Here is the 28th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.
Top Ten Things Not to Do as You Return to Work after a Long Holiday Hiatus
10. When returning to work after a long holiday hiatus, do not expect your coworkers who did not take any time off to appreciate hearing how wonderful your vacation was. At best they will smile absently as you regale them with stories of all the reading you got done. At worst, they will regale you with stories of all the work that’s piled up on your desk, waiting for you and the fact you would be fired if it were not for them.
9. When returning to work after a long holiday hiatus, do not try to incur sympathy by complaining that you had to spend most of it with your in-laws. At best your coworkers will simply try to one-up your story of how your mother-in-law found fault with how you decorated your Christmas tree as usual. At worst, your complaints will be passed to your spouse at the next opportunity.
8. When returning to work after a long holiday hiatus, do not pretend to have been gone so long that you forgot your boss’s name. At best, your boss will play along and pretend to forget your name and your salary grade. At worst, your boss, who got called into work on Christmas Eve for an emergency that came up in your area, will purposely forget who you are and have security escort you from the building.
7. When returning to work after a long holiday hiatus, do not expect to find your office or cubicle in the same condition as you last saw it. At best, it might be cleaner since the cleaning crew actually had a chance to clean it while you were gone since most surfaces were uncovered. At worst, you will find things missing (like your favorite Lord of the Rings post-up notes) because your coworkers took advantage of your absence and treated your office like a come-help-yourself supply depot.
6. When returning to work after a long holiday hiatus, don’t expect you can spend most of your first day back getting “reacquainted” with your job. At best, your boss will grudgingly give you permission to spend the day reviewing stuff rather than doing stuff, but in the end it will cost you. At worst, your boss will offer you the opportunity to get “acquainted” with the new unemployment policies if you don’t step up.
5. When returning to work after a long holiday hiatus, do not try to make it sound like your break was more fun than it was. At best, you’ll only be competing with your cubicle-mate who, like you, basically stayed home and read all day. At worst, you’ll find yourself making up stories about scuba diving off the Florida Keys just because your supervisor hung out at a nude beach in Pensacola.
4. When returning to work after a long holiday hiatus, be sure to leave your house at least a half-hour earlier than usual. At best, you’ll get to work earlier and have some “quiet time” before the reality of being back hits you. At worst, you’ll need that extra half-hour because you’ve forgotten where you work and you get lost along the way. (You did drop crumbs didn’t you?)
3. When returning to work after a long holiday hiatus, do not bring with you all the cookies and cakes left over from your holiday parties. At best, your coworkers will just give you the evil eye since they had resolved to stop eating sweets after the holidays. At worst, the three-week old sweets that you left out for everyone else will mysteriously wind up on your office chair, in the shape of a horse’s head.
2. When returning to work after a long holiday hiatus, do not be surprised if the work you thought your coworker would do on your behalf didn’t get done. At best, you’ll find a neat stack of reports that need to be reviewed by close of business the day you return and the coworker who had offered to review the reports out on sick leave. At worst, you’ll find piles of documents strewn across your desk with no clue when they are due or who left them for you, and your boss standing outside impatiently tapping a foot waiting for your report.
1. When returning to work after a long holiday hiatus, do not expect everyone, including you, to be in a cheery, ready-to-get-to-work mood. At best, you all will just be experiencing temporary post-holiday depression that will lift after a few days. At worst, the reality that there are no more holidays until May will hit you like a sledgehammer and you’ll have a four-month long headache to show for it.
Fiction Favorites 
So many comments to make on this one:
I’ve gotten into #9 before and it simply falls into a list of mother-in-law stories. At one job, my boss and a few customers got into it. As for #7, I remember coming back from a vacation to find that my cubicle was turned into a storage space once. Then I learned that it was no longer my cubicle and I had been moved somewhere. Apparently, it served me right for going on a honeymoon. Finally, #3 is so true. There’s always that one person in the office who does this and most of the time it’s the thinnest person in the group. I think it’s the perfect environment for someone who wants to fatten his/her coworkers up in the event of being locked in the building for months. By the way, you don’t get many laughs when teasing a coworker about the possibility that they’re a cannibal. At least not in most of the offices I’ve worked.
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The last time I got a laugh accusing someone of being a cannibal was when I was standing in a big pot of hot water. Thanks for this Charles. LOL
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Good one. 🙂
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Good morning, John. So how many of these things happened to you when you were in the private sector? #1 fills me with the most angst … May seems so far away 😉
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I guess at one time or another all of them. I think memorial Day becomes so wild because of that long hiatus between holidays. A pent up kind of thing.
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Indeed! We don’t even get Presidents Day off … isn’t unAmerican?
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I always tried to downplay my absences. Didn’t want to seem like I had too much fun while the others were toiling away. I once came back from a brief medical leave to discover all seven of us had been moved from our offices to a room full of cubicles. The old offices had been converted into private patient conference rooms. I had less empathy for a patients for a long while afterwards.
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I tried to take no more than a week to avoid these kinds of surprises. 🙂
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I’ve decided I’m using #6 every Monday…
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I would as well.
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I would kill someone if they stole my LOTR post it notes… and I have to leave myself very detailed instructions about what to follow up on when I return from a break because I absolutely never remember what I’m doing. When I close that door… I close it completely haha.
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Sounds like the best way to be. Thanks for the comment.
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Bottom line, when returning to work after a long hiatus, good luck finding anyone who really gives a hoot. One is ready and wants to share, but actually …. only a few care … so let them ask. Darn … reality is a buzz kill.
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You hit it . Reality is a buzz kill. We should have a shirt with that on it. Thanks Frank
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LOL … but yes, reality hurts.
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Don’t forget…Reality Sucks (old 70’s saying)
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… and it hits us right between the eyes.
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I haven’t had a long holiday hiatus in so long, I’ve forgotten what it feels like. 🙂
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Well this list would hint it may be better not to go on a hiatus. Thanks
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Number 6!
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Thank you. A good number.
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Hysterical! I have to admit,#3 had me laughing out loud…great list!
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Thank you. Sometimes I do the same. Go figure
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I experience many of these when I return from my periodic travels across the pond. Great post.
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I’ll bet with the added advantage of a nice west to east lag.
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