Tag: fiction favorites

Wednesday Story Day -AKA Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

finals-week-in-a-nutshell-71935

 

Wednesday story time again. Last week we left poor Ben with Mrs. Wolfe who was doing her best Mrs. Robinson imitation and demanding that Ben come join her on the couch. If we can stand it we should go back to see how Ben fairs in this exchange.

“Here’s you drink Trudy.”

“Thank you. Ben. By the way, it is Mrs. Wolfe to you.”

“But you just said─”

“I know what I said, Ben. How foolish do you think I am? Did you think you were going to get somewhere with me?”

“I was just doing what you told me to do.”

“Pretty weak Ben. Do you have no loyalty to Alexis?”

“Yes of course. You have me so confused right now.”

“Well little man finish your drink and you might get a little clarity about what is going on.”

“So something’s going on?”

“Damn, you’re dumb. I have been testing you Ben and quite frankly I don’t think you have the right stuff to participate in our little fundraising project.”

“Yes, I do. Give me another chance.”

“Beg Ben”

“Screw you Trudy.”

“That’s Mrs. Wolfe.”

“Okay then. screw you Mrs. Wolfe. Here take this stinking drink. I hate gin. I’m going back to rejoin Alexis and your husband.”

“You go boy.”

“Bite me Mrs. Wolfe.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible Kreative Kue #54 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

I guess by now you all know I love writing prompts, and Keith Channing posts a picture once a week on Mondays. You can go here and see the post http://channing.info/wp/2015/12/07/kreative-kue-54/

Here is the photo and my interpretation follows.

Kreative Kue #54

The Band by John W. Howell ©2015

“Well, then I said to the teacher, ‘why do I always have to play these stupid drums'”?

“Was that when he gave you detention?”

“No. Thant comes later. He told me the reason I play the drums is I stink at horns.”

“Wow. That musta hurt.”

“Darn right, it did.”

“So what did you say then?”

“I told him to give me a chance, and I would show him how good I can be on a horn.”

“So why aren’t you playing a horn?”

“Well, it gets complicated. He told me that there were no openings in the horn section so I would have to wait.”

“That sounds reasonable. I don’t know why you get all in a bunch. You think shaking these gourds is fun?”

“I wouldn’t do what you are willing to do.”

“Oh, you too good for gourds?”

“They are called maracas and no I’m not too good. I just was born to be a horn player.”

“So what kind of horn are you going to play if you ever get a chance?”

“I don’t know. I’m thinking of Rhino, but then there’s a Springbok.”

“Springbok is an antler.”

“Okay, then how about a big horn antelope? Also, I told the teacher that we need different uniforms. I said we are tired of looking like we are in the army.”

“What did he say?”

“You’re in detention.”

Top Ten Things Not to Give as a Present This Year

~ John W. Howell ~ 46 Comments

Christmas packages

 

This list is inspired by watching seventy plus Holidays come and go with some mixed results on gifting both giving and receiving.

Top Ten Things Not to Give as a Present This Year

10 This year do not give anyone a fruitcake. If you do, at best it will find its way into the city recycling center. At worst, it will come back to you next year just a little bit harder than when last gifted. (Sure it looked good in the catalog.?

9 This year do not give anything that has “as seen on TV” printed on the package. If you do, at best the recipient will know you shopped in the drugstore. At worst, the gadget will be responsible for taking out the recipient’s electrical system. (You didn’t see that recall notice did you?)

8 This year do not give Scandinavian cookies in a metal tin. If you do, at best the made in USA label will give away the lack of an imported gift. At worst, the cookies will taste like overpriced Little Debbie vanilla wafers. (How’s that stuck to the roof of the mouth feeling working out for your recipient?)

7 This year do not give frozen mail order steaks. If you do, at best the steaks will be received by a vegan. At worst, the steaks will arrive in time to sit on the porch between Christmas and New Years while your recipient is skiing in Telluride. (They never said they were going out-of-town did they?)

6 This year do not give fruit gifts. If you do, at best whatever you choose is hated by 75% of the people in the recipient’s household. At worst, the gift you choose arrives during the worst snowstorm in one hundred years and won’t show up until spring. (Man, those pears sure didn’t freeze well did they?)

5 This year do not give personal grooming devices. If you do, at best the recipient will wonder your intent. At worst, you may get a call from the recipients lawyer who is talking generalities about severe damage to very personal areas. (The ad said it was perfectly safe, and you believed it right?)

4 This year do not give a box of chocolate covered cherries. If you do, at best they will cause the recipient to choke on the first and throw the rest away. At worst, the recipient will be so depressed by the lack of thought the entire box will be eaten, and the recipient admitted to the ER with symptoms of a glucose overdose. (It seemed like a good idea while you were getting your prescription filled. Didn’t it?)

