The inspiration for this list was thinking of all the things we do on a daily basis that someone else has done before. This naturally brought up the idea of mistakes and how often they are repeated down through history. Then the thought turned to specific laws governing natural phenomena. An example would be Newton’s law of gravity. “What goes up, Must come down,” was inspired by an apple falling on Newton’s head. (or so the story goes.) Finally turning to other laws prompted the inspection of certain laws and most specifically Murphy’s. The law, “What can go wrong will.” After all, some of the laws of science way too boring for this kind of blog. I hope you enjoy.
10 According to Murphy’s Law do not drop a much-needed and irreplaceable hex screw being installed in your current project. If you do, at best it will roll under the bench. At worst it will drop into a drain opening never to be seen again. (Might as well buy another widget for $300.00, Etienne. You’ll never be able to buy a replacement screw that would be ten cents if available.)
9 According to Murphy’s Law, do not buy that horse. If you do, at best you love it forever. At worst, you’ll want to sell it, and there are no buyers. (The sad part, Emeril, is it will outlive you.)
8 According to Murphy’s Law, do not pick a fight with Tiny the WWF champ. If you do, at best Tiny has achieved a new state of Nirvana and will bless you. At worst, you have to come to grips with the fact you are no Bruce Lee. (Looks like those running shoes will get another great workout today, Ellison. You go boy.)
7 According to Murphy’s Law, do not handle that expensive crystal vase. If you do, at best you catch it before it hits the floor. At worst, before you can even think of an excuse, you hear, “What was that breaking sound?” (You should have memorized Murphy’s constant, Eduard. “Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.”)
6 According to Murphy’s Law, do not park your car on the street. If you do, at best you ‘ll only have bird dropping problems. At worst, that Russian Satellite reentering the Earth’s atmosphere conveniently has your car coordinates as a landing site. (You could never imagine this happening, Earvin. That piece of space junk was supposed to burn up. Murphy’s law of falling object had this covered with “A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.”)
5 According to Murphy’s Law, do not try to paint a room without an adequate cover on the carpet. If you do, at best you’ll catch every drip. At worst, you’ll only discover the dried paint drips after being pointed out by the person who told you to use an adequate cover. (Good luck, Emil at the carpet store and that overnight arrangement in the spare room.)
4 According to Murphy’s Law, do not be careless with that expensive power tool while on a twelve-foot ladder. If you do, at best when it falls the cord will hook on something and prevent ground contact. At worst, you’ll be working over concrete, and the cord does not hook to prevent ground contact. (So father’s day will be here before you know it, Edmond. Of course, maybe the family is tired of replacing expensive power tools.)
3 According to Murphy’s Law, do not think because you are late you can make up time on the freeway. If you do, at best there will be light traffic. At worst, that eighteen wheeler turned over, blocking all lanes is just ahead —after you enter the freeway. (Well now, Eachan. You might as well turn off the car and relax. The traffic central says the police need to investigate before moving anything. That job interview can be rescheduled. Aw, too bad your phone is dead and you forgot your charging cord.)
2 According to Murphy’s Law, do not try to explain the now quiet noise in your car’s engine to the mechanic. If you do, at best you will cause more confusion. At worst, your mechanic will replace the most expensive element of your engine using your noise as justification. (You are not surprised that the noise returns after you get a block from the mechanic’s garage are you, Eagan?)
1 According to Murphy’s Law, do not try to tear that paper towel with one hand. If you do, at best you’ll end up with shreds. At worst, that spill that you are trying to contain will have seeped onto the floor to form a permanent stain in the wood. (I guess you should have known, Eamonn that according to Murphy’s law paper is strongest at the perforation.)
Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you, and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.
