speaking of donations, here are three ways to do it for an entry fee.
A quick look at the selling area.
Lots of stuff and a chair.
Here is something for everyone. A little Christmas, too.
Looks like a handbag central with some clothes thrown in.
Drinkware, jewelry, and whatnot.
Mostly holiday stuff.
Handmade jewelry.
China and chairs.
Toys.
Cookware and trinkets.
Novelties and a hose.
Golf balls. Lots of golf balls
Well, that is it. I hope you got a good idea of what the Garage sale was all about. Time for food and music. I hope you have a wonderful week.
