Top Ten Things Not to Expect From Others

September 26, 2022September 25, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

This post originally ran in November 2015. Since I don’t believe humans have changed much since then, I think it is worth a revisit.

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This list is inspired by a study of the results of expecting others to react in a certain way and being totally fooled. As a reminder, this list is intended for humor only and is not the output of a detailed study on the subject. Universities and corporations should be cautious about asking me to take up residence based on a misconceived opinion that I have some unique qualifications in predicting human behavior. (Hell,o Harvard. I’m talking to you.)

Top Ten Things Not to Expect From Others

10 If you are pulled over by a police officer, do not expect to be excused for the reason you were pulled over. If you do, at best, your friendly attitude might be interpreted as something to hide. At worst, your question of “How do we make this go away?” might be construed as a bribe offer. (You sure look funny on the hood of that patrol car, especially with your arms handcuffed behind your back)

9 If you answer the grocery clerks, question; “Did you find everything today?” with an honest answer about missing items, don’t expect a positive response. If you do, at best, you won’t like what you hear. At worst, the fact that the clerk shrugs and says “whatever” causes you to completely lose your cool and are forcibly removed from the store. (Yes, you were right in wondering why they ask if nothing is to be done, but sitting in this mud puddle is the last thing you expected to happen.)

8 If you call an appliance repair person, do not expect the machine to be repaired on the initial visit. If you do, at best, you will need to rearrange your schedule for another visit. At worst, you will make a fool out of yourself by asking the repair person questions for which they have no answer. (You need to know the first visit is diagnostic. The second is repair, and the third is the repair of the repair)

7 If you go to an electronics store, do not think there is someone there who can help. If you do, at best, you will need to go home and Google your problem more carefully. At worst, you will buy the splitter or whatnot that is supposed to fix the problem only to find you now need a new transformer. (You see, most of the employees have a life and can’t be bothered reading about the technology.)

6 If you place a call to customer care, do not believe anyone you talk to is going to disprove the fact that “customer care” is an oxymoron. If you do, at best, you are in for a bumpy ride indeed. At worst, you will finally escalate the call to someone of higher rank who will tell you to quit bothering them. (Your feelings got hurt, didn’t they? Bunkie)

5 If you spend extra money on a warranty, do not expect your problem to be covered. If you do, at best, the realization that you wasted your money will set in quickly. At worst, you and the warranty company will get into a battle of wills that could end up in court. (Guess who has more money for lawyers?)

4 If you ask your server which entrée they recommend, do not think the recommendation is about the best dish. If you do, at best, you will over-expect what will be under-delivered. At worst, you will realize you have been had by the server in cahoots with the owner to move a dish that even the help wouldn’t eat for dinner, which was free to them. (Don’t send it back. Right, now it is 99% spit-free. It may not come back that way.)

3 If you have a friend in the car business, do not expect a good deal on the car you are about to buy. If you do, at best, you will probably pay 20% more than the friend’s enemies pay. At worst, your friend will take his commission and buy a car that is bigger and nicer than yours without even a thank you. (You will continue to wonder how he could afford such a car, and at some quiet moment, it will hit you.)

2 If you arrange for a contractor to do some work, do not expect the final bill to be at or under the bid price. If you do, at best, the surprise factor of the overrun will cause you a visit to the ER. At worst, you realize you won’t have the money for the additional costs, and your contractor resembles Marlon Brando in the Godfather when he explains how “we have a problem.” (You should have checked with the Better Business Bureau before taking the lowball bid. Now it looks like you are going on a long ride in a big black car.)

1 If you hire a party planner, do not expect the party to be like your original thought. If you do, at best, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy yourself. At worst, the theme you rejected twelve times will be the one for the evening. Although you are trying to keep an open mind, you still are having trouble warming to the zombie apocalypse décor. (Is that a server’s arm lying on the floor?)

