Top Ten Things not to Do On New Year’s Eve

Happy-New-Year-2016-Wallapapers

 

For some of you, this list may look familiar since it was the list from last year. I really tried hard to come up with all new things that we should not do on New Year’s Eve, but I found myself repeating stuff I already said. So, I figured why not run the list from last year? After all, if you remember all the items then you should not be wasting your time reading this blog. You should be in Los Vegas counting cards at the blackjack table. Hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on New Year’s Eve.

10 On New Year’s Eve, do not try to set a personal record for consumption of alcohol. If you do, at best your evening will close early. At worst, New Year ’s Day will represent your personal purgatory just begging for relief.

9 On New Year’s Eve, do not set resolutions that you think would be great to accomplish if you were a superhero. If you do, at best you will not last a week on your new plan. At worst, you will consider your failure at resolutions to among one of the many failures for the year and could need to be talked down off the ledge next New Year’s Eve.

8 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your good will to mankind feeling left over from the holidays should be demonstrated by public displays of affection for everyone. If you do, at best most will try to ignore your advances. At worst, there will one person who will think you are the new lost love that they have been searching for their whole life and will continue to stalk you for months in spite of the restraining order.

7 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your stomach deserves to be challenged with copious amounts of strange food. If you do, at best your later hours will be spent in a degree of discomfort. At worst, your stomach will get even when you least expect it.

6 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your off-key singing throughout the year will suddenly get better with the addition of Champaign. If you do, at best you will still draw the same looks you get for the rest of the year. At worst, you will begin to gather stray cats and dogs who are thinking you are calling them for dinner while singing Auld Lang Sine.

5 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your famous green monster punch will be enjoyed by everyone. If you insist everyone try it, at best your party may end early. At worst, you may be responsible for sending some guests over the edge due to a strong allergy to green dye and Everclear and if not an allergy certainly a diminished immunity to strong drink. (hint green carpet spots never come up)

4 On New Year’s Eve do not try to surprise your significant other with a mystery destination that you promise will make the best New Year’s Eve ever. If you do, at best you may have selected a place that has some negative memories for your significant other. At worst, you may spend the entire evening lost in a strange neighborhood which will not be the best, but maybe the most memorable as the prime reason your significant other is no longer significant and not your other.

3 On New Year’s Eve, do not get all romantic if all year you act as if romance was as welcome as the measles. If you do, at best you will look ridiculous to whomever you are with. At worst, you could cause a major upset to the person you are normally ambivalent about and could come off as someone who should be given a fine dose of pepper spray to get your attention.

2 On New Year’s Eve, do not think it a good idea to put that lampshade on your head. If you do, at best some will laugh not with you but at you. At worst, the shade is an antique given to the host by a grandmother just before her demise and now it is on the floor under your fanny after you slipped on a bottle and fell to the floor. Oh and the video on U Tube had gone viral.

1 On New Year’s Eve, do not think you have to stay up past a reasonable hour for you to retire to see the New Year in. If you do, at best the next day’s activities will be less enjoyable. At worst, you will throw off your sleep cycle which will take you several days and cups of coffee to correct not to mention falling asleep at your mother in law’s New Year’s Day family gathering and pooling drool on the damask fabric of the couch which will be your mark forever more.

41 comments

  1. LOL… Green Monster Punch. I’m suspicious of an ingredient being Jägermeister! Bleh…
    I’ve found that the New Year arrives whether I’m awake or asleep. I didn’t see this list the first time, John. So I enjoyed it. Happy end of 2015! Hugs.

    1. Thank you Teagan. This has been a better year as a result of your visits. 🙂

      1. You’re so kind John. The sentiment is mutual. More hugs. 😀

  2. (Sticking with the theme. Here’s my comment from last year.) 😀

    #1 is a killer. Seems to be a debate every year around here. Nobody seems to remember the zombie morning that results from staying up so late that the sun is almost out.

    1. For me it would be a zombie three days

      1. Last time a Jewish zombie and 3 days were combined, we got a new religion. So I’d have to go with only 1 or 4 days. 😀

      2. Ha ha ha. Good one.

  3. Good liet, but I’ve got these covered John, not someone to celebrate the Eve.

    1. I know what you mean.

    2. Yep… that’s when all the amateur drunks are out. If it’s not walking distance, I stay home. 🙂

      1. Good idea. I have followed this advice for years. (and look how old I am)

  4. Just as good the second time around, John! On NYE, I’m lucky if I make it to 10:00 pm.

  5. My one New Year’s tradition is to resolve not to make resolutions – that way I at least start every New Year off in relative comfort, no matter what I got up to the night before! 😉

    Here’s to a wonderful 2016 everyone! 😀

    1. Thanks Jan. You have a good policy here.
      😀

  6. “…with the addition of Champaign…” ?

    You think moving to Illinois will improve your singing?
    Interesting theory.

    Have a pedantic new year.
    ;~}

    1. Only if you become an Urbana guerrilla. Happy pedantics to you as well.

      1. Well that deserves an urbane gorilla…

      2. Not The Nine O’clock News; a British comedy institution.

      3. I break up routinely watching British humor. I guess the fact that my grandparents were Scottish (First generation Americans) has something to do with it. Monty Python is a favorite of mine.

      4. Can’t beat a bit of Python.

      5. This was a great post-Python series from Michael Palin. This is the whole first episode, in case it passed you by.

  7. Interesting… I didn’t remember any of them!

    1. Good. Not need to count cards in Vegas

  8. That was the best lampshade story I’ve heard in a while 🙂

    1. Thank you.Happy New Year Susan

  9. Happy New Year! 🙂

    1. Thanks Bette. Happy New Year to you as well.

  10. Reblogged this on Kim's Author Support Blog and commented:
    Love these!!

    1. Thank you so much for the reblog Kim

      1. You’re welcome, John!

  11. Too funny! I missed the ones from last year so I enjoyed all ten. Champagne a little early will be fine with me! Have a safe and happy new year, John. Your blog is always a delight!

  12. We struggle to stay awake beyond 10 pm since the kids arrived 5 years ago…so we’ll hv no problems with the rules, esp. #1. Pretty sedated these days…quite sad! LOL. Or we pretend to celebrate like we are in Australia, since they welcome it first! 😊

    1. Good idea. At least you’ll get a good night’s sleep.

  13. Ah, it is a good list 🙂 And number 1 my favorite since we tend to turn out the lights around 10 PM. Of course, that doesn’t mean our neighbors’ shenanigans won’t keep us awake 😉

    1. We have the same problem. Group of idiots shoot off fireworks, guns, cannons, and god knows what else. They do it for an hour.

      1. Cannons!!!! John, next year you should hook your trilogy into the festivities … cannons, John Cannon 🙂

      2. Like your thought.

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