Top Ten Things Not to Do In a Bookstore #JusJoJan

January 4, 2016January 3, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 72 Comments

This list is inspired by observing some pretty unusual things on visits to bookstores. I hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to do In a Bookstore

10 In a bookstore, do not set up a Coleman lantern next to the most comfortable chair. If you do, at best you will tip-off the store personnel that you intend to overnight. At worst, once set up there is no way you can leave the chair without someone else jumping into your spot.(That double shot low foam latte is now calling on you for relief)

9 In a bookstore, do not decide to skim through a couple of rare books while eating a brownie. If you do, at best you’ll be able to avoid discovery of the brown frosting spot on page 121. At worst, you are now looking at buying a book whose price tag makes your monthly food expense look cheap. (Hard to eat a book right?)

8 In a bookstore, do not wear your jammies, bunny feet, and carry your Dachshund. If you do, at best you’ll be forced to stay in the juvenile section to quell the laughter. At worst, the store manager will place a call to the local mental health provider requesting an intervention. (The store seems just like home doesn’t it?)

7 In a bookstore, do not decide to review a book using your out loud voice. If you do, at best the rest of the patrons will ask the manager to throw you out. At worst, your review may not sit well with one individual who happens to be the brother of the author and best-selling author of the title,”Fear No One: Bear Handed Self Defense.” (He really does have big hands doesn’t he?)

6 In a bookstore, do not spend hours looking at the magazines. If you do, at best you may be taken for a homeless person embarrassed by the offer of a free cup of coffee. At worst, you may be mistaken for a secret agent who has been waiting for the contact person now being interrogated by Homeland Security. (What do you mean a phone call?)

5 In a bookstore, do not think you can do all your reading for free. If you do, at best you will be eventually recognized and asked to leave. At worst, the security camera has recorded all the times you made a margin note or bent a page, and your bill is now overdue. (You should have worn a mask. Right Sparky?)

4 In a bookstore, do not try to sneak into the erotic section. If you do, at best store personnel will think you’re going to steal something. At worst, the security department will hold it’s breath hoping you will make a fool of yourself on camera.(You know Erotica is a genre right? No need to sneak.)

3 In a bookstore, do not ask the manager to stock your book as if you’re a reader and not the author. If you do, at best the manager will ignore your request. At worst, the manager will ask for your name and telephone number so he can call you when the book comes in. (Wow that was embarrassing)

2 In a bookstore, do not ask the clerk if the price on the discounted book is the best they can do. If you do, at best the person will confirm the price as firm. At worst, the clerk will call the manager who will make note of your request and politely inform you that the price is firm while memorizing your face for the next encounter. (After all this place is not a flea market)

1 In a bookstore, do not come back for a while if you are greeted by name as if you are walking into Cheers bar. If you do, at best you are recognized as a good customer, and it’s okay. At worst, the store personnel has your number, and you might want to take the hint.(After three days fish and guests start to smell alike)

This post is part of the Just Jot it January fun. If you would like to join visit this link http://lindaghill.com/2015/12/31/just-jot-it-january-2016-rules/

Sunday – Fifty-Two Views of the Gulf #JusJoJan

January 3, 2016January 3, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 38 Comments

You can’t actually see the rain but we have had over an inch since New Year’s day. The daytime temps have been in the 50’s with a twenty-five mile an hour wind. That brought the wind chill down to 38 degrees. For us THAT’S COLD. Since the boardwalk is being torn down I’ll bet you wonder how I got this shot. Notice the little piece of orange ribbon at the bottom of the boardwalk. That is to warn everyone that the boardwalk looks like this:

As you can see the walkway comes to an abrupt end. You can also see how the dune has taken over the walkway. One of the reasons it needed to be replaced (since nothing stops the dune) Now to answer the question on how I got to my normal picture spot?

I walked on the ground where the walkway used to be. That white pipe is what is left of the connections to foot washing stations. I have one more photo which is taken from the beginning of the boardwalk at the furthest point from the beach.

Again the white pipe is a waterline. Although this looks quite far away, in reality, it is only thirty feet or so. After the old walkway is removed the crew will begin building the new which will be quite a work of art.

Last week’s photo.

This post is part of the Just Jot it January movement. (don’t worry it’s not a new political party. Go here for info http://lindaghill.com/2015/12/31/just-jot-it-january-2016-rules/

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Pause/Paws”#JusJoJan

January 2, 2016January 1, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

The first Stream of Consciousness Saturday is here and it is a great way to kick off the year of prompts. This week’s prompt is “pause/paws” and Linda Hill has decreed that we can use it in a manner of our own choosing. If you would like to join in the fun go to Linda’s site and check it out.

http://lindaghill.com/2016/01/01/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-jan-216/

Here is my interpretation.

“Happy New Year.”

“Come on, the new year is two days old already.”

“Yeah but I just feel so good about the New Year.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, It feels good to pause a minute or two and breathe in the fresh air of a new start. That’s what the new year means.”

“All well and good for New Year’s day. You need to move on now.”

“Move on? What do you mean move on?”