Views of the Neighborhood – OG Agave’s Plant Paradise

September 25, 2022September 24, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

Today we are going to a cactus and succulent purveyor in Lakeway. I think you will be amazed at the beauty and number of plants. Mary Caroline and Matthew Shreves began their business on Instagram and opened a storefront in March this year. The couple has over 1000 cacti, agave, and succulents online and at the store. Here is a Link to their website, which is worth the visit

Our drink and food offering is going to be a little different. In keeping with our visit to a unique plant place, we are being catered by Bar 508. Yes, there are plenty of drink selections with food. However, for those who need to be closer to five O’clock, all drinks can be made without alcohol. Also, there is plenty of Topo Chico water. Our entertainment closely fits the drinks, food, and plants. We have a Mariachi band playing for us.

Cocktails

Street Tacos – Chicken Jicama grilled chicken, habanero pickled carrots, fresh mint, lemon-infused sour cream

So let’s get on the bus and get going.

Here is the sign welcoming us into the compound.

Lovely plants on a rustic bench

A selection of outdoor cacti and agaves.

Beautiful cacti and agaves

A selection includes golden barrel cacti and an Agave Americana at the rear of the photo.

Inside the greenhouse are specimens for indoors and out.

Flowering and other succulents.

More varieties of cacti, agave, and succulents

Some cacti have unusual shapes and appearances.

Good examples of Crested Mexican Fence Post cacti on the right and center.

Yes, you can get the shirt.

Wide varieties for the home.

An example of a monkey-tailed cactus in bloom.

Couldn’t resist this monkey-tailed cactus shot.

Fascinating group.

A great variety.

One more shot of the terrific variety and selection.

That is the tour. So relax, have some food and drink and enjoy Mariachi Vargas de Tecalitlán – El Son De La Negra / Guadalajara.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Home

September 24, 2022September 23, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

Waiting for the coffee machine to finish its ridiculously pompous and overly complicated process brought to mind the safe and the Yosemite Sam look alike. Looking out the back windows confirmed that the safe was still there. Such a condition brought a sense of unwanted satisfaction that, at least it, was not all a fantasy.

The almost soundless chime of the machine let me know it was time to provide direction on my preference. I could have a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait, or coffee. Since there are rules in many parts of the world on having a cappuccino in the morning, I selected the two-cup serving of Samatra Dark Roast. Sputters and spurts followed by an aromatic stream of the stuff that’s going to save my life. A finish with a creamy head, and it is ready to drink.

Two sips in, and predictably my phone signals the arrival of someone on the front porch. My new signage that says GO AWAY doesn’t appear to have registered on the latest interloper. A click of the speaker switch allows the question. “Who goes there?” (one of my fantasy phrases that lie in waiting for the perfect opportunity)

“The POA.”

Not an expected answer. My sigh and response begged for a minute to go through the unlocking process. The visitor also sighs but agrees. The process is more complex this week with the addition of a heat-seeking anti-tank rocket system. The iron gate is opened, bar raised, concertina wire pulled back, claymore mines deactivated, auto boiling oil system cut off, machine guns paused, anti-tank system on standby, Trebuchet disengaged, door bolts thrown, and locks undone. The front door opens, and before me stands the guy that looks like Yosemite Sam.

“Your daggone POA woke me up this morning in my home demanding to know when the safe was going to be moved.”

“What did you tell them?”

“To mind their dadgum business. A man’s home is his castle. So I ran him off with an invitation to dance to the tune of my 45s.”

Now there are real problems to consider. Not only is there a non-compliant housing unit half buried in the backyard but an insane resident who makes people dance with his pistols. Sam hands me an envelope and, like last week, disappears around the corner of the house. I open the envelope to find a warning by the POA to get rid of the safe or face a fine. Attached to the back of the envelope is another message from Linda Hill. It reads: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “home.” Use it as a noun, a verb, an adjective, or an adverb. Enjoy!

If you want to “enjoy,” visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link.

https://lindaghill.com/2022/09/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-24-2022/

“Sam is still there?”

