Here is the 22nd installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.
Top Ten Things Not to Do When Traveling with Dogs
10. If you are traveling with your dog by car, refrain from putting your pet in a pet taxi on the roof because there’s no room inside. At best, it will be a short trip once you realize that the laws of motion sickness dictate a downward flow over your windshield. At worst, given your heartless demeanor your family may decide to strap you to the car’s roof on the way home.
9. If you are traveling with your dog by car, avoid letting your dog drive, no matter how tired you may be and how good a driver you think he is. At best, your dog will insist on making frequent stops at every fire hydrant he sees. At worst, your dog will confuse the stop and go lights at intersections since they can’t distinguish between red and green, and you will wind up having to explain to your insurance company and the police how your unlicensed operator dog wound up in your driver’s seat with the keys in its paw.
8. If you are traveling with your dog by car, do not put your dog in the front passenger’s seat wearing sunglasses and clothes just so you can use the carpool lane. It doesn’t matter how much your dog might look like your spouse. Chances are you’ll be pulled over by a traffic cop who will then take a photo of your dog, put it up on Facebook tagged with your spouse’s name (which you were stupid enough to give), and you’ll have divorce papers or worse waiting for you when you get home.
7. If you are traveling with your dog and planning to stay at hotels, be sure the hotel will accommodate pets. A barking dog is bad enough in a pet-friendly hotel; but in a non-pet-friendly hotel, at best, you’ll be charged double for disturbing your neighbors. At worst, you and your dog may have to take shelter at a shelter.
6. If you are traveling with your dog and staying at a pet-friendly hotel, do not think that just because the hotel is pet friendly, everyone else is. At best, some guests may just asked to be removed from your immediate vicinity due to the incessant (but to your ears, endearing) yapping of your young pug. At worst, you and your dog may wind up like #7, taking shelter in a shelter.
5. If you are traveling with your dog by plane, don’t think that just because you taught Hugo, your Great Dane, how to roll up into a ball, you can claim him as carry-on baggage. At best, Hugo won’t fit under the seat and you’ll have his head in your lap for the whole flight. At worst, the airport won’t be deceived by your efforts and will have the TSA examine you for other hidden dogs.
4. If you are traveling with your dog by plane and your dog actually does fit into a soft carry-on bag, do not assume that the flight attendant will appreciate your frequent requests for water, doggie biscuits (because the ones you had on you were confiscated by TSA), or wee-wee pads. At best, the flight attendant might simply douse you with water and suggest that your dog lick it off you. At worst, the attendant will be so smitten with your Pomeranian and its pink bow, she will offer to take her to the galley to feed her and that will be the last you see of either the attendant or your dog.
3. If you are traveling with your dog by train, do not think that all the other passengers will find it entertaining if you let your dog run up and down the length of the train car for exercise. At best, your dog might get tired from all the running and you won’t be able to coax him off the train when you reach your destination. At worst, you might find both of you dumped off at the next station, hundreds of miles from your destination as the Siberian winter sets in.
2. If you want to take a cruise with your dog, do not try to pass your dog off as a service animal in order to sidestep the cruise line’s no pet policy. While your dog might do quite well at acting the part of a service animal, chances are you will forget which disability you chose. At best, cruise line staff might start following you around, suspicious that at one moment you claim to be deaf and the next you’re singing along to music from your iPod. At worst, you might find yourself set in a dinghy tethered to the stern of the ship, while your dog gets to stay on board and play with the cruise line staff for the rest of the trip.
1. If you are traveling with your dog on a pet-friendly cruise line, take precautions to make sure the cruise line stays pet-friendly. For example, do not allow your dog to jump into the pool with the other passengers just because your dog loves to swim. At best, you’ll be made to clean the pool by yourself. At worst, you may find yourself taking a swim that is a bit longer than across the pool.
Fiction Favorites 
Good morning, John. Hope you’re not guilty of any of these with your pups 😉
LikeLike
Nope. They don’t like travel so as any good fur parent would do, I bow to their needs totally.
LikeLike
Yup, same with our cats … although I will wrestle with them to clip their claws 😉
LikeLike
We have the same rodeo with our two.
LikeLike
Rodeo is a perfect way to describe it!
LikeLike
TSA is always looking for reasons to search people. Though #9 reminds me of a few funny accident reports I read when I helped with a car insurance job. There were truly some odd explanations of accidents. Never a dog driving.
LikeLike
Dog driving is not something I have ever seen.
LikeLike
My personal favorite from that job was ‘bear woke up in backseat. dove out and let car go over cliff. thought bear was dead.’
LikeLike
That is hysterical. Can you imagine putting a dead bear in your backseat in the first place.
LikeLike
No idea what the logic was. I read the full transcript and the person hit the bear. He thought it was dead and put it in the car because he couldn’t think of anything else. I really wish this was caught on camera. Plus side, there was a note that no trace of the bear was found.
LikeLike
He went out the other door
LikeLike
But dear, the only reason people drive with dogs in the car is that they would take over once the owner is tired 😉
LikeLike
You make a real good point. I think a little pup would be handy when there is too much pub.
LikeLike
Haha. Exactly. 🙂
LikeLike
Our Pug travels with his own seat belt. It’s super fancy and he goes mad when I pull it out. He loves to travel. It’s amazing how quickly he figures out how to escape it though. He ultimately finds rest on my lap in the front seat. Bad mommy, am I.
LikeLike
I look forward to Mondays because you guys always have a way of making me smile. I have the craziest metal images of doggie antics in my head. We have a friend in Charlotte Harbor who has a brindle great dane, Friday, they take on their boat trips. I had heard, but never seen, that Friday liked to swim with the dolphins. We went for a ride with them. At a relatively high rate of speed for a boat, Friday leaps off the bow and joins a pod.
LikeLike
That would be worth seeing.
LikeLike
It was surprising! Although I had heard how he liked to swim with the dolphins, it was not explained to me how he went about it. I imagined him paddling around the seawall with the dolphins, so to see him leap right off the boat like that upon spying a dolphin pod. Yes, it was thrilling.
LikeLike
Do people actually put their dogs on top of their car in a pet taxi!? AH! I think having them unleashed in the back of the truck, without training them how to ride in the back of a truck, is awful enough.
Otherwise, fantastic list, as always. BTW- is your blog snowing?!
LikeLike
Yes my blog is snowing. It was 80 degrees yesterday so I thought I would add a little Yankee winter to the scene. Not sure people put a carrier on top of the car it is something not to do.
LikeLike
A woman on one of our flights carried her dog in her lap for an almost 5 hour flight. I felt sorry for the guy sitting next to her.
LikeLike
That’s when you want to be a heavy drug user.
LikeLike
Funny stuff, mister.
I never tried the car pool but I might take a chance with it. As for the service animal trick, you don’t think that would work with a cat, do you? Eh, probably not….
LikeLike
I think a very big cat would work. Let’s say a puma.
LikeLike
A puma would be cool.
LikeLike
I can’t imagine trying to travel anywhere with my dog other than across town to the dog park… I’m pretty sure that if we ever have to fly somewhere then I’m using photoshop to make her fake registration papers as a service animal because riding under the plane just sounds scary and expensive.
LikeLike
And cold. 🙂 I always thought there might be a market for service dog papers. Like: Blue Monday service dog. It is five O’clock somewhere service dog. Stop me from shopping service dog. Seems endless.
LikeLike
Brilliant!
LikeLike
Brilliant!
LikeLike