“Understand that life is not just a holiday but is an all-year-long deal.”

“Gee. I was just having some fun.”

“Yes, but you have a job to do.”

“Remind me again. What job?”

“You forgot already?”

“Well, I’ve not been to obedience school like you. Just tell me.”

“Okay, one more time. Wipe your paws before you go into the house.”

“Every time?”

“For you every time. Just pause and give your paws a swipe, swipe and you’re good.”

“Dirty or no?”

“For you? Yes.”

“Happy New Year.”

“Sheesh. Woof.”

This post is part of the Just Jot It January. Go to Linda’s site for more information. http://lindaghill.com/2015/12/31/just-jot-it-january-2016-rules/

Friday JohnKu – AKA TGIF #JusJoJan

January 1, 2016December 31, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 23 Comments

A brand new year with the promise of a new beginning. It is funny how one day can be so different from another. Yesterday was so last year and today is what is happening now. I hope everyone had a lovely New Year’s Eve. Mine is usually pretty mild. We normally have a nice dinner and then pretty much sit and do what we always do. A little talk, some iPad time and one hour of a favorite show that has been pre-recorded. We are usually in our reading room (a euphemism for the bedroom) well before midnight. On New Year’s Eve, we don’t make an exception. Of course, we do have to put up with the tourists who think it is legal to shoot off fireworks on the beach (it’s not). So we have an interlude of explosions and idiots yelling from midnight until about one o’clock. Maybe I’m being persnickety but I think the choice of being up for the new year should be mine.

Today’s JohnKu talks about the difference in one day to another. I hope you enjoy it and Happy New Year one more time.

Nighttime comes this year,

The resolutions are made…

Dawn reconsider.

This post is part of Just Jot It January. If you want the lowdown visit Linda Hill at http://www.lindahill.com

Thursday – A little Personal

December 31, 2015December 30, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

I would like to wish you all a very Happy New Year. I will close this year with a couple of photos of some Herons who I see during my bike rides on the beach.

I managed to get close enough to take his picture. The day was foggy and misty so this photo although in color looks more like a black and white.

Here is another Heron sitting on the dune walkover last week just before it was torn down. This was taken at the finish of my ride.

So this is pretty much how the year ended. Lots of wind, rain and fog.

Best wishes for 2016.

Wednesday – Story Day – AKA Hump Day

December 30, 2015December 28, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 29 Comments

Wednesday Story Day again. If you recall we left Mrs. Wolfe goading Alexis into wanting to not only blow the student union but to turn on poor Ben. It seems Alexis has no inheritance and she is now looking at Ben in a different light. She doesn’t want to be confined to living the life afforded by a normal salary of an engineer. She is now out for blood. Ben of course is taken back and tells Mrs. Wolfe to shut up. Let’s go to see if Ben still lives.

“Don’t you dare tell me to shut up you little weasel.”
“Well you should close your mouth instead of spreading your poison to Alexis.”
“I think I can think on my own Ben.”
“Alexis. Don’t you see what she’s doing?”
“I see she has a concern for my future. Unlike some little minded engineer types who will go unnamed.”
“Come on Alexis. You and I were very happy until your mother stirred the pot.”
“Happy how? I was counting on my inheritance to offset the lack of money you were going to make. I let you believe I was okay with your little meager goals since I knew I had enough money to do what I wanted.”
“And what is it you want to do?”
“I want to travel and not in a trailer either. I want jewels and nice clothes. I want to eat in the finest places.”
“I get it Alexis. You want all the things a few million can buy.’
“Yes Ben. That’s what I want.”
“Okay Mrs Wolfe. You win. I’ll do anything to keep Alexis.”
“Now you are talking like a real grown up Ben.”
“Yes Ben. I have to admit you are cute and I would hate to have to give you up. I’m glad you see it our way.”
“Run Ben.”
“Excuse me sir?”
“You should get out of here while you still can. These two will own your soul if you’re not careful.’
“Be quiet my dear. Here take this drink and go back to your book. We’ll tea good care of Ben. Won’t we Alexis.”
“Oh, yes mommy. Ben is in very good hands. Come sit next to me Ben.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #57 by Keith Channing

December 29, 2015December 28, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

I guess by now you all know I love writing prompts, and Keith Channing posts a picture once a week on Mondays. You can go here and see the post http://channing.info/wp/2015/12/28/kreative-kue-57/

Here is the photo and my interpretation follows.

“Silent night, Holy night, All is calm, All is bright—”

“Whoa. Look at Sam.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at his face.”

“His face? I can’t see his face.”

“That’s what I’m talking about.”

“Please tell me. I still don’t understand.”

“His whole head is a blur.”

“I don’t see that. What’s going on?”

“I hate to tell tales, but I think old Sammy had one too many at the cocktail party.”

“Were you watching him?”

“It was hard not to. He must have gone back to the bar ten times.”

“Ten times? You counted?”

“Well I followed him so’s I could keep track.”

“And you saw him get a drink each time.”

“I sure did.”

“Did you get a drink each time as well.”

“Well yes. I didn’t want him to get suspicious.”

“Did you drink them all?”