“Well, someone who looks like Sam.”

“Why don’t you tell him to go home.”

“He thinks the safe is his home.”

“Get rid of his home then.”

“Easier said than done. No one wants to move a safe. Home or not.”

“Did you try a home mover?”

“Now, that idea just struck home with me.”

“That’s a clumsy sentence.”

“All’s fair in love and prompts. I’m going to call one.”

“Home mover?”

“Yup.”

“Since when do you listen to me?”

“When you serve up ideas that hit home runs.”

“Speaking of ‘serve.'”

“I know my turn to buy. Call Uber.”

“On speed dial.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – FriYay/Goodnews

September 23, 2022September 23, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 101 Comments

Today’s good news story comes from the Good News Network. Here is in its entireity.

National Marine Sanctuaries

Australia’s Ocean Kelp Forest is Growing at Light Speed–Rivaling the Mighty Amazon for Absorbing CO2

By Andy Corbley

Sep 19, 2022

Great forests of ocean kelp were found in a recent study to be between 4 and 11-times more productive than the most productive crops grown today like wheat, corn, and rice.

On land, the fastest growth rates occur in the tropics, but in the ocean, the most productive ecosystems are found in the temperate zones, where cool, nutrient-rich waters create forests of golden, bull, and bamboo kelp that can grow 100 feet tall (35 meters).

This was the result of a global diving survey organized by the University of Western Australia, during which they found the most productive sea forests outgrow even the mighty Amazon Rainforest.

These most productive forests came from South Australia and South Africa, where can be found the Great Southern Reef and the Great African Sea Forest, respectively.

The Great African Sea Forest is believed to be expanding in size, unlike many other mega undersea habitats. Made up of bamboo kelp and containing huge amounts of biodiversity, it stretches over 400 miles from Cape Town’s waters to Namibia’s, nourished by an Antarctic current known as the “Benguela upwelling.”

The Great Southern Reef in Australia is fringed by a golden kelp forest stretching 5,000 miles across the continent’s coast. Next to the golden kelp, bull kelp can grow at a rate of 14 centimeters per day.

“On land, we can use satellites to measure tree growth, but underwater things are much more complicated as most satellites cannot make measurements at the depths kelp forests are found,” Dr. Albert Pessarrodona from the university’s Oceans Institute and School of Biological Sciences, told the Sydney Morning Herald.

To get around this fact, divers around the world compiled productivity reports on kelp forests, which were then compared and analyzed for nutrient levels, sun penetration, and wave exposure.

The findings were that tropical forests were not the most productive and that those from the temperate zones contain kelps that can grow 11-times faster than wheat, corn, or rice.

This mass natural production aids in the world’s food security, the authors found, and nowhere is this more demonstrated than in Indonesia. The aquaculture of their seaweed forests creates products as varied as bioplastics alongside ice cream.

As well as assisting in human flourishing, these forests play a critical role in the global carbon cycle by absorbing carbon dioxide from the atmosphere. Much like their productivity is much higher than their terrestrial counterparts, the rate at which they absorb CO2 has been measured to be 30x faster than trees on the land.

Scientists from the non-profit Great Southern Reef estimate that if just 0.001% of the ocean’s surface was cultivated with these productive forests, it would offset the emissions of the entire global aquaculture industry.

The good news here is hope for the continued renewal of the Earth. Today’s JohnKu talks about carbon emissions. I hope you have a great weekend.

Air contains a lot:

Carbon, oxygen, and dirt . . .

Our goal: clean it up.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy Discover Fall

September 22, 2022September 21, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 125 Comments

“What the heck?”

“These are acorns, Little one. They fell from the neighbor’s oak.”

“I remember these from last year. I tried to eat one. Boy, are they bitter.”

“These are not for eating. They are seeds that, if planted, will grow a new tree.”

“They don’t smell like seeds.”

“How do you know what seeds smell like?”

“Dad dropped a bunch of sunflower seeds in the kitchen once. Now there’s a smell.”

