Photo by Kaitlyn Baker on Unsplash
This post was published on February 3, 2014, by Marie Ann Bailey and me. Since we all are still writing, this may contain some good advice.
Top Ten Things Not to Do When Writing a Novel
10 When writing a novel, do not try to explain what you are doing to anyone. If you do, at best, they will walk away shaking their head. At worst, you might find yourself receiving an intervention by well-meaning friends and family that you didn’t know was being filmed until you saw it on Dr. Phil.
9 When writing a novel, do not assume everyone is waiting for it to be finished. If you do, at best, you may get used to the sound of crickets when it’s done. At worst, people might start avoiding you on purpose without trying to hide that they are.
8 When writing a novel, do not ask your spouse to read parts and provide an opinion on how they like it. If you do, at best, you might end up in an argument over whether you really only used your imagination in writing those sex scenes. At worst, you both might end up paying a lot of money to a divorce lawyer.
7 When writing a novel, do not ask your children to be quiet while you write. If you do, at best, they will make even more noise, and you will have to find a way to soundproof your room. At worst, you might just be investigated by child protective services at the request of neighbors tired of the screaming and crying (mainly from you).
6 When writing a novel, do not think you need a rest by playing a video game or knitting a sweater sleeve. If you do, at best, you’ll lose your focus on your plot. At worst, you will finish the sweater and reach the god level in the game but never finish the book.
5 When writing a novel, do not try to decide whether you should plan the book or just write it. If you do, at best, you may get stalled on starting the novel and have to adjust your publication deadline. At worst, you may end up having an argument with yourself and end up not on speaking terms, which would totally blow your deadline.
4 When writing a novel, do not keep your own counsel on word usage or grammar. If you do, at best, you may get lucky and have only a few mistakes. At worst, you will need to leave town and change your name to avoid the laughter from your peers.
3 When writing a novel, do not do your own editing. If you do, at best, you may be surprised by the number of problems in your book. At worst, you may want to book a trip to a country with no extradition treaty with the US.
2 When writing a novel, do not avoid rich characterizations. If you do, at best, you will have a book filled with pounds of boring material that not even you will want to read. At worst, you will need to find a decent disguise when meeting other authors and readers to avoid being called out by your characterizations of them.
1 When writing a novel, do not skimp on the plot, thinking your literary style will pull you through. If you do, at best, you might have a book you love but no one else does. At worst, you might win the Worst Literary Book of the Year Award in recognition of your achievement.
Fiction Favorites 
I only made one major mistake – I tried writing a novel!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
You should keep trying. My first was 400 pages of crap. I finally prinited it and used it for a door stop.
LikeLiked by 2 people
hahahahahahaha
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with John, GP. I have two failed novels under my belt.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, Liz.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, John.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m still struggling with many of these.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We all are, Craig. You least of all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Following on from no.10, don’t tell anyone even after you have published it. They might ask, “So, how is it doing?”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, that is a killer question for sure. Thanks, Ankur.
LikeLike
Good advice, but not always easy to follow, John. I keep trying. At least the neighbors stopped yelling.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is a good thing, Dan
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m finally throwing in the towel and buying a new keyboard. Bonus tip: never start a novel using a keyboard where the keys stick on the ‘a’ ‘e’ and ‘o’ key. Grr-rrrr.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha. I have an old PC where the number 8 sticks. The stupid password has an 8 in it. 🙄
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great advice, John, definitely things to keep in mind when writing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Whoa! Number 8, been there done that, not again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent advice! It’s always best NOT to discuss your book with anybody else — and perhaps to delete your Google history on a regular basis. I mean, can you imagine what people might think when they read that you were interested in finding out the most painful way to kill somebody off?!?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree on keeping the book under wraps. Deleting Google history is good, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t see a rule against randomly crying, so I’m still in the clear.
LikeLike
All good hints, but that first–people also try to give advice! “The character should…” I hate being ‘should’ on.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I agree, Jacqui! That was my experience in writing workshops. The unspoken follow-on comment was “You should write it the way I would write it.”
LikeLiked by 2 people
yes, and unless that person is a NYT best selling author, SHUT UP.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Exactly!
LikeLiked by 2 people
😊
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes, please hold that advice until you are a NYT best selling author.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So many wise words there. Thanks, John.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Esther. My primary mix is humor, but wise as an ingredient never hurts. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
As always great and important tips, John! Thanks for this. I think my own writing experiences will need to wait for the next life. Best wishes, Michael
LikeLiked by 1 person
I actually waited until I left the business world. I didn’t publish until I was 71 years old.
LikeLike
Yes to all of these!