“Yeah, so what?”

“Oh nothing. It’s just Sam doesn’t drink anything stronger than ginger ale. I think the blur the eye of the beholder.”

Top Ten Things not to Do On New Year’s Eve

December 28, 2015December 27, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 41 Comments

For some of you, this list may look familiar since it was the list from last year. I really tried hard to come up with all new things that we should not do on New Year’s Eve, but I found myself repeating stuff I already said. So, I figured why not run the list from last year? After all, if you remember all the items then you should not be wasting your time reading this blog. You should be in Los Vegas counting cards at the blackjack table. Hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on New Year’s Eve.

10 On New Year’s Eve, do not try to set a personal record for consumption of alcohol. If you do, at best your evening will close early. At worst, New Year ’s Day will represent your personal purgatory just begging for relief.

9 On New Year’s Eve, do not set resolutions that you think would be great to accomplish if you were a superhero. If you do, at best you will not last a week on your new plan. At worst, you will consider your failure at resolutions to among one of the many failures for the year and could need to be talked down off the ledge next New Year’s Eve.

8 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your good will to mankind feeling left over from the holidays should be demonstrated by public displays of affection for everyone. If you do, at best most will try to ignore your advances. At worst, there will one person who will think you are the new lost love that they have been searching for their whole life and will continue to stalk you for months in spite of the restraining order.

7 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your stomach deserves to be challenged with copious amounts of strange food. If you do, at best your later hours will be spent in a degree of discomfort. At worst, your stomach will get even when you least expect it.

6 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your off-key singing throughout the year will suddenly get better with the addition of Champaign. If you do, at best you will still draw the same looks you get for the rest of the year. At worst, you will begin to gather stray cats and dogs who are thinking you are calling them for dinner while singing Auld Lang Sine.

5 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your famous green monster punch will be enjoyed by everyone. If you insist everyone try it, at best your party may end early. At worst, you may be responsible for sending some guests over the edge due to a strong allergy to green dye and Everclear and if not an allergy certainly a diminished immunity to strong drink. (hint green carpet spots never come up)

4 On New Year’s Eve do not try to surprise your significant other with a mystery destination that you promise will make the best New Year’s Eve ever. If you do, at best you may have selected a place that has some negative memories for your significant other. At worst, you may spend the entire evening lost in a strange neighborhood which will not be the best, but maybe the most memorable as the prime reason your significant other is no longer significant and not your other.

3 On New Year’s Eve, do not get all romantic if all year you act as if romance was as welcome as the measles. If you do, at best you will look ridiculous to whomever you are with. At worst, you could cause a major upset to the person you are normally ambivalent about and could come off as someone who should be given a fine dose of pepper spray to get your attention.

2 On New Year’s Eve, do not think it a good idea to put that lampshade on your head. If you do, at best some will laugh not with you but at you. At worst, the shade is an antique given to the host by a grandmother just before her demise and now it is on the floor under your fanny after you slipped on a bottle and fell to the floor. Oh and the video on U Tube had gone viral.

1 On New Year’s Eve, do not think you have to stay up past a reasonable hour for you to retire to see the New Year in. If you do, at best the next day’s activities will be less enjoyable. At worst, you will throw off your sleep cycle which will take you several days and cups of coffee to correct not to mention falling asleep at your mother in law’s New Year’s Day family gathering and pooling drool on the damask fabric of the couch which will be your mark forever more.

Sunday – Fifty-Two Views of the Gulf

December 27, 2015December 26, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 33 Comments

You can tell some rain is moving in. The waves are beginning to build and the front has produced some clouds. The daytime temps are in the 70’s and it is expected to go in the upper 40’s at night. This will be one of the last photos of this vinyl walkover. As we were walking back yesterday there were some men working on tearing it out. Not sure how we will be able to get to the water since construction of the boardwalk is expected to take at least six weeks. I think we may have to drive around since the dunes are loaded with rattle snakes and I’m sure you’ll agree it would not be good running into them. Next week should be an interesting photo. Yes that is my wife with Bailey the boxer. Lucy is up with me behind the camera.

Here is a photo of the beginning of the work. The wooden posts used to be covered in vinyl. You can see the spot where I normally take the picture way at the end by the Gulf. It is still untouched due to the sand covering the walkway.

Last week’s photo.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt Socks

December 26, 2015December 25, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday again and this week’s prompt is “socks”. Linda Hill says we can use the prompt anyway we want. Now I have to ask you how many ways can you used the word “socks?” Well if you would like to know more about this program just visit Linda’s site http://lindaghill.com/2015/12/25/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-2615/ You can pick up all the info you need there. Here is my interpretation.

“So what did you do after the guy socks you in the nose?’

“I stood there and cried like a baby.”

“what? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“You don’t know how much that hurt.’

“I can imagine but to just stand there and cry doesn’t sound like you.”

“Oh, it was me alright.”

“How long did you stand there?”

“Not long. I wiped my tears, bloody nose and then got revenge.”

“Got revenge? How did you do that?”

“Well, this guy was wearing white socks see.”

“Yes.”

“He got blood all over them.”