“You get any?”

“Nah. He ran around like a chicken and got them all before I could.”

“He was worried that they may not be good for you.”

“I think you’re right. This is just the start of millions of those acorn things. Then the pesky squirrel will come into the yard.”

“You like chasing him, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but he is too fast. Why do we need fall anyway?”

“Well, fall brings acorns. Then the squirrel. Then leaves. All interesting things to entertain us.”

“Yeah, and don’t forget the leaf blower.”

“I try not to think about that.”

“I guess we need to have things change so that we stay on our toes.”

“A perfect way to look at it, Little One.”

“Good thing kibble doesn’t change. Not sure how I would handle that.”

“I don’t think you have to worry. I saw a Chewy box in the hall.”

“Good ole Chewy.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #378 by Keith Channing

September 20, 2022September 19, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put your offering (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before Sunday evening UK time. If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”

The photo

“Hold still while I zip this up.”

“Easy for you to say. You aren’t wearing a hot fly suit.”

“This was your idea, remember.”

“Well, I heard Steve McQueen got his start this way.”

“That’s not true. He was in the movie The Blob.”

“Yeah, that’s right. He played the blob. Just makes my point.”

“What point is that?”

“Sometimes you have to start at the bottom.”

“But the audition notes didn’t say anything about a fly.”

“I know. That’s the beauty of going as a fly.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“How many actors do you think will show up for this audition?”

“A few?”

“Try fifty.”

“Okay.”

“How many will be in a fly suit?”

“None, I’ll wager.”

“Bingo. I’ll stand out. Vincent Price was famous, and he played a fly.”

“Good grief, this is just a walk-on part.”

“Exactly, and what better way to get it than to walk on the ceiling?”

“I don’t want to be there.”

Top Ten Things Not to do If you are a New First-Time Parent

September 19, 2022September 18, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 122 Comments

This list appeared on November 23, 2015. Since parents are still having kids, I think it might be useful

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This list was inspired by watching new parents having some challenges with raising their kids. Unfortunately, sometimes the stress was self-induced, and some good counseling could have avoided the scene.

Top Ten Things Not to do If you are a New First-Time Parent

10 If you are a new first-time parent, do not think your child needs to be the first in your circle to do everything. If you do, at best, you will be headed for some disappointment. At worst, you will spend needless cash on child and adult psychologists seeking explanations for unnecessary problems. (Have you ever met an adult who wasn’t potty trained?)

9 If you are a new first-time parent, do not dress your child as an adult. If you do, at best, your friends will think you missed something in your childhood. At worst, your child will notice they are a little out of place with the other kids leading to other self-image issues. (The first hint is when your five-year-old asks for a Porsche for Christmas)

8 If you are a new first-time parent, do not take your toddler to an elegant restaurant for a late-night dinner. If you do, at best, your child will be miserable being up too late in an unfamiliar environment. At worst, the rest of the restaurant patrons will draw straws to see who calls Child Protective Services. (You are used to the crying, right?)

7 If you are a new first-time parent, do not stress over preschool choices. If you do, at best, you will need medication to get through the process. At worst, you will become so obsessed with the so-called right school that you will never be satisfied if you are not successful in enrolling your child. (Isn’t preschool supposed to be enjoyable?)

6 If you are a new first-time parent, do not worry about the nursery’s color. If you do, at best, your child will not notice the color for a few months. At worst, your worry will be another stress point that a newborn will recognize. (So you have a boy in pink and a girl in blue. Only your in-laws will care.)

5 If you are a new first-time parent, do not buy quantities of clothes and accessories thinking you are saving money. If you do, at best, your child will outgrow the stuff in a month or two, and you will be able to return the excess. At worst, you lose your receipt and find yourself cutting off the feet of onesies so you won’t have to throw them away. (That Costco run really didn’t pay, did it?)