LikeLike
That’s all good advice especially #3. Do not do your own editing. I’ve read books by self-published authors doing just that and the glaring errors on every page is a distraction. You may have to pay some money for an editor but it is better than having lots of errors. If you can’t afford an editor a literate friend who reads the manuscript for free can be an alternative. Sometimes a second pair of eyes can make a big difference. You are often blind to your own mistakes. The same is true for software engineering which I’ve done a lot of. That’s why you have a code review with people who preferably do not know the code. If they already know how to use the code or have worked on it they’ve developed the author blindness themselves as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, those errors can ruin a story or engineering project for sure. Thank you, Thomas
LikeLiked by 1 person
These truly are words to write by. And don’t forget to forego the “Hemingway Method” which involves having a few drinks on top of having a few drinks and then waiting till you have a few more drinks to get to writing.
LikeLiked by 2 people
And then come back sober and try to correct what you wrote the night before.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I might have done that a time or two . . .
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ha ha ha
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with Thomas’s thoughts. I can live with a mistake here or there, but some books are riddled with errors as if it’s a first draft and no one ever edited it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, it’s a shame. Mine are all professionally edited since I don’t want to be laughed to St Louis.
LikeLiked by 1 person
These are funny, because they’re true! 😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
😂👍🏻
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello John, I have nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award. You don’t have to participate if you don’t want to. I have no expectations, but just in case you have the time and think it is fun.
https://superfactful.com/2025/04/15/the-sunshine-blogger-award-is-rising-again/
LikeLike
I appreciate the thought, Thomas. Thank you. I don’t do awards, but I am grateful you thought of me in this context. 😊
LikeLike
Taking on writing a novel is one of the biggest dreams I can imagine. I never made it past the planning stage myself. I suppose that makes point 5 my big one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe you are a panster not a plotter. I don’t plan any of mine. I let them happen. (Yeah it is scary)
LikeLike
These are hilarious, John! I’m always in awe of writers-you guys know how to deliver!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are the best, Monika. Thank you so much. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
These are so funny…Dr. Phil 😅 started it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Years pass but things remain as they are.😅😅😂 Wonderful timeless list, dear John. I shall keep it in mind as I’m writing a book now & preparing the one to be published (Russian +further English edition we made with Don Massenzio).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds good. Is Don still engaged?
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is an old story, dear John. We made the book in 2018, but I had so many problems, including finances, that had to postpone many projects. Finally I shall try Amazon as all you do. I had a good offer from a publisher but it is too expensive & no e-book. So, I came to a conclusion that Amazon is not a bad solution for books in English. My Italian translations will be with Mondadori self-publishing.👍
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds good. Amazon is a good place.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, dear John!🌞😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
🍻🍤🍤🍤
LikeLike
“If you want to write fiction, the best thing you can do is take two aspirins, lie down in a dark room, and wait for the feeling to pass.” — Lawrence Block
This guy couldn’t take his own advice:
Anthony Awards
1987 Best Novel, When the Sacred Ginmill Closes
1991 Best Novel, A Ticket to the Boneyard
1994 Best Short Story Collection, Some Days You Get the Bear
2001 Best Short Story Collection, Master’s Choice
Edgar Awards
1978, Best Paperback Original, Time to Murder and Create
1983, Best Novel, Eight Million Ways to Die
1985, Best Short Story, By Dawn’s Early Light
1991, Best Short Story, Answers to Soldier
1992, Best Novel, A Dance at the Slaughterhouse
Best Short Story, A Blow For Freedom
1994, Grand Master Award
Best Short Story, Keller’s Therapy
1995, Best Novel, A Long Line of Dead Men
1998, Best Short Story, Keller On the Spot
1999, Best Short Story, Looking for David
2017, Best Short Story, Autumn at the Automat
Shamus Awards
1982, Best Novel, A Stab in the Dark
1983, Best Novel, Eight Million Ways to Die
1985, Best Short Story, By the Dawn’s Early Light
1987, Best Novel, When the Sacred Ginmill Closes
1990, Best Novel, Out on the Cutting Edge
1991, Best Novel, A Ticket to the Boneyard
1992, Best Novel, Dance at the Slaughterhouse
1994, Best Novel, The Devil Knows You’re Dead
Best Short Story, The Merciful Angel of Death
1995, Best Novel, A Long Line of Dead Men
2002, Lifetime Achievement Award (The Eye)
2009, Best Character Award (The Hammer)
LikeLiked by 2 people
A terrific writer for sure. Thanks for sharing, Andrew.
LikeLike
One of my all-time favorite writers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Unbelievably blunt ! However, plenty of take away’s for a budding writer. Thank you for that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the comment. Yes, blunt is the word. 😊
LikeLike