3 This year do not give a discount coupon for a day spa visit. At best, you will broadcast how cheap you are. At worst the day spa is running discounts because their service sucks. (Can you say toe fungus without cringing?)

2 This year do not give anything that designed to be worn under clothes. If you do, at best you will raise a question regarding the need. At worst, the size will be all wrong, and it won’t matter if you chose too small or too large the result will be the same. (Did you have a few drinks at that trunk show or are you just an idiot?)

1 This year so not give anything that you bought on an impulse just to have a gift to give. If you do, at best you will have difficulty explaining why that particular gift. At worst, you will probably overspend for something that has no thought behind it. (That will be your payback for procrastinating your search for a gift.)

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Miss.”

~ John W. Howell ~ 21 Comments

a new socs-badge-2015

Stream of Consciousness Saturday and Linda Hill is back from her trip to Japan. Since she is well rested and of sound mind she has dictated the prompt for this week is ‘miss.” Now here comes the good news. We can use it any way we want. If you would like to join in this fun, please visit Linda’s site to read more on how to behave. Here is the link http://lindaghill.com/2015/12/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-515/

Miss by John W. Howell © 2015

“Excuse me, Miss.”

“Yes, what is it?”

“I am wondering how you find that book?”

“Oh, this book?”

“Yes, the one you are reading.”

“I have to say it is hit or miss on the plot.”

“Oh, really? I’ve heard a lot of good comments about it. What is the miss, Miss?”

“Miss? miss. You are a corker.”

“Excuse me, Miss? A corker.”

“You know a funny person.”

“Not really Miss. I’m quite plain.”

“Not from where I’m sitting. You look rather distinguished.”

“I’m blushing Miss. Can we get back to what you describe as the miss part of the story Miss?”

“Oh yes. You see the plot seems logical part of the time and illogical at other times.”

“I see. So you would not recommend it.”

“No, not really. It’s stuffy, and the dialog is convoluted.”

“I’ve never heard that before Miss.”

“Wait a minute. This picture on the back. It’s you. You wrote this book.”

“Yes. Jonathon Miss at your service.”

“Aw come on your last name isn’t Miss. It’s Jenkley.”

“Might as well be Junkly Miss.”

“Will you sign my book?”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 27 Comments

sweet revenge

 

Well, we have hit Friday again. This week it seems Friday came up and smacked me in the face. I didn’t have a lot of time to wish for it to arrive. I looked up and there it was. My favorite day. Last night I had a My GRL and His Revenge book signing and out of it came a delightful drink courtesy of my wife. She named it His Revenge since she mixed Sweet Revenge liqueur with lemon-lime soda. The liqueur is described on the label as “Wild Strawberry Sour Mash.” I think that just about describes the drink with the added value of 77 proof. The Revenge part comes the next day. Today’s JohnKu discusses the mystery of the morning after.

Morning by John W. Howell © 2015

Laughter and good times,

Accompanied by a sweet quaff. ..

Dawn is agony.

Thursday – A little Personal

~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

Office party

 

I had the occasion yesterday to attend a Christmas party at my old company. (Yes I was invited) Well, it’s not my old company it is the company from which I retired, and it was nice to return. I remember when we threw a Christmas party, and some of the retirees would show up. I wondered at the time why they came. I thought when I saw them at the event, once retired who would want to return to the thousand points of pain ever again? At the time, I couldn’t imagine being in the same position yet here I was accepting an invitation to attend a Christmas party. The party was at the same company in which I had invested, sweat, nerves, and what I thought was sure to be years off my life.

Driving the two and one-half hours to San Antonio, (A crazy stunt in itself) I figured it out. I wanted to see the lovely people who were still there. It was those people who made the workday bearable and in some cases fun. In spite of the deadlines and boss craziness, these folks managed to keep a bright outlook and positive attitude. They were the ones to give a cheery “good morning” and take the time to ask how things were going. They were also the ones who could tell you had spent an all-nighter or were on the cusp of going postal. They seemed to know that your trials were in some ways also their trials since we all worked for the same company. A quick story or joke would lift some of the tension and make the day go better. They were the ones who brought donuts of breakfast tacos and the ones who were first in line to donate to remember a lost family member.

It came to me that those retirees of the past attended the party to touch briefly those who had shown kindness and charity when they needed it most. It could be they needed it then as well, and I hope each received what they were seeking. Me? I wanted to thank some of the folks for being so darned nice. I did just that and came away with the feeling that I would like to attend another one again sometime.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 27 Comments

College drinks

 

Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we found out old mom is pretty good at moving money around the world. We also found out mom has a pretty good grasp on how to set up the explosives and extort ransom money. Let’s rush back and see what else she knows about mayhem.

“Here’s your drink Mrs. Wolfe.”

“Thank you, Ben. I didn’t know you knew how to make a martini.”

“Not much to it. A little gin and a whisper of vermouth.”