4 If you are a new first-time parent, do not read a bunch of childcare books. If you do, at best, you will be totally confused about what to do. At worst, you will have contradictory opinions, and you will need to toss a coin to decide. (Trust a coin on a fever cause and treatment? I don’t think so)

3 If you are a new first-time parent, do not believe you have to record every minute of the child’s life. If you do, at best, you will watch your child grow up through the camera viewfinder. At worst, your child will think life is only real if it is captured on film. (Maybe put the camera down and pick up the kid.)

2 If you are a new first-time parent, do not buy toys that are not age-appropriate. If you do, at best, your child will not play with them. At worst, you’ll enjoy playing with the toys and be accused of purchasing the toys on purpose. (Tsk, tsk, tsk)

1 If you are a new first-time parent, do not think you will have to survive on little sleep for the rest of your life. If you do, at best, you will think you need to run away. At worst, you will want to take the child to the pediatric return desk only to find it doesn’t exist. (Don’t worry, the lack of sleep thing only lasts a couple of years – uh, maybe eighteen)

Views of the Neighborhood – Lakeway Cornhole Tournament

September 18, 2022September 17, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 91 Comments

Today we are going to the first annual cornhole tournament in Lakeway. It is a double elimination open to teams of two. We are being catered by Craig Os Pizza. Our entertainment is

SPECIALTY PIZZAS

House Special

Pizza sauce, mozzarella, pepperoni, Italian sausage, mushrooms, caramelized onions, roasted green peppers

Margarita

Olive Oil, Mozzarella, Fresh Basil, Roma Tomatoes

White Italian

Alfredo Sauce, Mozzarella, Fresh Red Onion, Sicilian Chicken, and Fresh Cilantro Tip: Get it with smoked bacon!

Traditional Veggie

Pizza sauce, mozzarella, caramelized onions, roasted green peppers, mushrooms, black olives, Roma tomatoes

Mitchellini

Pizza sauce, mozzarella, fresh basil, pepperoni, shredded Parmesan cheese

Meat Lovers

Pizza Sauce, Mozzarella, Pepperoni, Canadian Bacon, Italian Sausage, Ground Beef

Greek Pizza

Olive oil, mozzarella, garlic, spinach, black olives, feta cheese

Sausage Alfredo

Alfredo Sauce topped with Sun-Dried Tomatoes, Italian Sausage, Fresh Garlic, and Mozzarella Cheese.

The Tuscan

Homemade Alfredo Sauce with a layer of Fresh Cut Spinach topped with our Smoked Bacon and Sicilian Chicken

3-Cheese

Pizza sauce with lots of mozzarellas, shredded Parmesan, and provolone cheese

Eggplant Parm Pizza

Pizza sauce, mozzarella, ricotta cheese, and eggplant parmesan. Not available on a gluten-free crust

Big Kahuna

Pizza Sauce, Mozzarella, Canadian Bacon, Pineapple, Fresh Red Onion

Pesto Parmesan

Pesto Sauce, Mozzarella, Parmesan-Breaded Chicken, Fresh Red Onion, Roma Tomatoes, Parmesan Cheese *Not available on Gluten-Free Crust

The President

Sliced Homemade Meatballs, Fresh Garlic, and Mushrooms

BBQ Chicken

BBQ Sauce, Mozzarella, Chicken, Fresh Red Onions, Fresh Cilantro

The Lite House

Olive oil-based, Fresh Basil, Onions, Tomatoes, Garlic, and Parmesan Cheese-No mozz (add Chicken or Smoked Bacon)

FM1826

Sweet Baby Rays Sauce mixed with Home smoked Brisket, red onions, Jalapenos with Buffalo Mozzarella topped with Fresh Cilantro.

Spinach Alfredo

Homemade Alfredo sauce mixed with Fresh Spinach and topped with Buffalo Mozzarella.

Gluten-Free Pizza

Choose up to 5 toppings or pick from one of our specialty pizzas above

Calzone

Pizza dough folded over ricotta cheese, mozzarella cheese, and 2 fillings of your choice. Served with marinara sauce on the side

Stromboli

Pizza dough wrapped around pepperoni, genoa salami, mozzarella, and provolone cheese. Served with marinara on the side.

