Ten Things Not to do Shopping for the Holidays and a Reminder His Revenge is on Sale

The reminder first.

His Revenge front final

As a reminder beginning at 12:00 am PST (6:00 am GMT) on November 30th (Today) until 12:00 pm PST (6:00 pm GMT) on December 1st His Revenge will be on sale for $0.99 in the US and £0.99 in the UK. This event is a thirty-six-hour sale for the US and UK markets and is in support of CYBER Monday. If you want to read His Revenge, for a limited time it is available for less than what you would pay for a hot dog at the gas station. (And better for you)

Funny-cartoon-Christmas-shopping

 

Ten Things Not to do While Shopping for the Holidays

The inspiration for this list is some years of watching the same kinds of mistakes made during this festive time.

10 While shopping for the holidays do not think other shoppers are out to get you. If you do, at best you will resemble someone who needs hospitalization. At worst, you may take retaliatory action on  the city kickboxing champ who accidentally ran into you.. (Notice how he doesn’t use his hands to kick your butt.)

9 While shopping for the holidays, do not have a few drinks to ease the pain. If you do, at best you may give into a temptation and overspend. At worst, you will have the best time you’ll never recall except for the car full of stuff you still don’t know how it got there. (That ringing phone is the credit card company wanting to know if your card has been stolen.)

8 While shopping for the holidays, don’t go out without a list. If you do, at best you will forget some gifts. At worst, you will spend more than you thought and yet have a nagging feeling you forgot an important gift. (How did that office gift exchange go since you were empty-handed?)

7 While shopping for the holidays, do not leave the house without a travel plan. If you do, at best you will cover the stores in a pattern looking like the infinity symbol. At worst, you will need to use your GPS to finally figure out where you are and to locate the stores you have already passed. (You say you passed the gift shop twice but can’t figure out how to get back there?)

6 While shopping for the holidays, do not take the small children with you. If you do, at best you all will be frustrated doing exactly the opposite of what you want to do. At worst, you will start to deviate from your shopping plan and end up at the McDonald’s Playground trying to figure out what to tell everyone who will not get a gift this year. (That Big Mac and supersized order of fries are starting to look pretty good by now.)

5 While shopping for the holidays, do not think you are saving money by buying things on sale that you know are not perfect gifts. If you do, at best you can give gift receipts so the gift can be returned. At worst, you will get the perfect gift from the person you gave a less than a perfect present. (That is Murphy’s Law of scrimping on a gift for someone. It goes like this. The expense of the gift you receive is indirectly proportional to the cheapness of the gift you give. In other words the less you spend, the more someone else spends on you.)

4 While shopping for the holidays, do not think a gift card takes the place of an actual present. If you do, at best you will get your shopping done fast and early. At worst, you could spend more on the gift card than you would on a thoughtful gift. (The problem is the recipient knows the amount. Darn it)

3 While shopping for the holidays do not take gift suggestions from ads on tv. If you do, at best your present could represent an uninspired choice. At worst, the gift you give could be totally inappropriate. (Yeah, that Victoria Secret or Home Depot item should have stayed in the store.)

2 While shopping for the holidays do not wait until the last-minute to decide what gifts to buy. If you do, at best you will be running around not knowing what you had in mind. At worst, you will be faced with some difficult decisions given everything you wanted to buy is not available. (The net result is much more expensive than you had originally planned)

1 While shopping for the holidays do not avoid taking water and eating before the trips. If you do, at best you will be without energy and parched. At worst, you will finally be forced to take a break and will have to spend what could be an enormous amount for something to eat and drink. (Sure you could wait an hour for a fast food chicken sandwich but time is money right?)

35 comments

  1. Oh bother, I love gift cards, especially receiving them, so I can buy what I REALLY want later.

    1. There is that side of it. 🙂

  2. Hmmm, I’m in pretty deep on this one John. It’s a good list, but I already learned a bunch (the hard way).

    1. I guess we all have. Thanks. 🙂

  3. This is why I try to avoid malls in December. Though we have to figure out what to get the kid at some point. Running gag around here is the wife and I mention what we’re getting him to family and then we discover that the family member got the gift first.

    1. Of course they do.It is called the grandparent trump.

  4. Excellent shopping tips, especially number 4! My sister-in-law sent an e-mail saying my 14 year old niece would “just like spending money for her Costa Rica vacation this summer”. That is not a gift!

    1. You are so right. 🙂

    1. Thank you for the reblog Chris

  5. Thanks heavens for the web! lol 😀

  6. Reblogged this on Kim's Author Support Blog and commented:
    These are always fun.

  7. Great list, John! Any advice on dealing with the dreaded parking lots? Typically, I avoid the mall from Thanksgiving until after the New Year.

    1. Rent a four wheel monster truck and just park anywhere you want.

      1. Or a surplus Humvee

  8. I’ve done all mine – online. Nothing would induce me to enter an actual shop at this time of year.

    1. I agree. I love shopping on line.

  9. I would never buy a hot dog at a gas station…

  10. Outstanding list, John, and I confess I’ve been guilty of one or two. You know, it probably sounds boring and unoriginal, but cold hard cash has never failed to please!!

  11. Happy Holidays! 🙂

  12. LOL, Definitely better for you than the hot dog! (Ugh… now I’m Jonesing for that chili again… dangit. 😉 )
    A sage list my friend. Here’s one more — If you don’t understand what it’s supposed to be/do, do not buy it as a gift. I’ll leave the “at best/worst” to you, you’re the master.
    Mega hugs!

    1. At best, you might be asked how it works. At worst, the recipient will think it is one thing and then find out after all is said and done it is a potato peeler not a hair removal device.

  13. It may not be wise to have a drink before shopping, but a glass of wine is necessary when one is done! And I agree on the list and travel plan.

    1. Yes. After is a must.

  14. #6- Oh my God…it does happen that way. Like, every single time. I made the mistake of taking my niece Christmas shopping a few years ago and ended up asking myself “How did I forget this?”

    1. In my ancient life I have learned through trial and error

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