“Mmmm. You do have a touch.”

“Gosh. Thank you, Mrs. Wolfe.”

“You can call me Trudy Ben.”

“I’m not sure I would be comfortable doing that. Shouldn’t we get back to Alexis and your husband.”

“Oh, What’s the matter, Ben. You get nervous around real women?”

“Um. I’m really getting uncomfortable Mrs. Wolfe.”

“Call me Trudy you little shit. You need to learn to follow instructions. I don’t really care how comfortable you are. I’m running this show and we will do what I say. Now pour yourself a martini and come sit by me.”

“But Alexis─”

“But Alexis nothing. She’s a little girl. I like you and can show you things Alexis could never even imagine let alone share. Get that drink Ben. I’m not going to ask again.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, Trudy.”

“Good boy. You won’t be sorry. Bring me another as well.”

Tuesday-Anything Possible Kreative Kue #53 by Keith Channing and a Reminder that His Revenge is on sale for $0.99

~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

His Revenge front final

The reminder first

As a reminder beginning at 12:00 am PST (6:00 am GMT) on November 30th (Yesterday) until 12:00 pm PST (6:00 pm GMT) on December 1st  (Today) His Revenge will be on sale for $0.99 in the US and £0.99 in the UK. This event is a thirty-six-hour sale for the US and UK markets and is in support of CYBER Monday. If you want to read His Revenge, for a limited time it is available for less than half of a Vente coffee at Starbucks. (And lasts longer)

Now to Creative Cakes # 53

As you may know, I have become enamored by the talent of Keith Channing. He has a weekly prompt named Creative Kue, which runs on Mondays. Here are the instructions from Keith for the prompt. “Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated.”

His advice. “Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your blog or website, next Monday.” Here are the photo and my interpretation.

SONY DSC

July 14th by John W. Howell © 2015

“Hello there. Anyone here?”

“I don’t think there is anyone.”

“This is the right spot. I have the directions right here in my hand.”

“There are no people to serve us, though.”

“I can see that. Where do you suppose they went.”

“I don’t know, but I would say they are missing a real nice opportunity to sell some pies.”

“I know right? I dressed up in my Bastille Day soldier outfit just for the occasion.”

“Tell me. That outfit stinks by the way.”

“Aw come on. It’s festive.”

“Why choose a soldier outfit?”

“I didn’t want to be a peasant.”

“Well, that make sense. Not.”

“So do we just help ourselves to the pies?”

“I don’t know. That truck we passed looks like it delivered them. Of course the name is kind of funny.”

“What do you mean?”

“The lettering on the door says, Marcel Le Cordier.”

“So that means deliverer of pies right?”

“I wish you would learn to read. No, it doesn’t say that.”

“What does it say for heaven’s sake?”

“Le Cordier translates to The Tailpiece.”

“The tailpiece. What the hell does that mean?”

“I think it means we should avoid the pies.”

 

 

Rave Reviews Book Club Wants You – #RRBC

~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

a book-club-badge-suggestion-copy-1Anniversary Badge Year 1

As you may know, I am a member of the Rave Reviews Book Club. What you may not know is the reason I joined and what the Club has meant to me. Let me clear these last points up.

I joined Rave Reviews Book Club to become associated with like-minded writers who were interested in promoting each other’s work. At the time, I looked at some organizations and had made the decision not to associate myself with them due to what I considered unusual quid pro quo requirements.

By quid pro quo, I’m referring to the practice of following each other if followed, reviewing each others books if reviewed and other scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours kind of programs. At the time, these practices seemed a little shady to me and so I passed.

Then I had a chance to read a blog by an RRBC member and decided to visit the site. What I found was a whole new kind of club. This was a place where others supported each other with blog tours, twitter messages, and a management team interested in Indie author success. Well, I signed up and let me now quote some statistics.

  1. When I joined RRBC, I had about 600 Twitter followers. Today I have over 5,250 followers. I did not get these followers by an aggressive plan of following and then following back. These followers came to me because they saw I was promoting my fellow authors and would in all probability support them as well. There are over 400 members of RRBC and not all follow me so as you can see these are not just member followers.
  2. When I joined RRBC, my first book My GRL was resting near the bottom of the Amazon ranking pile. Each time the club got behind the book (Book of the Month, Spotlight Author) the rank shot up into the five figures and held there for several days.
  3. When I joined the club, I had twelve reviews for My GRL. Currently, My GRL has forty-four reviews that have come as a result of the publicity. Of the forty-four, nine are by club members. It can be said although all club members don’t review any individual book those that do, add substantially to the information new readers want to know before buying.

So why don’t you go to the Rave Reviews Book Club site and take a look at all the activities? You never know it may be something you want to join. (Full disclosure: I am a member of the Board of Governors, the Tweet Support Team, and host or co-host of  four Radio broadcasts. YES I’m biased)