So let’s get going.

The venue is the community of Rough Hollow in Lakeway. They have a splash pool.

There is our catering truck and some ice cream for dessert.

Air bush art for the kids

Ballon art.

Bounce house.

Foam ax throwing

Barbershop quartet for entertainment.

Trophies and prizes.

There it is. The cornhole target.

Spectators.

The field of play. That red dot is a beanbag headed for the cornhole.

A total of 22 teams signed up. The weather cooperates, with a high of only 90 degrees F (32.2 C).

The winner is the “Aggie Airmail” team.

I hope you enjoyed the tournament; now, let’s have some pizza and enjoy the entertainment.

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay/Good News

September 16, 2022September 16, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 98 Comments

Today’s story comes from the Good News Network. Here it is without editing.

World’s Largest Container Line is Rerouting its Fleet to Avoid Collisions with Endangered Blue Whales

Andy Corbley

Sep 13, 2022

Mediterranean Shipping Company (MSC) has taken a major step to help protect blue whales and other cetaceans living and feeding in the waters off the coast of Sri Lanka by altering shipping lanes to avoid their habitat.

A global leader in container shipping and logistics, MSC began in mid-2022 to voluntarily reroute its vessels passing by Sri Lanka on a new course that is approximately 15 nautical miles to the south, in line with the advice of scientists and other key actors in the maritime sector.

The decision was based on research surveys completed by the International Fund for Animal Welfare (IFAW), with the World Trade Institute (WTI), Biosphere Foundation, University of Ruhuna (Sri Lanka), and supported by the World Wildlife Fund (WWF).

Westbound ship traffic is now limited to a latitude between 05 30N and 05 35N, and eastbound traffic is limited to a latitude between 05 24N and 05 29N in order to avoid designated cetacean habitats.

Sri Lanka lies in the Indian Ocean, between Asia and Europe, and the port of Colombo is a major transshipment hub for global trade.

The area off its southern coast is one of the busiest shipping lanes in the world and is also inhabited by large populations of whales, meaning that these animals may be at risk of colliding with ships.

Simulations have shown that moving the official shipping lane 15 nautical miles to the south could reduce the strike risk to blue whales by a whopping 95%. However, despite years of advocacy by scientists, the shipping industry, and NGOs, the boundaries of the official shipping line have not been reassigned to reduce the risk of ship strikes on cetaceans.

MSC is now taking measures to protect marine wildlife seriously, from adapting shipping service networks to keep away from designated whale breeding and feeding grounds to reducing vessel speed and rerouting ships to avoid reported marine wildlife populations.

“We believe that the commercial shipping sector has an important role to play in protecting cetaceans, specifically in helping to reduce the risk of ship collisions with whales,” said Stefania Lallai, Vice President – Sustainability at MSC.

“MSC is proud to rank at or near the top of whale safety shipping rankings. However, we are not at all complacent. We believe that raising awareness of these issues and encouraging collaboration between industry, scientific bodies, civil society, and governments is essential as we strive collectively to do more to minimize the risk of ship strikes.”

In Sri Lanka specifically, the liner shipping industry led by the World Shipping Council, of which MSC is a member, has advocated creating a new official marine traffic scheme that is fully separated from the blue whale feeding area.

It is hoped that this will soon become a reality, so all large-scale commercial marine traffic moves to the more southerly zone that MSC ships are now guided to follow. In the meantime, MSC urges all other ship operators to consider choosing a more southerly route past Sri Lanka to significantly reduce the possibility of whale strikes.

The good news here is that big business is beginning to take some stewardship of the planet. Today’s JohnKu talks about sharing the planet. I hope you have a terrific weekend.

We often take care,

Of our neighbors when in need . . .

Why not animals?

Today I’m at Story Empire talking about lousy story endings. Here’s the LINK if you want to visit